Category Archives: Transgender

Tribute to a transgender pioneer

Irony moments here. It was only after I’d written the blogs last night, that I heard that Julia Grant had passed away (some places she’s called Julie, which explains the video). Still, I thought it gave me an option for a blog on Sunday, as it was something I wanted to comment on. And then, yesterday, and this morning, my back fell victim to a lack of physiotherapy, and some cold weather, and was pretty much totally locked up this morning. Thankfully, I’ve eased that issue, with my first experience of an infra red sauna (or indeed any sauna) today. Wouldnt say its cured it completely, but on a pain scale of 1 to 10, its gone from 10, to 2 or 3, lol.

Julia Grant wasnt the first person to change gender, I’m not even sure if she was the first in the UK to do so, but she’s probably seen as the pioneer over here in the UK, because back in 1979, her transition was part of a BBC Documentary. Whether she kick started Sex Reassignment Surgery availability in the NHS in the UK, who knows? Quite possibly she did, but regardless of that, she was the one who did it in the eyes of the public.

I’m not going to say it wouldnt now be available on the NHS without her, as times have changed, but then again, history makes it impossible to go down a different route, and find out. I’m not going to say much about her life since then, as all I know of it, is a few lines on the internet today, and if you want to read that, well, you can Google (or whichever search engine you prefer) for those details quite easily! Funny thing is, she was only 3 years older than me!

I know, I had said in the past that unless the need arose (a partner) for me, I wasnt going to do the surgery, supposedly far too much like pain for a wimp like me. Then I’ve discovered the ‘joys of pain’ through my disabilities, and during Transgender Awareness Week, a couple of months back, I did say I was going to get it done, but only once I’ve retired, as its quite a recovery period for all, and I should imagine even more so, at my age! When that retirement date might be, is the 64 million dollar question! The way its going, it could be any time from a few weeks from now, until March 2024 (retirement age), or anywhere in between? My money is not as late as the latter date, but hopefully I can get through a few more months, or even a couple of years before the pain in the body wins out! Well, a lottery win might jump up and change matters, but with my luck in life, pigs flying is just as likely!

So, RIP Julia Grant, for being the one brave enough to go through transition, under the lights of TV documentaries. I dont know if I shall ever bother with the sex thing, but being able, one day, to look down, and see the correct ‘bits’ will be a wonderful thing for me too. Without her, whether I would be able to get that done on the NHS, who knows?

OK, video time. As I say, in a couple of places, she’s referred to as Julie Grant, which is how I found this video. Just to add, this is an entirely different person, even if she was actually known as Julie Grant, not Julia. A few minor hits in the early 60’s, but found this live video, from 2010, for tonight

 

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Lost in something?

To all my US readers, reading this on the day, Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, as I said previously, was Transgender Day of Remembrance. Lets just say that here in the UK, yesterday, as far as one TV channel was concerned at least, was Transgender day to forget!

Someone at work told me yesterday that there was a programme on Channel 4 last night, called Trans Kids, and asking if I was planning to watch it. All instinct was to say no, I wouldnt watch anything on TV relating to Transgender issues, as its usually road crash TV, and for me at least, best avoided.

However, feeling brave, or more correctly crazy, and given there was nothing else on, I gave it a try. In truth, the first 20 minutes or so wasnt too awful, and I thought maybe I’d been wrong about C4. No, I wasnt, as from there, the show went very quickly downhill, somewhere towards the bottom of the Mariana Trench.

I had a bad feeling when the presenter, speaking to a couple in their forties, of whom the father of 3 children had transitioned to a woman, she asked her wife, if that made her a lesbian. No, her husband changing gender does not change her sexuality in the slightest, you stupid woman! The wife seemed shocked, said no, just stating that they still lived together, but were no longer a couple. Unfortunately, the presenter couldnt just leave it there, and accept they could happily live together, with no sexual interest.

After this, the presenter went into a lengthy piece about how she was a tomboy as a child, and that maybe she should have become a boy. No, it just meant you were a tomboy type, you daft woman! Thankfully she didnt transition, though transitioning to a human who could think logically might have been a blessing!

After that, the show went into deep dive, going to a meeting of a bunch of extreme feminists, who dont believe that women can be women unless they were born one, the irony that none could see was that one of their spokespersons was a Trans woman, who couldnt see that they wouldnt believe in her. She seemed to think she was the only Trans Woman who was genuine, oh good grief!

Just when you thought they couldnt sink any lower than that, it did. Its fair to say the TV company had set things up so that a bunch of militant millenials, supposedly supporting Trans Women were protesting outside. All very angry, all wearing masks, and naturally the 2 sides came to blows. Mainly verbal, but anyway… Didnt show either side in a good light, and helps to explain why I just do my own thing.

To be fair to the presenter, she did query whether some children starting to transition are doing it all too young. I hate to say it, but the answer is yes. Pre puberty children dont have a clue about such matters, as a life long experience, and should do nothing before the age of maturity, in my opinion, be that 18, 21 or whatever, where you are?

If at that point, you’re sure you should transition, and are happy to go through due processes, fine! But no 14 year old should be making a decision that will affect the rest of their life, before their body settles down hormonally.

Sorry, but next time, I’ll be sensible, and go back to avoiding these shows like the plague.

OK, video time. Lets do something a little out of left field, to match the TV show. It is 20’s, and if I was young enough, I’d love to wear that dress, but…

She (was) on the beach

OK, fine, they think its all over, well it pretty much is now, lol. No, I’m not talking about the current government, though that might yet prove to be apt. But being strictly politically neutral on UK matters…well…? No, seriously, I mean my little break in the sun.

Of course, the sixty four million dollar question is, has the break in the sun done my back any good? Well, I’ve been taking less pills than usual, so I guess thats a good sign, but how long the effects will really last when I get back to the UK, who knows? I certainly havent missed not hearing all about the chaos at home over Brexit, and other stuff, for sure.

Yesterday, I headed to Vila Real De Santo Antonio as planned, and had a look around. In a sense, its more my sort of town than Faro would be, more peaceful, laid back, and dare I say it, old fashioned? Sadly I didnt get to Spain, as I reached the ferry terminal after town, and lunch, to see it pulling out for Ayamonte, across the river, in a different country, and given the next one wasnt for another hour in the off season, I didnt wait. That would have put me on the 2.30 ferry across, so earliest back at 4.00, and then needing to get back to Monte Gordo, all would have got a bit late for me. Maybe another time, maybe not, who knows?

Today, as I have done most days (gentle exercise, which is good) I took my stroll down along the front, and down part of the boardwalk, over the beach. I did some shopping, a little bit more than I’d planned, but nothing too dramatic. Oh, I got one of those coats, seems they had a zip up version as well for same price, so deal done! So I guess at some point soon I’ll need to go into work looking like a 30’s film star, lol. No, its silly really, I dont need a winter coat, but… Yes, I found the PIN for my credit card, but then found they only took cash, no cards, aargh!

I must admit, if, as I hope, I can retire somewhere with all year round warmth, then Monte Gordo has done a pretty good publicity job this week. I know its off season, but its quieter than the more popular end of the Algarve, its pleasantly warm, even in mid November (70 today), and cost of living is definitely lower than the UK too. But whether I will be in a position to make it happen, who knows? Will it even be possible once we’ve left the EU to move out here easily? Rolls eyes… Who me, a remain vote, well, you might think that, but I couldnt possibly say! 😛

Last amusing note, before I close for this holiday. There is a spa at the hotel I’m staying at. I did notice on their website that the spa does those body wrap things, and I’ve always fancied that. Go into my cocoon as the ugly caterpillar, come out the beautiful butterfly, yeah, I wish! So today, with budget sorted, I went to see how much it was. Yes, as I expected, way above what I had left, 80 Euros, for admittedly 80 minutes of pure pampering heaven. So, a fair price, but… To be honest, it was pretty much all above my budget, but I guess a 4 star hotel with spa (I’d say closer to 3, but anyway…), thats probably going to be the case. The thing was, they had a special offer for a hot stone massage, at 49 Euros. for 50 minutes of pampering, which I could just about scrape together. But anyway, being practical, I checked on Google, and it said not advised for people with Osteoporosis issues, so I ended up passing. Probably would have been fine, but better safe than sorry with boring old me!

It was funny tonight at dinner, I got asked why I was drinking Coke, when everybody else was drinking wine, so I explained about the painkillers, and all that. Again I wonder if thats just me being extra cautious, as I know people taking those pills, and drinking booze, and being fine, but…I am being boring, lol!

Tonights video is a song that might have passed most people by, especially as its now 33 years old! The late, great, Kirsty MacColl for your delight

Oh, and as a test to see who actually reads these things, given its Transgender Awareness Week. Yes, somethings been annoying me this week, and I’ve decided he’s got to go! Its fair to say, dont get excited, its not going to happen before retirement, as I’d need way too much time off work otherwise, to get it done before then. Yes, been looking at clingy dresses again, lol, and the desire to wear them, and the current impracticality of doing so. Latex would be fun, but at 66, I dont think so! Of course, the back could have a major relapse over the winter, I need to retire on disability grounds, but until then…?

Might give me a clue as to who ‘likes’ the blog without reading it, lol. 😉

Happy hour again?

Oh fine, I lied when I said that the 2 blogs would be the same all week, because they wont be. Mainly because some people reading on the other blog think I’m a natural woman, and for some, after about 18 years, I’d hate to break the news, lol. So we’ll keep this here, and I have an idea for the other place, which I’m sure you wont mind missing. Mind, a lot will know where to find it, anyway!

This week, for those who didnt already know, and I hope most in the LGBT community at least do, is Transgender Awareness Week. I know, preaching to the converted, as lets face it, if you dont like Trans folk, you’re not likely to be reading this!

Anyway, no, I’m not going to preach, so dont worry if you thought this was going to be just that. What I am going to tell you is the amusing story of how I ended up in Portugal during T.A.W (for short) in the first place. Earlier this year, I was talking to someone in the US (if I get too specific, some will know who I mean, so to protect the guilty…) and it was suggested (see, no personal pronoun) that maybe I could go out there, and speak to the Trans community in their state, and try and convince them that things arent as grim as they seem, even with that LGBT hating idiot they have in charge over there. See, not playing to someone’s ego, either, by mentioning his name! Not that I have for a while, but he’s orange, and wears a wig, so… 😉 So, I booked this week off at work a long while back, to cover for this eventuality. As you might have guessed, in the end, it came to nothing. What they have done to mess me around since then, absolutely no comment!

So I had 2 options, I could cancel the week of holiday at work, save it for another time, but then my back came up with this bright idea, how about a week somewhere warm, to ease both my pain, and my back pain. So, to cut a long story short, go on budget holiday website, find what seemed a nice option (and most definitely is), and take the week off, and go elsewhere, in this case, Portugal! All seems fine, right?

Well, the thing is, I did a piece for T.A.W for work, both for our group section, and ultimately, for the whole department as well! A lovely piece, a letter to my younger self, explaining to her whats going to happen in her future life, and all that. Of course, the snag is, normally the writer is around to respond to comments at work, and I’m in Portugal, and no access to our Department Intranet. I suspect from the ways its playing out, they’re probably planning to put it up on Friday, so people will barely realise that the ‘old lady’ isnt there until Monday to reply to comments, shrewd move.

Yes, I will let blog readers see it at some point, though as its currently only on my work computer, it wont be until after I get back, and can send the document home! If I dont, remind me, please! Well, assuming anyone wants to see it, of course?

Irony is, me personally, the last thing I want people to be aware of, is that I’m Trans. Me, I’m just another woman, OK? But yes, if you have any Trans friends in need of extra support, this is a great week to do it, just saying…

Right, this is almost the Beautiful South, doing a Housemartins song, which you might have guessed the title of already?

Semi sexed, suburban Miss Carpenter

I’ll be honest, until earlier this week, I had no idea that tomorrow was Intersex Awareness Day. In truth, there are so many ‘days’ nowadays that its nigh impossible to keep up with them all, and also there are so many you dont want to keep up with (today is World Pasta Day, seriously?), that its got beyond the point of sanity, really?

It seems the Civil Service are actually doing a Twitter Chat (whatever that is?) on the subject tomorrow evening, but I wont be able to get involved as its between 6.00 and 7.00 tomorrow evening UK time, when I will be at work, and irony, we arent allowed Twitter at work in the office. I can fully understand the reason for that, in truth, but it is a shame that one of the (probably) few Intersex Civil Servants cant get involved.

I know, I can hear you saying it, she says she’s Trans, now she says she’s Intersex, so… But strictly, its true, as I have girl bits (a womb, maybe more?), as well as the obvious boy bit, which makes me intersex. I may have had more as a new born baby, that was ‘tweaked’ when the doctors decided what gender I was (and got it wrong), but impossible to know now, and the hospital I was born at was demolished decades ago, and even if it wasnt conveniently not recorded at birth, I’m sure the records are gone with its demolition, for sure.

So yes, in truth, and to keep it simple, its easier to say I’m Transgender, as some will have known me formerly as a man, and now as a woman. In fact, that number is pretty small, how small depends on the date you use as when I first accepted I was a woman. If you call it 2010, then a lot more know than if you say 2000, when I first found out. And fine, even if for some it takes some explanation, its still a lot less than being intersex.

No, the womb never fully developed, presumably because at puberty, my body went with the outside image, and therefore the boy bits developed, and the girl bits pretty much didnt. I do actually have pretty small boobs, but nothing you’d really notice, believe me, lol!

Hopefully I havent got too many readers here who cant accept there are more than 2 ‘genders’, and that anything other than ‘hetro sex’ is a shameful sin, but if I have, maybe you’re in the wrong place? One ‘friend’ (I have never actually known him, and have no idea why he friended me in the first place) on Facebook posted one of those crazy religious postings today about how sinful it is to be anything but in a man/woman marriage, and he’s no longer a friend. He’s unfortunate, as with the new way Facebook do things (which I hate), he’s one of those people who I dont often see posts for, but maybe that was for the best?

Does make me wonder, if I’d transitioned young enough, and had taken all those female hormones, would my womb have developed, and heaven forbid, could I have got pregnant? No, we’ll (thankfully) never know the answer to that!

I’m sure that some day, long after I have left this life, this whole issue of LGBT, and Intersex, and everything else will be looked back on, and people will wonder why we were so backward on these issues, but anyway…

But yes, tomorrow at least, just remember that man, or woman you see during your day, might not just have the sexual parts of one gender. And yes, please accept that as something not to be frightened by, OK?

Right, video time. Its rare to find film of 60’s groups on You Tube, even rarer to find a live performance, but I found one. Which explains the corny blog title, lol!

LGBT United

I know, blog is supposedly a day late, sorry, and all that. But yes, I was busy yesterday, very sore when I got back, which is why you’re getting this tonight, as work was a no go today, but thankfully the hours from yesterday sort of make up for that.

Yesterday’s trip out actually began, and ended with something that was not out of the ordinary, Trans Pennine Express trains running very late, to, and from Manchester. If I say the departures/arrivals, the closest to punctuality was 7 minutes, you get my drift!

As stated in the previous blog, my first ever Civil Service Conference was related to LGBT issues, so no shock there. The toilets were strictly gender neutral, but yes, the women all stuck to the ladies, and the men to the gents side. Hardly surprising given we cant use urinals, lol! But a lovely gesture, all the same.

The first talk was a pair of people from the Welsh Government Civil Service, and their thriving LGBT section, and the work they do. Very good, very impressive, and just showed how much my department has to do if we’re going to get Stonewall awards too. Got some good tips about what we might want to do, at least.

Talking of Stonewall, our next speaker was actually representing them, giving us lots of useful information on what they do, what they can do to help us improve our diversity standings, and what we could get involved in, if we wanted to, which is probably more useful for London folk, than us a long way from town, but still stuff for us.

Then into the first panel discussion of the day, which was interesting to listen to, though you can never be sure if leaders are saying what they think, or what they think we want to hear? Probably just being cynical on that front, but I’ve been there so often in my life, probably just me jaded by bosses at my previous job, who wouldnt have known what Diversity & Inclusion was, if it had bitten them on their backsides!

After lunch we broke off into selected rooms, for various sessions. Firstly I went with my own department Pride group, who were looking for suggestions on ways to improve matters, both for members, and those of us on committees, and groups as well.

My second session was in the same room (tactical health planning, lol), and was 2 Team Leaders advising us on how they dealt with someone who transitioning in their section. Now, without wishing to show bias, I would say the TL’s at my place handled it with me in a far better way. Mind, I guess its easier when someone has already transitioned, not transitioning in that role, but anyway…

Lastly, I went to a heart rending session, which was a Trans male, writing to his younger self, about what was going to happen in the rest of his life. I could relate to this so easily, because other than a reversal of genders, it was pretty much my story too.

After that, a different panel, for another panel discussion, which summed up the day, and yes, confirmed what a great success it was. We had a good split on the LGBT rainbow, and allies there, which was a good sign. What I did realise, and that Stonewall had mentioned can be an issue, was just how ‘white’ the room was. Hopefully, the next time, assuming there is one (and there should be), we can get a little more widespread representation on that front at least.

But was it a worthwhile event, absolutely, and praise goes to all who helped to arrange it, especially Rachel, who did incredible stuff, just to get this on. Who knows, maybe the next time, I’ll be one of the speakers, or presenters, we will see. But put it this way, I will, if I can!

Oh, and if any readers came out yesterday, on ‘World Coming Out Day’, I say congratulations, and wish you well for your future.

OK, video time. Showing my age, as this is 48 years old! And before anyone says this isnt Brotherhood Of Man, because they know the Eurovision group, you’re right, this is an entirely different line up, but they predate the other line up by about 6 years, but given these were all session singers… they needed replacements, lol

 

Mixed up, muddled up world

Some of my more mature readers will know what song that line is from, long before reaching the video, but for those who dont, you’re in for a live treat.

The next 2 days see two of those ‘days’ that I feel close to. Thursday is National Coming Out Day, and fine, I came out nearly 2 decades ago, but it still is a landmark date for some, that might inspire people to come out as any variation of LGBTI+ that they feel they are.

Me, strictly I’m intersex, but I relate most closely nowadays to Transgender I guess, so lets settle for either, both, or however you want to see it. I’m marking the day at a Civil Service wide conference, in Manchester, which should be a tremendous event, and I will review it, but might be Sunday before I get to it (or any next blog), just saying.

But for now, lets focus on tomorrow, which is World Mental Health Day. I’m sure I suffered with mental health issues of sorts, from the age of 6 onward, when I first realised that I didnt feel right as a boy, though I had no idea why at the time. Probably grew worse as I got older, and its fair to say that by the 90’s, I knew something was wrong in my head, though I had no idea what. Of course, in 2000, I found out what it was, but my mental state had probably been limited in efficiency in the meanwhile.

Nowadays I think I’m relatively fine, due to living as a woman for many years, but I suspect that my mind has been pretty scrambled in the past, if not now, which dont quote me on, either way!

At the time, in 2005, when I first decided I wanted to formally transition, one of the conditions before you could do so, was a mental health check. No, not to see if you were normal enough to be able to make said decision, but to see if your ‘mental health issues’ in wanting to change gender were genuine. Yes, I passed, but before much happened (other than confirmation I was mentally a woman, in a mans body), I moved to Yorkshire, so the process sort of stopped for a while. I have no idea if I would still, officially have to prove I was ‘crazy’ in wanting to become a woman now, no idea.

But yes, tomorrow, just think of all the people suffering from mental health issues, from mild depression, to the most serious matters, and either be grateful its not you, or that hopefully, if it is you, that you can get through it, and recover.

Equally, if on Thursday, you want to use that as the chance to ‘come out’, then take it, please!

Right, video time. Its fair to say this is the first transgender related song I ever remember hearing, long before I knew I was a girl, underneath all those layers. Not sure I got it at the time, but sure did a few years later!

More, more, more?

How do you like your love? Probably not with me, lol, at my age, and pre threatened possible surgery!

Oh, and before anyone assumes otherwise, this blog has nothing to do with sex, of any kind. Seriously, baseball, in fact!

Yes, the regular season ends tonight, or should do, and you would think a 162 game season could just about sort out any issues, wouldnt you, in terms of teams qualifying for the playoffs, and the like? Well, 2 teams will only play 161 (Miami & Pittsburgh had a cancellation earlier this week, and as neither team are competitive, not being played now), but its possible that 4 teams will need to play 163!

Yes, with one game to go, the top of the NL Central is a tie between the Chicago Cubs, and the Milwaukee Brewers, and the NL West is the same between Colorado Rockies, and some team named the Los Angeles Dodgers, anyone ever heard of them? 😉 As it happens, all 4 teams are in the playoffs, the difference is that the 2 divisional winners wont have to play in a one off wild card game, before starting the Divisional series.

Of course, it could be that in each case, one team will win tonight, one will lose, and we’ll have the first night with no baseball since just after the All Star Game tomorrow night. Thats right, playoffs start on Tuesday, with first of said wild card games! Equally, we could have 2 extra games, with plenty at stake.

The good news for me (though fine, I’d rather see Dodgers win division tonight), is that if there is 1 match, it will take place just after 9 pm my time, tomorrow night, by which time, I’ll be home from work, though pretty sure I wont see the end. 2 games, first would start just after 6 pm, so I’ll catch the end of it at least, buses, and back permitting. Or, I wont see any baseball, because it all gets settled tonight! In case anyone was wondering, all games on last day are played at more or less the same time, so no knowing what you need to do, or anything like that! 😉

Right, end of baseball rah-rah stuff, unless someone wants to buy me a Dodgers cheerleaders outfit, lol. No, seriously, you shouldnt! 😛

The other thing that has amused me today, has also come out from the US. This Kavanaugh hearing stuff. No, I’m not a ghastly Trump fan, but I seem to have appealed to more than a few, just for saying that Senators supporting him (no, not me) shouldnt be confronted in a physical way, just over their views re him. Me, cant stand the man, but anyway… Of course, the thing that amuses me the most, is that these Conservative, racist, right wing folk would probably ‘hate’ me if they knew I was Trans, Lesbian, and had centre left leanings lol. But because of one post…rolls eyes…

Fine, anyone around my age, or older, might have worked out tonights video already! Youngsters wont have a clue, and my right wing likers will hate her, because she was a porn star, as well as singer, but anyway…

How do I like my love? Well, about the only way I’d like it, is in a sex doll body, just for the research, and experience, lol!…angelic look…

Love you (with) a little bit less

Oh fine, I’ve had one of those afternoons when a few events have made me think about myself, and my future, and all that sort of stuff. So if transgender, and health issues arent your thing, you might want to pass on tonight. Well, except maybe for the cool video at the end, but anyway…

Today was that important, 4 weekly event that I have to do nowadays. No, not my period, lol, because though I did used to have them (the womb, even if undeveloped, I guess?), they have passed into history now, as is the case for all women of my age. No, that other one, collecting my medical prescription of painkillers, to help me keep going for another 4 weeks or so. Yes, Cocodomol, and Naproxen are my friends nowadays, though Robo-Domol, and Nanite-proxen might be more fun for me. 😉 Oh, if only they existed!

OK, the first amusing bit, I generally wear a back brace nowadays, which I would best describe as a waist level (very under bust), zip up corset type thing, with fastenings every couple of inches or so, depending on how much support you want, and stuff. I’ve worked out by now that using it on the 4″ reduction setting (I suspect about an inch less on waist reduction for me) is fine for support, just about, but is just loose enough to permit reasonable movement, when it comes to things like walking, and the like. Therefore, generally when out, or at work, where I might have to move around a lot, I tend to use that setting. When at home, and doing less movement, less twisting, I tend to use the 6″ setting, which is fine, except that any show of flexibility goes out the window! I can walk a bit in it, though bus rides on that setting can be interesting, as you literally feel every bump, because there just is no give.

Anyway, today, I went for the higher setting this morning (bit sore, not working), which was fine, until I went out to collect my pills. Now, the distance there is about the same as to, or from work, from the Bus Station, and I can do that, just about, so…? Thing is, I dont do both journeys at once, which is pretty much what I did today. So anyway, after about a mile or so, I was getting sore, but then I realized, but couldnt do much about it, at that time! I got home, but was glad it was ‘pill time’ when I got here!

It was then that I accepted just how fragile my body is now. And it led me to wondering how much longer I will be able to drag this body to work, even a few days a week. Yes, I have looked, and worked it out, and no, I cant afford to cut back to 3 days a week! 😦 So, as I was having a ‘I hate my body’ moment, it set me thinking that it is actually about 8 years (Again, I had to wait for a holiday to do the name change thing) that I started transitioning, that I again turned thoughts as to ‘which body’ I want to leave this world in. No, I cant seriously see me doing the sex reassignment surgery while working, I’m the type who would feel way too guilty about all the time I’d have to take off work while recovering, to do that. But fine, equally, I did start seriously thinking that maybe when I finally give up on work (and judging by deterioration, I would say 2-3 years at best), that then I’d have no excuse not to get it done on that front at least. Yes, there is still the pain involved, but fine, I’m getting used to living with pain, so whats a little bit more, in that case?

I know, it would be better to have no ‘little bump’ for wearing things like latex catsuits, and the like, but the chance of actually ever wearing that now, unless offered a role that required it, shrinks by the week! But at the same time, I could then consider those snug legging things, that would be good for me during winter, or even, heaven forbid, tight, sexy dresses, if I didnt have that issue! I know, its not going to happen overnight, whatever I do, but one of the conditions is time lived as a woman, and I have 8 years already! I believe the period required to live as a woman is 2! Not that I plan immediately on losing my virginity again, even if I do get it done, but who knows? I’d certainly feel better about dating, with the right bits, I’m sure? Again, not saying I will, but…?

There is also one monetary advantage now, I dont have to pay for prescriptions, so all those lovely hormones I’d need to ingest, lol… Hazard, I might hate myself if I dont grow decent sized breasts, as I’ve got used to having them, but I guess natural would be better, but explaining it away might be fun!

So yeah, I’ve got a visit to the surgery due soon (2 in fact, pill check, and 5 yearly health check), and now I’m wondering whether to say the magic words, that I want to start with the hormonal changes. I still dont see the surgery happening while working (I know, me and guilt), but after that, fine, I’m weakening. Funny thing is, the bits are the only things that would need changing, I’m a woman on all paperwork already! Fine, if any wealthy benefactor wants to force me to speed up the process by paying for it to be done privately, then feel free to discuss! Arm twisting practical, mind control would appeal more, if possible! 😛

So yeah, I’ve had a pondering day, which explains why this is so long today. Hope it hasnt been too much?

Right, video time. A song I dearly loved from the 70’s. And yeah, the guy with the eyepatch could easily have seduced me then, if I’d been an 18 year old girl, just saying…

When I look back upon my life?

I have to say that the only thing that I feel is a shame, is that it took me so long to discover what had been ‘wrong’ with me for just over 40 years! Of course, there is the other way of looking at it, in that sex reassignment surgery back then was so much more basic back then, than now, that whether I would have had it done, even if I could, no idea. I do know that if I knew what I know now, and was in my twenties, and in good physical health, something would be dealt with. Instead, I’m 60, with a few health issues, and a hatred of pain, so no, unless good cause comes up, it probably wont happen. But, never say never…?

Yes, being the ‘shy wallflower’ that I am, if people ask pertinent, and polite questions about the whole Transgender thing, I’m always happy to talk. After all, education is always a good thing. So, if while my Physiotherapist is zapping the pain out of my back, and asks relevant questions, I’m happy to answer them. Of course her main interest is more in the last 20 years, than the first 40, but anyway…

She actually told me today that I probably ought to write my biography, but in truth, its only the current last third that would be of any real interest to anyone.  Alright, fine, now in hindsight, I can look back on the female parts I played acting before then, and see an amusing significance, but in all honesty, they were just a role at the time. Being honest, I think its only really been the last 10 years or so, when its really been full time female that would interest most. I have to say that there is someone whose biography would make a far more entertaining read that I know, that I’d love to write, but whether she will let me, will have to wait and see!

Alternatively, if someone wants to provide me with enough money to do a voyage of discovery to Oklahoma, Texas, and California, and try and discover the full Clara Johnson story, that would be fun. But yes, writing about someone alive, who has numerous friends also alive, as opposed to someone who no one who knew her in her ‘fame’ would be alive, much easier task! But yes, would be very entertaining, I’m sure, to look back on her life!

Given the blog title, you’ve probably worked out the song, so if I ask if my life has been a sin, it shouldnt be much more of a giveaway? Oh, for sure, my life has had a few sinful moments, any actress that says otherwise is probably lying as much as Trump does! And yes, of course, if trying to live as a man was a sin, count me in. Of course there are some who would say that now, living as a woman was a sin, but anyway…

Hopefully, I can look back on my life, in a few years time, or whenever, and even if I have a sense of shame for the first 40, I can be proud of the rest!

OK, the obvious video. Live version, as I cant believe I havent used the original at some point on here. Of course, if its a while back, would have been fine, but anyway…