Category Archives: Klaatu

Calling occupants of Planet 3, System X7

Before I get started, I know this is strictly a day late due to medical news, and apologies, but hopefully most wanted to know that news. Strictly, there is no concrete evidence that this happened 72 years ago, but given that someone believes I’m of alien origin (I wish), and that would be the obvious way my relatives arrived on this planet… Seriously, if anyone wants to buy me, or design for me a really good alien costume, then… 😉

(7 July 2019)

Greetings, inhabitants of Planet 3, System X7,

As some of you believe, and we arent actually denying, on this day, 72 years ago, one of our spaceships was forced to land on your tiny planet. We found a suitable landing place near Roswell, New Mexico, and if our pilot had managed to land as planned, we would have used the needed services, then in good time, return to our home planet, in, well, you wouldnt be able to find us if we told you!

But no, in his enthusiasm to get to that strange substance you call beer, he made a bit of a mess of the landing, damaged the ship a bit, and before we could finish repairs, some of your people turned up to check on us. Most helpful they were too, taking us to some site where we could complete repairs far easier than where we’d landed. In exchange, we gave them a guided tour of the ship, explained how once repaired, we’d soon get it flying at 10 times the speed of light yet again, and we would then accelerate away from there.

They invited some of us to stay behind, take in the whole ‘Earth’ experience. As we discovered, they were more interested in what we could do, but we only ever let them know the basics, and no more. When the Captain confirmed that a ship could soon come and collect us as needed, some of us decided to give it a go, after they offered to provide some humans for crew, and experiments, in return.

Some stayed a few Earth years before making the call home to be collected, but others of us decided to settle. Its not difficult, our cloaking devices are several thousand years ahead of anything you might have, (That camouflage you use on military vehicles, seriously?) so…

Yes, one of us born on your quaint planet is actually helping to write this, though I gather she now so despairs of you, she’s requested a transfer back to her ‘natural’ planet, says much for you Earthlings! She says someone has seen through her disguise, though we have no idea how. She also seems to have developed a few health problems which we can quickly cure.

Its amusing how advanced you think you are nowadays, and granted, compared to 1947, you are, though much of that is down to us.  But compared to us, well… stone age, darlings!

So, given we need to send a large spaceship to collect one passenger, we’re making a one time offer to join us, far out in the Milky Way. There are a few physical adjustments we’d need to make to you, health checks permitting (some of you even enjoying anal probing, I’ve heard?) to live on your new home, but otherwise…

Just one warning, for those who might be considering it, your new home believes in all sorts of equalities. Oh, and we’re all bisexual, just saying… 😉 But if you fancy that life, reply to this missive, and well, who knows?

I gather I need to add something called a music video. Some think a group called The Carpenters created this song, but they are wrong. A group with a suitably alien name, Klaatu actually did so. Checks census lists…ah, that explains it! This is a video of their short 2011 single version of the song. Its not hard to find the longer version, either by them, or the Carpenters on You Tube, if you prefer, though only the latter has actual humans performing in it.

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