Yesterday, being the first Saturday in July, was Founders Day at the Grammar School that I went to in Rochester. Shows my age, I left there 44 years ago, though my last Founders Day there would be 1982, the last summer before I moved to Somerset, and I’ve never been back! In truth, but for the fact that I was involved as a scorer, and player for the ‘Old Boys’ cricket team, I probably wouldnt have gone back after 1974, anyway. In fact, the last time I would have done the ‘tour’ of the school on Founders Day would have been 1972, as I was involved with the traditional cricket game in the 2 years after that.
Thing is, said Grammar School was boys only, hence the title of the blog. Title came to me, mainly because of some TV show a few years back (whose name I’ve forgotten), where the punchline item was the ‘Only gay in the village’ for one of the sections of the show. So, is the question right, am I the only girl who has ever gone to that school?
The answer is possibly yes, but at the same time, sheer numbers (120 or so new entries each year) say that over all those decades, there must be more trans, or intersex girls who went there? It was funny, because I was only across the road from where I should have been. Yes, the girls grammar school was literally across the road from us! Yes, strictly I’m intersex, not trans, as I’m the proud owner of an undeveloped womb!
No, I dont suppose now, that I will ever go back. No real desire, and besides, after nearly 50 years, the school would have changed beyond recognition, I’m sure. So probably best to stay away, regardless, as all those cricketers I knew would be retired from the sport, or dead by now.
But yes, wouldnt it be fun, if someone looked back on the list of past pupils now, and by some fate of history, saw a female name on that list! Oh the fun, and go back, and someone asked me if I had a relative at the school, and said no, I was a pupil here, as a woman. Hmm?
Right, video time. I wanted to use Girls School, by Wings, which was actually a double A side, with a far more famous record, Mull of Kintyre. Yes, one is remembered, one isnt. But no, nothing, no video, no live performance, so… I tried a You Tube search, and it came up with this. Not my type of music, but it works, with a one word change!
Firstly, let me say that the title is simply a play on the video song, I have no idea what the lady who is mentioned here, as to what her name was! Secondly, for the few who dont know, and are saying the blog is by Stevie Lou, not Harlean, its one of my transition names, now gone.
Well, summer has most definitely come over here at long last, the weather is glorious, and hot, and my back is thrilled by all that. Beyond a short trip out to get my meds supply earlier today, I havent worn a back brace all day, and its been heaven! Just shows how much heat does my back good, I guess? Fingers crossed the works syndicate was the lucky winner of the £17.9 million on the lottery last Saturday, because if so, I’ll be house hunting soon, somewhere warm. Dont think that idiot Trump will let me move to US, unless I marry, or something, but any offers, lol? No, pigs flying is more likely, on both counts!
So, given the wonderful weather, I’ve gone totally into summer mode, when at home at least, and I’m typing this in a short (above knees, ooh!), 20’s flapper style dress, in a glorious shade of pink. Sadly, I dont know if its the bra (slightly push up), or the dress, but it seems determined to show off my cleavage, and given they are prosthetic’s (vanity, darlings), I cant really flash them to the general public. But no, in truth, I’m not sure if, at my age, I’m prepared to flash this much leg in public, anyway! So, no, sadly, wont be work wear, lol! I know, could be done, but… especially when…
I was coming home from work last night, on the 7.20 bus from Bradford to Huddersfield. I know nothing surprising in that, other than maybe the fact it turned up! On said bus, when I got on, was a woman of my age (or slightly older), who had one of those dresses that you pull up over your boobs (in her case, no bra, unless it was bandeau), and hope it stays there! Yes, why not? And indeed, why not? What really got me though, was when she went to get off the bus. The factor I couldnt see before then, was the bottom of the dress. Lets just say it just about covered her rear!
So is it her thats got it wrong, and that women of our maturity should be a little bit more ‘modest’ than that, or is it me that has it wrong for thinking women in their 60’s shouldnt wear short, revealing dresses like that? Oh fine, I thought, for at least 2 seconds about wearing this dress out to the pharmacy, before deciding no! Now, whether that was due to length at all, or simply the cleavage issue, I decided against it. Yes, I might have thought about it longer, but for the cleavage issue, but even so…
So am I right, or am I just a little too modest for my own good, you tell me! Not that anyone will, I cant remember the last time I got a comment on here, though I usually get a few on Facebook!
Right, video time. It was a toss up between this, and a Kinks song, but voted for this, in the hope I can use the latter later in the summer. Not only do you get Rod, you get the DJ legend that was John Peel too! Yes, this is very much mimed, lol!
Given I wanted to do something Transgender this month, given its Pride month, and everything, but lacking for bright ideas in areas I havent covered previously, lets look at something that I should get removed, but dont fancy the pain of doing so at my age. Thats right, that ghastly bit of my anatomy that a girl shouldnt have, the penis!
To be fair, I’ve always said that if the need arose, principally that I got into a relationship, that might involve sex, then fine, it might be fun to do it as a girl should, I have to admit. Until then, I’ve said that why go through all that pain, and issue, just for myself? And yes, if I was younger, or less bothered by unneeded pain, I probably would. But under the circumstances, no thanks!
The thing is, as I’ve got older, and with the body clearly beginning to fall apart, I’ve been thinking one thing. Do I really want to meet my maker with a bit I should never have had, and could have got rid of, in life? In truth, probably not! But how to get around it? Strictly, the one idea I’ve come up with is flawed. Thats because the moment you actually die, then thats it, time is up, not at the time of burial, cremation, or whatever. So therefore the idea I’ve had, of having it removed after death, but before cremation technically falls down, the soul is already gone by then. But on the other hand, if, at that big moment when I leave the world, hopefully in style, its not there, does that count? In truth, I have no idea if there will be anyone around to mourn for me, but besides all that…? Or do I have to face it, that if I want to go without ‘it’, that it has to be gone before I die?
Of course the same theory comes into play with my boobs. Lets face it, my prosthetics are external, not internal, for a few reasons. Mainly the fact that nowadays, they look good, feel good, and as I’ve previously mentioned, they’re very easy to use, in a pain free form! But whether I could be cremated, wearing them, no idea? I know, some girls are pretty flat chested anyway, but one of the things I love is looking like I’ve got a cleavage, so not having one at the end would be a bit cruel. I know, I wont know either way, but…
I know you can make all sorts of requests for your funerals, but is having your ‘bits bobbed’ a permitted one?
Of course, all this might not be needed, if ‘the one’ comes along, but at my age, I doubt they will! So…?
Right, video time tonight. Firstly the version of the song most will remember.
Secondly, a much crazier, metal version of said song by Leo Moracchioli
One thing I’ve had to accept is the fact I’m getting old now. How much longer I’ve got, who knows? How much longer (given the pain I’ve got now) I want to last, who knows, but in this current organic body (yes, I’d love a cybernetic upgrade, if offered, lol), I dont want it to be forever. Whats the pleasure, when you’ve got a body with permanent ache, and lets face it, even if its now my personal choice (due to no pleasure in surgery pain), I’ve got a body thats screwed up gender wise too! If asked my ambition, I’d aim for a few years of retirement, but not too many, then just leave the world to the next generation. Fine, we dont get all the say we want in that matter, but anyway… But yes, I’ve started planning for the next stage now, that of retirement.
Let me say, I have no idea if my body is still going to be up to work by the time I hit the current retirement age of 66. I’m hoping it is, to build up the work pension, but in truth, not sure that I will. But while I can, I will, at least unless they change the retirement age for women again, something I think that despite campaigns, is not going to happen, but besides that… Not going to hold out for the suggested compensation payment either!
But yes, facing facts, as things stand, just under 6 years from now, I can retire from work. Now, I probably will. Until the back went, given that I could have carried on for a short while, I was considering October 2024 as retirement date (50 years of working life), but now, the sooner the better!
Anyway, last week, got an email at work for a pre-retirement advice course from work (well, I work in right department, lol), but unfortunately saw it one day after the closing date to apply. Anyway, yesterday, got an email that someone had dropped out, I was top of reserve list, so now I’m going. Just under 2 weeks time, in Leeds. I hope I can learn a lot, including how you apply to a previous job for your pension that they owe to you, when you’ve had 2 name changes, and a gender change! I guess the name change isnt going to be new to them, women get married, lets face it, but the gender change might be new to them! Thankfully my National Insurance number hasnt changed, so they should be able to trace it, but… Another advantage of that, payment was due to start at 63, even when the retirement age was 65. It wont be a fortune, but if it makes the differenece between the need to do a 3 day week from 63, instead of a 4 day week, might be handy!
But yes, who knows where life will take me between now, and then, anyway? But hopefully, on 2nd July, I can learn a lot more about that next step in my life thats fast approaching. No, I dont expect the robot body offer in my lifetime, lol!
Right, the video. I always assumed that the US Sports video of this song was the original one, but seemingly not! Bit dated with things like £1 pound notes and the like, but hey, its old, just like me!
Hopefully a few of you will get the connection before you get to the video at least. Or, oh fine, the next line of the blog at least.
Yes, June being Pride month, and me being one of the Diversity leaders at work, I could hardly ignore it, lets face it, so I’m not. Most amusing thing? Well, you know Saturday, in Blackpool? Well, as well as our event, it seems its Blackpool Pride day too! Should be fun, and makes me glad I’ve only got to get back a few hundred yards to the guest house at the end of the day, nothing more!
Why June, you might ask? Hopefully most of my readers know it relates to the Stonewall Riots (yes, where the UK LGBT group got their name from) back at the end of the 1960’s, in New York, but if you didnt, you do now! And yes, however bad some might think things are now, before that time, it was far worse for LGBT folk. Homosexuality was illegal here in the UK until the late 60’s, in my lifetime. As it was done on a state by state basis in the US, I’m not going to mention dates for over there, easiest way.
No, I’ve never been on a Pride Parade as yet, and I guess that at my age, less likely it will happen now, especially now with my health issues. I’ll leave all that to the younger folk lol. Thats not to say I wouldnt, if needed, but as I would probably need someone to push me round the march route nowadays, it wouldnt be fair.
My ideal wish, that we wouldnt need Pride Parades, because LGBT people wouldnt need to stand up and be noticed. Hopefully a decade or two down the road, and all this will be looked back on as ‘Did they really need to do that?’, but sadly the answer is still yes, even if things are a world apart from 50 years ago, and better than 20 years ago, but not perfect. Pretty certain I wont be around to see that, but for those who will a much better life, because of whats been done, I’m pleased for you.
Now fine, I know, and accept that a lot of my readers may be LGBT supporting, but not LGBT. Fine by me, equally as important in my eyes. Just give that sign that you’re an ally, OK?
Right, the video. I know, this actually relates to MLK, but the title, and sentiment so fit in with Pride month, I’m sure Bono wont mind?
Or more strictly, the title should probably just be called ‘Reality TV Roadcrash’, because from what I saw in the trailer item yesterday morning, and the non bigoted tweets about the show on Twitter last night, thats pretty much what it was.
Monday mornings, even on Bank Holidays, the TV options tend to be less than exciting generally, this one was no exception. So I ended up switching on the Breakfast TV show on BBC, mainly to catch up on the news, and the weather, and whatever other rubbish they cover in between.
Because it was a Bank Holiday, I turned on towards the end of the show, rather than the beginning, as I would normally on a working day, and towards the end is when they tend to go with the ‘less serious’ stuff, as they’re getting ready to hand over to the next show. Which was a consumer affair related show, that the facts were just so wrong that, well, I had a good laugh at that too.
What they were talking about yesterday was some reality TV show on a rival channel last night, and seemingly again tonight, called Genderquake. Given it seemed to want to include just about every ‘non binary’ (ghastly term) group of people, it seems the people were young, loud, and the type of people that a boring old ‘lady’ like me would avoid like the plague. Dont get me wrong, I am fine with whatever term people wish to use to describe themselves, I just dislike the way some over react when people get it wrong accidentally, not accepting that the difference between a non binary person, and an intersex person may not be entirely obvious to everyone! In fact, strictly, due to having an undeveloped womb, I’m probably more strictly intersex, than trans, but for the sake of convenience… I’m Trans!
Now to be fair, I took the choice not to watch the show last night, nor do I plan to watch it tonight. Last night, fine the snooker final was on, but I would have probably avoided it regardless. But anyway, seeing the show was ‘trending’ on Twitter, I thought I’d dip in after the event, and see what it said. Lets ignore the bigoted, and anti-LGBT rants going on there (especially anti-trans) , because there are people who are always going to be like that, lets face it. Hopefully in a few decades time, maybe not, but for now…?
To be fair, the actual show comments were hardly flattering about the people involved. It seems there was people outing people who didnt want to be outed, there were others saying horrible things, because not everybody in the world had declared undying love for them, and lots of stuff like that. Of course, we boring, just get on with life type Trans folk dont make good TV for the companies producing junk like this, do we? Lets face it, a 60 year old, just going about her normal daily duties in life isnt the controversial image these people love to create! Ah well… The only sad thing is, too many people think all Trans, and Non Binary (heaven knows how many of these titles there are now?) act this way, when the majority of us dont!
Fine, rant over!
Video time. There was only one song that immediately came to mind that focuses on more than just Trans folk, and this is it. I know, could have used the video, its over 2 years since I did, but then I found this live version…
Alright, lets get back to a more ‘me’ issue, that of LGBT matters. Yes, done my duty, and voted, in case anyone was doubting it.
On one of the numerous golden age (or earlier) movie groups that I’m on, on Facebook, a few days ago, a picture appeared of a pretty looking actress of the past, name of Wynne Gibson. Nothing stunningly beautiful, not a major star, but if you’re asking me that if it arose, could I fancy her as a sapphic partner, oh definitely! But hey, thats not the issue here. Picture came, picture went, thought no more about it.
Then yesterday morning, when I went on the group, some man had posted there, a little too over excitedly for my liking, that there were rumors that she was gay. In truth, a quick glance at Wikipedia suggests it was probably more than a rumor, as she lived closely with another movie actress for a number of years. She also briefly married a man, but whether that was a token thing (it was before her movie career took off), or whether she was bi, who knows, or who cares?
So pretty much, without giving the game away at the time that I was bi, I just asked him,
‘Yes, and so what?’
Anyway, I got a reply that made it clear that he found the idea of a movie actress being sapphic as an ‘exciting’ one to him. So fine, I pretty much left it at that, after an inward role of my eyes. Some other guy then wrote in support of him, I just let that be!
I admit, I’ve heard numerous tales over the years of men, who think that all a lesbian needs is a good man, to see the light, and I’m guessing he’s one of those? Either that, or he’s one of those men who like to be out of the equation, and just see 2 women show how they feel for each other?
I still hope that one day in the future, anyone coming out as gay, lesbian, bi, or whatever really is just treated by everyone as ‘so what?’. Not sure if, and when it will happen for us Trans folk too, but hopefully one day, it will.
Right, video time. Given this song is nearly 30 years old, I’m not sure how many will remember this? Probably more than I think, but will have to wait and see. Yes, strangely enough, the title is in the blog title! Shock horror, almost as shocking as me admitting I’m a Bisexual Trans Lady lol! 😛
Generally nowadays, most sports that I’ve seen in person in my life, I’ve seen both pre, and post transition. In fact I cant think of one that I’ve only seen post transition in truth. There are a few, that I only saw live in school years, because of being on school teams, so in those days, annual trips gave me the chance. The two I remember strongly are tennis at Wimbledon (I wasnt any good, but hardly anyone played, so others got the chance to go, to fill the coach), and athletics, because despite all my physical limitations, there was something about me, and a shot putt, that just clicked for a couple of years, so…Crystal Palace, for some competition saw me there once. The only other two that ring a bell in that sense, are football, because of course when I was young, all boys were expected to go to the game, so I had that initiation of life in my time. I cant see me ever going now, in truth, but never say never, and all that…
The other, and probably only sport that I havent been to post transition, and think that it might be fun to do so, is horse racing. Not because I have any great interest in the sport nowadays, but purely and simply because I think it would be fun, just once, to get dressed up nicely, and taken to the races. Or at least go, if nothing else. In truth, I cant remember the last time I went to the races in this country. I’m guessing it would be Newbury, at some point in 2001, as I working there at the time. In fact, I have been to 1 meeting since then, but it was in the US, at Philadelphia Park, and even that must be about 10 years ago, or more. That was fun, no entry fees! To be honest, I suspect that one of the reasons I havent yet fulfilled my ambition to go to the races in a nice dress, and shoes, is the cost of entry to meetings over here, especially the bigger ones. Yes, Yorkshire sensibilities with money, and spending it, probably play a part in that call.
There is also the factor that one of the major reasons for going to the races is the gambling side of it, and lets face it, I’m a once a year punter now, so…is it a silly thing to want to do? I guess its just one of those silly, completing the circle of life things that I feel I would love to do?
So what brought all this on, you ask? Well, most of my race going has been less than major meetings, with just one little exception, the Punchestown Festival, in Ireland. Yes, that started today. In truth, I watched one race, the fun one. Yes, the one over the cross country course, much more fun than standard racing lol! I went there a few times in the 90’s, never been back since, and now probably never will! Likewise, the only course I’ve never been to, that I would love to go to, is a quirky one. Yes, Laytown, on the beach. I know, you wouldnt wear a nice dress to go there, lol! Still would be on my dream list, but likely to go no further now, I suspect?
Will I complete that circle in life, who knows? If you asked me honestly, probably not. So many reasons its silly to want to do it, and just the one that makes me want to do it, but I’m sure unless I get free tickets somehow, will not get done, ah well. But, maybe…? All the same, dont expect me to wear heels, if I do! 😛 As for Royal Ascot, I really dont think so! Please, me, in a silly hat?
Fine, what would I go to the races for, but to be one of those beautiful dames, of course! So, 30’s musical time…
To amuse some, the title is slightly tweaked tonight. And sadly, due to Sony getting feisty about the original video being on You Tube, this is a slightly cribbed version, but anyway…?
In truth 90% of the time I’m on holiday, in truth, being a single traveler is an advantage for me. No concerns about what others might want to do, and when they want to do it, which is great, most of the time. And even more so now, I dont have to worry about upsetting plans of others if I’m having back issues.
So now I’ve got you wondering about that other 10% of the time, perhaps? Some other fellow singletons may even have worked out what it is, its the evening meal, or more strictly for some, the main meal of the day, whether it be lunchtime, or evening. Yes, we single eaters tend to stand out like a sore thumb, lol. You know, that blight that take up a full table when 2 (or sometimes 4) people could be using the same space, double the profit, and the staff hoping, double the tip!
There is also the issue that while a couple are waiting for their meal to arrive, they can talk, hold hands, or whatever. Though hopefully not certain whatever’s with people at other tables lol. Mind, what I read in some stories, who knows whats going on underneath the table cloth lol! I’m pretty certain thats fiction, but…? Me, I usually have little to do, but sit and wait, and… No, I’m not buying a smart phone just so I can play with that while waiting, OK?
So, once or twice recently, I’ve put ads on Craigslist (or whatever its called?) seeking a dinner companion, and no more, just someone to chat with before, and during the meal, maybe? Even said I’d pay my share unless that was an affront to them, lol! No, I never got a reply, and seemingly I wont now! Because, as I discovered today, Craigslist have removed their personal pages, because of some new ruling, to try and counteract the fact that those sort of places were being used by the adult industry, to find sex, and little else. Ah well, no chance of sex with me, lol! Dont get me wrong, it would be fun being an escort for the night, as long as they didnt want sex afterwards at least!
So, this year at least, my chance to find out if there are any other casual meal sharers, in Seattle, with an interest in Baseball, Harlow, 30’s musicals, or indeed 20’s and 30’s movies as a whole, because my only route to do so is gone. Equally, I’m now not going to find the mad scientist looking for a guinea pig to turn into a robot either! Well, unless someone from Microsoft, with such desire happens to read this, while spying on my postings, lol… Mind, I suspect that a middle aged Trans woman, isnt everyone’s dream date, in the first place, lol. Not that its really a date, just dinner companionship, but…? Ah well!
But yes, if any of my US readers of this (and there seem to be a large number) blog see this, and feel crazy, and think they can chat about these subjects for a couple of hours, then let me know! Usual email address, firstname.lastname@example.org if you dont want to amuse others, might be best way to go. Please note, I will not have a US phone until 20th May (day after arrival), and will then be available until lunch on 27th. So if you dont want to die in the rush (ha ha), you might want to email me before then!
No, I seriously suspect I will be dining alone, and frustrating the waiting staff at my meals yet again, somehow! Unless…?
OK, video time. I’ve used this before, but as I say, Sony have pulled the original, a while back now. This version is someone videoing it off their TV at a guess?
I must admit, the adverts I see out on the street, I tend to just ignore most of them, and they most definitely dont affect my buying habits, even more so in this case. But yes, yesterday, I have to give kudos to Smirnoff, or whoever thinks up their advert campaigns at least. Yes, see blog title above! Seemingly its an advert to support their campaign in favor of LGBT people. Who me? Loved it of course!
Dont get me wrong however, the number of titles, and the like that seem to be springing into life are just plain crazy. Fine, I understand that some people not only dont fit in with the hetro stuff, or even the LGBT title-age, but I think I saw recently that in total, there are now about 40 of these letters to define by! Seriously? Yes, I know its how some feel, but some allies are just going to switch off if its get too crazy! Fine, strictly, I’m Intersex (before a doctor decided), but I’ll stick with being Trans, all the same.
In all truth, hopefully 50 years from now, all of this will simply be a matter of ‘So What?’ Not in my life, and I’m sure a few Evangelical crazies will go to their graves still denying it for centuries, but anyway…Got a sweet moment for them with the video, by the way! 😉 Fine, its funny, I try not to let them get to me, but every so often, its fun to try and blow their (very) tiny minds!
What amuses me, is that as I enter what is the final quarter of my life, I seem to be becoming more of a spokesperson for LGBT issues (especially Trans) than ever before. Maybe I’m meant to go out in style, and be remembered for something, after all? Though in truth, if I do, I’m likely to be the dullest looking Trans spokesperson ever! Yes, simple, 50’s housewife style Trans spokeswoman would be more my scene than the outrageous short skirt, and high heels type, lol! Not saying that it wouldnt be fun to dress up in something sexy, and flaunt my talents that way, but I think Clara Johnson used up most of those skills in her life as a dancer in the film musicals! Mind, if one wonderful friend had her way, I probably would do it, at least once! Oh, and fine, yes, I’d love it, I suspect!
Which leads me to the last point here tonight. Said wonderful friend (I’m not naming her without permission, which I havent asked) would love me to go over to her corner of Florida, do some talks, presentations, or whatever to the young Trans folk of her corner of the world, and show them that you dont have to be ‘loud and proud’ to be Trans, unless you really want to be. She wants them to see that some Trans people can live quietly as a woman, pass totally under the ‘crazies’ radar, and have a happy, and satisfying life. Fine, I’m very single at present, and I cant see anyone falling in love with me, but who knows? That would certainly be the only way I would have that op done, for sure. Still not letting any surgeon develop my womb, mind. Yes, I do have one, proving I was intersex, really, just never developed!
Sadly, the only reason I cant go out and do this, is the financial one. Mind, if a few of you want to write and say, ‘Set up a crowdfunder, and we will provide sponsorship’ either on here, or email me at email@example.com (I get so much spam there already, more isnt going to get noticed), and I will do so. Hey, if a condition is that I then come to your corner of the US, and do the same, lets talk! I know (from stats) that I have plenty of readers over there, so if you, or your employers want me to come and talk about Trans, or LGBT issues, just say something, OK? If not, hopefully she can arrange some sponsorship in her corner of the world, but if folk reading this want to save her the effort?
OK, request over!
Right, the video. How about a lesbian singing a song about a son of a preacher man to annoy the Evangelical crazies, lol?