Category Archives: Leeds NHS

One day, to live a life the way it’s meant to be

Here in the UK, this seems to be Pride weekend, certainly is in Leeds, and from what I’ve seen advertised, it is in a few other cities too. Yes, I’m too old nowadays for these sort of things, and besides, this year at least, I havent really got the money to go this weekend anyway. But as I say, its for younger folk than me really, anyway. Doesnt mean I’m not supporting them in spirit, mind.

Its funny, I was born, and indeed lived life at a time when homosexuality was regarded as illegal. Thankfully, things have changed dramatically since then, and fine, even if a few religious cranks (mainly in the US) think its a ‘disease’ that can be cured, the vast majority of people at least accept it, to various degrees. Hopefully, in a few years time, transexuality will be treated in the same way. Its getting there, the latest generations seem to be finding it ever easier to accept who they are, and in time, older generations will generally get to acceptance of it, I’m sure.

So fine, you’re expecting me to say that I’m proud that the Pride festival takes place, and all that? Right? Wrong! Dont get me wrong, I’m glad that LGBT folk can go out on a weekend like this, and show their pride at being who they are, but I’m still sad it needs to happen. Why? Because for the same reason there isnt a Hetro Pride weekend, in an ideal world, it wouldnt need to happen! I know, maybe its like the football fans on a Saturday, they like to go out and celebrate, and if it was just that, then great, but in our hearts, we know it isnt. Oh, the amusing thing in my new job, when discussing this, I had to settle for the Bi option, lol!

Its like all the fuss the press make, when someone comes out as gay, or lesbian, one great day, it wont be news, and no one will really care! Probably not in my lifetime, but compared to how things were, 50 years ago, we’re getting there, and life’s a lot better for LGBT folk. But one small day, in the future, we wont need Pride parades to prove it, I hope!

The biggest irony, Leeds NHS have made great show about Pride weekend, and how their Trans related unit will be taking part in the parade. Irony, their waiting list is by far the worst in the whole of the UK, and their reputation is dreadful! Yes, another reason why I cant be bothered to get my bits ‘bobbed’ around here!

Just one closing thought, though I’m not entirely saying it was Trans related, but here’s something to think about. Job hunting, as a woman, with my old male passport, I went 0 offers, out of a lot. As a woman, with my new female passport, 2 offers out of 4. Hmm?

Video, a bit of live Ultravox. Fans might have worked out the song from the blog title, though as it was a minor hit, others might not have done?


Outsiders do win sometimes!

Yes, I did end up wearing the dress today, after all! And alright, I’m still wearing it now, but I am most definitely not wearing it to work tomorrow all the same lol! Planning to wear the blouse and skirt I’d planned to wear dinner time though. But yes, unless the weather is awful, I’m wearing the heels into work, as I wont have far to walk in them, thank goodness. No trains, so being dropped off, and picked up just outside work, and hey, I can cope with that distance lol!

So what happened, you might be asking? Simple, I normally put on a posh dress for Christmas morning, just for pleasure, and hey, its nice to do something special while opening the Christmas presents, even if thats not the longest job in the world nowadays lol! So yes, as they hadnt seen me in it at home, I put on the gold dress, just so they could see. Then anyway, the question was raised as to whether I should wear it when we went out lunchtime for our dinner, or not. Pretty fair to say, the vote was yes, I should, so I did. To be honest, I dont think anyone even blinked, and I must say it was wonderful for me too. Yes, I know Nicole, I pass, so I’ll leave it at that lol!

If only I could convince myself that another battle with the Leeds NHS was worth the effort, and I could probably do the full change. To be honest, a few hormones, and one surgical change is all I need anyway, its well over 2 years that I’ve been living as a woman anyway! So I’m over the time limit for such matters in every eye, but theirs. No, I dont feel its worth the fight again at my age, living as I am anyway, but…again yes, Nicole, I know I probably should!

To be honest, I couldnt see me wearing a dress to work anyway, no one else seems to, it just doesnt seem the thing nowadays. Funny to think, 20 or 30 years ago, the sight of a woman in trousers would be considered shocking, nowadays its the absolute norm, its hard to spot any dressed otherwise, I know I couldnt see any in our section of the office on Saturday when I looked, my last day in. But maybe I can start a trend tomorrow, just by wearing a skirt? Probably not, and probably a one off for me, but again, dont quote me on that! I’m pretty sure I’ll wear the wedge heels when the weather improves, assuming it ever does in this country!

Weather permitting, we have our traditional big Boxing Day race tomorrow at Kempton, and making a fool of myself, I’ll put up The Giant Bolster as an each way selection. No, I’m not an expert, and I wont be putting any money on him, but just think he’s better value than the short priced favourite. Just dont remind me I said this after racing tomorrow though lol!

The video, for once, absolutely no clue in the blog title, a rarity in itself. Lets just say its an absolute Christmas classic, and leave it at that.

Happy New Year

Well alright, it isnt quite here yet for me, but 2012 is fast approaching by now. The irony being that Samoa has gone from being the last place to welcome in the New Year, to one of the first, though I do feel sorry for anyone living there born on the 30th December, as that day never happened over there due to jumping across the International dateline for business reasons, most of their trade now being that side of the dateline.

So what does 2012 hold? Well, if you believe the Mayans, to quote REM, its the end of the world as we know it (but no, thats not the video lol), but I’m not showing too much concern on that front at present!

In a sporting sense over here, the big event for most will be the 2012 Olympics, though the football (Soccer) fans might say that the Euro 2012 means more to them, but given I’m not a fan of their sport, nope! For me, the 20/20 cricket World Cup is more important, even more so if Ireland qualify of course! Hopefully I can complete my set of the ‘big 4’ US sports this autumn with an NFL game, though apart from baseball, no sport has a count greater than one! Buffalo @ New England is the aim, though that will depend on the schedule when released in April.

Travel wise, I dont expect much change from frustration with a lousy train company, but I can hope! Job wise, I’m not expecting much change either, despite talking inwardly at times about it lol! Further afield, its Seattle in April, New England in September.

Personally, at least I know where I stand this year, having given up on Leeds GIC, I’ll have to settle for my own physical changes, rather than any hormonal ones. My body does seem to be raising to the challenge, so…not expecting miracles all the same!

So all in all, I’m not expecting much more from next year than this, but if you set your ambitions low, you are only likely to get delight, not disappointment in life. But short of a lottery win, I cant see any dramatic changes to this body. Fingers crossed, just maybe? 😉

So thats it, the end of the musings for 2011 at least. Yes, they will continue in 2012, thats definite. So lets close for now by wishing all my readers a happy 2012, and hope all goes well for you then as well. The video, yes, its my musical tastes, so its an oldie with the right sentiment

Looking back on 2011

Yes, I do hope to get in one more post this year on Saturday, but that will be looking forward to 2012, so call this the annual review lol.

2011 has been an interesting year to say the least. Its the first year I actually travelled on a passport that said Ms, rather than Mr, and believe me, that was a special moment. Even if due to the wonders of our ‘beloved’ passport office, I still have to show gender as male! The good news, it seemed most places I travelled, the vast majority of people disagreed with that, assuming I was, or making it very clear they thought I was female. Its another reason for loving Boston to be honest, no one would have believed my gender on my passport lol! Nowadays I use the unisex toilets at work, solves all problems for everyone, and is fine by me to be honest.

The only down side to the whole thing has been Leeds GIC, who I have now totally given up on doing anything to help my gender change, and just settling for what changes my body wants to make for itself, some of them quite remarkable ones it must be said.

I guess its not hard to work out my cricketing highlight of the year, Ireland beating England in the World Cup just has to be the one. For a while I was just hoping for respectability, but Kevin O’Brien ensured so much more than that. Getting to see them play live in Belfast beating Namibia twice, was a treat all the same. We’ve made a good start to qualifying for the next World Cup too, lets hope that continues in the New Year, as well as hopefully retrieving the Inter Continental 4 day cup as well, though it will actually be 2013 before both of those conclude.

International travel wise, there were 3 trips this year, 1 mentioned above. The other 2 were Toronto (for the first time beyond the airport transit area) and Boston (for the first time in nearly 25 years!). I really enjoyed both cities, and would love to get back to both soon, though 1 is more likely to happen very quickly (like next year maybe?) than the other, though hopefully it wont be too long before I’m in Canada again. People I met have been well covered in previous postings, so just a brief thanks to Kate, James, and the people of those 2 great cities for some wonderful memories. Especially those in Boston that made it clear they wouldnt have thought I needed any surgery to be a woman!

Work, well its been a pretty good year, no real hassles beyond toilet issues (now solved) and the need to find somewhere else for next years Christmas dinner, please! The staff in the shops I have to take calls from, mmf, no comment on some of them!

Life, well I’ve started writing again, though my suspicion is the current story is going to be a one off, well who knows, I’ve certainly enjoyed writing it, though I suspect the inspiration has helped on that front all the same. The one thing I have noticed is that my body is beginning to age, and not gracefully in terms of joints. The knees are beginning to give me more grief, the back definitely is, and thats why next April will be the last west coast of US trip for the foreseeable future, it just hurts the body too much with all that sitting still on the planes for so long. It might be daft doing one more trip, but did want to see Seattle one more time at least.

The blog however will hopefully go sailing on sweetly, at least thats the plan.

The video, well I’m told there is an artist with a very similar name to mine, so lets give her a run out here. Funnily enough I knew the Corrs version of this song better, and had no idea she had written it in the first place. So, for the penultimate video of the year (and yes, the last one will be utterly obvious) lets see what dreams we can come up with for next year.

Hiding something away

Its fair to say nowadays that I’m pretty happy with most of my body, even more so given that no hormones have been involved in this transformation, though I do wonder if hypnosis has somehow activated all those female hormones laying latent within me, and brought about some amazing changes.

So alright, my boobs arent huge, but then again, a number of natural women arent really any bigger than me, though possibly they have more of a full curve than mine do at present, but quite possibly they are getting there. And maybe the waist and hips ratio isnt perfect, but its not bad either! The chin and hairline, well they arent doing badly either. So all in all, seemingly for a good majority of people, if not more, I seem to pass as a woman. Of course the irony is that you only hear when people dont think you pass generally, because otherwise, lets face it, why would you say anything to a woman about looking like a woman?

So it comes down to one thing that annoys me about my body, irony is, I’m generally the only one that sees it! But even so, yes, the penis lurking down there does annoy somewhat! And yes, I would love to be able to hide it from view, if not more.

The one thing you never know with these blogs, is who your readers are. Alright, I have a good idea about some (yes James, that does include you lol), but others, well you dont know who they are, or what their talents are. There may be no doctors, designers, inventors or otherwise, but if you dont ask, you dont find out.

So to the medical readers, the question is, is there some way of raising the penis and balls (surgically or otherwise) so that they either disappear completely from sight, or pretty much do so. All I’m interested in is enough to make going to the toilet possible, and beyond that,…and lets face it, a girl should have labia lips anyway. Complete change would be great, but as I’ve said before, I’ve really not the fight at my age to take on the Leeds NHS again, and that would all take time anyway, and at my age, well, the sooner something changes, the better.

Designers, inventors, whatever you wish to be called, this next bit is for you. Could something be designed to fit over the penis and balls in such a way as to just leave an opening for toilet needs, and nothing more? And by this, I mean something that can be worn pretty much on a permanent basis, not the odd day here or there. I know its covered up, but it would be lovely if when I lowered the pants, I didnt see him there!

And no, not looking for a freebie or anything, though I wouldnt say no, but dont expect it. If the gadget, or ‘surgery’ really worked, then it would be more than worth the cost, simply because its the only thing I need to get done for a pretty remarkable change to a natural woman anyway. Or at least the look of one, as bits would not get removed (presumably?) of course.

So, if the right person reads this, or someone who does, and knows the right person who could, then please let me know. Oh, and if any wealthy benefactor out there wants to buy me a boob job for Christmas lol…not sure I want them huge, just fuller really, but…I cant afford, or justify the cost to myself, thats for sure. They at least are blooming, more important to me is the disappearance of something else, if only from visible sight.

Oh, dont worry, the video is coming, I do wonder how many look at these choices too? Maybe this is a bit cheeky, as I’m not natural, or even post op, but it certainly works for me as my mindset at least

In theory we get equal rights, but…

Supposedly in this country, transgendered people are pretty much meant to have the same rights as those who are born into the correct physical body, and in some areas it does work out that way, but in others, especially for mtf transgender people, reality is a whole different matter.

Alright, I’m better off than I woukld be in some countries, I can have a passport that says Ms, and indeed my NI (National Insurance) certificate says the same thing, but in boith cases, until I’m post op, the paperwork still says male! Doctors, bank and work all show me as female, though at work I’m still ‘expected’ to use the male toilets for now, which gets me some funny looks at times, but anyway…Using public toilets is entertaining now, and something I try to avoid wherever possible, but cant always be done. And yes, by tending to dress ‘cross gender’, I can avoid miost hassle on the streets, though the painted nails are a bit of a giveaway, but most dont seem to notice, or at least care. Trousers and a top are fine, suspect I might attract more wrong attention if I wore a dress though lol!

And thats what I feel is wrong, a woman can power dress, as they term it, and no one blinks an eyelid. She can even wear her hair short, and beyond maybe being thought to be butch, not a word is said. But if a man goes beyond mild cross gender dressing, it becomes simply a source of amusement, and possibly danger for that person, and in a perfect world, that shouldnt be the case. I have no desire, or need to wear high heels in public, and beyond a few occasions, no great desire to wear a dress either, but if no one would blink if I did so, there might be occasions when, but…still be nice to wear a scoop neck top out all the same. Beyond the toilet issue, work is very good on matters in all honesty, and I suspect that if I was the pushy type, that might even get changed, but despite this posting, I’m not really that way inclined

The two areas that really annoy me, even if I’m not actually job hunting at this moment though, are health and employment. I have no idea how good Leeds NHS is over general matters, but it has to be said, and quite rightly, that their section dealing with transgender issues has an awful reputation, and sadly quite justly. I’ve pretty much given up bashing my head against the brick wall they’ve put up, and settled for living a woman as best I can, without their help, or is that their hindrance?

Oh, and if I was going job hunting…! In theory, and in rights, I would be entitled to equal opportunities in getting any job I applied for, if I was good enough. But how many employers are going to give that, in good times,  let alone now, in all honesty? I suspect 20% would be a vastly optimistic figure somehow. Fine, Ms N will get interviews (even at my age), but when I actually turn up…, jobs might be another matter lol! I assume there are actually transgender friendly employers out there, but not many I suspect when push comes to shove!

Alright, transgender rights rant over, I’ll try and come up with something lighter, and a pop video next time, I promise. To my readers, have a lovely weekend, whats left of it, and I’ll speak to you again soon