Category Archives: Transgender issues

Tribute to a transgender pioneer

Irony moments here. It was only after I’d written the blogs last night, that I heard that Julia Grant had passed away (some places she’s called Julie, which explains the video). Still, I thought it gave me an option for a blog on Sunday, as it was something I wanted to comment on. And then, yesterday, and this morning, my back fell victim to a lack of physiotherapy, and some cold weather, and was pretty much totally locked up this morning. Thankfully, I’ve eased that issue, with my first experience of an infra red sauna (or indeed any sauna) today. Wouldnt say its cured it completely, but on a pain scale of 1 to 10, its gone from 10, to 2 or 3, lol.

Julia Grant wasnt the first person to change gender, I’m not even sure if she was the first in the UK to do so, but she’s probably seen as the pioneer over here in the UK, because back in 1979, her transition was part of a BBC Documentary. Whether she kick started Sex Reassignment Surgery availability in the NHS in the UK, who knows? Quite possibly she did, but regardless of that, she was the one who did it in the eyes of the public.

I’m not going to say it wouldnt now be available on the NHS without her, as times have changed, but then again, history makes it impossible to go down a different route, and find out. I’m not going to say much about her life since then, as all I know of it, is a few lines on the internet today, and if you want to read that, well, you can Google (or whichever search engine you prefer) for those details quite easily! Funny thing is, she was only 3 years older than me!

I know, I had said in the past that unless the need arose (a partner) for me, I wasnt going to do the surgery, supposedly far too much like pain for a wimp like me. Then I’ve discovered the ‘joys of pain’ through my disabilities, and during Transgender Awareness Week, a couple of months back, I did say I was going to get it done, but only once I’ve retired, as its quite a recovery period for all, and I should imagine even more so, at my age! When that retirement date might be, is the 64 million dollar question! The way its going, it could be any time from a few weeks from now, until March 2024 (retirement age), or anywhere in between? My money is not as late as the latter date, but hopefully I can get through a few more months, or even a couple of years before the pain in the body wins out! Well, a lottery win might jump up and change matters, but with my luck in life, pigs flying is just as likely!

So, RIP Julia Grant, for being the one brave enough to go through transition, under the lights of TV documentaries. I dont know if I shall ever bother with the sex thing, but being able, one day, to look down, and see the correct ‘bits’ will be a wonderful thing for me too. Without her, whether I would be able to get that done on the NHS, who knows?

OK, video time. As I say, in a couple of places, she’s referred to as Julie Grant, which is how I found this video. Just to add, this is an entirely different person, even if she was actually known as Julie Grant, not Julia. A few minor hits in the early 60’s, but found this live video, from 2010, for tonight

 

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2018, part 2, the last pre-code lady

And so to the second half of the year.

In truth, personal things prior to September were fairly limited. Mainly because I was at work, through the school holidays, covering for those who need the time off.

One sad thing that did happen before then, happened in August. To many, it probably seems amazing that an adult actress from the early 1930’s had survived this long, but one of them had. But eventually that tie was cut, when Mary Carlisle passed away at the grand old age of 104. She was pretty sharp to the end, if less mobile, and for a while she had been the last, and all knew the link was coming to an end, but for those of us who love that era, it was still a sad moment when it arrived.

September saw me going back to a place I hadnt visited in nearly 40 years, Inverness, taking Eric away with me for a few days of fun. Well, as much fun as two people with disability issues can have, anyway. I managed to fulfil one ambition I’d had for about that long, if not more, by travelling the Skye Line to Kyle of Lochalsh. The fact that the last time I was there, the only way to Skye was by ferry, and now a bridge has been there for decades, all a bit strange. There are still a couple of railway lines in Scotland I’d love to do (Oban line, Fort William to Mallaig), and the Cambrian Coast line in Wales to a place I could never pronounce correctly (Pwllheli) that are a challenge for another day, health permitting. There are also a couple of very long distance ones in North America too, though they may be less likely, and trickier to do.

At one point I thought that November would see me doing a Transgender Awareness Week speech in Florida, but it soon seemed that someone was all talk, and no reality, so it never happened. So instead, I headed somewhere nearly as warm for the week, to the Algarve, to give my back some heat before winter kicked in. I wont deny I might have done a little bit of apartment prospecting while there, should the chance arise, and yes, if things work out, my old age could well be spent out there. There is a financial issue (not enough money), and a political issue (post Brexit residence rules) that may stop that, but fingers crossed… A lottery jackpot win before March 29 might be very handy! But lifestyle, and health wise, I could do a lot worse.

Then we come to the old chestnut, my health issue. In recent weeks my left wrist seems to have developed issues, probably due to too much typing, and stuff, for the last 40 years or so. So now I have 2 issues leaving me wondering how much longer work is going to be possible? More amusingly, due to coming 4th in a year long Golf tipping contest on Twitter, I gained £100 for my pains, and thought I’d give some new therapies a try, rather than frittering it on clothing, and the like. So yes, I got to discover just how amazing a flotation tank (sensory deprivation tank) is, and even better, the weightless floating does seem to do my back a lot of good too. Fine, the tank hasnt tried to brainwash me yet, though I’m still hoping!

Oh, and December saw the Works Christmas dinner, in a new dress, in a casino, and my first ever bet in such a place. Yes, I lost quickly, but it was a free £5 chip, so nothing lost really!

Lastly, and sadly, the Department I work in, in their wisdom, have decided to move our section out of Finance, and into a new Collection based group. So unfortunately, just as our LGBT committee were getting ready to do something really exciting, I’m out, as from tomorrow. I cant see me going quiet on LGBT issues, but it may give me less options now, though I have applied for something for the whole Department, not just Finance, but will be over a month before I hear about that. Ah well…

Right, tomorrow I will close the trilogy, with a look at New Year happenings (and possible happenings) on the first day of 2019. But until then, let me wish all my readers, those who arent there already at least, a Happy New Year in 2019.

OK, video. Just a quickie tonight. Its hard to find anything for Mary Carlisle other than a couple of full films, and sets of pictures. But I found this, Bing Crosby singing to her, 85 years ago!

Lost in something?

To all my US readers, reading this on the day, Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, as I said previously, was Transgender Day of Remembrance. Lets just say that here in the UK, yesterday, as far as one TV channel was concerned at least, was Transgender day to forget!

Someone at work told me yesterday that there was a programme on Channel 4 last night, called Trans Kids, and asking if I was planning to watch it. All instinct was to say no, I wouldnt watch anything on TV relating to Transgender issues, as its usually road crash TV, and for me at least, best avoided.

However, feeling brave, or more correctly crazy, and given there was nothing else on, I gave it a try. In truth, the first 20 minutes or so wasnt too awful, and I thought maybe I’d been wrong about C4. No, I wasnt, as from there, the show went very quickly downhill, somewhere towards the bottom of the Mariana Trench.

I had a bad feeling when the presenter, speaking to a couple in their forties, of whom the father of 3 children had transitioned to a woman, she asked her wife, if that made her a lesbian. No, her husband changing gender does not change her sexuality in the slightest, you stupid woman! The wife seemed shocked, said no, just stating that they still lived together, but were no longer a couple. Unfortunately, the presenter couldnt just leave it there, and accept they could happily live together, with no sexual interest.

After this, the presenter went into a lengthy piece about how she was a tomboy as a child, and that maybe she should have become a boy. No, it just meant you were a tomboy type, you daft woman! Thankfully she didnt transition, though transitioning to a human who could think logically might have been a blessing!

After that, the show went into deep dive, going to a meeting of a bunch of extreme feminists, who dont believe that women can be women unless they were born one, the irony that none could see was that one of their spokespersons was a Trans woman, who couldnt see that they wouldnt believe in her. She seemed to think she was the only Trans Woman who was genuine, oh good grief!

Just when you thought they couldnt sink any lower than that, it did. Its fair to say the TV company had set things up so that a bunch of militant millenials, supposedly supporting Trans Women were protesting outside. All very angry, all wearing masks, and naturally the 2 sides came to blows. Mainly verbal, but anyway… Didnt show either side in a good light, and helps to explain why I just do my own thing.

To be fair to the presenter, she did query whether some children starting to transition are doing it all too young. I hate to say it, but the answer is yes. Pre puberty children dont have a clue about such matters, as a life long experience, and should do nothing before the age of maturity, in my opinion, be that 18, 21 or whatever, where you are?

If at that point, you’re sure you should transition, and are happy to go through due processes, fine! But no 14 year old should be making a decision that will affect the rest of their life, before their body settles down hormonally.

Sorry, but next time, I’ll be sensible, and go back to avoiding these shows like the plague.

OK, video time. Lets do something a little out of left field, to match the TV show. It is 20’s, and if I was young enough, I’d love to wear that dress, but…

She (was) on the beach

OK, fine, they think its all over, well it pretty much is now, lol. No, I’m not talking about the current government, though that might yet prove to be apt. But being strictly politically neutral on UK matters…well…? No, seriously, I mean my little break in the sun.

Of course, the sixty four million dollar question is, has the break in the sun done my back any good? Well, I’ve been taking less pills than usual, so I guess thats a good sign, but how long the effects will really last when I get back to the UK, who knows? I certainly havent missed not hearing all about the chaos at home over Brexit, and other stuff, for sure.

Yesterday, I headed to Vila Real De Santo Antonio as planned, and had a look around. In a sense, its more my sort of town than Faro would be, more peaceful, laid back, and dare I say it, old fashioned? Sadly I didnt get to Spain, as I reached the ferry terminal after town, and lunch, to see it pulling out for Ayamonte, across the river, in a different country, and given the next one wasnt for another hour in the off season, I didnt wait. That would have put me on the 2.30 ferry across, so earliest back at 4.00, and then needing to get back to Monte Gordo, all would have got a bit late for me. Maybe another time, maybe not, who knows?

Today, as I have done most days (gentle exercise, which is good) I took my stroll down along the front, and down part of the boardwalk, over the beach. I did some shopping, a little bit more than I’d planned, but nothing too dramatic. Oh, I got one of those coats, seems they had a zip up version as well for same price, so deal done! So I guess at some point soon I’ll need to go into work looking like a 30’s film star, lol. No, its silly really, I dont need a winter coat, but… Yes, I found the PIN for my credit card, but then found they only took cash, no cards, aargh!

I must admit, if, as I hope, I can retire somewhere with all year round warmth, then Monte Gordo has done a pretty good publicity job this week. I know its off season, but its quieter than the more popular end of the Algarve, its pleasantly warm, even in mid November (70 today), and cost of living is definitely lower than the UK too. But whether I will be in a position to make it happen, who knows? Will it even be possible once we’ve left the EU to move out here easily? Rolls eyes… Who me, a remain vote, well, you might think that, but I couldnt possibly say! 😛

Last amusing note, before I close for this holiday. There is a spa at the hotel I’m staying at. I did notice on their website that the spa does those body wrap things, and I’ve always fancied that. Go into my cocoon as the ugly caterpillar, come out the beautiful butterfly, yeah, I wish! So today, with budget sorted, I went to see how much it was. Yes, as I expected, way above what I had left, 80 Euros, for admittedly 80 minutes of pure pampering heaven. So, a fair price, but… To be honest, it was pretty much all above my budget, but I guess a 4 star hotel with spa (I’d say closer to 3, but anyway…), thats probably going to be the case. The thing was, they had a special offer for a hot stone massage, at 49 Euros. for 50 minutes of pampering, which I could just about scrape together. But anyway, being practical, I checked on Google, and it said not advised for people with Osteoporosis issues, so I ended up passing. Probably would have been fine, but better safe than sorry with boring old me!

It was funny tonight at dinner, I got asked why I was drinking Coke, when everybody else was drinking wine, so I explained about the painkillers, and all that. Again I wonder if thats just me being extra cautious, as I know people taking those pills, and drinking booze, and being fine, but…I am being boring, lol!

Tonights video is a song that might have passed most people by, especially as its now 33 years old! The late, great, Kirsty MacColl for your delight

Oh, and as a test to see who actually reads these things, given its Transgender Awareness Week. Yes, somethings been annoying me this week, and I’ve decided he’s got to go! Its fair to say, dont get excited, its not going to happen before retirement, as I’d need way too much time off work otherwise, to get it done before then. Yes, been looking at clingy dresses again, lol, and the desire to wear them, and the current impracticality of doing so. Latex would be fun, but at 66, I dont think so! Of course, the back could have a major relapse over the winter, I need to retire on disability grounds, but until then…?

Might give me a clue as to who ‘likes’ the blog without reading it, lol. 😉

Happy hour again?

Oh fine, I lied when I said that the 2 blogs would be the same all week, because they wont be. Mainly because some people reading on the other blog think I’m a natural woman, and for some, after about 18 years, I’d hate to break the news, lol. So we’ll keep this here, and I have an idea for the other place, which I’m sure you wont mind missing. Mind, a lot will know where to find it, anyway!

This week, for those who didnt already know, and I hope most in the LGBT community at least do, is Transgender Awareness Week. I know, preaching to the converted, as lets face it, if you dont like Trans folk, you’re not likely to be reading this!

Anyway, no, I’m not going to preach, so dont worry if you thought this was going to be just that. What I am going to tell you is the amusing story of how I ended up in Portugal during T.A.W (for short) in the first place. Earlier this year, I was talking to someone in the US (if I get too specific, some will know who I mean, so to protect the guilty…) and it was suggested (see, no personal pronoun) that maybe I could go out there, and speak to the Trans community in their state, and try and convince them that things arent as grim as they seem, even with that LGBT hating idiot they have in charge over there. See, not playing to someone’s ego, either, by mentioning his name! Not that I have for a while, but he’s orange, and wears a wig, so… 😉 So, I booked this week off at work a long while back, to cover for this eventuality. As you might have guessed, in the end, it came to nothing. What they have done to mess me around since then, absolutely no comment!

So I had 2 options, I could cancel the week of holiday at work, save it for another time, but then my back came up with this bright idea, how about a week somewhere warm, to ease both my pain, and my back pain. So, to cut a long story short, go on budget holiday website, find what seemed a nice option (and most definitely is), and take the week off, and go elsewhere, in this case, Portugal! All seems fine, right?

Well, the thing is, I did a piece for T.A.W for work, both for our group section, and ultimately, for the whole department as well! A lovely piece, a letter to my younger self, explaining to her whats going to happen in her future life, and all that. Of course, the snag is, normally the writer is around to respond to comments at work, and I’m in Portugal, and no access to our Department Intranet. I suspect from the ways its playing out, they’re probably planning to put it up on Friday, so people will barely realise that the ‘old lady’ isnt there until Monday to reply to comments, shrewd move.

Yes, I will let blog readers see it at some point, though as its currently only on my work computer, it wont be until after I get back, and can send the document home! If I dont, remind me, please! Well, assuming anyone wants to see it, of course?

Irony is, me personally, the last thing I want people to be aware of, is that I’m Trans. Me, I’m just another woman, OK? But yes, if you have any Trans friends in need of extra support, this is a great week to do it, just saying…

Right, this is almost the Beautiful South, doing a Housemartins song, which you might have guessed the title of already?

Semi sexed, suburban Miss Carpenter

I’ll be honest, until earlier this week, I had no idea that tomorrow was Intersex Awareness Day. In truth, there are so many ‘days’ nowadays that its nigh impossible to keep up with them all, and also there are so many you dont want to keep up with (today is World Pasta Day, seriously?), that its got beyond the point of sanity, really?

It seems the Civil Service are actually doing a Twitter Chat (whatever that is?) on the subject tomorrow evening, but I wont be able to get involved as its between 6.00 and 7.00 tomorrow evening UK time, when I will be at work, and irony, we arent allowed Twitter at work in the office. I can fully understand the reason for that, in truth, but it is a shame that one of the (probably) few Intersex Civil Servants cant get involved.

I know, I can hear you saying it, she says she’s Trans, now she says she’s Intersex, so… But strictly, its true, as I have girl bits (a womb, maybe more?), as well as the obvious boy bit, which makes me intersex. I may have had more as a new born baby, that was ‘tweaked’ when the doctors decided what gender I was (and got it wrong), but impossible to know now, and the hospital I was born at was demolished decades ago, and even if it wasnt conveniently not recorded at birth, I’m sure the records are gone with its demolition, for sure.

So yes, in truth, and to keep it simple, its easier to say I’m Transgender, as some will have known me formerly as a man, and now as a woman. In fact, that number is pretty small, how small depends on the date you use as when I first accepted I was a woman. If you call it 2010, then a lot more know than if you say 2000, when I first found out. And fine, even if for some it takes some explanation, its still a lot less than being intersex.

No, the womb never fully developed, presumably because at puberty, my body went with the outside image, and therefore the boy bits developed, and the girl bits pretty much didnt. I do actually have pretty small boobs, but nothing you’d really notice, believe me, lol!

Hopefully I havent got too many readers here who cant accept there are more than 2 ‘genders’, and that anything other than ‘hetro sex’ is a shameful sin, but if I have, maybe you’re in the wrong place? One ‘friend’ (I have never actually known him, and have no idea why he friended me in the first place) on Facebook posted one of those crazy religious postings today about how sinful it is to be anything but in a man/woman marriage, and he’s no longer a friend. He’s unfortunate, as with the new way Facebook do things (which I hate), he’s one of those people who I dont often see posts for, but maybe that was for the best?

Does make me wonder, if I’d transitioned young enough, and had taken all those female hormones, would my womb have developed, and heaven forbid, could I have got pregnant? No, we’ll (thankfully) never know the answer to that!

I’m sure that some day, long after I have left this life, this whole issue of LGBT, and Intersex, and everything else will be looked back on, and people will wonder why we were so backward on these issues, but anyway…

But yes, tomorrow at least, just remember that man, or woman you see during your day, might not just have the sexual parts of one gender. And yes, please accept that as something not to be frightened by, OK?

Right, video time. Its rare to find film of 60’s groups on You Tube, even rarer to find a live performance, but I found one. Which explains the corny blog title, lol!

Love you (with) a little bit less

Oh fine, I’ve had one of those afternoons when a few events have made me think about myself, and my future, and all that sort of stuff. So if transgender, and health issues arent your thing, you might want to pass on tonight. Well, except maybe for the cool video at the end, but anyway…

Today was that important, 4 weekly event that I have to do nowadays. No, not my period, lol, because though I did used to have them (the womb, even if undeveloped, I guess?), they have passed into history now, as is the case for all women of my age. No, that other one, collecting my medical prescription of painkillers, to help me keep going for another 4 weeks or so. Yes, Cocodomol, and Naproxen are my friends nowadays, though Robo-Domol, and Nanite-proxen might be more fun for me. 😉 Oh, if only they existed!

OK, the first amusing bit, I generally wear a back brace nowadays, which I would best describe as a waist level (very under bust), zip up corset type thing, with fastenings every couple of inches or so, depending on how much support you want, and stuff. I’ve worked out by now that using it on the 4″ reduction setting (I suspect about an inch less on waist reduction for me) is fine for support, just about, but is just loose enough to permit reasonable movement, when it comes to things like walking, and the like. Therefore, generally when out, or at work, where I might have to move around a lot, I tend to use that setting. When at home, and doing less movement, less twisting, I tend to use the 6″ setting, which is fine, except that any show of flexibility goes out the window! I can walk a bit in it, though bus rides on that setting can be interesting, as you literally feel every bump, because there just is no give.

Anyway, today, I went for the higher setting this morning (bit sore, not working), which was fine, until I went out to collect my pills. Now, the distance there is about the same as to, or from work, from the Bus Station, and I can do that, just about, so…? Thing is, I dont do both journeys at once, which is pretty much what I did today. So anyway, after about a mile or so, I was getting sore, but then I realized, but couldnt do much about it, at that time! I got home, but was glad it was ‘pill time’ when I got here!

It was then that I accepted just how fragile my body is now. And it led me to wondering how much longer I will be able to drag this body to work, even a few days a week. Yes, I have looked, and worked it out, and no, I cant afford to cut back to 3 days a week! 😦 So, as I was having a ‘I hate my body’ moment, it set me thinking that it is actually about 8 years (Again, I had to wait for a holiday to do the name change thing) that I started transitioning, that I again turned thoughts as to ‘which body’ I want to leave this world in. No, I cant seriously see me doing the sex reassignment surgery while working, I’m the type who would feel way too guilty about all the time I’d have to take off work while recovering, to do that. But fine, equally, I did start seriously thinking that maybe when I finally give up on work (and judging by deterioration, I would say 2-3 years at best), that then I’d have no excuse not to get it done on that front at least. Yes, there is still the pain involved, but fine, I’m getting used to living with pain, so whats a little bit more, in that case?

I know, it would be better to have no ‘little bump’ for wearing things like latex catsuits, and the like, but the chance of actually ever wearing that now, unless offered a role that required it, shrinks by the week! But at the same time, I could then consider those snug legging things, that would be good for me during winter, or even, heaven forbid, tight, sexy dresses, if I didnt have that issue! I know, its not going to happen overnight, whatever I do, but one of the conditions is time lived as a woman, and I have 8 years already! I believe the period required to live as a woman is 2! Not that I plan immediately on losing my virginity again, even if I do get it done, but who knows? I’d certainly feel better about dating, with the right bits, I’m sure? Again, not saying I will, but…?

There is also one monetary advantage now, I dont have to pay for prescriptions, so all those lovely hormones I’d need to ingest, lol… Hazard, I might hate myself if I dont grow decent sized breasts, as I’ve got used to having them, but I guess natural would be better, but explaining it away might be fun!

So yeah, I’ve got a visit to the surgery due soon (2 in fact, pill check, and 5 yearly health check), and now I’m wondering whether to say the magic words, that I want to start with the hormonal changes. I still dont see the surgery happening while working (I know, me and guilt), but after that, fine, I’m weakening. Funny thing is, the bits are the only things that would need changing, I’m a woman on all paperwork already! Fine, if any wealthy benefactor wants to force me to speed up the process by paying for it to be done privately, then feel free to discuss! Arm twisting practical, mind control would appeal more, if possible! 😛

So yeah, I’ve had a pondering day, which explains why this is so long today. Hope it hasnt been too much?

Right, video time. A song I dearly loved from the 70’s. And yeah, the guy with the eyepatch could easily have seduced me then, if I’d been an 18 year old girl, just saying…

When I look back upon my life?

I have to say that the only thing that I feel is a shame, is that it took me so long to discover what had been ‘wrong’ with me for just over 40 years! Of course, there is the other way of looking at it, in that sex reassignment surgery back then was so much more basic back then, than now, that whether I would have had it done, even if I could, no idea. I do know that if I knew what I know now, and was in my twenties, and in good physical health, something would be dealt with. Instead, I’m 60, with a few health issues, and a hatred of pain, so no, unless good cause comes up, it probably wont happen. But, never say never…?

Yes, being the ‘shy wallflower’ that I am, if people ask pertinent, and polite questions about the whole Transgender thing, I’m always happy to talk. After all, education is always a good thing. So, if while my Physiotherapist is zapping the pain out of my back, and asks relevant questions, I’m happy to answer them. Of course her main interest is more in the last 20 years, than the first 40, but anyway…

She actually told me today that I probably ought to write my biography, but in truth, its only the current last third that would be of any real interest to anyone.  Alright, fine, now in hindsight, I can look back on the female parts I played acting before then, and see an amusing significance, but in all honesty, they were just a role at the time. Being honest, I think its only really been the last 10 years or so, when its really been full time female that would interest most. I have to say that there is someone whose biography would make a far more entertaining read that I know, that I’d love to write, but whether she will let me, will have to wait and see!

Alternatively, if someone wants to provide me with enough money to do a voyage of discovery to Oklahoma, Texas, and California, and try and discover the full Clara Johnson story, that would be fun. But yes, writing about someone alive, who has numerous friends also alive, as opposed to someone who no one who knew her in her ‘fame’ would be alive, much easier task! But yes, would be very entertaining, I’m sure, to look back on her life!

Given the blog title, you’ve probably worked out the song, so if I ask if my life has been a sin, it shouldnt be much more of a giveaway? Oh, for sure, my life has had a few sinful moments, any actress that says otherwise is probably lying as much as Trump does! And yes, of course, if trying to live as a man was a sin, count me in. Of course there are some who would say that now, living as a woman was a sin, but anyway…

Hopefully, I can look back on my life, in a few years time, or whenever, and even if I have a sense of shame for the first 40, I can be proud of the rest!

OK, the obvious video. Live version, as I cant believe I havent used the original at some point on here. Of course, if its a while back, would have been fine, but anyway…

Take it off, before I go go?

Given I wanted to do something Transgender this month, given its Pride month, and everything, but lacking for bright ideas in areas I havent covered previously, lets look at something that I should get removed, but dont fancy the pain of doing so at my age. Thats right, that ghastly bit of my anatomy that a girl shouldnt have, the penis!

To be fair, I’ve always said that if the need arose, principally that I got into a relationship, that might involve sex, then fine,  it might be fun to do it as a girl should, I have to admit. Until then, I’ve said that why go through all that pain, and issue, just for myself? And yes, if I was younger, or less bothered by unneeded pain, I probably would. But under the circumstances, no thanks!

The thing is, as I’ve got older, and with the body clearly beginning to fall apart, I’ve been thinking one thing. Do I really want to meet my maker with a bit I should never have had, and could have got rid of, in life? In truth, probably not! But how to get around it? Strictly, the one idea I’ve come up with is flawed. Thats because the moment you actually die, then thats it, time is up, not at the time of burial, cremation, or whatever. So therefore the idea I’ve had, of having it removed after death, but before cremation technically falls down, the soul is already gone by then. But on the other hand, if, at that big moment when I leave the world, hopefully in style, its not there, does that count? In truth, I have no idea if there will be anyone around to mourn for me, but besides all that…? Or do I have to face it, that if I want to go without ‘it’, that it has to be gone before I die?

Of course the same theory comes into play with my boobs. Lets face it, my prosthetics are external, not internal, for a few reasons. Mainly the fact that nowadays, they look good, feel good, and as I’ve previously mentioned, they’re very easy to use, in a pain free form! But whether I could be cremated, wearing them, no idea? I know, some girls are pretty flat chested anyway, but one of the things I love is looking like I’ve got a cleavage, so not having one at the end would be a bit cruel. I know, I wont know either way, but…

I know you can make all sorts of requests for your funerals, but is having your ‘bits bobbed’ a permitted one?

Of course, all this might not be needed, if ‘the one’ comes along, but at my age, I doubt they will! So…?

Right, video time tonight. Firstly the version of the song most will remember.

Secondly, a much crazier, metal version of said song by Leo Moracchioli

Do the walk through life

One thing I’ve had to accept is the fact I’m getting old now. How much longer I’ve got, who knows? How much longer (given the pain I’ve got now) I want to last, who knows, but in this current organic body (yes, I’d love a cybernetic upgrade, if offered, lol), I dont want it to be forever. Whats the pleasure, when you’ve got a body with permanent ache, and lets face it, even if its now my personal choice (due to no pleasure in surgery pain), I’ve got a body thats screwed up gender wise too! If asked my ambition, I’d aim for a few years of retirement, but not too many, then just leave the world to the next generation. Fine, we dont get all the say we want in that matter, but anyway… But yes, I’ve started planning for the next stage now, that of retirement.

Let me say, I have no idea if my body is still going to be up to work by the time I hit the current retirement age of 66. I’m hoping it is, to build up the work pension, but in truth, not sure that I will. But while I can, I will, at least unless they change the retirement age for women again, something I think that despite campaigns, is not going to happen, but besides that… Not going to hold out for the suggested compensation payment either!

But yes, facing facts, as things stand, just under 6 years from now, I can retire from work. Now, I probably will. Until the back went, given that I could have carried on for a short while, I was considering October 2024 as retirement date (50 years of working life), but now, the sooner the better!

Anyway, last week, got an email at work for a pre-retirement advice course from work (well, I work in right department, lol), but unfortunately saw it one day after the closing date to apply. Anyway, yesterday, got an email that someone had dropped out, I was top of reserve list, so now I’m going. Just under 2 weeks time, in Leeds. I hope I can learn a lot, including how you apply to a previous job for your pension that they owe to you, when you’ve had 2 name changes, and a gender change! I guess the name change isnt going to be new to them, women get married, lets face it, but the gender change might be new to them! Thankfully my National Insurance number hasnt changed, so they should be able to trace it, but… Another advantage of that, payment was due to start at 63, even when the retirement age was 65. It wont be a fortune, but if it makes the differenece between the need to do a 3 day week from 63, instead of a 4 day week, might be handy!

But yes, who knows where life will take me between now, and then, anyway? But hopefully, on 2nd July, I can learn a lot more about that next step in my life thats fast approaching. No, I dont expect the robot body offer in my lifetime, lol!

Right, the video. I always assumed that the US Sports video of this song was the original one, but seemingly not! Bit dated with things like £1 pound notes and the like, but hey, its old, just like me!