No, hopefully not me going, literally, but yesterday, I took note that the countdown to my neurologist appointment (at long last) was down to 3 weeks to go. In a sense, I’m slightly nervous about what they might find, especially since the recent repeat bout of seizures, but at the same time, I’ll be so glad to know what it is, or at least, hopefully find out what the problem is. I’ll be honest, if its something that means my time is nearly up, then so be it, though that might leave me with one interesting decision to make, but more on that shortly. Of course, it might be that whatever it is, with the meds I’m already on, and maybe something else can keep it all under control, then great. But I must admit, the wait to find out has been pretty agonising, for sure.
I must admit, I knew what the NHS was like, and that means I’m not totally surprised that its taken 3 months from the initial seizures, to get them even looked into, let alone any action taken. Its supposedly free, but in truth, we pay for it with deductions from our wages, but at least we dont have to pay crazy sums to get things to happen, on top of that. Yes, USA, I’m looking at you again. Again, today, I’ve had a friend over there surprised at how long this is all taking for even the first step, and I had to smile. As I pointed out to him, if I had the money to pay for the neurologist, the MRI, the EEG, and heaven knows what else private patients might get thrown at them here, or that you, or your insurance company gets billed for, this would have been looked into, soon after the initial seizures. But it isnt, so…what will be, will be, and no, that isnt the video! I suppose that unless its something that is ‘bad’ by the time it get looks at, that wouldnt have been ‘bad’ in March, does it matter? Well, beyond my worry about it all, probably not.
But yes, lets face it, absolutely, I’m thoroughly looking forward to having my brain wired up to an EEG, and granted, the MRI will be an interesting experience, thats for sure. Fine, its not going to actually do anything interesting to my brain, but a girl can dream. Going to be fun getting my earrings out for the MRI, as they have been in for years, so removing them might be a challenge.
Given the number of medical people who have told me I wont be working again, I’m assuming something is faulty enough to make that a foregone conclusion, when checked over. I dont know if the fact if I’m only 5 years from retirement anyway plays a part in that, in that its not working the challenge, or whether it would be the same if it had happened at 31, and I doubt they will answer that! But yes, hopefully 3 weeks from now it will all be confirmed, and I can stop worrying about it. In truth, yes, the brain is ‘busted’, its not going to work normally again, of that I’m sure. Even on a good day, I cant talk well for long, and on a bad day, dont ask! Besides that, my mobility is now rubbish, about 1000 yards/metres on a good day is about it, and on a bad day, nearly 100, if I’m lucky! So walking for buses/to work, and doing strings of phone calls, no chance!
The other interesting thing over all this, is a pledge I made a while back, which I assumed I wouldnt be thinking about for at least another 5 years, but seemingly… I stated that once I retired, all things permitting, I’d complete transition, most notably getting my bits bobbed, girl style! Yes, I’ve already been reminded about this, lol. In truth, I have no idea that the hormones and other stuff I would need to do (including the surgery) will be compatible with what I will need to take for the brain, but yes, I plan to find out, once confirmed. Yes, I really will! As I said to someone today, it will be nice not to have to worry about what I wear after surgery, in the sense of concealing bits, and being able to flash boobage, because it will all be natural. No, I dont think latex will be in my wardrobe (sadly), but more clinging, and revealing dresses, just maybe…? 😉
But yes, whatever the news, whatever the decision, I’ll just be glad when I have it all checked out, and confirmed. Less than 3 weeks now, I hope!
OK, video time. Feeling wicked, as per the first half of the blog title. Yes, I know the quality isnt great, but its so rare to find Manfred Mann actually singing live, I thought, what the hell, and went with it. Its not hard to find a non live version on You Tube, if preferred.
Firstly, I want to thank my dear friend, and fellow 30’s actress, Nancy Carroll, for reminding me about this date. No, seriously, she’s a wonderful lady, about my age, living in Australia, named Diane, but fine, its a long running joke between the 2 of us. But yes, she does look a lot like Nancy, even if she claims otherwise, lol…
Friday was World Hypnosis Day, seemingly. Yes, I think everything has a day nowadays, but anyway… What happened was that someone posted, on one of the old movie boards, a selection of vintage hypnosis posters, and adverts, and Diane commented that all the hypnotists were male, and all the ‘victims’ were female. But yes, back in the 1950’s, and beyond, men were in charge, ladies did as they were told, hypnotized or otherwise, and… Yes, things have changed a bit since then, though some of us might enjoy a nice powerful man controlling our mind, but anyway… 😉 Put it this way, feminists would have a hissy fit if these sort of events were suggested today!
Yes, I’ve been tranced a few times in my life, for therapy, for fun, and for regression purposes (Hi, Clara J), but never, as yet, to make me even more of a female submissive, lol. Not that I wouldnt mind it done (Hi, Legion), but fine, something a bit more technically ‘dramatic’ than hypnosis doing that to me, would appeal even more. Yeah, bring on the mind controlling spiral (which I suppose is a hypnosis thing?), or headband, or something nicely electrical, lol!
Strictly, no, you cant be made to do anything you wouldnt willingly do under hypnosis. Something too much against your wishes, and you just snap out of trance. But lets face it, in the good old movies, and when appealing to the male ego of the 50’s, well that wouldnt sell hypnosis to men, would it?
Yes, its been a while since I’ve been in trance, which is a bit of a shame, but such is life. But if offered the chance again, why, of course I would submit to the control of a man, or a woman, and… go into mindless, obedient trance? Well, maybe…?
OK, another 60’s video song, this one most definitely mimed. I did find a film from 2012 of this song being performed by the group, but the camera is so far from the stage, not worth showing! So…Maybe my Master’s name would be Jack?
I’ll be honest, until earlier this week, I had no idea that tomorrow was Intersex Awareness Day. In truth, there are so many ‘days’ nowadays that its nigh impossible to keep up with them all, and also there are so many you dont want to keep up with (today is World Pasta Day, seriously?), that its got beyond the point of sanity, really?
It seems the Civil Service are actually doing a Twitter Chat (whatever that is?) on the subject tomorrow evening, but I wont be able to get involved as its between 6.00 and 7.00 tomorrow evening UK time, when I will be at work, and irony, we arent allowed Twitter at work in the office. I can fully understand the reason for that, in truth, but it is a shame that one of the (probably) few Intersex Civil Servants cant get involved.
I know, I can hear you saying it, she says she’s Trans, now she says she’s Intersex, so… But strictly, its true, as I have girl bits (a womb, maybe more?), as well as the obvious boy bit, which makes me intersex. I may have had more as a new born baby, that was ‘tweaked’ when the doctors decided what gender I was (and got it wrong), but impossible to know now, and the hospital I was born at was demolished decades ago, and even if it wasnt conveniently not recorded at birth, I’m sure the records are gone with its demolition, for sure.
So yes, in truth, and to keep it simple, its easier to say I’m Transgender, as some will have known me formerly as a man, and now as a woman. In fact, that number is pretty small, how small depends on the date you use as when I first accepted I was a woman. If you call it 2010, then a lot more know than if you say 2000, when I first found out. And fine, even if for some it takes some explanation, its still a lot less than being intersex.
No, the womb never fully developed, presumably because at puberty, my body went with the outside image, and therefore the boy bits developed, and the girl bits pretty much didnt. I do actually have pretty small boobs, but nothing you’d really notice, believe me, lol!
Hopefully I havent got too many readers here who cant accept there are more than 2 ‘genders’, and that anything other than ‘hetro sex’ is a shameful sin, but if I have, maybe you’re in the wrong place? One ‘friend’ (I have never actually known him, and have no idea why he friended me in the first place) on Facebook posted one of those crazy religious postings today about how sinful it is to be anything but in a man/woman marriage, and he’s no longer a friend. He’s unfortunate, as with the new way Facebook do things (which I hate), he’s one of those people who I dont often see posts for, but maybe that was for the best?
Does make me wonder, if I’d transitioned young enough, and had taken all those female hormones, would my womb have developed, and heaven forbid, could I have got pregnant? No, we’ll (thankfully) never know the answer to that!
I’m sure that some day, long after I have left this life, this whole issue of LGBT, and Intersex, and everything else will be looked back on, and people will wonder why we were so backward on these issues, but anyway…
But yes, tomorrow at least, just remember that man, or woman you see during your day, might not just have the sexual parts of one gender. And yes, please accept that as something not to be frightened by, OK?
Right, video time. Its rare to find film of 60’s groups on You Tube, even rarer to find a live performance, but I found one. Which explains the corny blog title, lol!
One thing I’ve always noticed in disclaimers, messages, and the like at big sporting events is the comment about ‘home team’ being fully supportive of diversity, and family issues, and the like. To be fair, in one of these cases, I’ve never heard it said in this country before a sporting event, but anyway… And to be fair to the majority of teams, these may be an exception to the rule, but I do wonder?
No names being used here, but sports fans will either know who I’m talking about, or will be able to google it with ease.
Firstly, lets cover the home issue, and one of my favorite sports, cricket. I know, US folk, you dont get, but dont worry, I’m getting to your sports shortly! One of the regular England Cricket Team players this week isnt getting ready to play for his Country this week, because he’s involved in a court case! Violence to others, homophobic behavior are the 2 main issues, probably brought out by over imbibing of alcohol, but all the same… I know, he might have needed to celebrate, and ‘chill’ after the game, but drinking can be kept to a sensible level, and at least the LGBT community wouldnt know what a homophobe he is, but anyway, all done now.
The thing is, I’ve seen numerous postings from England cricket fans saying that he’s being picked on, because he’s a celebrity, and that he’s being robbed of playing for England. No, he’s a violent homophobe, who started the events that led to the court case! Makes me glad I’m an Irish cricket follower, anyway.
So, to the US. Firstly, baseball. One player missed the first 75 games of the season, not due to injury, but because he was banned, because of some pretty serious domestic violence issues. To be fair to his previous team, they wanted rid of him, and most of the other 30 teams didnt want him, for obvious reasons. But one team, when they knew he was on offer signed him as fast as the world wide web would let them. To be fair, its seems most (if not all) of their players are as enthused about the signing as me. But clearly, despite comments prior to their games (I’m sure), this team are more interested in performance, than morals. In an ideal world, the guy involved will get a jail sentence in the near future, and I hope it costs the team money, support, and other things. However, given the state of the team that he plays for, the locals are just as likely to admire him for what he did!
Lastly, the shambles in College Football. A classic tale of events that did happen, then didnt happen, in terms not only of domestic violence, but in who reported it to who, and why nothing was done about it, and other numerous things. The coach who, within a week said he knew nothing about it, then when it was showed he did, said that he had known about it, and passed the information on, well, what would you believe, probably not much?
But again, over the last 2 days, there have been numerous protests at the school over events, and not in a positive way, re the domestic abuse! No, numerous supporters asking why the coach has been suspended for events, and demanding he’s given his job back. I suspect we will have an ‘inquiry’ which will tell us little or nothing, he will get his job back, and the university will hope the issue just goes away.
So yes, the next time you’re at a sports event, and hear the announcement about caring about diversity, family issues, and everything else, just laugh! They may do, but only until money talks louder!
Right, video time. One of those songs that many people, especially at the time, didnt realize was a cover version. As you will see shortly, it was. In truth, the cover version is far better than the original, but anyway…You choose.
Firstly, the cover
Secondly, the original version.
It was only as I was crossing the Atlantic on Wednesday night/Thursday morning that I realised one thing, that it was the last time ever that Stevie Lou Nicholls would fly anywhere. No, not as drastic as it sounds, I’m not giving up on travelling, or anything like that, but it will be my last flight with that name. Alright, if I got called back to Hollywood next week (ha ha), then that fact wouldnt be true, but in all reality, thats it.
But as I say, dont fret, its nothing more than that I’m changing my name again, of course. To be honest, when I was in LA, I was using Stephanie as my name (other than places where I was using a credit card/or passport ID), so its not like I havent been building up to it at least. Fine, in one place I was being called Harlean Carpenter, but thats because she knew me by that Facebook account, and despite the famous image on the account, assumed it was my name. Not that I minded anyway… 😉
Oh, and not only am I changing name, I’m changing title too. Yes, going to be a proper Miss, none of that trendy Ms stuff any more! But ironically enough, I still havent settled on whether I will be Stephanie Harlean Carpenter, or Harlean Stephanie Carpenter. I know, I know, but…
Keeping Stephanie as my first name does make sense in many ways. Mainly that I’m pretty much guaranteed to answer to it at all times, and those who wish to continue to call me Steph, or Stevie, would still have it easily available, as an abbreviation of the name. Of course, many are known to people by their middle name, so in that sense, it would still be fine at least. And yes, by having Harlean as the middle name, it flows into the Carpenter surname in a good way. (Jean Harlow’s real name, for the few who may not know, was Harlean Harlow Carpenter)
But equally, I can see a good case for actually changing my first name to Harlean. And not just the total Jean Harlow connection of being Harlean Carpenter to the vast majority of people who know me, post change, which I would certainly love, but anyway…Its the clean break, taking Steve/Stevie out of the equation in a big way, by taking a fresh first name. Obviously, by taking Stephanie as my middle name, it would still cover my old name, for those who knew me before, and as I say, many are known by their middle name, to some at least, so…But is it right, to take a famous person’s name, even if she didnt use it, or was really known by it, so literally? At the same time…
Yes, you’re right, give me a free call, and take away my hesitation about using her real name, and I would pick Harlean as my new first name. Fine, it would cause fun on Facebook (because my author account is already under that name), and one other Forum, but I could work around that. I’d probably make my main FB account, Harlean Stephanie Carpenter, and the forum would soon get tweaked too (Jean Carpenter, probably), so its workable. But at the same time, being realistic, going Stephanie Harlean just makes things so much easier.
So I probably will, when I get to doing the deed poll form this weekend, or next week at the latest, go with Stephanie Harlean, because I will let my head rule my heart, and all that. But no promises made! I cant actually get the passport changed immediately, unfortunately, because while job hunting, you need a form of ID, and thats what I’m using at present. No, I have no idea where my birth certificate is, and besides, its in the wrong name anyway!
For those on Twitter, I have started a new poll on my name choice over at @harleanlook , if you want to go and vote, assuming you’ve an account. Doesnt mean I’m going to respect the vote anyway, but it will be taken into account, especially if conclusive.
OK, the other transgender issue. Written without checking too many details on name etc. A transgender woman was sentenced to prison recently, and because her passport was still male, she got sent to a men’s prison, where unsurprisingly she was sexually harassed. A campaign was started to get her moved, or released was started accordingly. To be honest, she has got multiple arrests for assaults, and the like, so release would be a total injustice. But thankfully today, logic was seen through, she will serve the rest of her sentence, but in a woman’s prison. But to be honest, in these times, when with a formal letter from your doctor to confirm living as a woman for a lengthy period, you can now get your passport in your desired gender (what I will do for my new one), as opposed to when I first transitioned (when basically until I had the op, no gender change), why hadnt she done that? As a friend said, she was probably too busy beating up people to get it done, but anyway… I should add, that my passport is now the only thing I’m tagged as male in, and not for much longer!
So if anyone wants to offer me a job, so I can send my passport off, and become officially female, please do! Believe me, if there was a way to apply for jobs, while the passport was gone off, to be changed, I’d do it straightaway!
Right, the video. A real oldie, I guess you could say ‘My name is Jackie, lol’