OK, so time wise, I did think about leaving this until tomorrow, but I promised people some pretty depressing news, so pledge kept. Yes, I know, a week ago I thought I was hitting that high, but sadly it was just an illusion.
Yes, you guessed it, that job I thought I’d got, just a con. And yes, I was so desperate for a job, that despite the wage screaming at me, as being wrong, I jumped at it. And yes, the security check, and having to pay for it, sounded fair, so I went ahead and done it. I know, bigger fool me, but I need the job!
Anyway, having got to Thursday, when I was promised contact to arrange induction, and further details, and heard nothing, I sent off an email enquiring about this. Then Friday morning, guess what, I got an email from them! But no, not a reply to mine, but the identical email to the one I’d received a week earlier. Mind, given when I’d had no reply on Thursday (all replies previously answered very promptly), I feared the worst, but this just confirmed it. So yes, I took to Google, to try and discover more, and at that point, everything unraveled big time. To cut a long story short, I’d been conned, and fallen for it.
The worst thing, I’d turned down a couple of other assessments, and interviews, because I thought I’d found a job, and then finally discovered, I hadnt. Yes, I did for a while after that contemplate just saying “Oh, blow it”, and bringing an end to it all (Yes, tried it before, many years ago, when I first discovered the whole transgender thing), but I think I’ve got past that point now, but dont quote me on that! So yes, over the weekend, I’ve got back to sending off job applications, and trying to see if I can recover the ones I turned down, so lets hope something comes of it. Not exactly full of hope (understandably), but we will see.
But yes, the biggest snag I have now, is that the money I threw away, I really couldnt afford to lose. So now, instead of having 3 weeks rent that I could scrape together, with a little bit to spare, I now have 2, and a bit more to spare, but not enough for a weeks rent! Even less so, if I have to start paying out for fares to get to job interviews, but anyway…at least getting one, might get me out of a hole, though even then, by the time I get paid… Oh, and strictly, I need some cheap furniture for here too, assuming I’m going to be here long enough to make it matter!
So yes, I’m begging, anyone in a position to help? Money, simply to keep me going, or if you have a small wardrobe, or chest of drawers, that you can get to me, to save me buying one in a charity shop, shout! Its funny, when I asked if anyone would ‘rescue me’ if I needed it, I bet most thought I was just exaggerating things. See, you were wrong!
In a perfect world, I would love to just start all over again, somewhere in the US, and try and build myself a new life, and make this one work. But this world isnt perfect, and besides, I havent got enough for the air fare for most of the US, and thats before the next rent is due on Wednesday! After that…nope!
So yes, understandably, just at this moment, I’m still pretty low. Though as Elton John said, I’m still standing, but only just! And for how much longer? Help!
Right, so now you know, at least. The video, well, I did think about the Elton John one, but given that Bowie died recently, and its a brilliant video, and its apt…
OK, lets have a look back on that dramatic dating agency experience, looking for men, and ponder the next, perhaps more daring step.
As I said a few posts back, the one thing that surprised me, was that men didnt seem to want a submissive transgender girl to perform sex on them, they wanted to perform sex on me! And yes, I expect most of them would say they were straight, but anyway…Of course, as history shows, that might all be talk, as that seems to be as big a step as anyone on there wants to take, well, for men of my age at least. Younger people might tell a different story, but for those of us of an older generation…
But as one friend pointed out to me, they were surprised at my choice of gender chasing, because as they said to me, I’d be happier with a woman, in a lesbian relationship, and yes, I think they’re right. But was it worth trying it out, to see what happened? Yes, I think it was, and I’m glad I did it, in one sense, though I’m not sure it was ever the right one.
But yes, tomorrow, I plan to change the advert to woman seeking woman, and see what happens? Me, I’m not sure that lesbian women will really want a woman around them, with an extra bit, but who knows, I was surprised by the number of men looking for women who wanted to, and did contact me. I’ll be honest, I have no idea what level of contact I will get, if any, but I wouldnt be surprised to get a small number at least. Maybe more, who can tell? And whether those that do, want to do more than chat, that might be another issue!
And after that experiment has had its time, I suspect it will be going back to a single life. A female partner would be wonderful, but seriously…?
OK, fine, tonight, lets go for the double, artist wise at least, for the video. Well, some might say that a Transgender girl, looking for a female, lesbian partner, might a be a little rebel?
Yes, before anyone asks, this is an addition to the normal piece, which I only wish I didnt have to write.
The first time I really came across David Bowie, was as a 14 year old, watching Top Of The Pops, on the TV. This came on, and changed my whole look at music dramatically,
Yes, probably less dramatic now, but at the start of the 70’s, it did, if not quite literally, blow your mind. Not sure if that was the start of my love of all things glam rock, but it probably played a part! The thing was, unlike most groups of that glam rock era, he changed his look, and music. But then, in 1980, in a last look back, out came ‘Ashes To Ashes’, and that famous video. Sorry, go find it, one in a blog is enough lol!
Then the next thing we know, a total change of look, and style, as ‘Lets Dance’ came out. By the mid 80’s, things started to calm down, output wise, but still he tinkered, and changed things for several years. Then, until the last couple of years, things went quiet, and then out of nowhere, a final pair of albums, the last one released on his birthday, on Friday, seemingly he knew full well by then, that was going to be it. Then a mere matter of days later, before we can rave (or otherwise) about his new album, he’s gone!
Fine, it makes me think of a lot of things, including how fickle, and short life is, and also the fact that I have to face, I’m getting older, and how much more time I’ve got, well who knows?
But today, one of the legends of pop music, of my teenage years left this planet. Fine, he hasnt in a strictly physical sense, but get the feeling his soul, and spirit is up there with Major Tom, and the Starman.
RIP, David Bowie, thanks for so much.
Oh, and in case any of you modern folk are wondering, the ‘cats whiskers’ is a term for something that is very cool, as used by the flappers in the 20’s. And in line with that era, the vintage top I have on (might be a modern style one, but labels suggest maybe otherwise?, combined with my new bra (very modern) are doing their very best to push my boobs into the view of everyone! Fine for sitting at home, but not exactly suitable for work lol!
But fine, despite my happiness to eschew modern gadgetry like mobile phones and the like, there are one or two elements of modern life that this old fashioned girl definitely approves of. One is these messenger services, where you can ‘chat’ to someone online, thousands of miles from you, and it doesnt cost a penny! I did just that with my friend Kate, who I will be with, 5 weeks from now, yesterday afternoon, for nearly 2 hours, and it was great.
Hey, I’m old enough to remember a time when you had to book a call to the US well in advance, and it would cost you £1 a minute, and I’m talking that much in the 1960’s, when the average wage was probably about £25-30 per week, if that! Now, instantly, if you are both online…I know its not the same as actual talking, but…
The other modern delight I’ve been using this weekend is online banking. Firstly to transfer money to Dave, to buy my US dollars for next month, and in an even more modern sense, another payment, to deposit money on to my pre paid credit card! Oh, and I got an email this morning, informing me that my annual travel insurance will just be renewed automatically, unless I say otherwise!
Hey, I remember a time when if you wanted to pay a bill, you had to send off a cheque, and rely on the postal service to deliver it for you. It would take days, and then would need to clear the system, so…! Now, the money was in Dave’s bank account in about 30 minutes!
Oh, and fine, I know, flying around the world is a lot quicker, and a lot safer than it was in Harlow’s days! So fine, this modern style of life does have a few good things going for it, but…
Yes, if I could go back to the 30’s, with internet, then maybe… 😉
The video song, not entirely modern, its about 30 years old! But maybe this ‘Baby Jean’ will find some of this quite soon?
Being serious, I dont mind horse racing, and this is quality horse racing. So why the cynicism in the title, you might be asking. Well thats nothing to do with the racing, and all to do with the fuss made about other matters at the meeting.
Firstly, as I’ve commented before, I’m not a great royalist, so all the fuss made about the colour of the Queen’s hat, and who gets the thrill of riding down the racetrack with her before racing, just leaves me cold. Thankfully its the last year that the BBC presenters will be falling over themselves to say nice things about her as she does so, because its the last year they cover it. Sadly, I suspect the Channel 4 presenters will more than make up for it next year though.
But anyway, before I get whisked off to the Tower, and all that…Its not my main gripe of Royal Ascot, its the ridiculous outfits, and hats that all the women wear, just so they think they look good in the Royal Enclosure, or elsewhere at Ascot. To be fair, some of the dresses do look nice, though I dread to think about the price tags. But the hats, sorry, I cant think of many I’d want to be seen dead wearing, let alone on TV.
I do actually wonder what would happen if a pre-op transgendered person tried to get into the Royal Enclosure lol, even if dressed (en femme) totally the rules. Get in, unless very convincing, probably not!
And no, I’m not even getting started on the manners of the so called ‘high class’ people at the races, but lets just say that the percentage who will be drunk, and acting stupidly by the end of the day, will be considerable.
Ironically, my shift patterns this week mean that I will only be at work while racing is on, will only be 2 days. No, you dont want to see my shift patterns lol! And given that the football is still on as well…you get my drift? Only blessing will be Saturday, when a decent cricket team take on Australia in a one day match at Belfast, and thankfully Sky have the good taste to cover it. I think most at work know I want a seat where I can see a TV that day already lol, but more on that later in the week.
Please, dont ask for tips, as I proved with the football, I havent a clue anymore!
Yes, I did consider a certain Sex Pistols song for the video, but thought I would be good, though not sure why. So lets go with the other matter that will surely drive me crazy this week,