Well I would guess its go surprise to people here if I do a Transgender posting here, even if strictly I’m intersex, but I will still always relate to mtf transgender issues, even when I do finally get the operation out of the way, and yes, I hope the brain issues wont stop that at least. But making a post where I disagree with the transgender crowd, well…
Its fair to say at my age, even ignoring the new health issues, that I’m never going to play sport again at my age. The only sport I really played at anything more than basic level more than a couple of years after leaving school was cricket, and though I was a decent player (I played both at school, and club levels), I was never going to be a world beater. I did play a little recreational golf after I left school, but that soon stopped after a couple of years, due to lack of time, and not being a Nick Faldo/Laura Davies at the game, it was never going to go further. I think at one point I was a 13 handicap, which isnt amazing, but not awful either. I did try again, about 25-30 years later, but lets say I was more like a 113 handicap by then.
But then, since I started to transition, apart from the issue of getting old, I decided it was the end of my sporting career anyway. I know, strictly, I could play as a woman, especially after transition was confirmed, but even if I’d been in a position to play sport as a woman, I dont think I would. I know, you look at me, and apart from perhaps the height issue (I’m 5ft 9 tall/ 1.74 m?) I’ve got the build of a woman, but anyway…
I know some have, and more will, but its just how I feel about things, OK?
But it seems that some are so determined to make it at sport, that they have less morals about matters than me. It seems one team in the Kent Women’s Cricket League are so determine to succeed that rules, well… Now let me say I’ve only read one article about this, and the club, and the player involved dont want to say anything on the subject, but… One ladies team seeming include a ‘woman’ who is strongly built, 6ft 1 in height in their team.
Fine, but this is seemingly a woman who hasnt declared to be transitioning, isnt taking female hormones, and according to reports only declares as a woman on cricket match days, which seems very convenient. Of course she’s scoring lots of runs, taking lots of wickets, and all that stuff. So suddenly a moderate team has become a league winning capable team, isnt that handy?
Now, I wouldnt want to say she isnt genuine in the transition, but if so, why isnt she living as a woman for 7 days of the week? Yes, I do cynically wonder if this will be a 1 year wonder, or not? Handily for them, in England, unless you get into National Squad contention, you dont get sex tests done!
In the sense of glory, I dont care how desperate this team are to win, by doing things like this, but my concern is the simple one, if as I suspect it will, this is proved to be a fraud, where does it leave genuine transgender people in the future, both in terms of general life, and things that are gender related, from public conveniences upward? But yes, life is hard enough for us, without people working the system for the sake of glory, because lets face it, as has happened with this, its eventually going to get out, and probably in a negative way.
OK, rant over. Mind, I’ve acted as a woman, even before I started transitioning (long before in fact), but that was just a part I was needed to play, that I didnt cheat anyone out of, so… The fun is, if it wasnt for the health issues, I might have been acting this autumn as a woman again, ah well…
Right, video time. One of my favourites of all time, in truth. Yes, I’d love to be the lady in grey, with the helmet in this, seriously
He might even wreck a building or two in New York City just for the hell of it too. No, somehow I doubt he will in truth, mainly because he was just a fictional film character, though he would have a good reason today, as you could say this was the day, 15 years ago that he lost a friend. Yes, this day in 2004, Fay Wray passed away. Mind, she was 97, so…
And yes, for most people, she’s going to be remembered for one part, as the distressed damsel in King Kong, Ann Darrow. Personally I prefer her (among other films) for her escapades in the Wax Museum, but anyway, she’s always going to be remembered for that movie. To be fair to her, she did say that whenever she visited New York City that she took a few minutes to remember a ‘friend’ who died there. Yes, King Kong.
To be fair to Fay, like Mary Pickford, not many realise that she isnt American. Yes, born north of the border in Canada, but Kong probably would have objected to the cold winters, lol. Not that New York is all that warm in winter, but he was fine with filming in Hollywood, I’m sure.
Its funny, because of my name, everyone assumes I’m a big Jean Harlow fan. No, I rolled with the name because I was told I looked like her, though to me, my looks are more in line with Mama Jean, than baby Jean, but anyway… But yes, if you ask me my 30’s girl crush, it probably was Fay. So… But yes, I’d rather be in the wax museum with her, than on top of a New York skyscraper, all the same.
OK, video time. I know the song title, but in truth, the gorilla in this gets as much air time as the lion, and he gets to run off with the lady at the end too! The version of the song is dreadful, but the video is just too much of a match, sorry!
Well, for those needing an update on the state of the mind, dont say I dont provide. If you’re not interested, just wait patiently for the next blog, and see what you get!
Well, first the good news from yesterday, I got the letter advising me of the new date for my MRI at least. I know some American’s will react to the date, September 7th. My 2 dearest friends looking to clear my health issues, one like me, thought the date, given its a free service (relatively) on the NHS thought the date respectable, which considering they have to fit it in to availability at shorter than normal periods of wait, I can live with it. The other dear friend is too used to the American System wasnt so impressed, but I’ll settle for that. I will have to get myself there, but given one friend, who used to pay my prescriptions for my back (now free since 60) still sends me some money, that will pay for the taxis at least, which will be the easiest way to travel there and back, as others will be away at that time. I’d still rather get the EEG second take done as well, but this is more critical in my eyes, anyway.
The complex side of the health thing yesterday was my pills for my ‘epilepsy’ (assumed to be) was that I sent in a request for more pills yesterday, which got rejected. What happened is the pharmacy should have sent me 2 boxes last time around (new dosage), but only sent one, so I’ve ran out quicker than normal. So the system rejected request, as it dont read notes, but thankfully doctors do, so I have now got more coming, anyway. I have enough until Friday, so I will survive…
Mind, I have to plan on getting to town this week to the Job Centre, to pass over my latest sickness note, so they can arrange medical, to clear me as medically unable to work in future. For all the things I hear about Universal Credit, my contact there is a wonderful woman, just wants to get it all sorted so I can put all this fuss behind me. Thanks, Becky! But yes, I, or a contact has to get the form to her via town so that this process is being done. Oh, and thanks, Madi, for prompt sending to me.
But yes, I’ll be happy when thats in progress, the pills actually arrive (60 days worth), and the MRI actually happens (even if I will enjoy it), and I can get on with the rest of my life. Oh fine, that blows a visit to Rotwang while the others are away, but other than that, lol…
Right, video time. What my life seems to revolve around at present
Given it was Leeds Pride today, I guess its an apt moment for a LGBT related blog. No, at my age, even without all my recent more major health issues I probably wouldnt have been there, and lets face it currently, I’d need someone to push me in a wheelchair through the parade, but anyway…
It was actually the start of the pre season play in the NFL this week, with the presentation of the new members of the Hall Of Fame yesterday. One of said new members is Champ Bailey, and the end of his speech contained many comments about race issues and how players like himself are treated in the game. You can see it here,
The irony for me was seeing it posted by the NFL people on Twitter, when lets face it, most of his race issues are made more serious by the owners of the NFL teams in the first place. Thing is, if you listened to his words only, you would think there were no other equality issues in the NFL, oh I wish! So, the reason only one played has ever came out as Gay in the NFL is because he’s the only one ever, right? And guess what, once he announced it, he was snubbed by the whole league. Now its possibly he didnt lived up to his college career, but he went from being an early draft player, to being picked in the last round, then dropped altogether quickly, yes, right…
Fine, its a bit of a macho sport, so unlike to be hundreds, but just one, who didnt live up to expectations, seriously? I suspect its more a case that most just keep quite about the matter, in truth. So anyway, being the quiet, shy (not) intersex woman that I am, I’ve sent him a message asking whether he’d be prepared to support GB (not going to be any LT, I’m sure) players who want to come out. Given it was a few hours ago, I’m not surprised to have no reply yet, but not really expecting to hear from him, all the same, but maybe…?
And yes, lets face it, its not just for the players that we need someone involved in NFL to take a stand, its for the fans visiting the games too, to make them feel welcome too. To be fair, all the big male sports in the US dont have a great record on all equality matters in a G sense, but this got the response as the current one.
I could say I’ve had no issues at MLB games in the crowd, but not sure most have realised that there was a Trans/Intersex woman in the crowd (and toilets) with them, anyway. Oh, and fine, LA is LA, but…
Yes, wouldnt it be nice if a Baseball player was comfortably enough to come out as Gay (there has to be some, somewhere in the systems, surely?) without fear of reprisal?
Oh yes, if I do ever hear from Champ Bailey, I will let you know, but dont hold your breath!
Right, video time. What we all need to do, white/black, straight/gay, or whatever, I only wish
OK, its a play on words, given what this blog is about, and oh fine, the video too.
I mentioned in the previous blog about the Test Match starting next Wednesday between England, and Ireland at Lords, the first between them. Its too much to hope for a repeat of what happened to the 1966 World Cup winning soccer team, giving they played Scotland, as world champions, and lost. But goodness, wouldnt that be funny.
But before then, there is actually a major sporting event happening in Ireland, The Open, for the first time since 1951 is being held in Northern Ireland, at Portrush. Not that I will be around that far into the future but I hope it doesnt take 68 years to return again.
I was politely asked if I could request an Irish Passport, to get round this whole Brexit thing, but sadly I’m one generation too far away for that. I remember visiting ancestors on my father’s side in Tralee, Kerry when I was a child, though given he left my mother when I was 9, and never saw them again, I have no idea where anyone on that connection of my ancestry is now. Lets face it, its over 50 years since I had any contact, so…
The thing I never remember doing is visiting anyone on my mothers Irish side of the family, ever. Now whether thats because by then there was no one left in Offaly on that side of the family, or if someone, somewhere along the line was disowned, I have no idea. But yes, being of Nicholls extract, from Banagher, living in Haworth has amused me for all of my life. Confused? Look up Charlotte Bronte’s husband, and… clearly I have no idea how strong, or loose the link is, given I’ve never had any connect to that side of the family, but I think its fair to assume there must have been some?
But now, getting back to the golf…I was watching early, and it was mentioned that Shane Lowry’s family would be heading up from Offaly, as he is currently (at time of writing) joint leader in the Open. No, he’s not from Banagher, he’s from Clara, about 20 miles away, but many decades ago, there was a railway line between the 2. Clara is still served by Irish railways, Banagher isnt! In truth, I guess the place I havent visited that I really should have done is Banagher, but not sure I ever will now. Hey, I dont even know if my ancestors were still living there, when they emigrated! I know, Clara’s birthplace county in Oklahoma ranks close second, but…
So yes, I might not have Lowry in any of my fantasy golf teams this week, but wouldnt stop me being so proud if someone from Offaly made it big!
OK, the video is corny, but I had to include something green, lets face it. And besides, flapper wise, was that a speakeasy hidden behind that green door?
Alright, given that I’m assuming most care as to how the scan went on Friday, I’d better cover that tonight? Great shame, as its the 72nd anniversary of the alien spacecraft ‘landing’ at Roswell, but maybe I can do that next time, though probably be the other blog. So anyway, lets do the serious version of events here, and maybe do a more ‘far fetched’ version on the other one?
I must admit it, no surprise, I thoroughly enjoyed having numerous electrodes pasted on to my head, and wired up to the scanning machine. Probably for all the wrong reasons, but regardless of that… I didnt get to see myself until afterwards, but it looked wonderful, something akin to those old 1930’s style perm/curling machine, so yes, I definitely had the ‘wired up to be brainwashed’ look, even if the electrodes were really only scanning, not brainwashing, but anyway…
The first bit was standard enough, the looking in all directions stuff, followed by about 10 minutes just laying there with my eyes closely, imagining it was doing all sorts of evil things to my mind, but you cant have everything, sadly.
After that, first I did some deep breathing exercises, presumably to try and trigger something interesting in my brain? After recovering from that, I was then subjected to a stream of lights flashing on, and off for periods, both with eyes open, and shut, and the latter caused the sort of pattern you see on those hypnotic trance things. Sadly, even that didnt actually erase my mind, shame!
I gather there was nothing exciting in the results, which might have been down to having a good day, or a sign that I’m on about the right level of meds now, or possibly both. Results will go to the neurologist to decide what happens next. Well, in one sense at least. The sense of whether they want to repeat the test after a period of some sleep deprivation, as that would possibly annoy my brain more, and produce better results, before the MRI scan. Alternately, the MRI scan is now set for 3 weeks today, so we could go straight to that. The amusing thing there will be getting the earrings out of my ears, after, err, a large number of years, without removal. No idea on that one, but they will have to go by one means or another, for sure. Then I have to decide whether to get a pair of studs put back in, or not. I suspect the decision will depend on whether I might need follow up MRI’s, or not?
The other choice I’m facing soon relates to the transition issue. I can simply get the bits bobbed, get the right genitals aligned to the womb, and leave it at that, or I can do the whole thing, hormones, the full work. The main thing being that if I want to flash genuine cleavage, I’ll need to do the latter, but there is a lot involved. If all I wanted is my main psychological issue solved, the bits down below, it could be done a lot easier, and I could then wear clingy dresses, and swimsuits, with no issue anyway.
Twist my arm, real cleavage would be nice, but at my age, in truth, clearly up the main issue might be the easier option.
So now, await the revised brainwashing (EEG), or the MRI robotisation, which will it be? Got one fun job tomorrow regardless, ring for the result of the blood test, unless that too vanished back to the 1930’s, or some alien planet!
OK, video time, and the reason for the blog title. The electrodes sadly come off too easily, the paste used to fix them to my scalp, less so. But my hair is now washed, conditioned, and electricity free. So, a little Kylie. There is a very robot version of this video, but as always, when you want to find something, nowhere to be seen!
For any ‘snowflakes’ or similarly delicate people reading this, you might want to move on quickly, internal bits issues. All others duly warned, tale of the day.
So yes, I finally was here, the big day when I was going to get a clue about my fate in life. The ‘entertainment’ started early, as I was trying to convince my body to provide the required urine sample. My mixed up plumbing decided it didnt want to play ball, and in trying to push it out, I set off my occasional bowels issue ((blockage), and I just locked up completely for about 50 painful minutes, with nothing coming out either end, though both ends needed to, and I could feel it. Eventually I won on one front, then the sample bottle got filled rapidly an hour or so later, so…
One first today, the use of a blue disabled badge for me, in a parking space. Fine, it was Eric’s, but in truth, but for him having one, I’d probably need one now. Got weighed, 83 kg/ 183 lbs which is a bit higher than it was, but lets face it, I can hardly do much exercise in last 3 months, I’ve hardly got any mobility, but anyway… This does strictly make me slightly overweight by a few pounds, but nothing dramatic (just checked).
Then on to the doctor, and a discussion of things. Thankfully Ella was with me, as I literally remember nothing about any of my seizures, and she at least saw the last one, so was able to give details. The doctor then wanted to test my balance, by walking one foot literally in front of the other, but my balance is wrecked by my damaged knees, so it didnt get far!
The end results. my medication level has been doubled (or will be after transition week), but I was on lowest level up to now, so hopefully not a big thing. I’m also being booked in for an EEG test (to see if they can locate the issue), and then an MRI test (to see if I’ve got a brain. No, seriously, to see if its any more than epilepsy), which should happen over the next 4 weeks or so. Seems it might be related to a fall out of a loft 32 years ago, though not definitely, but it could kick in now, wow! No decision on freedom to fly until after MRI, which makes sense, but will be fine if just epilepsy, which lets hope it is, as crazy as that sounds!
I asked about work, he didnt seem as hot on the ‘never work again’ thing as some, but equally, he was talking about a year or so of recovery, and I am 61, and would then be 62, and would retire at 66, so… Besides which, my voice breaks down under stress, so could hardly do my current job, so I think it almost certainly is it, but again, lets see what the brain scan says. Famous last words… But seriously, given it all, and my lack of mobility, I think retirement on medical grounds is a certainty. In theory, I could do a non phone job, but it takes me a lot longer to do anything, so…nope!
I stated I was Intersex, but didnt ask questions about compatibility between the epilepsy pills, and female hormones. I’ll leave that for my own doctor, lol. But yes, if retired, and allowed, it is a pledge I made, lol.
That, pretty much was it. Collect my new prescription, collected some cash to get my hair done (coloured and cut) on way home. Yes, would love it done this way, but I suspect I will have to settle for modern methods
So no, seemingly I dont get the full robot bodysuit just yet, lol. But yes, I’m looking forward to the EEG, and MRI ‘messing around’ with my mind, all the same. 😉 Yeah, I wish! Mind, if anyone wants to provide me with one, fully interfacing or otherwise…?
Right, video time. What someone might be doing, when it comes to my brain, shortly?
Well, everything permitting, and assuming nothing truly dramatic happens tomorrow, most should be able to work out what the blog after this will be about. In truth its now got to the point where I dont care what they tell me, I just want to hear the news of what it is now. At least then I can make a few plans, regardless.
So lets do something totally different, cricket. If you listened to most people in this country, there is a forthcoming series of matches, that are the all important cricket matches of the summer, The Ashes, England against Australia. And in truth of cricket history, thats probably right. But in terms of a match that easily tops that for competition, both between the players, and the fans, it happened today, in Manchester. Yes, India, and Pakistan.
For those old enough to remember the comment (I think it was Enoch Powell?) about supporting the country they live in, well its fair to say today that he’s be rolling in his grave if he saw that, lol! Hated the man intensely, but I thought of it today watching the home fans supporting ‘their’ teams!
Considering that until 1947 they were one country, under British rule, I guess its no surprise that since the separation, the hostility between them has been immense. And the departure of East Pakistan, to become Bangladesh did nothing to quell the storm.
But it shows the difference between fans of various sports. Today, at Old Trafford, 26,000 avid fans of both countries entered the ground together, and could happily sit together to watch the game. Yes, when you think of what that might be like, with football (soccer) fans, I shudder at the thought. And yes, England, and Australia, the same will happen, however much enmity there may be on the ground, in both cases.
One last cricket fact that amused me, and set Twitter on fire. If you play a cricket tournament in England, in May, and June, you have to expect rain at some point. When fans bemoaned the fact their teams game had been called off due to said rain, the Indian fans were just happy to say it was fate, and they had to accept. Then, New Zealand, against India was rained off, and you would have thought it was the end of the world, judging by the Indian fans reactions. So yes, fate, until it affects them, how ironic? But anyway, I’m sure the ICC will ensure they win in the end, lol.
Video time. I wanted something with a sub continent feel to it, but at the same time, very British. Think this qualifies on both fronts?
No, I’m not really being serious about cosmetic surgery, though equally, if anyone is offering to pay for a pair for me, lets talk, it might be fun!
As anyone who knows me well, or has read many of these will know, I look like I’ve got a quite decent cleavage. Nothing ridiculous, but not flat chested either. But no, I’ve never had any assistance up top, of the surgery kind, even though I must admit, but for the cost, it might just be fun. Nothing crazy, but a nice pair of B, or C cups, internally, might be fun.
No, what I use too attract the male eye, and it works, is the same sort of prosthesis that women who have had a mastectomy use. Being silicon, they feel about the right weight, they give about the right bounce, and yes, they give me a nice form, and figure, and I suspect, that extra wiggle when walking.
The snag with them is that the covering isnt the most resilient thing in the whole world, so they have to be looked after with a bit of care. Which is one reason I have a foam pair for sleeping in bed. But with reasonable care, and not over stressing them, they last quite well.
Of course, the snag was, when I had the seizures in Blackpool, I was wearing them. Only snag with this was, they left me to sleep on my side, which put pressure on my right breast, and yes, the skin of the breast didnt stand the strain, and began to leak. To be honest, I’d had them a while, so it wasnt the end of the world that I had to buy a new pair as replacements.
Yes, then we had the second bout of seizures, and yes, you’ve guessed it, the same situation has arisen again. The left is fine, the right, not so! Trouble is, when you’ve got less money coming in, these things arent cheaper, even if they’re a lot cheaper than surgery lol!
To be honest, for the last few weeks, I’ve been sort of playing the ‘Catch 22’ scenario, that hopefully gets sorted on Tuesday. If the inevitable happens on Tuesday, then I’ve made the comment that I’m going to complete transition, medical permission granted. And lets face it, those nice female hormones are going to make my ‘boobies’ bigger anyway, I’m sure. But being honest, I’m not likely to start the day after the news is confirmed, though I doubt it will take long to get started, if honest with myself.
So yes, its more the cost, and seizure thing at present. If I buy another (I could just get a right one, I gather), how long to the next seizure? Hopefully never, but realistically…?
I must admit, the other thing that would make an internal boost more fun, is the dresses I could then wear. Currently, I have to be careful with what I wear (and reveal), because however good these prostheses are, they arent a perfect match to flesh. But if I had them internally, oh, couldnt I be ‘naughty’? Ah well…
I suspect, like most things at present, I’m going to wait and see what I’m told on Tuesday, then make a choice. Not the surgery, I’m sure, short of a lottery win, or a wealthy benefactor, but other than that…? But I must admit, one of the things pushing me on to transition is the thought I can wear sexier clothing, as I wont have to worry about revealing cleavage (can enjoy doing so, in fact), or the thing that a women shouldnt have! Yes, naughty girl! I swear its the outrageous actress in me, but besides that…
OK, video time. When I was growing up in the 80’s, there was one pair of boobs that were seemingly more famous than any others. She tried a brief, but unmemorable music career, and this is from that!
First, lets get the rant out of the way, anyone who cant work out who its about doesnt know me well enough. When the whole purpose of your visit is to pay due, and correct respect to thousands of men who gave their lives for us, so that we might be free, you’d think he would at least make the effort to be at the right place, at the right time, wouldn’t you? No, he was so busy doing a TV interview about himself, not the event, that the remembrance had to be delayed, because he wasnt there. See no name, I’m not going to tag him either, but I hope you all know who!
On the morning of the 6th June, 1944, many thousands of brave young men, of many nations attempted to land on a number of beaches in France. Thats right, the event known as D-Day. Several thousand of them never left those beaches alive, some never even made it that far. Thankfully their efforts were not in vain, and just about 1 year later, WW2 in Europe at least, was over, and supposedly the continent was at peace again, though of course that wasnt really going to be the case for at least 46 years, as the Soviet Union took control of Eastern Europe, and the Cold War began. Even after that point, its fair to say there has never been perfect peace between Russia, and the West, but besides that…
Despite the efforts of one buffoon today, let us never forget their braveness in the deeds they did, on our behalf. Given the state of my health, unlike WW1, I dont expect to be around to see the centenary of this date, for sure.
Right, video time. It is WW2 related, though more Battle of Britain, than D-Day. This is the original video, with a slight remix.