I’ll be honest, until earlier this week, I had no idea that tomorrow was Intersex Awareness Day. In truth, there are so many ‘days’ nowadays that its nigh impossible to keep up with them all, and also there are so many you dont want to keep up with (today is World Pasta Day, seriously?), that its got beyond the point of sanity, really?
It seems the Civil Service are actually doing a Twitter Chat (whatever that is?) on the subject tomorrow evening, but I wont be able to get involved as its between 6.00 and 7.00 tomorrow evening UK time, when I will be at work, and irony, we arent allowed Twitter at work in the office. I can fully understand the reason for that, in truth, but it is a shame that one of the (probably) few Intersex Civil Servants cant get involved.
I know, I can hear you saying it, she says she’s Trans, now she says she’s Intersex, so… But strictly, its true, as I have girl bits (a womb, maybe more?), as well as the obvious boy bit, which makes me intersex. I may have had more as a new born baby, that was ‘tweaked’ when the doctors decided what gender I was (and got it wrong), but impossible to know now, and the hospital I was born at was demolished decades ago, and even if it wasnt conveniently not recorded at birth, I’m sure the records are gone with its demolition, for sure.
So yes, in truth, and to keep it simple, its easier to say I’m Transgender, as some will have known me formerly as a man, and now as a woman. In fact, that number is pretty small, how small depends on the date you use as when I first accepted I was a woman. If you call it 2010, then a lot more know than if you say 2000, when I first found out. And fine, even if for some it takes some explanation, its still a lot less than being intersex.
No, the womb never fully developed, presumably because at puberty, my body went with the outside image, and therefore the boy bits developed, and the girl bits pretty much didnt. I do actually have pretty small boobs, but nothing you’d really notice, believe me, lol!
Hopefully I havent got too many readers here who cant accept there are more than 2 ‘genders’, and that anything other than ‘hetro sex’ is a shameful sin, but if I have, maybe you’re in the wrong place? One ‘friend’ (I have never actually known him, and have no idea why he friended me in the first place) on Facebook posted one of those crazy religious postings today about how sinful it is to be anything but in a man/woman marriage, and he’s no longer a friend. He’s unfortunate, as with the new way Facebook do things (which I hate), he’s one of those people who I dont often see posts for, but maybe that was for the best?
Does make me wonder, if I’d transitioned young enough, and had taken all those female hormones, would my womb have developed, and heaven forbid, could I have got pregnant? No, we’ll (thankfully) never know the answer to that!
I’m sure that some day, long after I have left this life, this whole issue of LGBT, and Intersex, and everything else will be looked back on, and people will wonder why we were so backward on these issues, but anyway…
But yes, tomorrow at least, just remember that man, or woman you see during your day, might not just have the sexual parts of one gender. And yes, please accept that as something not to be frightened by, OK?
Right, video time. Its rare to find film of 60’s groups on You Tube, even rarer to find a live performance, but I found one. Which explains the corny blog title, lol!
Yesterday, being the first Saturday in July, was Founders Day at the Grammar School that I went to in Rochester. Shows my age, I left there 44 years ago, though my last Founders Day there would be 1982, the last summer before I moved to Somerset, and I’ve never been back! In truth, but for the fact that I was involved as a scorer, and player for the ‘Old Boys’ cricket team, I probably wouldnt have gone back after 1974, anyway. In fact, the last time I would have done the ‘tour’ of the school on Founders Day would have been 1972, as I was involved with the traditional cricket game in the 2 years after that.
Thing is, said Grammar School was boys only, hence the title of the blog. Title came to me, mainly because of some TV show a few years back (whose name I’ve forgotten), where the punchline item was the ‘Only gay in the village’ for one of the sections of the show. So, is the question right, am I the only girl who has ever gone to that school?
The answer is possibly yes, but at the same time, sheer numbers (120 or so new entries each year) say that over all those decades, there must be more trans, or intersex girls who went there? It was funny, because I was only across the road from where I should have been. Yes, the girls grammar school was literally across the road from us! Yes, strictly I’m intersex, not trans, as I’m the proud owner of an undeveloped womb!
No, I dont suppose now, that I will ever go back. No real desire, and besides, after nearly 50 years, the school would have changed beyond recognition, I’m sure. So probably best to stay away, regardless, as all those cricketers I knew would be retired from the sport, or dead by now.
But yes, wouldnt it be fun, if someone looked back on the list of past pupils now, and by some fate of history, saw a female name on that list! Oh the fun, and go back, and someone asked me if I had a relative at the school, and said no, I was a pupil here, as a woman. Hmm?
Right, video time. I wanted to use Girls School, by Wings, which was actually a double A side, with a far more famous record, Mull of Kintyre. Yes, one is remembered, one isnt. But no, nothing, no video, no live performance, so… I tried a You Tube search, and it came up with this. Not my type of music, but it works, with a one word change!
Well, this will be my last post in my 59th year of this life. Yes, I know, I will be 59 tomorrow, but if you think of it, given that you’ve lived one year, before you become one…oh fine, you did! I also say this life, because as I know, I definitely have had one life before, almost certainly more, if the theory is right, but fine, now, the one before this one is a bit special to me.
Mind, you can start from there in this term I guess? If Clara Johnson hadnt smoked herself to an early death in the early 50’s, would I have been born? I assume I would have done, that someone else who had died by then, would have been my past life, but anyway? But would I then have that special connection to the Golden Age of Hollywood, who knows? Maybe not, or it might have been a more famous one, of course?
Tonight though, its that other sliding door that intrigues me, given the likelihood I was one of those born intersex at birth at around the time I was born. No, I cant be certain, ever, because the hospital I was born at, closed in 1967, and somehow I cyncically have my doubts whether the intersex babies were ‘officially’ recorded then anyway.
So, lets look at the possibility that the doctors decided (in their wisdom) that I was allowed to be a baby girl, where my life would have gone from there. Clearly its impossible for me to know what it would have been like, being a teenage girl, going on dates, and everything else. I’m also assuming that back then, those dates would have been boys, just because it was the norm, and expected thing back in the early 70’s. It might have led to marriage, it might have led to having children, and in time, grandchildren, or would I have been one of those ‘wicked women’ who lived with another woman back then?
Who would I have known, that I’ve never met in my life, because of that misplaced gender? Equally, how many people have I known (I can certainly name a few) who I would have missed out on knowing, if I had been a woman? Where in the world would I be today? I know its possible it would still be Huddersfield, and working in Bradford, but lets face it, the chances of that happening under those circumstances, miniscule. Equally, I might have, like Lillian Gish, gave up any interest in romance, to develop my talents, and lifestyle as an actress? In which case, like Clara, I could be in Hollywood, making movies? Well, you never can tell!
Sat here, writing blogs, if I’d been a woman since birth, again, who can tell? I doubt it, but just maybe…? One thing is for sure though, unless we can turn back time, to that day, 1 day short of 59 years ago, and take the other option, none of us will ever know for sure!
As to the obvious step I could still take, the answer is probably no, I’m not a fan of unnecessary pain, and I’ve already got a pair of knees that will need to be fixed sometime soon. So yes, I’ll probably end up as that crazy old spinster, assuming I live long enough for all that lol!
But yes, on that day in 1958, if the Doctors had told my parents that they had a baby girl…history would be very different, I suspect?
The video is from the film of the blog title, and is probably a song that Aqua should be better remembered for, than Barbie Girl!