Monthly Archives: May, 2019

Since its nearly time to go… (to the neurologist)

No, hopefully not me going, literally, but yesterday, I took note that the countdown to my neurologist appointment (at long last) was down to 3 weeks to go. In a sense, I’m slightly nervous about what they might find, especially since the recent repeat bout of seizures, but at the same time, I’ll be so glad to know what it is, or at least, hopefully find out what the problem is. I’ll be honest, if its something that means my time is nearly up, then so be it, though that might leave me with one interesting decision to make, but more on that shortly. Of course, it might be that whatever it is, with the meds I’m already on, and maybe something else can keep it all under control, then great. But I must admit, the wait to find out has been pretty agonising, for sure.

I must admit, I knew what the NHS was like, and that means I’m not totally surprised that its taken 3 months from the initial seizures, to get them even looked into, let alone any action taken. Its supposedly free, but in truth, we pay for it with deductions from our wages, but at least we dont have to pay crazy sums to get things to happen, on top of that. Yes, USA, I’m looking at you again. Again, today, I’ve had a friend over there surprised at how long this is all taking for even the first step, and I had to smile. As I pointed out to him, if I had the money to pay for the neurologist, the MRI, the EEG, and heaven knows what else private patients might get thrown at them here, or that you, or your insurance company gets billed for, this would have been looked into, soon after the initial seizures. But it isnt, so…what will be, will be, and no, that isnt the video! I suppose that unless its something that is ‘bad’ by the time it get looks at, that wouldnt have been ‘bad’ in March, does it matter? Well, beyond my worry about it all, probably not.

But yes, lets face it, absolutely, I’m thoroughly looking forward to having my brain wired up to an EEG, and granted, the MRI will be an interesting experience, thats for sure. Fine, its not going to actually do anything interesting to my brain, but a girl can dream. Going to be fun getting my earrings out for the MRI, as they have been in for years, so removing them might be a challenge.

Given the number of medical people who have told me I wont be working again, I’m assuming something is faulty enough to make that a foregone conclusion, when checked over. I dont know if the fact if I’m only 5 years from retirement anyway plays a part in that, in that its not working the challenge, or whether it would be the same if it had happened at 31, and I doubt they will answer that! But yes, hopefully 3 weeks from now it will all be confirmed, and I can stop worrying about it. In truth, yes, the brain is ‘busted’, its not going to work normally again, of that I’m sure. Even on a good day, I cant talk well for long, and on a bad day, dont ask! Besides that, my mobility is now rubbish, about 1000 yards/metres on a good day is about it, and on a bad day, nearly 100, if I’m lucky! So walking for buses/to work, and doing strings of phone calls, no chance!

The other interesting thing over all this, is a pledge I made a while back, which I assumed I wouldnt be thinking about for at least another 5 years, but seemingly… I stated that once I retired, all things permitting, I’d complete transition, most notably getting my bits bobbed, girl style! Yes, I’ve already been reminded about this, lol. In truth, I have no idea that the hormones and other stuff I would need to do (including the surgery) will be compatible with what I will need to take for the brain, but yes, I plan to find out, once confirmed. Yes, I really will! As I said to someone today, it will be nice not to have to worry about what I wear after surgery, in the sense of concealing bits, and being able to flash boobage, because it will all be natural. No, I dont think latex will be in my wardrobe (sadly), but more clinging, and revealing dresses, just maybe…? 😉

But yes, whatever the news, whatever the decision, I’ll just be glad when I have it all checked out, and confirmed. Less than 3 weeks now, I hope!

OK, video time. Feeling wicked, as per the first half of the blog title. Yes, I know the quality isnt great, but its so rare to find Manfred Mann actually singing live, I thought, what the hell, and went with it. Its not hard to find a non live version on You Tube, if preferred.

Standin’ here beside ya, want so much to give you

Apart from the ‘traditional’ bank holiday events, its a fact that Bank Holidays here in the UK, and those in the US dont tend to coincide. Today, they did. Oh, and to mark a previous recent blog, this is the last day before I’m officially back on medical leave again, lol. Over here, its just called a Spring Bank Holiday, in the US, its called Memorial Day, when (in theory at least nowadays) they remember all the brave people that have died over the years in various wars. We seem to save all that for Remembrance Sunday in November, because of course its against the end of WW1, on November 11, though most remembrances happen on the closest Sunday to that date now.

Equally, Memorial Day used to (according to Wiki) always be celebrated on May 30, but now, for convenience, happens on the last Monday in May, the same date as our Spring Bank Holiday.

The depressing fact, do you have any idea how many years that the US has been at peace since inception in 1776? A meagre 17! So its fair to assume they have plenty of need for Memorials to be remembered! To be fair, a few of those were for the 2 World Wars, but altogether… Oh, and a few of those were of course an in house war!

So during that long period of time, plenty of brave men, and in more recent times, women, have died in the name of war. Today, in the US at least, is the day designated to remember them. In this country, the weekend seems to have been a bit of a political war, seemingly won by very few, if any.

Let us also remember all the folk everywhere who have had to work today, on a Bank Holiday. I know, not the same thing as giving your life, but as I know from so much of my working life, the talk about weekends, and bank holidays off are a misnomer for some.

But yes, US readers (and the stats tell me I have plenty), take a few minutes today to remember those that gave their lives in defence of yours.

The video choice is a weird one, but if you think about, its a title thats probably apt for all those that went into battle. There is also the fact that some car company are using it in ads over here at present. Oh, and fine, yes I’d love to be turned into a mannequin for a role, just saying…

Fancy a bite of lunch?

Apparently today is World Vampire Day. Not because there are more vampire flying around looking for blood, for a meal, but because its the anniversary of the day of the release of Bram Stoker’s book in 1897, and lets face it, in these days of hype, and social media, any excuse will do. Fine, I found out through Twitter, so sue me. Better, come and bite me, and sup on my blood, though my days of being an innocent virgin are long gone. Strictly, if I do get permission to get my bits bobbed a la Sex Reassignment Surgery, I would actually be a virgin again, but innocent might be more of an issue, lol!

Fine, yes, I do wonder what it would be like to be bitten by, and maybe transformed by a vampire as they supposedly do? I know, I’d probably enjoy it far more than I’m meant to, but besides all that… Or would they just take me as a quick feed, on the way to someone more interesting, and sexy?

Its funny, it was only earlier this week that a photo was posted on one of the vintage film groups, of the Brides of Dracula. Now that would be a fun role in a remake, and I’d probably need less make up to look so haggard, and pale, than some!

Lets face it, in folk lore, Vampires go back far further than Stoker, back to the Middle Ages in fact, and Alucard, and Vlad the Impaler, and the like. All truth, all fake, who knows, but today is definitely the day to think about it.

The video is from the 1992 Dracula movie, sung by Annie Lennox

What you going to do about it. The passing of time.

Is this LGBT issue? Is this politics? Is it both? Well, maybe…?

In truth, on 24th May 1988, I didnt know I was transgender, intersex, and heaven forbid, bisexual to top it all. I knew I was a bit (to put it mildly) confused about my sexuality, and other stuff, but didnt really know what it all was. Funnily enough, I was supposedly in a straight relationship, with a woman, that in truth, never had a hope.. The fact that we lived together for as long as 11 years, in hindsight, was pretty amazing, but we did. I mean, there was a spell before the end, when we knew it was coming to the end, but didnt really know why, other than my feelings of it being wrong, trying to be in a straight relationship with her. I wonder if we could ever have made it as 2 lesbians, lol? Probably not, but I have to wonder?

Anyway, on above date, something critical happened, that at the time I didnt really know applied to me, but now… Section 28 was introduced by the Conservative government of the time, which made it even harder to be LGBT, especially in an education sense, but done damage to numerous LGBT people over the years it lasted. Funny how things go round, about education, and LGBT issues in the UK, isnt it?

So, one year later to the day (yes, 30 years ago today), Stonewall was founded, to fight this ghastly legislation. Eventually, thankfully, Section 28 was repealed, and things improved to some degree for LGBT people. Equally, thankfully, though that fight is over, Stonewall is still here to support us, and judging by recent happenings, we still need them today, I only wish we didnt. Not helped by the fact that TI people seem to need ever more support against others that are meant to be with us, a section of the L’s! Me, on 2 counts!

Firstly, lets deal with the one that annoys me, those that wont accept that Trans Women are real women, even after their bits have been ‘bobbed’, for those that applies to. I dont know exactly what TERF stands for, but thats the general term for them. What is even more hypocritical about them isnt just the fact that they are against Transgender women using the same facilities as them (because we were born men, or for intersex folk like me, born also with boy bits), they are against Transgender men sharing facilities with them, even if by their ‘reasoning’ they were born with girl bits, but now have boy bits! They see them as men too, so you tell me? As for those of us with both genitalia, as to what facilities we’re meant to use, heaven knows?

The other thing that amuses me with some lesbians (generally, but not exclusively the same ones) is their abhorrence to relationships with bisexual women, because heaven forbid, we’ve had sex with men, as well as women. Seems with some, that even looking at a man in ‘that way’ is enough to condemn you. So yes, any time you think all LGBTI+ people support each other, please think again.

And yes, guess what, Stonewall is more than happy to support both these groups, despite their own brands of bi, and trans phobia. So Stonewall is good, but like regulations, still has a long way to go, dont kid yourself.

I tried to come up with something original for the video, and seeing Section 28 was designed to make LGBT activity illegal in so many ways, I came up with this! Maybe we now need to load up with rainbow, rubber bullets?

Hell Raiser? Trailblazer?

One thing I’ve always tried to do, at any election, is vote. I just feel that regardless of who you support (or in the case of UK, plan to support tomorrow), if you dont vote, you have no right to complain about the outcome of the vote. I actually missed one earlier this month, the local council election, because I can barely walk (and thats being optimistic) more than a few hundred yards now, due to the fact that the brain, and mobility rarely both function well at the same time, due to the seizure stuff. Quite often one works, and the other doesnt, and I get the odd day where neither are in a going mood, and the very rare day when both work.

So, given that around here, only one party was ever going to win the vote (they did, comfortably), and the pain it would be to arrange someone to transport me to a voting station about 600 yards away, park to allow me to vote, and then collect me again, I didnt bother, no great issue.

Thing is, tomorrow is the vote that should have never happened, the EU Election, but it is. No, I’m not going to say which side I’m on, or who I’m planning to vote for, neutrality, and all that. But because this is a regional, proportional vote thing, my vote is a bit more important. So… Before anyone says anything, it was a bit late to arrange a postal vote after the seizures, and besides which, my brain really isnt up to challenges like that. If I get a negative result from the neurologist next month, as expected, then I probably will for the future, but this is sooner than that, so…

In the fairly unlikely event that my mobility is good tomorrow, I intend to walk up to the voting building, and cast my vote that way. Mind, if thats the case, the chance of my brain being up to the complex voting thing, we will see, lol? So what’s Plan B, you ask? Well, Eric has one of those mobility vehicles, and I’m going to give that a try, if needed. No, obviously I’ve never used one before, but he tells me its not that difficult to drive (famous last words), and as its not far…?

In truth, if they’re going away in the autumn for a few weeks, and I’m still here, I’m going to need some way of getting around, if I need to, and something like that is the best option locally, other than taxis, which is a bit expensive! The last time I drove anything? Well, I was in my 20’s, and now I’m 61, so… I’d stay off the streets around here tomorrow, lol, as I dont know yet when I’m going out. Funny thing is, I’m out again Friday, to the surgery for blood tests, and to collect prescriptions, but wisely planning to do that by taxi, as a fair bit further, and I suspect I’ll need more practice before doing that distance! But weather permitting, I will get there to vote, thats for sure.

Right, video time. When you grow up on Glam Rock, and know this is 46 years old, you know you’re old, lets face it. Oh, but I’m a ‘Sweet’ old lady, lol. Or maybe I’m a…?

 

 

 

 

Is it still a holiday?

Strictly, as of 4.00 yesterday afternoon, until a week on Wednesday, I’m not on medical leave, I’m on holiday. Ironically, as with March, it would have been my Saturday (every 5th week) to work this week. Of course, as history has dictated, I havent worked since that fateful day in March, and of course, accordingly to several medical sources, it seems that March 9, 2019 will go down as the last day of my working career. So why, you ask, does this week count as holiday, technically at least?

Well back at the end of last Summer, we are asked to pick our 2 preferred weeks of holiday, and this week, starting tomorrow was the start of the first of mine. I hadnt ever got to making any serious plans for this, in truth. So where would I be, if fate hadnt stepped in, who knows? Its actually possible I’d be where I am now, sat at home, as the US trip this year was always going to be September. I might also have been in Belfast, as Ireland are playing 2 cricket matches there in these few days (first was today), but had not made any definite plans by March on that.

I know where I would love to have started my holiday week, a day early, and that was Pine Bush, New York. Yes, yesterday was UFO day there, and yes, Stacie was there (its not far from here), and yes, I’m jealous. I will state now that if I’m allowed to still do International Travel after having been by the neurologist, its on my target list for next year, believe me. And yes, if I do, I’m definitely doing the full Alien look, and if I can find a flying saucer/space craft to travel there by, yes, I’m doing it, ideally in said Alien outfit. Or new Alien body, who knows? 😉

Why did I pick this week, you may be asking? Well, a week tomorrow is a Bank Holiday, so I would have got an extended holiday, thats why! But now, does this even count as a holiday any more? Technically yes, but strictly, well?

Video time. This is most definitely not live, however much they might want it to look like it is. Apart from anything else, the male ‘singer’ didnt even sing on the record. Oh, and the lead singer’s outfit, yes, I’d love it, if anyone is offering?

What someone should do for me

OK, I dont really mean it, unless you really want to, but it fits in with the video, so…?

Tomorrow is the International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia. So, yes, giving you a bit of warning, so dont say I didnt tell you. Hopefully at least some knew already, but just in case…? And yes, its better than getting me started on Alabama, and Georgia, and now seemingly Missouri, so… No, seriously, dont!

Its funny, this year will be the least I’ve done for this in a few years, but such is the state of my health. Doesnt mean I wont be at home supporting the cause, but still going to be funny not doing something for the department, or the civil service, or anything more this week. And yes, my usual disclaimer, please people, lets make it so we dont have to do this sort of thing any more, OK? Sadly at the moment things seems to be getting worse, not better! Of course those that need to be educated the most will be the ones not reading this, I guess?

I know, its easy for me to say, given I’m Bi, Trans/Intersex, and support all others affiliated in all the letters mentioned generally, but I dont get the Phobia. Firstly, its us, its who we are, so just live with it! Secondly, unless some evil scientist has come up with an evil virus that no one has told me about, you cant catch LGBTI+ from those of us that already are. So just relax, OK?

Oh, and as for the whole toilet thing, I dont know about some, but I go in there for one reason, to use the toilet, wash my hands (see, no gay infection issue, lol), and then get on with that boring thing called normal life. And to all those who say you should use the toilet relating to your genitals, well, I have girl bits, so I’m entitled to use the ladies, and not the gents, OK? Snag is, I also boy bits, so I’m entitled to use the gents, but not the ladies. Does that mean I can use either, neither, or what? And think carefully before answering incorrectly, and making yourself look an idiot. Yes, going to stick to using the ladies, as I have for nearly 10 years now!

PS, if anyone knows a pain free way to remove the boy bits, and tidy up the girl bits for me, feel free! Alternatively, a non sexual cyborg/robot body, complete with either assisting AI, or full interface, or control, even better, due to my current brain function issues.

But other than that, I just request people to treat IDAHOBIT day tomorrow, and the people it related to nicely, not just tomorrow, but forever. OK, plea over.

Video time. For the second time this week, in tribute to the late, great Doris Day, one of her song. I know, its cutely straight, but just change the u, to an a, and… 😉

Take me back to a Carmel

And no, Stacie, dear, in this case, I’m not talking the one in New York State, but the one in California.

Firstly, before we get to the serious news of the day, let me confirm a few things. No, I didnt post over the weekend as normal, unfortunately I had a good reason. Saturday afternoon saw at least a couple more seizures (cant confirm exact number), and me rushed off to hospital in an ambulance, with the blue siren wailing merrily. No, I dont remember any of it. Anyway, finally,  after about 7 hours they decided they’d done enough for me to live, and parked me off to a hospital ward for the rest of the night. I finally woke up, about 26 hours after the big event, not remembering a thing, and later that day, with an extra set of pills (low calcium levels) I was sent home again. So I live again, though not sure how many more times I can pull that off? But now, to the serious, sad news.

When I was a very small child, 78 rpm records were either in their last days, or they had passed their last days, and thats why my parents got a few for me. Yes, back in those days, record players had 4 speeds, 16, 33, 45, and 78. The middle 2 lasted a while, the other two were on their last legs, or past them by then. One of those first 78’s in my collection, was True Love, by Bing Crosby and Grace Kelly, the other, Que Sera Sera, by Doris Day. So yes, guess which this relates to?

And one of those acting roles that got me interested in the whole acting life? Yeah, Calamity Jane! Even then I wanted to be a girl, even if she was a pretty butch one for most of the movie. Never did play ‘Calamity’ (probably because my singing voice wasnt great), and I guess I wont now. Neither sadly, any more, will Doris Day, who passed away earlier today at the grand old age of 97.

I’ve seen any number of her movies over the years, some great, some (especially one) that you wouldnt want to see again. Her albums, yeah, might have bought a few when you did that sort of thing. But one thing I’d always aimed to do, when I knew she lived at Carmel, not a million miles from San Francisco, and stuff, was to visit there, and see if I could see her, however unlikely that was. But now that chance is gone!

I did include Carmel in a story once, deliberately, I believe it was CJ (the modern day equal to Clara Johnson) worked there on a movie, but thats as close as it got in her lifetime. Maybe one day I’ll still get there, though now it will be too late to see Doris, unless she’s laid to rest somewhere public there, in which case…? Or maybe its one of those places that will remain on my ‘I wanted to visit, but…’ places?

RIP Doris Day, and thanks for some wonderful memories. At least you, your son, and Rock are all together once again

Video artist? Take one guess! Of course it is, double D! My favourite song from Calamity Jane, even if its not the ‘big number’ from the movie. Helps that it also has Howard Keel, just saying…

 

Playful as a pussycat? Not as wise as a serpent, for sure?

I know some people who enjoy, and adore the Royal Family for everything they do. Equally I know others who would happily dump the whole lot, and create a Republic. Me, I’m somewhere in between, though definitely not a member of their fan club.

So no, the arrival of the latest Royal baby clearly held far less (pretty much zero) interest for me, than some who wanted to swoon, and get overwhelmed by the whole event. The thing is, however you feel about them, there are bounds of decency that you have to keep when talking with them, and not just the ones concerning the fact that the person you’re talking to might be a fervent Royalist, you just dont know.

So anyway, while showing a total lack of enthusiasm about the whole birth, at the same time, I’d never say anything horrid about any member of the Royal Family, other than maybe the ‘witty’ taxpayer burden comment, but thats as far as it goes.

Sadly, as was showed earlier today, some celebrities think they are above the rules of decency, or just think that a very bad taste joke will be written off, just because they are famous. So, as you may, or may not know, Danny Baker thought it was ‘funny’ to post a comment re Harry, and Meghan, and leaving the hospital after the baby was born, to post a picture with the baby as a monkey, presumably because of the whole half caste thing? Personally, if people are happy together, does it matter what sex/gender/colour, or anything else some might like to consider, matter? No, it shouldnt!

The only things that sadden me over the whole affair is that the BBC, in their wisdom, only decided to sack Baker when a public furore blew up about the posting on Twitter. Until then, seemingly they were prepared to look the other way about the whole issue, which doesnt cast them in a great light. Baker seems to thing he’s been hard done by, but I have no idea why?

The second thing that saddened me, was the number of people supporting Baker on Twitter over the whole matter (though I do wonder, having looked at a few profiles, if some weren’t Russian bots), and saying that he was being incorrectly treated for what he’d done. Of course, to many racists, I suspect, they probably agree with him! Sad, scary, but with where things are currently heading, not at surprising as it should be!

The cynical side of me meant I did sent a tweet to Radio 5 (from whom he was sacked) offering a non controversial, but bisexual, trans woman as a replacement for their new vacancy, but as of yet, I havent got a reply. Given I’m probably the antithesis of the sort of presenter they would like to have, I wont be expecting one either. But fine, a ridiculously well paid (he was supposedly on a £300 K contract), sit down job would be heaven for me, pre retirement. Just imagine the pension I could get on 5 years of a salary like that, lol?

So no, I might not become a fan of the Royal Family, but I will at least give them a decent level of respect. Doesnt look like I will be paying tax on my salary for much longer, anyway, as from all I’ve heard, my next role is medical retirement. Unless Radio 5…? No chance!

OK, video time. Sorry, its a wicked choice, and its unlikely Meghan will ever become Queen, but…

Well, they ‘killed’ Danny Baker’s job, in a sense, though in truth, it was his own stupidity that killed it

Not so out of style?

Before anyone considers telling me that its a fake email, I know. Lets face it, there are millions of them floating around, and this is almost certainly one of them, but…

This afternoon I got an email from someone claiming to be from Encore Films, in Singapore, saying they’d seen my profile, and were interested in me for a possible role, and asking to send a resume of my recent work. Well, of course, apart from a couple of ‘performances’ in Blackpool (not strict acting parts), I havent done anything for a while now, over 10 years in fact, probably nearer 15! So where they would have actually seen I was an actress, other than comments made on social media, I have no idea? I have got one ‘free’ profile up on an agency site, so I guess it might be that?

Anyway, I thought for a giggle, I’d check the Film company out on Google, and prove they were fake. Only thing is, they do exist, and all ties up to what he tells me about them! But yes, of course, if I can find this info from the internet, so can anyone else! So anyway,  sent a brief email back, explaining the situation, and my current work record, and I’ll see if I hear anything back, as by the time I replied to it, it would have been around midnight, if not slightly later in Singapore, where it ‘supposedly’ came from.

So am I going to be a star in South East Asia, the whole of Asia, or even worldwide? I think in all honesty, the answer is the obvious one, a resounding no. But just a little bit of me, does wonder, could it be for real?

Just imagine, if it is, I could be seen wearing one of these crazy 30’s style outfits at the next Gala with the stars, lol. Yes, these 2 are from the Met Gala last night, and look just like something any good (or naughty) chorus girl might have worn?

30's showgirl

red dress

I dont think I’ll wait to add them to my wardrobe, sadly.

OK, video time. A song from my youth, performed live recently, surprisingly well. Are Encore Films going to make me a star? Who knows?