Category Archives: Relationships

Left to my own devices

Life as a singleton is funny at times. No, not that I’d want to have it any other way now, but its funny how many think that I should have someone in my life all the same. The matter came up again this week at the hairdressers, when she asked me disbelievingly if I was going away to the US on my own again. Of course I said yes, and got a little gasp of amazement, as if it wasnt a done thing.

But seriously, one of the beauties of going away like that on my own, is that I can simply do what I want to do, and that suits me perfectly. If I want an extra half hour on the internet at the hotel, no one is going to nag. If I want to stop for a coffee, I can as well. I can do the museums I want to see, do the sporting events I want to do, and have no concerns about concensus on the matter. Yes, there are times when I see these discount deals, for 2 people that I think they might be nice, but…I soon realise I probably wouldnt be good company for the other person, and soon forget the idea. Not that I really have anyone who could be the ‘other person’ anyway, but the theory is there at least.

But alright, before anyone says anything about my last 2 trips to New England, and teaming up with Kate, then yes, you’re right, had a wonderful time, but we werent actually living in each others pockets 24/7. Indeed, the first time, we werent even staying in the same place lol. Only about a mile apart, but… Last year, we were at least in the same hotel, which was handy, as it meant I didnt have to fuss about a US compatible mobile phone, which helped. Also, we seem to be similar types, get on together, and generally have a good time. But if we lived with each other, would we get on as well, who knows? I doubt it now, not because of us, but just because in a long term sense, I’m used to my independence too much by now.

As I’ve been told by my dear friend, James, never say never, but I cant see it happening. I suspect the more years you spend on your own (and its nearly 13 for me), the more you get used to just your own company. Thats not to say its not nice having other people in the house here, because it is, but they leave me pretty much ‘to my own devices’ which suits me great. There are times when being a single, non driver can be a pain, especially when away, but I’ve got round it pretty well much of the time, though there are things I dont get to, simply because of the getting there and back, one will be an indoor (American) football game just outside Rochester when I’m there. Yes, they are a Rochester team, but they play 6 miles or so from where I will be (or indeed from downtown), and as public transport is poor, especially on a Sunday, it wont happen. But hey, I’m used to that by now.

Right, the video, yes, the obvious one, no surprises there.

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Wanted

Its funny how these things happen, isnt it? Very happy being single, so it doesnt matter if you have the ‘right bits’ down below or not, and then it creeps up on you. You start chatting to a guy via a Forum (no, not a dating one, heaven forbid), and you start to get on alright, and then things move on, and so…Its strange, someone who has posted a few comments on here in the past always told me that somewhere out there might be the guy for me. To be honest, I always thought that a crazy idea, but now I’m beginning to wonder myself.

No, its definitely not love, I’m so far from a point where I could fall in love with anyone, that I’m not reaching that point anytime soon. But like, and even maybe like a lot, then yes, I’m beginning to feel that way about him strangely enough. But yes, you’ve guessed the obvious snag to anything happening, he thinks I’m a woman. Well, alright, in all senses but one I am, but as far as a guy, and sex goes, thats a pretty big thing that lets me down. Well, OK, that thing isnt very big as such, but its not the right thing for a woman to have lol!

Thankfully, though perhaps with a tinge of sadness as well as everything else, its not a relationship thats going far anyway. I’m in Yorkshire, he’s in California, and thats a lot of miles between us. Possibly its for the best, as I’m not entirely the woman he’s looking for. Maybe 90 odd % of me is, but the critical bit isnt! But yes, for the first time in an incredibly long period, there is someone out there who I fancy meeting for reasons more than socialising, and yes, alright, much to my surprise, I feel good about that. Also I suspect I’m far too imdependent by now to really live with anyone, as a couple at least.

Adding a touch of realism, it might be a case that even if I did have all the ‘right bits’, it might not come to anything, indeed quite likely it wouldnt, but you never know. Sadly, because of my gender dysphoria, I’m never likely to find out anyway! But hey, its been a long time since I felt this way about anyone, and I’m surpised how much I enjoy it.

No, its not tempting me to look for anyone else, I’ve had enough knockbacks in my life, that I dont need more of them. But yes, James, I never thought I’d say this, but you might well have been right about that special someone all along. Just wish I was 100% what he wants though!

Oh, and an early hint, 2 weeks yesterday, I’ll be even more decrepit than now, numerically at least. Yes, on the 16th, I will reach the grand age of 54. The only thing that really frightens me about that is the fact that I’m only 6 years away from the old peoples bus pass over here, aargh! Anything Brooksie inspired, especially e-cards from anyone would be appreciated. A quality (and I do mean quality, as I’d want to wear it out) ‘helmet’ wig, preferably dark would be heaven, if anyone has more money than sense! My hair is good everywhere but the fringe, if I could solve that, I wouldnt need a wig, lol!

Music, a wonderful piece from the 70’s, and yes, as so often, the blog title is the giveaway here. I remember the Dooleys, do you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwp&NR=1&v=xwc0iriZahI

All you need is love!

And if anyone thinks thats the video, you’re wrong! 😛  Equally, if anyone thinks I’m looking for more than a loving hug, wrong again. Well alright, chocolate, a meal, or even a coffee might be nice, but definitely no commitment, sorry about that.

Well actually, a Valentine card would be nice, havent had one in years, and certainly never had one since I came out (horrible term) as Transgender, that is for sure. So, if someone out there wants to make this girl’s day…No, not expecting any e-cards tomorrow all the same, lol!

Actually Transgender sexuality is a strange thing, everyone assumes that a Transgender woman would want a male partner, and I suspect most do. Me, if I was interested in sex (and to repeat, I’m not), I’d probably technically be a lesbian. But all the ‘Tranny admirers’ (another horrible term) seem to be men! The ones that intrigue me the most are the ones who claim to be straight, but fancy pre-op trans girls, or even TV’s, or Crossdressers! Sorry to break this to you guys, but you’re at least bisexual in that case!

No, I dont want a long term relationship, as I’ve said before, I’d be hell to live with after this many years of independence anyway. But being treated, as a woman, even just once, yes, that would be fun.

Alright, the video, probably sums me up perfectly! And hey, Doris Day is in the video, even if she isnt singing on it. For the lovers out there, have a wonderful day tomorrow, just think of singletons like me at some point during the day though. Or maybe, just give me a shock in the morning when I open my email box

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXIcbVggdQ8&feature=fvsr

 

Pretty amazing!

Oh, right, you love gossip around here? Shock horror, surely not?

As you might have gathered, something that I found pretty amazing happened Saturday lunchtime.

No, not me going to work, that was expected, going by my shift rosters, and my dedication lol. No, it wasnt even the train being on time, though agreed, that can be pretty amazing at times as well! No, its what happened once I was on the train that I need to tell you about.

A guy sat down next to me. Fine, no shock there given the length of trains TPE run on a busy line, thats perfectly normal. What happened next though…Oh, you expect me to tell you? 😉

I’m sitting there, minding my business, just trying to switch off for the 20 minutes or so it takes to get to Leeds. Thing is, this guy next to me wants to talk. Aargh, but alright, I’ll be polite, and hope it doesnt take too long. Ah well…At first its about the reason he was in Huddersfield, checking out for a roofing job to do. Then he asks me where I’m heading, I mention work, a few questions, yadda, yadda yadda and all that. Next thing I see him getting out one of his adverts for his job, and I assume he’s seeing if he can get work off me. Wrong again, just proves how blonde I can be at times.

Nope, its because it contains his phone number, and he wants me to ring him on it when I’m free for an evening drink together, and yes, its absolutely clear he thinks I’m a woman. Yes, I’ve got the enhancers in, so I’m not flat chested, but even so…Maybe he doesnt mind the butch looking ones, I really dont know? Voice isnt a giveaway of course, thats soft enough, but…I do smile, and just avoid laughing, other than inwardly.

No, I dont know if he might have been my type, he was kind enough that he might well be, but one thing was for certain, he wasnt looking for a woman with an extra bit attached, just where, well where he might have been hoping to slip something long and hard at some point! Yes, I was touched by his care, and the fact he fancied me for company. But no, I wont be ringing him back, that would just be cruel, and unfair on such a lovely guy.

But yes, if I can attract a man without trying, without make up, who thinks I’m a woman, hey, I feel good! To be honest, if I had all the right bits that he wanted, I’d probably have gone out for a drink with him, just for being so nice to me, but under the circumstances…I’ll never know, and sadly for him, neither will he. Unless someone can solve that problem for me, pretty please! Just fit me with a ‘socket’ instead of the ‘plug’ please, the rest seems solved for him lol, and would be heaven for me.

Oh, he got off at Dewsbury, the stop before me, so I’m suspecting he only saw me side on while on the train. But as he aimed for the seat (yes, there were empty double seats at the time), he must have seen me on the platform anyway.

What attracted him to me, absolutely no idea, I hope it wasnt the boobs, as they were the only things about me that were fake lol. I cant believe it was these, but hey, its an excuse for a Beautful South song, so no harm there in my opinion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hR9LYrCR_4I

So In Love?

Yes, I might actually have been at one point, but when your body is playing as many tricks on you as mine has done, can you really be sure? Yes, I lived with someone for 12 years, the only meaningful relationship in my whole life, but even then, the last few years werent really as a couple. I knew something was wrong, I just assumed it was her and me drifting apart, but shortly after that I was fortunate enough to discover the real reason why, and since then, beyond one very brief attempt, I’ve been wise enough to give up on the whole romance thing, probably for the best.

Of course one major factor back then that probably didnt help any relationship, was trying to be a male partner to a female. Having a female partner was fine, its amazing how many transgender people are ‘same sex gender’ in their desires, but I didnt know that at the time. Now in all honesty I suspect I’m too independent for a relationship, even as a woman, lesbian relationship or otherwise. Also I doubt I could find a partner with such a total lack of interest in sex as I have anyway! I’ve also got to a point where making new friends is tricky for me, even where I’m accepted as a woman, but I suspect thats more because of the years of trying to be someone I really wasnt, than anything else.

I admit it, in recent times I’ve wondered if I was really in love even then, or was I just trying to conform to how people saw life should be? Hey, even I couldnt answer that one honestly, even with this much retrospect involved. I think, and certainly hope its easier for this generation than mine, it does seem slightly easier to be gay, or trans nowadays than back in the 70’s and 80’s, even if not yet perfect, especially in some parts of the world.

I dont think now, that even if I had all the surgery, that my attitude to love and sex would really change, its all too ingrained into me now. Twenty or thirty years ago, who knows, but its purely a hypothetical question of course, it didnt happen, and probably wont now, so the matter is unlikely to arise. And no, none of those I knew back then know about the new me, I do wonder how some would react though? Mixed bag, I suspect.

Right, thats enough musings for tonight, lets get to the video. Anyone old enough will have worked it out anyway from the title, and even more so if, as they should have done by now, they’ve worked out I might be an OMD fan! So here it is,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mD8TApX3btM&ob=av3n