Is this LGBT issue? Is this politics? Is it both? Well, maybe…?
In truth, on 24th May 1988, I didnt know I was transgender, intersex, and heaven forbid, bisexual to top it all. I knew I was a bit (to put it mildly) confused about my sexuality, and other stuff, but didnt really know what it all was. Funnily enough, I was supposedly in a straight relationship, with a woman, that in truth, never had a hope.. The fact that we lived together for as long as 11 years, in hindsight, was pretty amazing, but we did. I mean, there was a spell before the end, when we knew it was coming to the end, but didnt really know why, other than my feelings of it being wrong, trying to be in a straight relationship with her. I wonder if we could ever have made it as 2 lesbians, lol? Probably not, but I have to wonder?
Anyway, on above date, something critical happened, that at the time I didnt really know applied to me, but now… Section 28 was introduced by the Conservative government of the time, which made it even harder to be LGBT, especially in an education sense, but done damage to numerous LGBT people over the years it lasted. Funny how things go round, about education, and LGBT issues in the UK, isnt it?
So, one year later to the day (yes, 30 years ago today), Stonewall was founded, to fight this ghastly legislation. Eventually, thankfully, Section 28 was repealed, and things improved to some degree for LGBT people. Equally, thankfully, though that fight is over, Stonewall is still here to support us, and judging by recent happenings, we still need them today, I only wish we didnt. Not helped by the fact that TI people seem to need ever more support against others that are meant to be with us, a section of the L’s! Me, on 2 counts!
Firstly, lets deal with the one that annoys me, those that wont accept that Trans Women are real women, even after their bits have been ‘bobbed’, for those that applies to. I dont know exactly what TERF stands for, but thats the general term for them. What is even more hypocritical about them isnt just the fact that they are against Transgender women using the same facilities as them (because we were born men, or for intersex folk like me, born also with boy bits), they are against Transgender men sharing facilities with them, even if by their ‘reasoning’ they were born with girl bits, but now have boy bits! They see them as men too, so you tell me? As for those of us with both genitalia, as to what facilities we’re meant to use, heaven knows?
The other thing that amuses me with some lesbians (generally, but not exclusively the same ones) is their abhorrence to relationships with bisexual women, because heaven forbid, we’ve had sex with men, as well as women. Seems with some, that even looking at a man in ‘that way’ is enough to condemn you. So yes, any time you think all LGBTI+ people support each other, please think again.
And yes, guess what, Stonewall is more than happy to support both these groups, despite their own brands of bi, and trans phobia. So Stonewall is good, but like regulations, still has a long way to go, dont kid yourself.
I tried to come up with something original for the video, and seeing Section 28 was designed to make LGBT activity illegal in so many ways, I came up with this! Maybe we now need to load up with rainbow, rubber bullets?
OK, I dont really mean it, unless you really want to, but it fits in with the video, so…?
Tomorrow is the International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia. So, yes, giving you a bit of warning, so dont say I didnt tell you. Hopefully at least some knew already, but just in case…? And yes, its better than getting me started on Alabama, and Georgia, and now seemingly Missouri, so… No, seriously, dont!
Its funny, this year will be the least I’ve done for this in a few years, but such is the state of my health. Doesnt mean I wont be at home supporting the cause, but still going to be funny not doing something for the department, or the civil service, or anything more this week. And yes, my usual disclaimer, please people, lets make it so we dont have to do this sort of thing any more, OK? Sadly at the moment things seems to be getting worse, not better! Of course those that need to be educated the most will be the ones not reading this, I guess?
I know, its easy for me to say, given I’m Bi, Trans/Intersex, and support all others affiliated in all the letters mentioned generally, but I dont get the Phobia. Firstly, its us, its who we are, so just live with it! Secondly, unless some evil scientist has come up with an evil virus that no one has told me about, you cant catch LGBTI+ from those of us that already are. So just relax, OK?
Oh, and as for the whole toilet thing, I dont know about some, but I go in there for one reason, to use the toilet, wash my hands (see, no gay infection issue, lol), and then get on with that boring thing called normal life. And to all those who say you should use the toilet relating to your genitals, well, I have girl bits, so I’m entitled to use the ladies, and not the gents, OK? Snag is, I also boy bits, so I’m entitled to use the gents, but not the ladies. Does that mean I can use either, neither, or what? And think carefully before answering incorrectly, and making yourself look an idiot. Yes, going to stick to using the ladies, as I have for nearly 10 years now!
PS, if anyone knows a pain free way to remove the boy bits, and tidy up the girl bits for me, feel free! Alternatively, a non sexual cyborg/robot body, complete with either assisting AI, or full interface, or control, even better, due to my current brain function issues.
But other than that, I just request people to treat IDAHOBIT day tomorrow, and the people it related to nicely, not just tomorrow, but forever. OK, plea over.
Video time. For the second time this week, in tribute to the late, great Doris Day, one of her song. I know, its cutely straight, but just change the u, to an a, and… 😉
Now I’m not working, and I’m missing all the LGBTI updates at work, I hadnt realised until going on Twitter today, that it was actually the Lesbian Day of Visibility today. You would, not unreasonably assume that as a Bisexual (verging on Lesbian), Intersex/Transgender woman that I’d be thrilled with that news, and ready to shout it loud and clear. Well, other than the fact we shouldnt need days like this, but besides that…?
Thing is, there are 2 groups of lesbians (almost certainly with some crossover) who I only wish weren’t so visible. Shocked? Yes, sad, but true, that not all Lesbian are all that keen on supporting the BT side of the spectrum, after all we’ve been through.
Lets deal with the more surprising one, to me at least, the B issue, for want of a better term. I mean, I can understand lesbians maybe not being keen on women like me, who havent got rid of all their ‘boy bits’ yet (more on this shortly), as a partner. Yes, cut me open, I’ve got a womb, and probably other female stuff, but outwardly… However, what seems to be the current development among some is the fact that a number of lesbian women wont date genitally correct bisexual women, because they also fancy men, and are therefore ‘dirty’ in some strange way. Yes, seriously, I’m hearing the outcome of this more often recently too.
The thing is, as is stated, being bisexual doesnt mean the desire to actually have sex with both genders, all it means is that, heaven forbid, we might fancy people of each gender. I mean, there are some men I could definitely fancy, but the idea of having sex with them, even if I had my bits sorted out, not that likely. But no, some have come out and said they could never date a woman who has fancied a man, let alone done anything more with them. So what could I say, the first one that never, ever dated a boy, even as an experiment at school, let them throw the first stone? Doubt many stones would get thrown, somehow! Still, as I see it, their loss?
The other lesbians I wish were less visible are TERF’s. I assume the last 2 letters are for real females, or something, but I dont know, nor do I care to know. These are a ‘lovely’ bunch of women who believe that unless you were born a woman, you cant be a woman. Thats right, all the hormones, all the surgery, you’re still a man. The funniest thing about this group is that one of their ‘leading lights’ is actually a Trans woman, which makes them an even more crazy bunch to deal with.
I gather it relates to the whole bathroom thing, though how that relates to post surgery Trans women being the Devil, I have no idea? The other thing is, they’re hypocritical. You see, when someone mentions to them that surely that meant that Trans Men, because they were originally women should actually use the same bathroom as them, and you would have thought the sky had fallen in. So seemingly they seem to want it both ways, which is clearly wrong, to everyone but them!
Most amusingly, last week I posted on a LGBT issue, relating to lesbians. This woman (who was clearly a TERF) liked, and retweeted my posting, and even followed me! Somewhere, seemingly got long after, she took a look at my profile, and saw I stated I was Transgender. By the time I saw the notifications for what she had done, not only had she reversed the like, and the retweet, she’d blocked me!
I’ve also had a previous clash with one of these transgender hating lesbians, and asked where she stood on Intersex people like myself. Said I was therefore fine, but lets face it, if I stood naked in front of her, it would be my boy bits that were showing currently, so I dont get it?
So yes, its nice today for Lesbians to be visible to the wider world, but I only wish they all supported all of their fellow sisters in the world, and not just the ones that it suits them to support?
Video time. Hard to believe this song is 40 years old, and to be fair, some matters have improved. But as this blog shows, some LGBTI people still want to shoot themselves in the foot, and only support those that it suits them to support. This is live from last year, so definitely not used before
Oh, last irony. A little while after originally recording this, Tom found he wasnt actually gay, he’s bisexual!
I was wondering why Trans Ally was trending on Twitter, on a day when I couldnt logically think of a reason why. So I took a look, and wished I hadnt bothered. Seems the horribly right wing Times managed to post 4 anti Transgender articles in their newspaper today, and the reaction seems to have exploded accordingly. The trend is an eclectic mix between supporters, and those who think we should all be strung up, executed, or both! A few of the more crazy kind have clearly been hunting on Social Media for Trans people, found me, but yes, I’ve removed the abuse promptly. But unfortunately, with the swing to the extreme right that the world seems to be experiencing at present, is it any wonder? Sadly I doubt the anti LGBT hate all too prevalent at present will be going away any time soon!
Actually, that wasnt even what I was planning to write about tonight, it was an article I read yesterday, which I got reminded about, only after the blog had been done for the day.
As the article says, 250 years on from the event, its impossible to know if Pulaski was intersex, female, or actually a man with a weird skeleton. Clearly the latter would seem unlikely, though not impossible, as his body may have got some strange wounds in various battles he took part in. Its also possible that Pulaski was a woman, hid the fact skilfully and rose to the position of General through her skills. Unlikely, I would have thought a physician would have noticed something missing when treating the General after being wounded.
In truth, in the 1770’s, if there was no obvious outward signs that the General had any female traits, then nobody would really have noticed. Medical skills back then were pretty basic, so anything less than basic, probably not expected, or discovered. Its only because by good fortunes, the bones were kept, and recently exhumed to move the statue, that someone decided to do some tests, and… the pelvic area was more that of a woman, than a man.
The thing to point out is that if the General, as seems likely, was intersex, there is very little chance he knew, during his 34 brief years of life. Back then, its fair to say it would have made little difference if he had known! But yes, at a time when LGBTI+ folk tend to feel like Marmite (loved or hated, nothing in between), this is quite a discovery.
Video time. Lets see, a woman who fought like a man? Was she intersex too? We will never know, as all the evidence was burnt, lol! This is a rare song, OMD never actually made a video of this, though of course ‘Maid of Orleans’ was another song about her, for which a video was made. But lets have some Legs & Co, and yes, I love their outfits for this.
There might have been some, other than me, who noticed the ironic coincidence today. Though American’s wouldnt have done so, as they celebrate one at a different date to us, but like a few other things (yes, finally they are on the correct summer time period, lol), they dont agree with us on when Mothers Day should be celebrated, but yes, here, it was today.
Today was also (seemingly generally) Transgender Day of Visibility, perchance. Which meant for me at least, today was both Mother’s Day, and TDOV (abbreviation, please), which is ironic, because my mother pretty much disowned me the day I came out as Transgender. Given that a matter of a couple of months later, I found out that I was actually Intersex (I have a womb, and heaven knows what else?), I find it hard to believe that she hadnt known that at least since shortly after my birth, as history (thank you, internet) has shown records of others where doctors/parents decided what gender the baby was ‘desired’ to be, and ‘bits’ adjusted accordingly.
But anyway, by the time I found out this critical piece of news, me, and her had gone our separate ways. Soon after that initial event, she’d passed away, issued sorted for her at least.
In truth, by now, I dont really care, its done, history. But when, a few days ago, I realised the conjunction today, I did a smile to myself. But fine, I must admit, if I get the op done as planned (health permitting), and we meet ‘somewhere in the next life’, I might just show her that she actually had a daughter, lol.
Video time again. Squeeze again, only a far more recent track. So, yes, with luck, I left the cradle as a baby boy, but I’ll go to the grave as a feisty old lady! I know, strictly, I’m not Transgender, but it sums up life that its easier to describe myself as such, than trying to explain intersex!
I’ll be honest, until earlier this week, I had no idea that tomorrow was Intersex Awareness Day. In truth, there are so many ‘days’ nowadays that its nigh impossible to keep up with them all, and also there are so many you dont want to keep up with (today is World Pasta Day, seriously?), that its got beyond the point of sanity, really?
It seems the Civil Service are actually doing a Twitter Chat (whatever that is?) on the subject tomorrow evening, but I wont be able to get involved as its between 6.00 and 7.00 tomorrow evening UK time, when I will be at work, and irony, we arent allowed Twitter at work in the office. I can fully understand the reason for that, in truth, but it is a shame that one of the (probably) few Intersex Civil Servants cant get involved.
I know, I can hear you saying it, she says she’s Trans, now she says she’s Intersex, so… But strictly, its true, as I have girl bits (a womb, maybe more?), as well as the obvious boy bit, which makes me intersex. I may have had more as a new born baby, that was ‘tweaked’ when the doctors decided what gender I was (and got it wrong), but impossible to know now, and the hospital I was born at was demolished decades ago, and even if it wasnt conveniently not recorded at birth, I’m sure the records are gone with its demolition, for sure.
So yes, in truth, and to keep it simple, its easier to say I’m Transgender, as some will have known me formerly as a man, and now as a woman. In fact, that number is pretty small, how small depends on the date you use as when I first accepted I was a woman. If you call it 2010, then a lot more know than if you say 2000, when I first found out. And fine, even if for some it takes some explanation, its still a lot less than being intersex.
No, the womb never fully developed, presumably because at puberty, my body went with the outside image, and therefore the boy bits developed, and the girl bits pretty much didnt. I do actually have pretty small boobs, but nothing you’d really notice, believe me, lol!
Hopefully I havent got too many readers here who cant accept there are more than 2 ‘genders’, and that anything other than ‘hetro sex’ is a shameful sin, but if I have, maybe you’re in the wrong place? One ‘friend’ (I have never actually known him, and have no idea why he friended me in the first place) on Facebook posted one of those crazy religious postings today about how sinful it is to be anything but in a man/woman marriage, and he’s no longer a friend. He’s unfortunate, as with the new way Facebook do things (which I hate), he’s one of those people who I dont often see posts for, but maybe that was for the best?
Does make me wonder, if I’d transitioned young enough, and had taken all those female hormones, would my womb have developed, and heaven forbid, could I have got pregnant? No, we’ll (thankfully) never know the answer to that!
I’m sure that some day, long after I have left this life, this whole issue of LGBT, and Intersex, and everything else will be looked back on, and people will wonder why we were so backward on these issues, but anyway…
But yes, tomorrow at least, just remember that man, or woman you see during your day, might not just have the sexual parts of one gender. And yes, please accept that as something not to be frightened by, OK?
Right, video time. Its rare to find film of 60’s groups on You Tube, even rarer to find a live performance, but I found one. Which explains the corny blog title, lol!
Yesterday, being the first Saturday in July, was Founders Day at the Grammar School that I went to in Rochester. Shows my age, I left there 44 years ago, though my last Founders Day there would be 1982, the last summer before I moved to Somerset, and I’ve never been back! In truth, but for the fact that I was involved as a scorer, and player for the ‘Old Boys’ cricket team, I probably wouldnt have gone back after 1974, anyway. In fact, the last time I would have done the ‘tour’ of the school on Founders Day would have been 1972, as I was involved with the traditional cricket game in the 2 years after that.
Thing is, said Grammar School was boys only, hence the title of the blog. Title came to me, mainly because of some TV show a few years back (whose name I’ve forgotten), where the punchline item was the ‘Only gay in the village’ for one of the sections of the show. So, is the question right, am I the only girl who has ever gone to that school?
The answer is possibly yes, but at the same time, sheer numbers (120 or so new entries each year) say that over all those decades, there must be more trans, or intersex girls who went there? It was funny, because I was only across the road from where I should have been. Yes, the girls grammar school was literally across the road from us! Yes, strictly I’m intersex, not trans, as I’m the proud owner of an undeveloped womb!
No, I dont suppose now, that I will ever go back. No real desire, and besides, after nearly 50 years, the school would have changed beyond recognition, I’m sure. So probably best to stay away, regardless, as all those cricketers I knew would be retired from the sport, or dead by now.
But yes, wouldnt it be fun, if someone looked back on the list of past pupils now, and by some fate of history, saw a female name on that list! Oh the fun, and go back, and someone asked me if I had a relative at the school, and said no, I was a pupil here, as a woman. Hmm?
Right, video time. I wanted to use Girls School, by Wings, which was actually a double A side, with a far more famous record, Mull of Kintyre. Yes, one is remembered, one isnt. But no, nothing, no video, no live performance, so… I tried a You Tube search, and it came up with this. Not my type of music, but it works, with a one word change!
Well, this will be my last post in my 59th year of this life. Yes, I know, I will be 59 tomorrow, but if you think of it, given that you’ve lived one year, before you become one…oh fine, you did! I also say this life, because as I know, I definitely have had one life before, almost certainly more, if the theory is right, but fine, now, the one before this one is a bit special to me.
Mind, you can start from there in this term I guess? If Clara Johnson hadnt smoked herself to an early death in the early 50’s, would I have been born? I assume I would have done, that someone else who had died by then, would have been my past life, but anyway? But would I then have that special connection to the Golden Age of Hollywood, who knows? Maybe not, or it might have been a more famous one, of course?
Tonight though, its that other sliding door that intrigues me, given the likelihood I was one of those born intersex at birth at around the time I was born. No, I cant be certain, ever, because the hospital I was born at, closed in 1967, and somehow I cyncically have my doubts whether the intersex babies were ‘officially’ recorded then anyway.
So, lets look at the possibility that the doctors decided (in their wisdom) that I was allowed to be a baby girl, where my life would have gone from there. Clearly its impossible for me to know what it would have been like, being a teenage girl, going on dates, and everything else. I’m also assuming that back then, those dates would have been boys, just because it was the norm, and expected thing back in the early 70’s. It might have led to marriage, it might have led to having children, and in time, grandchildren, or would I have been one of those ‘wicked women’ who lived with another woman back then?
Who would I have known, that I’ve never met in my life, because of that misplaced gender? Equally, how many people have I known (I can certainly name a few) who I would have missed out on knowing, if I had been a woman? Where in the world would I be today? I know its possible it would still be Huddersfield, and working in Bradford, but lets face it, the chances of that happening under those circumstances, miniscule. Equally, I might have, like Lillian Gish, gave up any interest in romance, to develop my talents, and lifestyle as an actress? In which case, like Clara, I could be in Hollywood, making movies? Well, you never can tell!
Sat here, writing blogs, if I’d been a woman since birth, again, who can tell? I doubt it, but just maybe…? One thing is for sure though, unless we can turn back time, to that day, 1 day short of 59 years ago, and take the other option, none of us will ever know for sure!
As to the obvious step I could still take, the answer is probably no, I’m not a fan of unnecessary pain, and I’ve already got a pair of knees that will need to be fixed sometime soon. So yes, I’ll probably end up as that crazy old spinster, assuming I live long enough for all that lol!
But yes, on that day in 1958, if the Doctors had told my parents that they had a baby girl…history would be very different, I suspect?
The video is from the film of the blog title, and is probably a song that Aqua should be better remembered for, than Barbie Girl!