Category Archives: Marmalade

Falling apart at the seams

Yes, folks, its official, I either need to be put down, or cybernetically upgraded (robot exoskeleton might do), as another part of me ‘failed’ last night. Well, thats not strictly true, I’ve had issues with my knees for about 50 years now, so this happening isnt a total shock. Especially as this same event has happened before, but not in a long time. But now that I’m literally falling apart, its coming back again lol!

Last night, coming home, I was literally at the gate at home, about to turn in, and the next thing I knew, I was sprawled across the pavement, in a less than glorious heap. Thankfully I fell forward, so no more damage done to the back at least! No, I hadnt had too much to drink (not had alcohol since wedding in September), or anything like that, it was simply a case of my much surgically repaired right knee completely giving way under me!

Dont panic, a minute or two later, I was able to pick myself up, walk through the gate, walk through the door, and be home, safe and sound. Even more ironic, even though I removed about half the skin on my knee, there was no blood! Why, because my circulation in my legs is so poor, there is little blood flowing down there! So yes, cut knee, damaged pride, but no bloody scene. Just what I need on top of everything else.

Yes, its sore, and yes, it hurts, a bit, even 24 hours on, after a reasonably restful day, and work day medications, instead of the lower level I normally get by with, on a day off. No, I wont be running for a bus tomorrow at any point, but I’ll get by, I’m sure. But yes, just what I need, on top of everything else.

The other amusing medical fact this weekend, is that I seemed to catch a cold, or something, in the rain last Tuesday in Haworth. Normally at that point, You’d take Lemsip, or a cheap equivalent, right? Not me, do you know how much paracetamol is in those things? So yes, given that I’m already taking painkillers with that stuff, no go!

Ah well, the ‘joys’ of getting old, I guess? 😦 As I say, someone shoot me, or turn me into a robot, or something, please! I swear it would be for the best lol!…rolls eyes… OK, I’d enjoy the robot bit way too much, but…

The video tonight is a song I dont expect any reader to know. Its 42 years old, it was only a minor hit, and all that. But yes, just seemed rather apt, and provided the blog title too!

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When I was young, I used to act…

I’ll give you one piece of warning, if anyone can work out the video from that, I’m amazed, because its about the biggest double bluff I’ve ever thrown! So no, it definitely isnt ‘Family Tree’, just saying.

Given that I’ve not asked permission, and its a Facebook friend I dont really know personally, I’m not going to say who it was, or provide any sort of link to it, but this morning they posted about considering going to Art School, instead of maybe what they see as a more sensible career. Me, I’d say go for it, if its your wish, regardless. Because the one thing you dont want to be doing in 40 years time, like I could be, is wondering where it might have led you, if you’d taken the braver step. Who knows, it might be for the better, it might be for the worse, but if its your ambition, then go for it!

As I said in the title, when I was young, I used to act. It started in Primary school, continued through Grammar school as a serious thing, even if in truth, I might not have been the worlds greatest actor, but who knows? If I’d gone to Drama courses, at university or something, after school, I might be anywhere now. Hollywood? Well, maybe? I doubt it somehow, but I might be earning a steady salary in the theater, or movies, or…but no, I’m working in an office instead. Its a nice office, dont get me wrong, but if I’d set out to fulfil my dream?

The first few years after I left school (no university, family needs meant I had to get to work ASAP), I did my best to carry on, but once I started commuting further afield to London, it had to take a back seat. I did do some more once in Somerset/Dorset in the 90’s, which was fun, local, and nice to do again. And like riding a bike, I would say I hadnt lost the technique.

Since then, not a lot, and in more recent years, nothing at all, in truth. Why, I suspect at first it was the questions I was asking myself about my gender, and then work, and everything else, its ground pretty much to a halt. I’d like to think that one day I will get the call, pick up again, and get back to it, though I doubt it now. One friend ‘foresees’ I will, but maybe I’m more practical than her, in accepting that no, my dream of being a star actress (nowadays) are pretty much gone.

Do I regret that? Yes, probably I do, but thats life for me, I guess, and I have to accept that. But do I wonder, if things had been different, and I’d done drama courses, and more, after I’d finished school, either at a drama school, or university, whether I might have made it? Yes, of course I do, even if the chances it would have happened might be slim, there would have been that chance, so…

The other interesting thought, especially if I’d played a few more female roles (I really should have taken the hint!) later on, would I have transitioned at a younger age, made it truly as an actress? Again, I’ll never know, but…

So yes, this comment is aimed more at the young, or younger people reading this. If you have a dream for yourself, go for it. If it doesnt work out, you can always get a ‘real job’ later, but give it a try. Just dont be, in 30 or 40 years time, be typing on whatever computer, or related device you’re using by then, your thoughts on wondering what might have been, just saying.

Right, video time. Its not the blog title, but you could say its what I’ve been doing in here. This version is a live version from last year, which truly has the singer reflecting on his life.

This one, 47 years earlier, from the year I changed to Grammar School, is the original version