I would say strictly that this is probably the last double blog for a while, but in truth it wont be, even if the actual subject matter will be. Thats because something will be mentioned here, where readers know I’m Intersex, which wont be on the other one, where they think I’m a natural woman with a robot fetish, lol. Heaven knows what twist I give on the subject matter there, unless I know Rotwang, or Frankenstein is reading that one!
The day started in amusing fashion, as the advice you’re given is to be ready 2 hours before your appointment, which for me yesterday was 2 in the afternoon. So… 10.50 in the morning, the vehicle taking me to the hospital is parked outside, waiting for me! I assumed there were only 2 other people from this area going to the hospital, with an earlier appointment, so…Anyway, upstairs, get shoes on, get coat on, grab handbag, and ready to go. Actually, the restaurant at the hospital, where I ended up having lunch was fine, if more expensive than eating at home before leaving, lol.
So I switched my plans around, and started with getting the blood sample taken, instead of after everything else was done. After that, I went to check my transport for Occupational Therapy today had been sorted out (not, but very swiftly sorted) before heading to the bowels of the hospital (2 floors below ground floor) for the fitting of the mask, and stuff. No, not a full face, iron one, but anyway, was all good fun. All followed up about an hour later by a scan to check the fit, and basic comfort of wearing it, both of which were fine…on the second machine. First CT scanner they’d used in the morning was throwing a grumpy moment, but all soon sorted, and done.
Right, the big date, I suppose you want to know? First session will be on Monday, 28th October which is actually a week or 2 earlier than I’d been expecting from what I was told, but thats good news! Sessions will then be 5 days a week (Monday to Friday) for 6 weeks, which means the last one should be Friday, 6th December. After that its meant to be a minimum of 4 weeks of recovery period, though I’m working on 6 weeks personally, partly because of my age, and my back issue, and also because it will be fine to allow extra because of Christmas/New Year period, even if I’m sure I wont be overexerted by anyone, but…
Oh right, that subject I can mention here, but not on the other blog? Yes, like any good flapper, getting the hair bobbed isnt an issue for me, but I always said that after I retired I was going to get something else ‘bobbed’ too, the bits! No, not going to rush it, but I’m thinking that end of Summer 2020, or far more likely the Autumn, maybe my thoughts need to turn to that matter, and another operation in time, lol? I’d always said after retirement it would be a plan anyway, but I cant deny that all thats happened over the last 6 months has made it more of an issue I want sorted, just in case. Yes, already checked, and been told this cancer issue makes no difference to getting it done, so… I have no idea at this point where I stand on the matter, medically, to be honest.
Technically I’ve lived fully as a woman for 10 years, so I’m way over the limit on that point. Equally, I’ve never actually done hormones, but given I’m Intersex, I have no idea where I would place on a hormone test anyway. Its quite possible I have one obvious boy bit, but that could actually be it, especially given I have a womb! Never had children, but then again, was never in a position to have them, as the only woman I ever had ‘unprotected’ sex with, wasnt in a position to have them by then anyway!
Yes, its about a year down the road, for sure, but an interesting thing to think about, for sure?
Its funny how things happen, this morning was meant to be last trip to Leeds for nearly a fortnight (24th), but it never happened. Irony, my Occupational Therapist rang in this morning to the hospital, unable to go to work. It will be rearranged, but for now, just when…?
Right, video time. The cancer treatment, very rightly is first in line, but after that, well, second in line?
Well I would guess its go surprise to people here if I do a Transgender posting here, even if strictly I’m intersex, but I will still always relate to mtf transgender issues, even when I do finally get the operation out of the way, and yes, I hope the brain issues wont stop that at least. But making a post where I disagree with the transgender crowd, well…
Its fair to say at my age, even ignoring the new health issues, that I’m never going to play sport again at my age. The only sport I really played at anything more than basic level more than a couple of years after leaving school was cricket, and though I was a decent player (I played both at school, and club levels), I was never going to be a world beater. I did play a little recreational golf after I left school, but that soon stopped after a couple of years, due to lack of time, and not being a Nick Faldo/Laura Davies at the game, it was never going to go further. I think at one point I was a 13 handicap, which isnt amazing, but not awful either. I did try again, about 25-30 years later, but lets say I was more like a 113 handicap by then.
But then, since I started to transition, apart from the issue of getting old, I decided it was the end of my sporting career anyway. I know, strictly, I could play as a woman, especially after transition was confirmed, but even if I’d been in a position to play sport as a woman, I dont think I would. I know, you look at me, and apart from perhaps the height issue (I’m 5ft 9 tall/ 1.74 m?) I’ve got the build of a woman, but anyway…
I know some have, and more will, but its just how I feel about things, OK?
But it seems that some are so determined to make it at sport, that they have less morals about matters than me. It seems one team in the Kent Women’s Cricket League are so determine to succeed that rules, well… Now let me say I’ve only read one article about this, and the club, and the player involved dont want to say anything on the subject, but… One ladies team seeming include a ‘woman’ who is strongly built, 6ft 1 in height in their team.
Fine, but this is seemingly a woman who hasnt declared to be transitioning, isnt taking female hormones, and according to reports only declares as a woman on cricket match days, which seems very convenient. Of course she’s scoring lots of runs, taking lots of wickets, and all that stuff. So suddenly a moderate team has become a league winning capable team, isnt that handy?
Now, I wouldnt want to say she isnt genuine in the transition, but if so, why isnt she living as a woman for 7 days of the week? Yes, I do cynically wonder if this will be a 1 year wonder, or not? Handily for them, in England, unless you get into National Squad contention, you dont get sex tests done!
In the sense of glory, I dont care how desperate this team are to win, by doing things like this, but my concern is the simple one, if as I suspect it will, this is proved to be a fraud, where does it leave genuine transgender people in the future, both in terms of general life, and things that are gender related, from public conveniences upward? But yes, life is hard enough for us, without people working the system for the sake of glory, because lets face it, as has happened with this, its eventually going to get out, and probably in a negative way.
OK, rant over. Mind, I’ve acted as a woman, even before I started transitioning (long before in fact), but that was just a part I was needed to play, that I didnt cheat anyone out of, so… The fun is, if it wasnt for the health issues, I might have been acting this autumn as a woman again, ah well…
Right, video time. One of my favourites of all time, in truth. Yes, I’d love to be the lady in grey, with the helmet in this, seriously
I was reading an interesting article yesterday about something very relevant to many transgender women. Strictly it doesnt apply to me for two reasons. First, I’m strictly too old, and secondly, strictly, I dont need one, already got one. Yes, wombs, and baby bearing for transgender women. As I say, I’m too old genetically, and never had any desire to have babies anyway. But yes, I’ve got a womb anyway, even if not fully developed. I do actually wonder if I’ve only got one (obvious) piece of male genitalia, but until they take a look, who knows?
Equally, I do know a number of younger transgender women who would love to have a baby, so if this concept actually comes to fruition, its going to leave them with an interesting decision to make, for sure. Dont get me wrong, the whole act of changing your ‘bits’ isnt an easy operation, but compared to the whole act of designing internal bits to allow for the fitting of a womb, I suspect its a whole less lot complex. Why I say a decision is because its obviously not something they are initially do for everyone transitioning, because lets face it, for those like me, its a wasted effort. Also, seemingly, as to start with at least, its going to require a donor womb, its probably going to delay your op being done.
Yes, donor wombs can be done, thats what the article was about, that a 35 year old woman has just got pregnant using a donor womb originally from a 45 year old women, who was sadly killed in a road accident. And yes, someone raised the question of whether in the future, the same could be done for a transgender woman, and of course, the answer was yes, though as they said, there may be unknown physical issues that a natural woman wouldnt have, but until they look into it…?
Me, I’ve never wanted to be a mother, or indeed any kind of parent, but that might just be my physical build? But no, I have no desire to have my womb made usable, even more so at my age, but hopefully it brings hope to the younger transgender generations at least.
OK, video time. I was thinking of something different, but then You Tube put this on my suggested list, so saved me the search. Lets face it, its not even about the same generation of baby!
Seeing I promised to throw this piece of hypothesis up to (hopefully) a bigger audience, I’d better be a good girl and do so. Let me add that regardless, its not going to change my view on my status, and also, at this point at least, I must point out that beyond knowing that I have a womb, I have no idea whatsoever as to what the rest of my internal genitalia is, as no one has ever checked beyond that point. So if its discovered I have other boy bits internally, the whole question counts for nothing, but…
Given the whole ‘feminist lesbian’ group, who believe you cant be a woman unless you ‘in every way’ present as a woman, stance (no!), against the whole young Trans Activist thing, who believe that someone who hasnt even reached puberty, let alone the age of consent just be allowed to change gender (equally no!) battle that is going on, I’ve decided to take the ‘easy’ route out, and declare myself Intersex, which strictly I am, but it takes a whole lot more explaining, but anyway…
(For those not up on the matter, it means, in my case at least, that I have the most obvious boy bit at present, but equally I have a womb, which most would say is one of the more obvious women bits, but anyway. As to what else I have in there, probably best I dont know! But the thought that struck me is this, if I only have one boy bit, and I get rid of that, does that actually make me a natural woman?
Given that nowadays they dont actually remove it, just using the flesh to create the vagina, I guess that strictly I wont get rid of it anyway, but equally, if it was meant to be a vagina in the first place…?
Strictly, as I say, it really doesnt matter, all my paperwork says I’m female, even without the bits being bobs, and besides, assuming medical permission for the surgery given things, I plan to get it done, so… But yes, just an interesting thought, if all my bits are then female, does that mean I’ve transitioned, or do I become a natural woman?
So yes, as my dear friend Kiefer suggested, this has to be the obvious song. Just that most people would assume Aretha, so coming out of left field, its Carole King, who actually happened to help write the song, as well as, in this case, sing it.
No, hopefully not me going, literally, but yesterday, I took note that the countdown to my neurologist appointment (at long last) was down to 3 weeks to go. In a sense, I’m slightly nervous about what they might find, especially since the recent repeat bout of seizures, but at the same time, I’ll be so glad to know what it is, or at least, hopefully find out what the problem is. I’ll be honest, if its something that means my time is nearly up, then so be it, though that might leave me with one interesting decision to make, but more on that shortly. Of course, it might be that whatever it is, with the meds I’m already on, and maybe something else can keep it all under control, then great. But I must admit, the wait to find out has been pretty agonising, for sure.
I must admit, I knew what the NHS was like, and that means I’m not totally surprised that its taken 3 months from the initial seizures, to get them even looked into, let alone any action taken. Its supposedly free, but in truth, we pay for it with deductions from our wages, but at least we dont have to pay crazy sums to get things to happen, on top of that. Yes, USA, I’m looking at you again. Again, today, I’ve had a friend over there surprised at how long this is all taking for even the first step, and I had to smile. As I pointed out to him, if I had the money to pay for the neurologist, the MRI, the EEG, and heaven knows what else private patients might get thrown at them here, or that you, or your insurance company gets billed for, this would have been looked into, soon after the initial seizures. But it isnt, so…what will be, will be, and no, that isnt the video! I suppose that unless its something that is ‘bad’ by the time it get looks at, that wouldnt have been ‘bad’ in March, does it matter? Well, beyond my worry about it all, probably not.
But yes, lets face it, absolutely, I’m thoroughly looking forward to having my brain wired up to an EEG, and granted, the MRI will be an interesting experience, thats for sure. Fine, its not going to actually do anything interesting to my brain, but a girl can dream. Going to be fun getting my earrings out for the MRI, as they have been in for years, so removing them might be a challenge.
Given the number of medical people who have told me I wont be working again, I’m assuming something is faulty enough to make that a foregone conclusion, when checked over. I dont know if the fact if I’m only 5 years from retirement anyway plays a part in that, in that its not working the challenge, or whether it would be the same if it had happened at 31, and I doubt they will answer that! But yes, hopefully 3 weeks from now it will all be confirmed, and I can stop worrying about it. In truth, yes, the brain is ‘busted’, its not going to work normally again, of that I’m sure. Even on a good day, I cant talk well for long, and on a bad day, dont ask! Besides that, my mobility is now rubbish, about 1000 yards/metres on a good day is about it, and on a bad day, nearly 100, if I’m lucky! So walking for buses/to work, and doing strings of phone calls, no chance!
The other interesting thing over all this, is a pledge I made a while back, which I assumed I wouldnt be thinking about for at least another 5 years, but seemingly… I stated that once I retired, all things permitting, I’d complete transition, most notably getting my bits bobbed, girl style! Yes, I’ve already been reminded about this, lol. In truth, I have no idea that the hormones and other stuff I would need to do (including the surgery) will be compatible with what I will need to take for the brain, but yes, I plan to find out, once confirmed. Yes, I really will! As I said to someone today, it will be nice not to have to worry about what I wear after surgery, in the sense of concealing bits, and being able to flash boobage, because it will all be natural. No, I dont think latex will be in my wardrobe (sadly), but more clinging, and revealing dresses, just maybe…? 😉
But yes, whatever the news, whatever the decision, I’ll just be glad when I have it all checked out, and confirmed. Less than 3 weeks now, I hope!
OK, video time. Feeling wicked, as per the first half of the blog title. Yes, I know the quality isnt great, but its so rare to find Manfred Mann actually singing live, I thought, what the hell, and went with it. Its not hard to find a non live version on You Tube, if preferred.
Is this LGBT issue? Is this politics? Is it both? Well, maybe…?
In truth, on 24th May 1988, I didnt know I was transgender, intersex, and heaven forbid, bisexual to top it all. I knew I was a bit (to put it mildly) confused about my sexuality, and other stuff, but didnt really know what it all was. Funnily enough, I was supposedly in a straight relationship, with a woman, that in truth, never had a hope.. The fact that we lived together for as long as 11 years, in hindsight, was pretty amazing, but we did. I mean, there was a spell before the end, when we knew it was coming to the end, but didnt really know why, other than my feelings of it being wrong, trying to be in a straight relationship with her. I wonder if we could ever have made it as 2 lesbians, lol? Probably not, but I have to wonder?
Anyway, on above date, something critical happened, that at the time I didnt really know applied to me, but now… Section 28 was introduced by the Conservative government of the time, which made it even harder to be LGBT, especially in an education sense, but done damage to numerous LGBT people over the years it lasted. Funny how things go round, about education, and LGBT issues in the UK, isnt it?
So, one year later to the day (yes, 30 years ago today), Stonewall was founded, to fight this ghastly legislation. Eventually, thankfully, Section 28 was repealed, and things improved to some degree for LGBT people. Equally, thankfully, though that fight is over, Stonewall is still here to support us, and judging by recent happenings, we still need them today, I only wish we didnt. Not helped by the fact that TI people seem to need ever more support against others that are meant to be with us, a section of the L’s! Me, on 2 counts!
Firstly, lets deal with the one that annoys me, those that wont accept that Trans Women are real women, even after their bits have been ‘bobbed’, for those that applies to. I dont know exactly what TERF stands for, but thats the general term for them. What is even more hypocritical about them isnt just the fact that they are against Transgender women using the same facilities as them (because we were born men, or for intersex folk like me, born also with boy bits), they are against Transgender men sharing facilities with them, even if by their ‘reasoning’ they were born with girl bits, but now have boy bits! They see them as men too, so you tell me? As for those of us with both genitalia, as to what facilities we’re meant to use, heaven knows?
The other thing that amuses me with some lesbians (generally, but not exclusively the same ones) is their abhorrence to relationships with bisexual women, because heaven forbid, we’ve had sex with men, as well as women. Seems with some, that even looking at a man in ‘that way’ is enough to condemn you. So yes, any time you think all LGBTI+ people support each other, please think again.
And yes, guess what, Stonewall is more than happy to support both these groups, despite their own brands of bi, and trans phobia. So Stonewall is good, but like regulations, still has a long way to go, dont kid yourself.
I tried to come up with something original for the video, and seeing Section 28 was designed to make LGBT activity illegal in so many ways, I came up with this! Maybe we now need to load up with rainbow, rubber bullets?
Now I’m not working, and I’m missing all the LGBTI updates at work, I hadnt realised until going on Twitter today, that it was actually the Lesbian Day of Visibility today. You would, not unreasonably assume that as a Bisexual (verging on Lesbian), Intersex/Transgender woman that I’d be thrilled with that news, and ready to shout it loud and clear. Well, other than the fact we shouldnt need days like this, but besides that…?
Thing is, there are 2 groups of lesbians (almost certainly with some crossover) who I only wish weren’t so visible. Shocked? Yes, sad, but true, that not all Lesbian are all that keen on supporting the BT side of the spectrum, after all we’ve been through.
Lets deal with the more surprising one, to me at least, the B issue, for want of a better term. I mean, I can understand lesbians maybe not being keen on women like me, who havent got rid of all their ‘boy bits’ yet (more on this shortly), as a partner. Yes, cut me open, I’ve got a womb, and probably other female stuff, but outwardly… However, what seems to be the current development among some is the fact that a number of lesbian women wont date genitally correct bisexual women, because they also fancy men, and are therefore ‘dirty’ in some strange way. Yes, seriously, I’m hearing the outcome of this more often recently too.
The thing is, as is stated, being bisexual doesnt mean the desire to actually have sex with both genders, all it means is that, heaven forbid, we might fancy people of each gender. I mean, there are some men I could definitely fancy, but the idea of having sex with them, even if I had my bits sorted out, not that likely. But no, some have come out and said they could never date a woman who has fancied a man, let alone done anything more with them. So what could I say, the first one that never, ever dated a boy, even as an experiment at school, let them throw the first stone? Doubt many stones would get thrown, somehow! Still, as I see it, their loss?
The other lesbians I wish were less visible are TERF’s. I assume the last 2 letters are for real females, or something, but I dont know, nor do I care to know. These are a ‘lovely’ bunch of women who believe that unless you were born a woman, you cant be a woman. Thats right, all the hormones, all the surgery, you’re still a man. The funniest thing about this group is that one of their ‘leading lights’ is actually a Trans woman, which makes them an even more crazy bunch to deal with.
I gather it relates to the whole bathroom thing, though how that relates to post surgery Trans women being the Devil, I have no idea? The other thing is, they’re hypocritical. You see, when someone mentions to them that surely that meant that Trans Men, because they were originally women should actually use the same bathroom as them, and you would have thought the sky had fallen in. So seemingly they seem to want it both ways, which is clearly wrong, to everyone but them!
Most amusingly, last week I posted on a LGBT issue, relating to lesbians. This woman (who was clearly a TERF) liked, and retweeted my posting, and even followed me! Somewhere, seemingly got long after, she took a look at my profile, and saw I stated I was Transgender. By the time I saw the notifications for what she had done, not only had she reversed the like, and the retweet, she’d blocked me!
I’ve also had a previous clash with one of these transgender hating lesbians, and asked where she stood on Intersex people like myself. Said I was therefore fine, but lets face it, if I stood naked in front of her, it would be my boy bits that were showing currently, so I dont get it?
So yes, its nice today for Lesbians to be visible to the wider world, but I only wish they all supported all of their fellow sisters in the world, and not just the ones that it suits them to support?
Video time. Hard to believe this song is 40 years old, and to be fair, some matters have improved. But as this blog shows, some LGBTI people still want to shoot themselves in the foot, and only support those that it suits them to support. This is live from last year, so definitely not used before
Oh, last irony. A little while after originally recording this, Tom found he wasnt actually gay, he’s bisexual!
Its been a funny sort of week, in truth, in more ways than one.
Earlier this week, the orange, bewigged Russian one threw enough of a temper tantrum that he got his way on one issue that has annoyed him. Seems the rule to stop Transgender people from serving in the American Military forces has been finally passed after numerous efforts. Even more amusing of course, in the week it was announced that one of the General’s who helped to fight for the independence of his country (assuming it isnt Russia?) was either a woman, or even more horrible for him, intersex.
The more amusing side of that is that at least 2 states (maybe more?) have already told him that they wont be getting rid of any transgender people already serving in their state military command groups, and will still accept applications from anyone desiring to do so. I’m sure if he hasnt already Tweeted (high security method, not) on the matter, he soon will be.
The other LGBT news I’ve heard today comes care of Australia, Sydney, to be exact
I must admit, there would have been a few cities that if you’d told me would be candidates to do it, Sydney would have been one of them. Thank you for the gesture. Not that I guess I would ever have seen it, even if my body hadnt totally given up on me, thats far too far away, but at least I know its there, which is something. Somehow I cant see the guy mentioned previously will be rushing to use that crossing somehow. I’d love to, but now especially, I think I might have to pass on that.
Why, you ask? Well, a couple of days ago, I had to post a letter to work, re my health issues, and I thought that as the post box was only about 200 yards away, and no one else was readily available to post it, I’d give it a go, and see how it went. Well, going down the hill was ‘interesting’ but I survived, just. Snag is, I then had to come back up the hill, and that was a whole different game! I did make it, but it hurt! I’ve also noticed that the stairs at home, when I’m carrying anything (especially full cups), are distinctly becoming a challenge, coming up. So yes, the old girl is definitely busted, for sure. I suspect unless something dramatic can be done to me, I wont be walking far in future. 😦
Oh, and talking of busts… As some already know, and others will now know, I look like I’ve got a decent cleavage. No, its not some magical hormone, or the fact I have a friendly fairy godmother who provided me with a decent pair of boobs. Believe me, if the latter was the case, I’d have got her to remove something else at the same time! Many women are unfortunate enough to have mastectomies due to breast cancer, a charity whose cause I used to support when I had any money. For those women, prosthetics are provided that give the image that they still have breasts. I’m not the only Transgender women that uses them, I’m sure, but we arent strictly the main market for them. These silicon breasts are fantastic, give a great look, are designed to be about the right weight, and are great, providing you dont put too much weight on them. I dont, I have a foam pair I use at night (vanity, I know), which can take just about anything. Of course, when I was in hospital, the pair I was using were the silicon ones, and they didnt take kindly to being slept in, especially the one on the side I slept on. So yes, its a bit damaged, and I’ve had to buy a new pair which arrived this week. More expense, ah well… Mind, if anyone knows of a similar vagina I could wear 24/7, without toilet issues, please let me know. Hiding ‘that thing’ would be heaven, and far less painful than surgery!
Right, video time. Bit of a clue in the blog title, how original!