Monthly Archives: July, 2011

The two of me!

Just a brief line tonight to say that the other blog is now set up, and started, and a brief posting made too. This will remain my main blog spot, the other will only get postings at irregular intervals I suspect, when something relevant happens. As I said, if anyone wants the details without a search, dont be afraid to ask!

I’m going to keep this brief tonight, I was up before 5 this morning for work, and now, approaching 10.30, I feel like I need to head to bed soon, got another long day tomorrow, though with a later start thank goodness. Due to my shifts, its fair to say there wont be a posting before at least Sunday evening now, possibly not until Tuesday due to the shifts I’ll be working, and things.

So closing by wishing all my readers a lovely weekend, whatever you’re doing.

My alter-ego

Well I’m assuming by now that everyone who is reading this knows something about the middle aged transexual me, and I’m quite happy about that. Much though I might prefer the correct physical body, I’m proud of who I am, and getting by, for now at least with what I am too. Though alright, if someone could download my mind into a human-form body of how Doris Day looked in the 50’s, I wouldnt say no lol! I know its an old fashioned style, but thats me for you!

What most here dont know about is the other side of me, the science fiction writer. No, dont get excited, I’m no one famous, well other than in one small internet circle at least anyway! I’d love to write here about that side of me, but hey, this is linked to my Facebook account for publicity purposes, which gives away my name, so nope, thats not going to happen. I know of one reader here, quite possibly two, who do know said alter-ego, but as for the rest of you…

The irony is, she’s female! No transition, no extra bits that shouldnt be here, but full genuine female. I didnt plan it that way, it just happened. I’d posted a few stories, then discovered a forum linked to the genre I was writing for, and joined up. I was going to go gender neutral, mainly because the stories hinted at a Stephanie as the author, but of course, strictly, I wasnt! Trouble was, the moment I posted, all the posts said “Hey, Stephanie has arrived here.” etc, so I just gave in, and tagged as female. The mind is totally female anyway, so what the heck, so…fine until now, as mentioned, I’m travelling to Boston in September, and ‘friends’ from there are looking forward to meeting me!

The thing is, it would be fun to let some of my ‘darker’ fantasies out, and she’s the ideal one to do so, as most of them are written about in her stories anyway! But I accept here, that anyone here just for transgender issues, cricket matters and the like, wont really care about such things. So unless asked personally (can people trace my email address to write to me from here?) I’m not going to mention it here, but if you want to see the musings of my alter-ego, then ask me for the details. If you can work it out without that, you’re doing well lol!

Just to satisfy regular demands, and to prove I can include both cricket and transgender issues in a single blog…

Nope, not England, though I do wish them all the best in the 2nd test tomorrow all the same. The U19 World Cup Qualifiers started today in Ireland, and want to wish the young guys all the best. They made hard work of beating the US today, but got there in the end. Good luck for the rest of the tournament, qualifying shouldnt be a problem (6 go through out of 10), but we should be aiming to won it in all honesty.

Transgender issue is just a musing really. For work, and the outside world, I go ‘au naturel’ cleavage wise, which means I’m a not very full B cup. At home though, I’ve never weaned myself off wearing the enhancers, which nowadays give me a very full C cup! Agreed, the main reason for not wearing them out, is the ‘safety’ issue, which is sad, but seemingly part of transition life with some people. But in an ideal world, I should be able to flaunt a full cleavage, shouldnt I? Alright, some times during the winter, when I’ve got a big coat on, I might, but otherwise…just with a light top on, I dont see it worth the hassle? Ironic isnt it, women can power dress all they like, no one says a word. But if men dont fit the so called image…Yes, agreed, I pass for most, but it would be just my luck to be buxom, and meet the wrong idiot, then…

Dont go looking for the other account yet btw, even if you want to, I’m only going to set it up over the weekend!

Good old fashioned music

The thing is, thats what I like! Have in fact heard very little recent stuff, hardly anything since the turn of the century, though I’ve caught up with The Killers version of Romeo And Juliet (Dire Straits song, for any young ones reading this), and liked it. But in all honesty, anything much after Angels by Robbie Williams really hasnt caught my radar lol!

The 60’s music was fun, though I got more into the flower power stuff, than I ever did the Beatles. You could also say I enjoyed all of Tony Burrow’s groups, some will get that little joke, well I hope they do. If not, wiki the name, and see just how many groups he sang lead vocals for! But my tastes have always been varied, back then it was anything from The Kinks to The Seekers!

I guess the 70’s was my main era though, as I approached, then hit teen years, just in time for glam rock! Men dressing up, and wearing make up, shocking stuff lol! I guess Bowie, and Starman was my first real glimpse of that, but the likes of Sweet, Slade, Mud and co, kept me happy as well. But I still loved my good old fashioned pop, New Seekers, Middle Of The Road and the Carpenters being 3 main loves of that. And then Abba came along…Gerry Rafferty (RIP) was another big love of mine.

80’s saw me move into the synth stuff, and new romantics, so the likes of OMD, Ultravox, Adam and the Ants and Spandau Ballet sort of entered my collection too. The 90’s saw signs of Brit Pop, and in theory I must have been one of few who liked both Blur, and Oasis at times. But then I got old, passed 40, and my record buying ground to a halt. Well technically music buying by then, but you get my drift lol! Well there was a Geri Halliwell record or two, but lets not say too much there! 😉

So yes, the video choice, I’m not sure if many will know the song, it wasnt even a hit 40 years ago, but I love it all the same. Its a live version, and yes, it shows. Its good, but not perfect! Its the original New Seekers line up, so another RIP here for Peter Doyle, taken from us far too young.

Oh, and someone on the news tells me its 1 year today to the Olympics in London, whatever they are? Kidding, kidding!


Wouldnt it be good?

I was trying to think of some lyrics to fit in with tonights idea, and these came to mind. Copyright Nick Kershaw obviously

Wouldn’t it be good to be in your shoes
Even if it was for just one day
And wouldn’t it be good
If we could wish ourselves away

Wouldn’t it be good to be on your side
The grass is always
greener over there
And wouldn’t it be good
If we could live without a care

Yes, its a transgender matter, so if thats not why you’re here lol…

The main snag for me, and I suspect most transexuals is what they term body, or gender dysphoria, which to put in simple terms means the brain is one gender (female in my case obviously) while the body is the other gender, causing personal confusion in certain matters, especially sexual ones, well for me at least. Now I know why a penis felt all wrong (even when functional, which it hasnt been for years!), its because I should never have had one, but try working that out when you’re young, and dont know all these things.

But the biggest irony is, the only way I can find out if a woman’s body can now feel right for me, is to have Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS), and that for some is a drastic step, especially if you arent 100% sure. I dont think I have that problem, but….wouldnt it be good as per the lyrics to be able to ‘live’ in a female body for a few days before then, just to find out if it is really you? I’m not saying how much expensive SRS it would stop, but if it saved those who have problems post op from going through that heartache, then just maybe? My personal feeling is it should be one of the early stages of transition, that could also avoid hormonal imbalances if done at an early stage.

The snag with that theory is basically facial, because unless you’ve done laser/ electrolysis off your own back, an mtf is going to have facial hair problems at that point. Also the dear ‘adam’s apple’ thing as well of course. An ftm would have less problems in that sense of course, but there are still differences to get used to. But as an mtf, I’m mainly looking at this from my angle anyway.

It surely cant be that hard nowadays to design a bodysuit to fulfil that role, I guess the main problem would be in designing something material wise that could be worn long term, would need a sort of lycra/silcone magic combination lol, to give the form, but give the wearability. The big snag still would be facial, I know there are such things as female masks, but have you seriously seen one that looks like a real woman?

The funny thing, I’m asexual, as I’ve said before, but that doesnt mean I wouldnt love to find out what its like to make love as a woman does. So yes, ideally the suit should be up to that, even if the man would have to wear a condom lol!

So yes, it would be good for me to be in a womans shoes, even if it was for just one day, but a longer trial would be better. So all you inventors, and designers, get to work!

I suppose I ought to give you the song lol, though its not the greatest video of all time,

One month from today…

Hopefully Ireland can again beat England at cricket, now wouldnt that be fun! Sadly I wont be there, its a bit too close to my holiday to Boston, plus that period in August isnt a good time for getting holiday from work anyway. So I will have to settle for watching it on Sky Sports in body, even if my ‘spirit’ might be in Dublin supporting them. Ed Joyce made a century for Sussex yesterday, I hope he’s saving a few runs for the old enemy though!

That day back in March was amazing, I was full of hope pre-game, and then England battered us for over 320 runs. It was a good wicket, but even so, we had to make a really good start to have any chance. Did it happen? As you know already, nope, it didnt! At 111-5, all I was hoping for was respectability. Funny thing was, Kevin O’Brien and Alex Cusack were looking for so much more. As I sat and watched what happened at home, I just couldnt believe what I saw, but I was loving every minute of it. Even when both were eventually out, momentum had swung so much that John Mooney and Trent Johnston were able to push us over the line to a most fantastic win.

Did England relax too much, were we just inspired, I guess it will never be known?

I would say I’d love a repeat on the 25th August at Clontarf, but ideally Kevin wont need to bat that day, we’ll have already won the game by then! One thing is for sure, England wont relax until the game is over, one way or another, thats for sure. Can lightning strike twice? Probably not, but for one more month at least, we can dream the dream that it will.

Happy hour

Well actually you could say its been 14 happy hours so far today since I got up, its been a non working day lol! Dont get me wrong, I do enjoy my job, but there are times when its nice not to have to suffer the whims of a certain train company, and have to try to get to Leeds within a reasonable period of time! Also it gives me chance to catch up on things, and recharge the batteries as well. Well, not literally, but…Its nice to be able to sort of switch off every so often, I must admit.

Oh, and a promise to a certain Kiwi reader, tomorrow’s posting will include cricket again! I know thats why she subscribed, and there is a bit of a date tomorrow, so…

I guess the title of this might give away where the pop video is heading tonight, a song released 25 years ago, almost to the month (actually released very end of June). This was my first sighting of Paul Heaton, though not the last, as I was a big fan of Beautiful South, another band he helped to form. I admit it, the one I really loved the voice of in the latter group, was Jacqui Abbott, hope I’ve spelt that right? Was it any coincidence that the bands popularity waned when she left?

The video is an interesting mix of real people, and clay ones, which might not be much now, but 25 years ago…was possibly a bit new, certainly was to me!

Tomorrow, the main subject will be cricket, and sometime later in the week I must mention transgender issues again, after all, they are what I started this blog to post about mainly lol!

Sorry, the video, as if I’d forget

I still dont like football, but…there is a new order to things…

Good pop music is another matter, and just occasionally the two get intertwined. For me, this is the best, and probably only worthy football related hit (though I guess Three Lions, and Vindaloo would have fans) there has ever been.

This is not the original, its the B side, the same song, but a little different, just like the band. You even get Keith Allen ‘doing’ Michael Caine in this lol!

If you prefer the original, its not hard to find!

Its funny, even back then, no one would ever have picked me as a New Order fan, a bit of a ‘bad band’ reputation, rumoured links with drug taking etc, all the sort of things that are so not me! But there was just something that…I suspect it was that ‘infamous’ live performance of Blue Monday on TOTP that did it, they wouldnt just mime to the record, they were going to do it live, but…it wasnt good! Whether it was alcohol, or something stronger, but Barney Sumner had certainly tried ‘something’ before performing that night. In hindsight, it was dreadful, but at the time, something about that version of the song caught my ear, so I went and bought the record, the 12″ version, that was all there was first time around! And yes, it sounded nothing like the TOTP version of course! But all the same…

The other moment they really took my eye is with the True Faith video, its not hard to work out why, it was pop video of the year that year! In hindsight (and even more so in an alternate version Bernard has used live since) its clear to see the drugs connection in this, and drugs are something I’m very anti against, but…just admire the video for the cleverness of it really

And alright, some of those outfits…

The funny thing is, before the first break up, they produced some really good pop, notably World (Price of love), the video of which you can go find for yourselves lol!

Its just funny though, but for one chaotic, very unordered performance of Blue Monday, would I have ever followed them, somehow I doubt it! Life’s strange isnt it? 😉

Dressing up?

And no, I dont mean posh frock, and high heels either lol! Though some wanted me to do so for the company christmas dinner last year, I did resist, as I have already said, I’m not one to cause controversies, so settled for a woman’s trouser suit and flats, though definitely female shoes, and a clutch handbag, so not entirely as ambiguous a look as normal all the same. I want people to feel comfortable around me, so tend to be conservative on such matters, though some tell me I do that too well!

No, what I mean is a variation on fancy dress, though something a bit more intricate than the usual shop stuff. Hopefully there are some readers here who remember a childrens TV series called Mr Benn? Type it into Wikipedia if you dont, and you’ll get the idea.

Basically he would visit a special clothes shop, dress up in an amazing outfit, have an adventure, then find himself back in the shop, get dressed in his normal clothing, and then go back to his normal, dull, daily life again. Now wouldnt it be fun if there was some place you could do this for real? No, I dont mean the adventures, though some of those might be fun, all the same. I mean somewhere you could go, dress up for a short while, maybe get a few pics taken, then go back to your normal life.

So alright, you can see where this is heading, aiming for a few comments by asking what would you want to become if you could do this?

I’m sure after yesterday you can work out that one of my choices would be astronaut, not very girlish I know, but just so love the look of them, and the helmet of course. Mind, the stylised image of pics might be even more fun than the real thing! The other one is much more girlish, I’d love to wear a really good mermaid outfit, complete with a really suitable tail! I’m not yet as big up top as the traditional image of mermaids, and I’d definitely need a long wig, but…There is one more, but its a bit weird, so maybe better if I dont go down that road, not knowing who’s reading this! But if someone twists my arm, then maybe…

So come on, admit it, what outfit would you choose in such a store?

End of an era?

Sorry for this being a bit brief, and lacking a music video, but I’m trying to get something written up before I head for work today. Just want to say something today though under the circumstances.

The space shuttle has landed safely this morning, for the last time, the end of an era in space travel. Yes, I’m old enough to remember the old Apollo space missions, and as a young child (do I qualify as a young girl?) seeing those famous grainy black and white pictures from the moon. Or somewhere else according to some sceptics, but not me lol. It was the making of history, and I’m glad I saw it, though I suspect memories of that moment are probably a bit hazy as its been on TV a few times since then!

But alright, especially as a youngster, it wasnt so much the pics from the moon that grabbed me as much as the astronaut’s suit, especially the helmet, always thought it must have been great wearing that, though probably very heavy here on Earth. And yes, my image of that has probably been influenced since by pics of cute young girls wearing a tight fitting space suit, and helmet lol! And yes, wanting to be one of them!

You have to remember, I was brought up on the like of Lost In Space, Space 1999, UFO, and of course the 2 familiars, Star Trek and  Dr Who as well. So space travel interested me!

So just wanted to do a quick post to mark this landmark day. If anyone wants a video, go find Walking On The Moon by the Police, it probably would have been the chosen one lol! Will try and add it tonight if I remember after work.

See, I care about you,

Go West, part 2!

For several reasons, you get two for the price of one tonight, mainly because I’m a ‘blonde, bimbo girl’ which might give a hint to the video here lol!

The real reason though, is that when I went to Tallinn, I got advance warning of this highly infectious song that was just about to dominate the UK charts for many weeks, when released a few weeks after I got back.

Walking the streets at the time, you could hear this song everywhere, and it screamed hit, even if it really shouldnt have done. It isnt great music, the video is definitely verging on naughty, pure Euro pop in other words. But highly catchy, and bound to be a major hit wherever released, and I was proved right.

I would love to say the one thing about Tallinn I’d love to forget, but it wouldnt be true, because I got caught up in Aqua fever too.