I have to say that the only thing that I feel is a shame, is that it took me so long to discover what had been ‘wrong’ with me for just over 40 years! Of course, there is the other way of looking at it, in that sex reassignment surgery back then was so much more basic back then, than now, that whether I would have had it done, even if I could, no idea. I do know that if I knew what I know now, and was in my twenties, and in good physical health, something would be dealt with. Instead, I’m 60, with a few health issues, and a hatred of pain, so no, unless good cause comes up, it probably wont happen. But, never say never…?
Yes, being the ‘shy wallflower’ that I am, if people ask pertinent, and polite questions about the whole Transgender thing, I’m always happy to talk. After all, education is always a good thing. So, if while my Physiotherapist is zapping the pain out of my back, and asks relevant questions, I’m happy to answer them. Of course her main interest is more in the last 20 years, than the first 40, but anyway…
She actually told me today that I probably ought to write my biography, but in truth, its only the current last third that would be of any real interest to anyone. Alright, fine, now in hindsight, I can look back on the female parts I played acting before then, and see an amusing significance, but in all honesty, they were just a role at the time. Being honest, I think its only really been the last 10 years or so, when its really been full time female that would interest most. I have to say that there is someone whose biography would make a far more entertaining read that I know, that I’d love to write, but whether she will let me, will have to wait and see!
Alternatively, if someone wants to provide me with enough money to do a voyage of discovery to Oklahoma, Texas, and California, and try and discover the full Clara Johnson story, that would be fun. But yes, writing about someone alive, who has numerous friends also alive, as opposed to someone who no one who knew her in her ‘fame’ would be alive, much easier task! But yes, would be very entertaining, I’m sure, to look back on her life!
Given the blog title, you’ve probably worked out the song, so if I ask if my life has been a sin, it shouldnt be much more of a giveaway? Oh, for sure, my life has had a few sinful moments, any actress that says otherwise is probably lying as much as Trump does! And yes, of course, if trying to live as a man was a sin, count me in. Of course there are some who would say that now, living as a woman was a sin, but anyway…
Hopefully, I can look back on my life, in a few years time, or whenever, and even if I have a sense of shame for the first 40, I can be proud of the rest!
OK, the obvious video. Live version, as I cant believe I havent used the original at some point on here. Of course, if its a while back, would have been fine, but anyway…
As I’m sure everyone reading this surely knows, I’m a supporter of LGBT issues. I add that I dont support all issues generated by those people, especially, sadly, of the Trans kind, because some of them dont just expect equality, they want special treatment, over and beyond that point, and no, I dont feel that way.
The other thing relevant to tonights piece, is that I’m not a Royalist. I might not wish for as dramatic result as there was in France, a few centuries ago, but one of these people who fawn over every move they make, no. Which makes tonights post more ironic than normal lol.
A religious minister, and gay rights campaigner, in his, err, wisdom, decided to ask people to pray that Prince George is gay. Even ignoring the Christians who (incorrectly) think being gay is a sin, and who are therefore not going to support this, most staunch Royalists arent going to approve of this anyway. And yes, you’ve guessed it, this LGBT supporter, and Royalist non lover doesnt approve of this either! Yes, when I start feeling sorry for a member of the Royal family, something’s wrong!
But no, my sympathies for the Royal Family are still limited enough that I’m definitely hoping that Prince Harry’s wedding next May is while I’m out of the country! I know, the US will probably overkill the event, but it might (hopefully) be easier to avoid it over there.
But no, seriously, I hope Prince George is straight, gay, or even bisexual, whichever makes his life at peace in the future. Mind, by the time he knows, I’ll probably be dead, so I wont care anyway! But please, LGBT activists, keep things sane!
Right, video time. Yes, big clue in the blog title, shock horror. This however is not the video version, this is a live version (pretty sure, singing only) that is so over the top, its crazy! Be warned!
Apologies, I’m going to get all whiny, and moan a bit tonight, but its been a lousy fortnight or so, on the job hunting front. And yes, sadly, its getting worse, rather than better, though strictly, is it at least an improvement to know I’m not going to get a job, or be put forward for a job, rather than just hearing nothing? And yes, sadly, the phone has gone much quieter too, the last couple of weeks, doing nothing for my mood, or despair.
Oh, and on top of all that, when an agency did actually ring up yesterday re one of my applications, and heard my situation, and age, pretty much said that they wouldnt be interested in me in that case, and despite saying they would consider my application, I pretty well knew they werent going to do so. No shock, I havent heard back from them, as promised.
Today, I applied for a role at 9.20 this morning, with an agency, and not for the first time, by about 4.00, I had an email back telling me that they wouldnt be going forward with my application. At least in the past they’ve waited a day or two to do back, so I’m beginning to suspect I’m on an age related black list with them! No, I’m sure ‘officially’ I’m not, but in reality…
Oh fine, at the moment, I can survive, with the unemployment pay, and the rent benefit, I can just about get through. But in terms of a decent lifestyle, I wish! Next week, at the moment, I have got one recruitment open day related to a job application in Leeds, on Wednesday, but thats it!
Anyway, today, in a moment of depression, and craziness, I applied for a couple of jobs in betting industry call centers. I know, sounds perfectly good logic, but these jobs arent in the UK, they’re in Malta! I got a LinkedIn request re one,and thought, oh why not, given I’ll probably get my normal result on it, anyway, I decided to have a mad moment. And having done so, another, in the same place was suggested, so I went after that one too!
The funny thing is, when I checked Malta for LGBT quality of life, one table puts it as the best nation in Europe! In my heart, I cant see me going there, at my age, but in truth, at the moment, anything reasonable, I’m going to look at, and think about. Yes, get an interest from that, I’ll have to vote to remain in Europe next month, lol!
Oh, tonight, I got send details of a job that would be ideal for me. Customer Service Rep, in a call center, perfect! Its even through Transtech, so they clearly would be happy with a Trans Woman too. Snag, yes, there had to be one, its in Chicago, and I’m pretty sure they want someone able to instantly work in the US, not an awkward case like me!
Right, the video. As so often, there is a clue in the blog title. And yes, fine, those showgirl outfits would be a lot of fun to wear, just saying…
Its funny how some things change, and not all of them gender related either.
When I was working in the betting shops, from 1983 until 2001, I used to gamble a little bit. Nothing serious, a couple of pounds a day, just for a bit of fun, with relative success, though I probably lost more often than I won, in all honesty. Then again, when I started at Blue Square in 2003, in the call centre, I again went back to gambling a ‘few pennies’ here and there, as again I was watching racing when I was working, so…
In neither case, did I gamble at all when not working, which sort of shows why I was doing it. Then we moved up here in 2005, and I changed jobs, and industry, and I stopped gambling, apart from the Grand National at least. Even when I went back to William Hill, I didnt go back to gambling, beyond the Grand National at least. I dont know, I’d just lost interest, I guess?
But there is more to this story than horses…
Back in the 90’s, bookmakers started to expand the markets they bet on. Nothing as crazy as the number of markets they do today online, but more than they used to. Hey, my early days, we quite literally only bet on Horses, Dogs and UK Football, and that was it! Whereas now…So yes, back then, the compilers didnt have much clue on other sports. So if you were shrewd (and I wasnt bad at NFL), it wasnt hard to make a few pennies on their errors, and I did.
Nowadays, generally there is so much coverage of world wide sports, that its pretty hard to work that trick any more. There are still one or two things though, for me, the obvious one being college sports! Seriously, during the ‘March madness’ NCAA basketball tournament earlier this year, I had to tell the compilers 3 times of things they’d got wrong. No, not the prices, though believe me, they did!
For those who follow the American Football, college style, you know the Bowl season started last night. For those who dont, well, it did anyway. Thursday or Friday, I got asked at work if there were any ‘errors’ on the weekend NFL games, so I took a look. What took my eye was a college game, the game in Boise between San Diego State, and Buffalo last night. Total points, only 51.5 over/under, you have to be joking! No, they werent, a rival firm had the mark at 50.5! So anyway, I couldnt resist, had a little bet to win £10, just to back up my words around the office.
The score you ask? 49-24, was in the money halfway through the 3rd quarter! 🙂 So tomorrow night, a visit to the bookies to collect my winnings. Quite handy really, the seams on my ankle boots (I’ve had them ages) have just gone, so I can get a new pair, on Corals, in the New Year. Well, £10 of the cost at least! If I can find some in a charity shop, I can get a pair, and change! 🙂
One of these days, compilers will learn about college sports, until then, lets hope they keep making mistakes like that one! The video, slightly apt, I guess?
Life as a singleton is funny at times. No, not that I’d want to have it any other way now, but its funny how many think that I should have someone in my life all the same. The matter came up again this week at the hairdressers, when she asked me disbelievingly if I was going away to the US on my own again. Of course I said yes, and got a little gasp of amazement, as if it wasnt a done thing.
But seriously, one of the beauties of going away like that on my own, is that I can simply do what I want to do, and that suits me perfectly. If I want an extra half hour on the internet at the hotel, no one is going to nag. If I want to stop for a coffee, I can as well. I can do the museums I want to see, do the sporting events I want to do, and have no concerns about concensus on the matter. Yes, there are times when I see these discount deals, for 2 people that I think they might be nice, but…I soon realise I probably wouldnt be good company for the other person, and soon forget the idea. Not that I really have anyone who could be the ‘other person’ anyway, but the theory is there at least.
But alright, before anyone says anything about my last 2 trips to New England, and teaming up with Kate, then yes, you’re right, had a wonderful time, but we werent actually living in each others pockets 24/7. Indeed, the first time, we werent even staying in the same place lol. Only about a mile apart, but… Last year, we were at least in the same hotel, which was handy, as it meant I didnt have to fuss about a US compatible mobile phone, which helped. Also, we seem to be similar types, get on together, and generally have a good time. But if we lived with each other, would we get on as well, who knows? I doubt it now, not because of us, but just because in a long term sense, I’m used to my independence too much by now.
As I’ve been told by my dear friend, James, never say never, but I cant see it happening. I suspect the more years you spend on your own (and its nearly 13 for me), the more you get used to just your own company. Thats not to say its not nice having other people in the house here, because it is, but they leave me pretty much ‘to my own devices’ which suits me great. There are times when being a single, non driver can be a pain, especially when away, but I’ve got round it pretty well much of the time, though there are things I dont get to, simply because of the getting there and back, one will be an indoor (American) football game just outside Rochester when I’m there. Yes, they are a Rochester team, but they play 6 miles or so from where I will be (or indeed from downtown), and as public transport is poor, especially on a Sunday, it wont happen. But hey, I’m used to that by now.
Right, the video, yes, the obvious one, no surprises there.
Yes, in an ideal world, I wanted to post this yesterday, but various things caught up with me, so… Lets settle for belated Thansgiving greetings to all my American readers, and leave it at that. The poor turkeys over there get a raw deal, not only Christmas, they have to survive Thanksgiving first lol!
But thats not just it. Though this isnt an official holiday over there, for many, its akin to one, yes, its called Black Friday. Especially black for all shop staff, from what I’ve seen. It seems to be the day that everybody starts buying stuff for Christmas, lets just leave it at that. The amount of emails I’ve had today from over there, offering reduced price specials for Black Friday is nobody’s business! No, I havent bought anything there, delivery costs are too much for that, even if I’m sure there were some great bargains there. But I’ve seen you tube film, looks like its gone crazy over there!
To be fair, I’ve done some shopping this week myself, mainly because its been my main chance to do any Christmas shopping, so I’ve taken it. OK, I’ve got a few things for myself too, including the famous dress of course. For those who want to see it, and wont see it at the dinner, the link is
Thanks to some shops in Dewsbury, I now have a clutch bag, and a few pieces of jewellery to match. Thanks to a store in Huddersfield, I now have a coat too. I must be crazy, given its all pretty much a one night thing, but its done now lol! The only thing I havent got in gold, shoes! And yes, I did find a pair of pumps in the right colour yesterday, but given I have wide feet, I couldnt squeeze into them. I’d prefer a wedge heel, or a very tiny heel anyway, but unless I see something relatively cheap, the shoes will be black lol! So if anyone has, or knows someone with such a pair locally, in size 8, I wouldnt mind…
And now is when I find out if anyone in this house still reads my blog! Someone has always teased me that I tend to go out in trousers, not a skirt, and definitely not a dress! The reaction when they heard I was wearing a dress for the dinner was quite good lol. So anyway, tomorrow is someone’s birthday here, and we are going out for a meal, and then to the theatre in Leeds. Funny thing is, not only do I not own a little black dress, I didnt own a black skirt either. Well I do, but its one of those short ones, which I wouldnt wear because of either the state of my knees, or because of the weather. No, I dont know why I got it, but I did get some daft stuff in the early days, I must admit. So, while in Huddersfield, I looked in a few charity shops for a suitable black skirt, and managed to find a couple that appealed, and were long. One was lined, one wasnt, so no contest given the time of year. And yes, I’m wearing the heels tomorrow, so…and they at least go with black, and silver, so should be fun! Yes, I have a great silver top to wear! I think its meant to be a short dress, but for me, its a top lol! 😛
So unless this gets read here, someone might be in for a surprise tomorrow afternoon.
So, in tribute to Black Friday, and what I’ve been doing this week, I present
Well seeing the pop videos seem to have attracted a crowd, lets not change the system!
Its funny how a song can be so changed, simply by the addition of a video, and some clever keyboard work, and mixing. When this song was first released by the Village People, it was simply about crossing America, and given their gay image (ironically the majority of the group, including the lead singer were not), it was clearly aimed at a better life on the west coast, primarily San Francisco, a city that I will say more of later.
Then the Pet Shop Boys came along, and gave it a whole new feel, mainly it must be said through the amazing video, much of it computer generated of course. All about the Soviets going west, though ironically it was made after the fall of the Soviet Union, and the Iron Curtain, but anyway. Its funny, the first few years after the iron curtain came down I spent a few holidays in Eastern Europe, notably Hungary, and the Baltic States, of which Estonia is my favourite, and I must get back there some day.
But in more recent times, my holidays (generally dull, quiet affairs which suit me fine) have seen me going west as well. Some US cities havent grabbed me (New York and Philly principally), while others (Seattle and San Francisco particularly) have really made me fall in love with them, and both I’ve visited more than once. This May I was fortunate enough to visit Toronto, and fell in love with that place too, though not sure what I’d think of it in wintertime lol! Maybe the fact it was my first break as a Ms might have had something to do with it, but I doubt it, just think the city was great. San Francisco was just amazing, I’ve never experienced anywhere like it before, or indeed since, where a t-girl can so openly go shopping for womens clothing, indeed the shop staff are only too delighted to help there! Seattle, I just find a wonderful, laid back city, amazing considering the amount of coffee supposedly drunk there.
This autumn I get to revisit Boston, admittedly nearly 25 years after I was there before, so dont expect to recognise all that much. But I always wanted to go back there, so maybe doing so might push me nearer to visiting Tallinn again. There will be a ‘fun’ element to visiting Boston, I’m involved in a couple of Forums, and people from there who live in the area want to meet me while I’m over there. Fine you might say, but there’s one little snag! When I joined these forums, I ignored the gender thing, wasnt going to claim I was female, but equally my stories and style screamed female, so didnt want to shatter illusions. Snag was, after one posting, the reply was, Stephanie has joined the forum, so what do I do? Yes, alright, I tagged along, thinking I would never meet anyone from there in real life, but…After so many years of playing along, I hate to now shatter peoples image of me, but at the same time…!
So if anyone can do a full change in just over 8 weeks lol…
Ah, alright, you just want the video! So here it is,