Category Archives: Transgender

Something’s got a hold on me

Well I would guess its go surprise to people here if I do a Transgender posting here, even if strictly I’m intersex, but I will still always relate to mtf transgender issues, even when I do finally get the operation out of the way, and yes, I hope the brain issues wont stop that at least. But making a post where I disagree with the transgender crowd, well…

Its fair to say at my age, even ignoring the new health issues, that I’m never going to play sport again at my age. The only sport I really played at anything more than basic level more than a couple of years after leaving school was cricket, and though I was a decent player (I played both at school, and club levels), I was never going to be a world beater. I did play a little recreational golf after I left school, but that soon stopped after a couple of years, due to lack of time, and not being a Nick Faldo/Laura Davies at the game, it was never going to go further. I think at one point I was a 13 handicap, which isnt amazing, but not awful either. I did try again, about 25-30 years later, but lets say I was more like a 113 handicap by then.

But then, since I started to transition, apart from the issue of getting old, I decided it was the end of my sporting career anyway. I know, strictly, I could play as a woman, especially after transition was confirmed, but even if I’d been in a position to play sport as a woman, I dont think I would. I know, you look at me, and apart from perhaps the height issue (I’m 5ft 9 tall/ 1.74 m?) I’ve got the build of a woman, but anyway…

I know some have, and more will, but its just how I feel about things, OK?

But it seems that some are so determined to make it at sport, that they have less morals about matters than me. It seems one team in the Kent Women’s Cricket League are so determine to succeed that rules, well… Now let me say I’ve only read one article about this, and the club, and the player involved dont want to say anything on the subject, but… One ladies team seeming include a ‘woman’ who is strongly built, 6ft 1 in height in their team.

Fine, but this is seemingly a woman who hasnt declared to be transitioning, isnt taking female hormones, and according to reports only declares as a woman on cricket match days, which seems very convenient. Of course she’s scoring lots of runs, taking lots of wickets, and all that stuff. So suddenly a moderate team has become a league winning capable team, isnt that handy?

Now, I wouldnt want to say she isnt genuine in the transition, but if so, why isnt she living as a woman for 7 days of the week? Yes, I do cynically wonder if this will be a 1 year wonder, or not? Handily for them, in England, unless you get into National Squad contention, you dont get sex tests done!

In the sense of glory, I dont care how desperate this team are to win, by doing things like this, but my concern is the simple one, if as I suspect it will, this is proved to be a fraud, where does it leave genuine transgender people in the future, both in terms of general life, and things that are gender related, from public conveniences upward? But yes, life is hard enough for us, without people working the system for the sake of glory, because lets face it, as has happened with this, its eventually going to get out, and probably in a negative way.

OK, rant over. Mind, I’ve acted as a woman, even before I started transitioning (long before in fact), but that was just a part I was needed to play, that I didnt cheat anyone out of, so… The fun is, if it wasnt for the health issues, I might have been acting this autumn as a woman again, ah well…

Right, video time. One of my favourites of all time, in truth. Yes, I’d love to be the lady in grey, with the helmet in this, seriously

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Here comes my baby?

I was reading an interesting article yesterday about something very relevant to many transgender women. Strictly it doesnt apply to me for two reasons. First, I’m strictly too old, and secondly, strictly, I dont need one, already got one. Yes, wombs, and baby bearing for transgender women. As I say, I’m too old genetically, and never had any desire to have babies anyway. But yes, I’ve got a womb anyway, even if not fully developed. I do actually wonder if I’ve only got one (obvious) piece of male genitalia, but until they take a look, who knows?

Equally, I do know a number of younger transgender women who would love to have a baby, so if this concept actually comes to fruition, its going to leave them with an interesting decision to make, for sure. Dont get me wrong, the whole act of changing your ‘bits’ isnt an easy operation, but compared to the whole act of designing internal bits to allow for the fitting of a womb, I suspect its a whole less lot complex. Why I say a decision is because its obviously not something they are initially do for everyone transitioning, because lets face it, for those like me, its a wasted effort. Also, seemingly, as to start with at least, its going to require a donor womb, its probably going to delay your op being done.

Yes, donor wombs can be done, thats what the article was about, that a 35 year old woman has just got pregnant using a donor womb originally from a 45 year old women, who was sadly killed in a road accident. And yes, someone raised the question of whether in the future, the same could be done for a transgender woman, and of course, the answer was yes, though as they said, there may be unknown physical issues that a natural woman wouldnt have, but until they look into it…?

Me, I’ve never wanted to be a mother, or indeed any kind of parent, but that might just be my physical build? But no, I have no desire to have my womb made usable, even more so at my age, but hopefully it brings hope to the younger transgender generations at least.

OK, video time. I was thinking of something different, but then You Tube put this on my suggested list, so saved me the search. Lets face it, its not even about the same generation of baby!

 

A whole different role

As is sometimes the way, its fair to credit my inspiration (not literally) for tonight’s blog, a gentleman by the name of Eddie Deezen. You may have heard of him, or more likely heard him, because a lot of his career in recent(ish) years have been doing voices for cartoon series, and the like. For me, at my age, I remember him more for parts in both Grease films, hence tonight’s video. Anyway, this morning on his Facebook page (yes, we are friends there, fame for me, lol, though I also count Bruce Glover as a friend on that front too, ooh.

Anyway, this morning, he was posting something about someone who he had acted with in a film, and something she had done since then. Yes, I know, go find the name, fine, I did, Tawny Kitaen, he’d found an old picture of the two of them, from a film named Happy Hour, which was nothing to do with the Housemartins song, lol. Such a big film it hasnt even got any details about it on Wikipedia lol.

Anyway, this really isnt about her, its about something I did in 1979, to help a few friends out. Basically, they wanted to make a promo video, and for some reason best known to themselves, they decided to use the 2 most famous songs from Grease. They were filling the main parts, but they needed a few more to make up the 2 ‘gangs’ and I got dragged in as one of the guys. I know, be very different now, but more on that in a moment.

Given that I heard nothing more about it, I presume the video sunk like a brick, but as a 21 year old, doing amateur dramatics, and nothing more, it wasnt the end of the world for me. Mind, if it struck gold 4 years later, I wouldnt have been around for them to find me anyway. Either that, or they made it,  didnt need the supporting cast, who knows? I wasnt a great singer, but just going “Woo, woo, woo” I could cope with! As far as I know, its not on You Tube, but please dont go looking for it, just in case.

I forgot all about it, but then, out of the blue, I got a friend request on Facebook from Eddie, looked him up on Wikipedia, went ‘Oh my god” and accepted quickly. Amusing story, his friend number was at the limit, so I sent a message telling him so, assuming that would be it, but no, he made room for me, and the rest was history.

Its funny to think that now, if I was still that age I’d actually be in the girl gang, not the boys! Mind, now I’m more the age for the role played by the legendary Joan Blondell, than the girl gangs, now wouldnt that be fun?

So yes, lets finish going round the sun, to meet the moon on this blog, and get to the videos. Yes, 2 tonight for the price of one. Firstly, a live Olivia Newton John version, without Travolta

Then the one from the movie, with Travolta

I just hope no one can find that fun video including me, thats all I wish!

That feeling, here it comes again!

Yes, I know its been a while since the previous blog, but unfortunately there has been a good reason. Saturday, seemingly I had another seizure. I know, I really could do without them, but such is life that I seem to be stuck with them now. This one was seemingly back to the old formula, I knew nothing about it at the time. It seems I did come round after a short period of time, so was just put to bed to recover (as they were advised), and some time in the middle of Monday morning I finally came around sufficiently to get up. I was apparently woken a few times to check I was alive, and to take my pills, but was otherwise just left to recover.

I took the choice to go up the hospital on Monday, as I was still a bit ‘woozy’ but after a few hours I got cleared, and came home again. I cant say the hospital handled the next step brilliantly, first offering me transport home, only to then eventually be told they didnt do that. Let me say that didnt surprise me, but why offer it in that case?

I did eventually sort out a taxi at the second attempt to get me home, which seemed an excessive fare, but other than that…

Unfortunately all this meant that both the tests that were meant to happen over the weekend never happened, which frustrated me, but such is life, as they will need to be rearranged. Hopefully I dont have to wait 3 months for another MRI, because I think a friend in US will blow his temper if I do. I suspect the EEG will get rearranged after an apology, and explanation though. I have to check with someone for availability to get me there, but otherwise..  Not that its my fault, but all the same…

Oh, and I think thats it for work too. My bosses have been wonderful in giving me time to get things sorted, but my half pay thing runs out at the end of next month, and being practical, after Saturday, I’m not working again anytime soon, so the inevitable is going to happen, thats it. Well I never thought it would end like this, but so it seems… I know, in the old days, I would have retired at 60, so… Ah well,  I can get on with considering getting something ‘lopped off’ I guess? I wonder what will be the first location that I will have visited as a guy, a ‘girl’, and as a proper woman? A lot will depend on the date you officially say I was a ‘girl’ lol? If you say its 2002, that takes out most of US (beyond New England), but if its 2009 (official transition) then its more likely US, though ironically not LA (never as a guy). A lot is going to depend when the ‘snip’ happens, I guess?

I must admit, it will be nice to be able to wear a swimsuit, or dress, and not worry about I might be revealing, I must admit. Anyway, thats the depressing news, or however you want to look at it. So on to the video. What I felt when I realised I’d had another seizure, I guess?

Make me a natural woman?

Seeing I promised to throw this piece of hypothesis up to (hopefully) a bigger audience, I’d better be a good girl and do so. Let me add that regardless, its not going to change my view on my status, and also, at this point at least, I must point out that beyond knowing that I have a womb, I have no idea whatsoever as to what the rest of my internal genitalia is, as no one has ever checked beyond that point. So if its discovered I have other boy bits internally, the whole question counts for nothing, but…

Given the whole ‘feminist lesbian’ group, who believe you cant be a woman unless you ‘in every way’ present as a woman, stance (no!), against the whole young Trans Activist thing, who believe that someone who hasnt even reached puberty, let alone the age of consent just be allowed to change gender (equally no!) battle that is going on, I’ve decided to take the ‘easy’ route out, and declare myself Intersex, which strictly I am, but it takes a whole lot more explaining, but anyway…

(For those not up on the matter, it means, in my case at least, that I have the most obvious boy bit at present, but equally I have a womb, which most would say is one of the more obvious women bits, but anyway. As to what else I have in there, probably best I dont know! But the thought that struck me is this, if I only have one boy bit, and I get rid of that, does that actually make me a natural woman?

Given that nowadays they dont actually remove it, just using the flesh to create the vagina, I guess that strictly I wont get rid of it anyway, but equally,  if it was meant to be a vagina in the first place…?

Strictly, as I say, it really doesnt matter, all my paperwork says I’m female, even without the bits being bobs, and besides, assuming medical permission for the surgery given things, I plan to get it done, so… But yes, just an interesting thought, if all my bits are then female, does that mean I’ve transitioned, or do I become a natural woman?

So yes, as my dear friend Kiefer suggested, this has to be the obvious song. Just that most people would assume Aretha, so coming out of left field, its Carole King, who actually happened to help write the song, as well as, in this case, sing it.

Foxy lady on the run?

I know, two in a row, but lets get them out of the way when I can remember what the blog subject is, OK? Probably nothing tomorrow mind, just saying.

A couple of days ago I saw an article which saddened me, but didnt surprise me, in truth. I dont expect every in my life for there ever to come a time when the LGBT hate percentage reaches single figures, let alone zero. But over the last decade or so, the reported homophobia/LGBTphobia percentage had been going down. The last survey a couple of years ago showing 25% of people being anti LGBT people, from dislike, to downright hate. Too high I grant you, but better than the 34% it was a decade ago. This year, for the first time since 2007, the figure went up, back up to 28%.

Of course the increase may not be a genuine increase, its just that now, with seemingly the whole world swinging further to the right, it might just be that people are more emboldened to say what they really think. It certainly seems the case in the US, and has been so for a while, but now it seems to be growing in the UK too. I suspect, as I say, that some of this is people who never liked LGBT people, but didnt say anything are now opening coming out and showing their hate, though I suspect others are being influenced by social media and friends too.

Especially when you see pieces that show LGBT people infecting others by spraying them with ‘gay water’ and the like, which is comical, but frighteningly, some believe it. There is also the fact that so many LGBT people (notably a group of Lesbians, and young Trans Activists) nowadays believe they literally have to get in the face of straight people to get their message over, rather than polite education.

I dont see what straight people have to worry about in truth. We dont secretly slip potions, or inject people with anything that instantly turns them gay. I hate to break it to the cranks, but it cant be done. Though mind, its believed all people are born bisexual, its just that tradition, and peer pressure means that most believe that boys will date girls, and anything else will destroy the world. Sorry, it wont! But equality, when there is a group of lesbians who wont date bisexual women because they might taint themselves with a date (or more) with a man, what hope is there of putting on a united front?

I know, I’m preaching to the converted, the LGBT haters arent going to read a blog by me, lets face it. But if any read this, just ask yourself why you’re afraid of LGBT people, realise how daft you are, and accept us. No, feel free to be an ally, and no more, thats all we ask.

Of course, if it makes someone feel better about coming out, by thinking I’m twisting your arm, or your mind, with this blog, why not? But I’m not, OK?

Right, the video. most women of my age nowadays, chasing younger men, or women, are known as cougars. But guess what, we used to be called wily old foxes. And yes, who knows, very soon, I might be out there, on the run for a young partner to care for me? Tenuous, but its the excuse for tonights glam rock video, just saying…

Marketing crash

The funny thing with some TV commercials is when they get the accompanying music really wrong. Generally its because they see the song title, and dont look into the actual lyrics, or meaning of the song, and see that it causes the whole thing to backfire on them.

There is a car company over here, called Seat trying to sell one of their cars at the moment. Please, I’m a non driver, I have no idea which brand it is, I dont care. Even if I was a driver, I’d be barred now for at least a year because of the seizures, anyway. As it is, I dont drive regardless, but…

They are clearly trying to make their car seem cool, and exciting, so some marketing whizz kid looked at a list of suitable song title, and lo and behold, someone thought Lou Reed’s song, ‘Walk On The Wild Side’ to be right. After all, their car is clearly meant to have a wild side, so perfect.

Of course, as anyone cool enough to know the song, or old enough to remember it coming out, its all about a different kind of wild side. Transgender/Crossdressing, lots of drugs, lots of prostituting style selling of bodies for sex, all of which are perfectly suitable for the selling of cars to families, well…maybe not?

Of course, the sad fact is, that most of their prospective market just think of it being a cool tune to try and sell a car, given the song is now nearly 50 years old! But yes, this ‘Holly/Candy/Carla?’ just finds it rather ironic, and amusing when they are trying to sell a family car.

Yes, I know, almost as ironic as all these American politicians using ‘Born in the USA’ as a patriotic song, I guess?

I wonder when someone is going to start using ‘The Final Countdown’ for an event due in October over here, lol.

Right, the video. Yes, the very obvious song, could I do anything else? Of course, being that old, a true live performance, no go. But at least this version has Holly, Candy, Joe, and a few others included in it, as a touch of history

Yours sincerely, wasting away

Funnily enough, if there was ever a day designed to make me feel my age, its been today. I know, I do sort of know already, given I’m getting lined up for medical retirement and all that very soon, but even with that…

Ironically, in the post today I got a letter from my bosses, informing me of my current pension position with them. No, its not enough at present, even if I could walk through to 66, and lets face it, I’m not going to even get to 62 because of my body, and my brain, and well, everything else, I guess? At least the matter is now in process, the EEG on Friday, the MRI  within a couple of weeks of that, and short of a ‘Dr Frankenstein’ type makeover, as far as work is concerned, ‘She lives!’ on the personnel list wont be for much longer.

In all honesty now, if a miracle did arise, and they can solve my problems, its going to mess up my plans. Because, in truth, I’ve already started to plan post medical retirement. Assuming its ‘only’ epilepsy (I know, but compare to anything more critical with my brain, it counts as only), I will be allowed to fly again, and judging by what I can see on the internet, the pill I now need to take to keep the epilepsy under control, wont stop me being able to take those female hormones that will give me an amazing pair of DD boobs! Yes, kidding, I think, but who can tell what will happen, given its quite likely all my internal bits (not just the womb) are female? I doubt will get that big, but…?

In truth now, I’m looking forward to getting it all done, if only for clothing wishes, not for sex! Not having to worry about clothing clinging to stuff I shouldnt have, and it showing, and being able to flaunt a bit of cleavage will be fun, I must say.

So yes, all permitting, after the Autumn holiday, I’ll become even more female than now, that will be good. Now they’ll tell me its curable, quickly, lol, ah well… I dont know if the following holiday to the US will be ‘latex catsuit permit-able’ (think about it), I suspect it will take longer than that, but… And no, at my age I dont see me doing the whole latex catsuit thing anyway. Well, if its metallic silver, but seriously… I’m not sure what the plans are for the following holiday to the US, because if I have retired, my only limit will be the 90 day visa, and at least a couple are looking into medical ways to let me extend that!

The other thing that made me feel old, and fragile today, I can blame on Twitter. Something called ‘Disability Compliments’ are trending on there today, and as you can easily guess, its not that complimentary to disabled people! Seriously, if you are on there, go take a look, and hopefully wince, and say that you’d never say them. And yes, I’ve been on the receiving end of a few of those, some of which I’ve added to the collection!

Oh, and top of all that, one of the cats here is also feeling her age now, or maybe has something wrong with her, because she’s hobbling around worse than me, and thats saying something. She will be off to the Vets when the others get back, I’m sure, as I’m just her temporary nurse, lol.

So yes, this is the ‘pensioner house’ at the moment, or will be shortly, lol.

OK, strictly I’m 3 years too young for this, but what else could I go with. No, I cant find a full length Beatles/McCartney video for this, but these twins are fun, and talented, so…

 

Hunting for a brain, high or low?

For any ‘snowflakes’ or similarly delicate people reading this, you might want to move on quickly, internal bits issues. All others duly warned, tale of the day.

So yes, I finally was here, the big day when I was going to get a clue about my fate in life. The ‘entertainment’ started early, as I was trying to convince my body to provide the required urine sample. My mixed up plumbing decided it didnt want to play ball, and in trying to push it out, I set off my occasional bowels issue ((blockage), and I just locked up completely for about 50 painful minutes, with nothing coming out either end, though both ends needed to, and I could feel it. Eventually I won on one front, then the sample bottle got filled rapidly an hour or so later, so…

One first today, the use of a blue disabled badge for me, in a parking space. Fine, it was Eric’s, but in truth, but for him having one, I’d probably need one now. Got weighed, 83 kg/ 183 lbs which is a bit higher than it was, but lets face it, I can hardly do much exercise in last 3 months, I’ve hardly got any mobility, but anyway… This does strictly make me slightly overweight by a few pounds, but nothing dramatic (just checked).

Then on to the doctor, and a discussion of things. Thankfully Ella was with me, as I literally remember nothing about any of my seizures, and she at least saw the last one, so was able to give details. The doctor then wanted to test my balance, by walking one foot literally in front of the other, but my balance is wrecked by my damaged knees, so it didnt get far!

The end results. my medication level has been doubled (or will be after transition week), but I was on lowest level up to now, so hopefully not a big thing. I’m also being booked in for an EEG test (to see if they can locate the issue), and then an MRI test (to see if I’ve got a brain. No, seriously, to see if its any more than epilepsy), which should happen over the next 4 weeks or so. Seems it might be related to a fall out of a loft 32 years ago, though not definitely, but it could kick in now, wow! No decision on freedom to fly until after MRI, which makes sense, but will be fine if just epilepsy, which lets hope it is, as crazy as that sounds!

I asked about work, he didnt seem as hot on the ‘never work again’ thing as some, but equally, he was talking about a year or so of recovery, and I am 61, and would then be 62, and would retire at 66, so… Besides which, my voice breaks down under stress, so could hardly do my current job, so I think it almost certainly is it, but again, lets see what the brain scan says. Famous last words… But seriously, given it all, and my lack of mobility, I think retirement on medical grounds is a certainty. In theory, I could do a non phone job, but it takes me a lot longer to do anything, so…nope!

I stated I was Intersex, but didnt ask questions about compatibility between the epilepsy pills, and female hormones. I’ll leave that for my own doctor, lol. But yes, if retired, and allowed, it is a pledge I made, lol.

That, pretty much was it. Collect my new prescription, collected some cash to get my hair done (coloured and cut) on way home. Yes, would love it done this way, but I suspect I will have to settle for modern methods

hair curling

So no, seemingly I dont get the full robot bodysuit just yet, lol. But yes, I’m looking forward to the EEG, and MRI ‘messing around’ with my mind, all the same. 😉 Yeah, I wish! Mind, if anyone wants to provide me with one, fully interfacing or otherwise…?

Right, video time. What someone might be doing, when it comes to my brain, shortly?

Time for a boob job?

No, I’m not really being serious about cosmetic surgery, though equally, if anyone is offering to pay for a pair for me, lets talk, it might be fun!

As anyone who knows me well, or has read many of these will know, I look like I’ve got a quite decent cleavage. Nothing ridiculous, but not flat chested either. But no, I’ve never had any assistance up top, of the surgery kind, even though I must admit, but for the cost, it might just be fun. Nothing crazy, but a nice pair of B, or C cups, internally, might be fun.

No, what I use too attract the male eye, and it works, is the same sort of prosthesis that women who have had a mastectomy use. Being silicon, they feel about the right weight, they give about the right bounce, and yes, they give me a nice form, and figure, and I suspect, that extra wiggle when walking.

The snag with them is that the covering isnt the most resilient thing in the whole world, so they have to be looked after with a bit of care. Which is one reason I have a foam pair for sleeping in bed. But with reasonable care, and not over stressing them, they last quite well.

Of course, the snag was, when I had the seizures in Blackpool, I was wearing them. Only snag with this was, they left me to sleep on my side, which put pressure on my right breast, and yes, the skin of the breast didnt stand the strain, and began to leak. To be honest, I’d had them a while, so it wasnt the end of the world that I had to buy a new pair as replacements.

Yes, then we had the second bout of seizures, and yes, you’ve guessed it, the same situation has arisen again. The left is fine, the right, not so! Trouble is, when you’ve got less money coming in, these things arent cheaper, even if they’re a lot cheaper than surgery lol!

To be honest, for the last few weeks, I’ve been sort of playing the ‘Catch 22’ scenario, that hopefully gets sorted on Tuesday. If the inevitable happens on Tuesday, then I’ve made the comment that I’m going to complete transition, medical permission granted. And lets face it, those nice female hormones are going to make my ‘boobies’ bigger anyway, I’m sure. But being honest, I’m not likely to start the day after the news is confirmed, though I doubt it will take long to get started, if honest with myself.

So yes, its more the cost, and seizure thing at present. If I buy another (I could just get a right one, I gather), how long to the next seizure? Hopefully never, but realistically…?

I must admit, the other thing that would make an internal boost more fun, is the dresses I could then wear. Currently, I have to be careful with what I wear (and reveal), because however good these prostheses are, they arent a perfect match to flesh. But if I had them internally, oh, couldnt I be ‘naughty’? Ah well…

I suspect, like most things at present, I’m going to wait and see what I’m told on Tuesday, then make a choice. Not the surgery, I’m sure, short of a lottery win, or a wealthy benefactor, but other than that…? But I must admit, one of the things pushing me on to transition is the thought I can wear sexier clothing, as I wont have to worry about revealing cleavage (can enjoy doing so, in fact), or the thing that a women shouldnt have! Yes, naughty girl! I swear its the outrageous actress in me, but besides that…

OK, video time. When I was growing up in the 80’s, there was one pair of boobs that were seemingly more famous than any others. She tried a brief, but unmemorable music career, and this is from that!