Yes, folks, its official, I either need to be put down, or cybernetically upgraded (robot exoskeleton might do), as another part of me ‘failed’ last night. Well, thats not strictly true, I’ve had issues with my knees for about 50 years now, so this happening isnt a total shock. Especially as this same event has happened before, but not in a long time. But now that I’m literally falling apart, its coming back again lol!
Last night, coming home, I was literally at the gate at home, about to turn in, and the next thing I knew, I was sprawled across the pavement, in a less than glorious heap. Thankfully I fell forward, so no more damage done to the back at least! No, I hadnt had too much to drink (not had alcohol since wedding in September), or anything like that, it was simply a case of my much surgically repaired right knee completely giving way under me!
Dont panic, a minute or two later, I was able to pick myself up, walk through the gate, walk through the door, and be home, safe and sound. Even more ironic, even though I removed about half the skin on my knee, there was no blood! Why, because my circulation in my legs is so poor, there is little blood flowing down there! So yes, cut knee, damaged pride, but no bloody scene. Just what I need on top of everything else.
Yes, its sore, and yes, it hurts, a bit, even 24 hours on, after a reasonably restful day, and work day medications, instead of the lower level I normally get by with, on a day off. No, I wont be running for a bus tomorrow at any point, but I’ll get by, I’m sure. But yes, just what I need, on top of everything else.
The other amusing medical fact this weekend, is that I seemed to catch a cold, or something, in the rain last Tuesday in Haworth. Normally at that point, You’d take Lemsip, or a cheap equivalent, right? Not me, do you know how much paracetamol is in those things? So yes, given that I’m already taking painkillers with that stuff, no go!
Ah well, the ‘joys’ of getting old, I guess? 😦 As I say, someone shoot me, or turn me into a robot, or something, please! I swear it would be for the best lol!…rolls eyes… OK, I’d enjoy the robot bit way too much, but…
The video tonight is a song I dont expect any reader to know. Its 42 years old, it was only a minor hit, and all that. But yes, just seemed rather apt, and provided the blog title too!
Now, normally when you do a review of the year, and you’re splitting it in two, you’d do two spells of 6 months, right? But when I looked back on my year, it took me about 30 seconds (if that long) to work out that apart from one event in May, not much happened for the first 8 months, then a hell of a lot happened in the last 4! So to avoid a 500 word blog tonight, and a 3000 word one tomorrow, I’m doing this on an 8/4 basis this year.
In truth, the highlights of the first 2 months were getting the news I’d passed probation period at work, and getting my first passport in my new name, and gender. I know, I’d lived about 7 years as a woman before then, but all the same, that was a special moment when it was made official. Oh, and around the same time, my first moments of DWP fame, in a transgender sense, with an interview from work, about life as a Transgender woman in the Department. Which of course led to something that will be mentioned in Part 2, but for now…
No, diplomacy means I’m not mentioning a certain event that happened in the US, in January, but you all know what I think of him, and his actions, so lets leave it there.
Of course, my first flight as a woman, was in May, going back to Hollywood, or more strictly, Los Angeles. Lets just say the whole apartment thing this time around wasnt the success of the previous trip, both in the sense of initially booking an apartment, and then the landlord deciding he wanted to decline the booking, because he hadnt put in his price rise for the New Year. Fine, I thought, until he told me it was done, and suddenly the price had risen by over 20%, nearly 25% in fact! So I started again, thought I’d found somewhere decent as a replacement, but it didnt live up to all its claims. Dont get me wrong, it was nice enough, just didnt have all the facilities it claimed it had.
The funniest moment was a delightful Thai takeaway I had found 18 months earlier, and the lady still remembered me the moment I walked in, despite that. Its sad to think that by the next time I visit, she will almost certainly be gone, as it will be a few years before I get there again (unless I get a role offer), and I doubt she was that young this year, so…but she was amazing!
The other big highlights that will stick with me, would be 2 Louise Brooks silent films, viewed at the historic Egyptian Theater, a guided Hollywood walk given by a wonderful lady that I like to see as a friend, a ‘better than I would buy’ seat at a Dodgers game, thanks to another friend, with the added bonus of it being a game that Kershaw pitched at! Lastly, there was a wonderful Harlow display at the Hollywood Museum, which was a delight to see. Oh, and thanks to the Metro, getting to Santa Monica far easier than ever before!
In truth, I have no idea when I’ll be back, unless I get an offer, which I would have to say is pretty unlikely. But never say never… Certainly, due to something that will be mentioned shortly, walking up the hill to where Harlow rests at Forest Lawn would probably be beyond me now, but anyway…
In July, 2 things happened, one good, one bad. The good one was, that knowing that Clara Johnson’s middle initial was E, and finding a few images of a chorus line dancer/Goldwyn Girl, and putting two and two together, when you find a dancing match, named Elaine Johnson, who has a career that seems to tie in to Clara’s, well I jumped on the issue, and joy, actually found 3 pictures of her from a credited movie promotion shoot. Of course I cant be 100% sure its one and the same, but enough coincidences for me to say it is. In fact, as you’ll find out tomorrow, this isnt the end of that story! Yes, a few new pictures, wow! I’d still love to find her married name, so I’d have a chance of paying my respects if, and when I get back to LA.
The bad thing, my back, after giving me support for about 59 years, decided it had had enough, and snapped. Quite literally, though not in too severe a way, fingers crossed. Yes, osteoporosis had taken its toll on me! Painkillers, and other meds (been tweaked a couple of times) keep it bearable, but yes, its fair to say old age is beginning to catch up with me. It eventually led to me cutting back to 4 days a week at work, with which I can just about get by financially, but holidays will need to be cut back on now, for sure.
August marked 1 year in the new job, and in truth, apart from a dream acting offer, I cant see me leaving before I get to retire in just over 6 years time. Yes, I really am that old lol! The rest of the year, and a few landmarks, tomorrow!
Right, the video. One of the few modern groups I have much time for, are The Killers. I now love them even more now I know that each Christmas, they record a song, and give all royalties to charity! This is the 2013 song, which is apt given where I was in May, and even more so when you see something I post tomorrow!
Oh fine, I suspect that with the exception of maybe a small handful of people, if that many, the title is lost on my readers. Dont worry, I will explain, and even the video has a clever connection too!
I trust by now that all my readers know I’ve got osteoporosis related back issues, which leads me to take painkillers (of a decent level), and use a gel on my back, to help keep the pain down. Fine, they are also aided by a back brace corset, that I might use as much for the corset like effects, as the back pain effects, but fine, it helps with both, OK?
Anyway, today was the day to visit the surgery, discuss the situation, and see where we go from here. Basically, just as I thought things were getting a little better, and that maybe I could ease up slightly on the meds, winter struck! No, not Alaskan style, but cold enough for the temperatures to get down to the low 20’s, which did my back no good whatsoever, even with the brace! Outcome of that, for the winter at least, some more tablets to take, not less! Still, if it helps with my condition, no complaints from me! Well, fine, the cost of 2 prescriptions, instead of 1 isnt great when you’ve cut back on your working week, but anyway…
Oh fine, why Marion Davies, I hear you asking!
On a truthful, but none too serious basis, my nurse suggested that I move somewhere a lot warmer for the winter than Yorkshire! Actually, if practical, would make a lot of sense, given the heat would obviously do my very sore joints the world of good. Yes, true, as I discovered in September, when I was away. Benidorm was her suggestion, mine unsurprisingly was California, though in truth, neither are going to happen in my current financial position, unless…?
Back in the 1920’s, a certain young film star, and a wealthy newspaper magnate got together, though they never got married. Why, because said newspaper magnate was already married, and his catholic wife wouldnt divorce him. So arrangements were agreed, and William Randolph Hearst, took Marion Davies as his partner, and courtesan. Yes, wife in every sense but one. To be honest, he didnt do her movie career any favors, she was a great comic actress, he wanted her to play more serious roles, and given he had the money, and the power…Seriously, consider checking out one of her silent, comedic roles, and enjoy. ‘The Patsy’ is my personal favorite, for the impersonations she does, but any available will be a treat.
I know, I’m not a film star, and I doubt any newspaper magnate would ever be attracted to me, but besides all that…If there is some wealthy person who wants me as their courtesan (I’m bi, if that helps?) somewhere warm/hot, ideally with connections to movie/theater roles, or who has a robot fetish, who wants to help heal my back with some heat, let me know. But put it this way, I wont die waiting, no expectations on that front, lol! But fine, anyone prepared to pamper, and look after a lady, in need of some heat in her joints, anywhere would be fine! No, again, I dont expect to get crushed with offers!
Right, the video. There is actually a Marion Davies connection in this. Kirsten Dunst actually played her in a movie, ‘The Cat’s Meow’ about an incident that happened on Hearst’s luxury yacht in the early 20’s. This video is a fine example of the strangeness of life in Japan, I guess?
And no, for once, its not Trans Pennine Express! No, this time its the tale of a Northern Rail fail, and other events yesterday.
Saturday is the only morning where I need to get to get the train to get to work. Earlier start, plus public transport is a bit more limited early on a Saturday morning, so…Into Huddersfield station, train supposedly on time, all looking good, you’d think? Even less of a shock, the Trans Pennine Express services looks a mess, but nothing new there!
Thing is, I look out to the platform where the train should be, nothing there! Not a first, this is 10 minutes before its due to leave, assume its just waiting to pull into the platform. No, it wasnt. There were a couple of Northern Rail people stood near the platform, not looking like they knew what was going on, never a good sign. Well, time for the train to leave came, still no sign of it. 5 minutes after its due to leave, still no sign of it. So given my total lack of faith in Northern Rail, I headed off, and got a slightly later bus to Bradford. Only just gets me in the office by 9, but anyway…I got to Bradford Interchange, and apparently it had finally left Huddersfield, but was going to arrive 22 minutes late! Me, I got there 10 minutes before then! Seemingly left about 8.15, 25 minutes late, as a work colleague had the misfortune to wait for the train to arrive.
Funnily enough Northern Rail had a staff strike on Wednesday, trouble is, it might have been hard to tell the difference in service provided! And no, sadly, this isnt a first! But anyway…
There was something else waiting for me at work when I got there, my new chair. Specially designed for an old crock like me, due to my back issues. Yes, its nice, and yes, I noticed the difference at the end of the day too. No, it shows no signs of shocking, or brainwashing me, but hey, a girl cant have everything lol! 😛
Right, video time. In tribute to a rail company that cant provide the service its meant to (and despite that, in 2 months time, they will hoist up fare prices!), a group that were also waiting for a train that never comes!
Oh, I wish they would, but I suspect more boringly, they’re just going to try to patch me up, and see how it goes from there. But a woman can dream lol…Is anyone old enough to remember thats a line concerning the original Bionic Woman? I have no idea if they repeated it for the revival, as I never saw any of that.
So yes, its now official, to no surprise from me at least, that the bone density in my back, and hips has officially been described as low. How low? Not quite sure, but as the nurse virtually suggested putting an IV of Calcium into my body makes me think its not good, at all.
Anyway, end result of all this, involves another trip to a Hospital, albeit this time, the one in Huddersfield, for blood tests. Yes, blood tests, seemingly lots of them! If there is a blood test I’m not getting done, other than HIV, I havent spotted it. I only remember the last time that someone tried to get blood out of me, for a test, they struggled to find a vein to take one, so hope that goes better this time, as I have no desire to look like a pin cushion! Mind, if instead of taking blood, they want to inject me with some strange silver serum lol…? 😉
Of course (I wish!) the reason for all these blood tests might be something interesting? After all, if they were going to cybernetically upgrade me, or give me the Bionic Woman treatment, they would want to check all my physical matters beforehand, wouldnt they? 😉 Oh fine, I know its not likely to happen, but I can dream, until Tuesday at least! Yes, I would love that, absolutely!
Anyway, related to all this, the ‘old lady’ has accepted the inevitable, and the request to make the 4 day week a permanent arrangement has now gone in at work. I’m also putting next year’s holiday plans on hold for a few months, until I see how the financial position looks, and how much I’m capable of doing while away. I was hoping I could do 2 trips next year, and probably could just about do it money wise, but have decided to take a review on that for now. Well, unless they offer me that Cybernetic upgrade, post blood tests at least, lol.
Right, the video. I’ll pass on the parachute failure, but if they want to rebuild me like the Bionic Woman, a whole different matter! Seriously, this was 40 years ago, eek!
Well, this is it, last UK blog for a little while, though I’m sure that if you’re good, you’ll get a few from the US, assuming Hurricane Irma doesnt decide to come and visit Cape Cod at least. If it does, all bets are off lol!
If you’re wondering about the blog title, its a ‘witty’ comment on my week. Tuesday, I became an, err, natural blonde again, when I went and had my hair colored around the corner, in preparation for the holiday. Yes, I am joking about the natural bit, if anyone was stupid enough to think otherwise! I will be back there shortly after the holiday is over, for another reason. Due to the wedding, I’ve been trying (mostly in vain) to grow my hair out, in case I need to put it up for the wedding. Well, I still wouldnt call it bounteous, but its more than I normally have. And yes, its beginning to annoy lol. So it will be getting clipped back to a more 30’s length very soon after I get back!
Secondly, yesterday, a lovely lady named Linda did her best (my body is the spoiler, not her skills) to get me in reasonable shape for the trip, and to get my nails looking all pretty as well. In truth, beyond my back, my body actually isnt in bad condition (relatively) at present, due to some suggested knee exercises given to me by the Occupational Health Dept at work. I must admit, I was cynical as to how well they would work, but fine, I’ve been amazed how much better they are, so…
Lastly, and with no thanks to First Buses on this (invisible bus syndrome this morning), I went over to Bradford today, for the bone density scan tests. Yes, I know, dont have to go to Bradford today for work, and still end up going there! I must say the staff at St Lukes were nice, and very efficient, so swiftly dealt with, and on my way again.
Oh, the two out of three bit? Well, it was a radio-logical x-ray, and I was sort of hoping that those beams would do something amazing to my body, and I’d come out looking like a 30 year old version of my past life dancer self, but it never happened. No, I didnt really think it would, but no harm in hoping lol!
Beyond that, most of the stuff I’m taking with me is packed in the case, pretty much anything left out is the stuff I need tonight and/or in the morning. I plan to wear the corset brace in the morning, because I will have to wait at check in, before being put into a wheelchair, and also to offer some support for moving the case along. I plan to get it off before the flight though, its just too warm wearing something made of neoprene for about 12 hours. Maybe I need to lose a few pounds in weight, but thats not a favored way of doing it!
Ah, the wheelchair. Yes, I’m still trying to get my head around the idea that it is wise, fine, and fully permitted for me to have one, but I still feel slightly guilty, all the same. If anyone wants to mentally solve that issue for me, feel free to do so! Yes, I’d enjoy that! 😉
At least there was one other piece of good news today, the swimsuit finally arrived, with the emphasis on finally. I’ll be honest, after 2 false starts, I didnt believe it was coming, even when I had an email telling me it was, until they delivered it at the door. Studio.co.uk are the shambles of a company that I would advise anyone not to ever purchase from!
Right, video time. Going back to the blog title, for one of the lesser known Meatloaf/Steinman songs, that is very apt here.
PS, If anyone does want to put me in a transformation chamber, and make me look like a young Clara Elaine Johnson, or Jean Harlow, feel free to contact me lol!
No, if you think I’m wearing a yellow polka dot bikini, you’re going to be disappointed! Not even post surgery, if/ when it happens, lol! 😛 But the video, well, maybe…?
Fine, after the deservedly serious nature of Monday’s blog, lets get a little more fun, if only to allow me to let off some steam.
One issue I have with standard swimsuits for women, and the cut of them, is the fact that they really arent designed for pre-op Trans women, lets face it. Fine if there is only me, or people who know, and no one else, but otherwise, some might object lol! Me, in an ideal world, I’d go with the burkini, because it hides all issues quite nicely, and besides which, I love the design of them. But yes, for a white Trans woman, I’m just concerned that it might cause more issues than its worth, if I got one. And before anyone says anything, I’d be more concerned about white right wing men, than I would from Muslims! Sad, but true.
So in truth, I’d pretty much given up on the whole idea of swimming, or even wearing a swimsuit ever again, but then along came my back issue, that you already know about. Lets face it, one gentle form of exercise that would do me good, involves swimming, or even just walking across swimming pools full of water, working against my back.
Now in a perfect world (joke), some surgeon would immediately offer to remove, err the obstacle to wearing a swimsuit, with no recovery issues whatsoever. In a practical world, it would take time to arrange, and post surgery, it would be a while before you swam again!
There is however, one intermediate option, to get a swimsuit with a skirt! It enables me to swim as a woman, the skirt will hide the obvious issue, sounds good? So yes, I’ve ordered one today. Just hope it arrives before I fly out on holiday, as that will be a good time to wear it. Not just in water, but if I’m relaxing outside, at the place where I’m staying with my friend, if the weather is decent, then perfect! I have another friend (the one getting married) who would probably get me in water too, but I suspect we wont have the time. I suspect the Friday will be lively, in preparation, and I think she should have other plans for the Sunday than me! Then on the Monday, its back to NYC, and home. So…?
So yes, if you’re on Cape Cod in a fortnights time, and see a middle aged woman relaxing, in a cute swimsuit, complete with skirt, it might just be me! Well, unless someone wants to buy me a burkini, because then…? 😉 Just hope it arrives in time now!
OK, video time. Yes, its the obvious song from the title, but not the obvious version. Sorry, Brian Hyland, but… This version actually topped the charts here in the UK in 1990, and its just one of those songs that gets stuck in your head, so apologies!
Well, indirectly, though they wont know about it at the time,yes, they will.
Assuming that the fairly obvious is correct, and after the bone density scan, they do decide that my issue with my back is osteoporosis related, there are a couple of fairly obvious supplements I could be given to try and ease, and hopefully cure the issue, to some degree at least. One is calcium supplements, which would help to strengthen the bone, which I’m pretty sure is needed. The other one, and more relevant to this blog, is (o)estrogen supplements, as would be given to menopausal women under these circumstances. Yes, I’m sort of doing the double spelling thing here, as both options seem equally used, though I will settle for the estrogen version from now on, when writing this. In fact, its quite possible, and some say quite likely that I will get both!
One thing I’ve always said is that if the situation arose, where I felt the need, or desire to have the actual Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS), then I would get it done. In truth, the main reason I’ve put myself off it, is the surgery issue, I’m not one of those people who love pain, in that sense at least! So given I have no sexual desires, and no partner, or potential partner who wants to get close in that way with me, I’ve passed on the matter, up to now.
But yes, I have had a think about it, and I’ve come to the conclusion that if a doctor, or group of doctors think I should be on estrogen supplements, then maybe I should take that as a hint that I really ought to take that last step to womanhood after all. I know, its still going to hurt, but I’m not sure it could be much more hellish than the pain I went through before getting on serious painkillers for the fracture in my back. And hey, lets face it, if anyone ever actually enters my new vagina sexually, I will be amazed. But yes, going to meet my maker, as a proper woman, it would be nice, I must admit.
But equally, I’m not going to be the one that actually makes the decision for me, as in truth, I’ve got a life now that suits me fine. All my paperwork says I’m a woman, and thats the main thing for me, but all the same…? So yes, if I get put on estrogen supplements, for my osteoporosis, I’m going to take that as a signal from a doctor, or ‘higher person’ that I really ought to become a woman for real. I know, a proper get out, but at least this way, I know its destiny, if it happens, which is fine by me.
I suspect its fair to say that therefore, a number of people will be hoping that the doctors do decide to put me on estrogen, so I go ahead and do it. There might be one or two hoping otherwise, but I suspect the vast majority who know me, and know about me would love to see me do it. Hell, I’d probably be glad I did it, after its done, but just at the moment, yes, the pain issue concerns me!
But yes, if in about 6 weeks time, or so, I announce that the decision is estrogen supplements for me, and I try to get out of this, dont let me! An angel will have contemplated my fate, made that decision for me, so…it will be done! Mind, unless someone wants to pay for me to do it privately, the length of time it might take on the NHS, well who knows when it will actually happen lol?
Oh fine, I might have given a couple of clues to the video here. This is a delightful live version, from the concert in Manchester that happened after the awful events there at a concert earlier this year.
One thing I’d been suspecting for a while, was that trying to carry on with life, as I was before the back issue, wasnt really a practical option. I’ve been trying to do just that, but yes, what I hoped I could do, and what I can actually do, two different things!
No, I havent had to cut out the sky diving, the deep sea diving, or anything like that, you understand. The first has never ever appealed, and though I might have fancied the latter when I was much younger, its past me now. In fact, most energetic things are past me now, even before the back quite literally fell apart.
No, in this case, its work! Even on strong painkillers, and steroid cream, my recovery time for more than a couple of days at work isnt good at present. So yes, on Friday morning, which would be my 3rd day in a row at work (Tuesday being my day off for week, working on Saturday), even after all the treatments, I still hurt a bit. And by now, I’m getting practical about the issue, its recovery time I need. In truth, I suspect as much of the issue is the bus seats to, and from work, but yes, work would play a part too.
So I decided to ask a question, and see if I could ease the load. So on Friday, I asked my team leader, very nicely, if it was possible, just temporarily, hopefully, to cut back to a 4 day week. Obviously it wasnt just her decision to make, especially in the Civil Service, but I was told to leave the matter with her, which is as much as I hoped for. Anyway, to cut a long story short, yesterday afternoon, it was all sorted out, and for the next 12 weeks, including this one, I’m doing a 4 day week! So much is said about work life, but I have nothing but praise for my workplace, for sure.
Mind, tomorrow might be fun at work. Have now used the last of my strong painkillers, and I rang the surgery today, hoping that I could go along and get a new prescription straightaway, but will be tomorrow afternoon before I can get it, or in my case now, Thursday morning. I have got some, but about half the strength, so tomorrow might be, err, fun!
In other related matters, I am now the proud owner of 2 back braces, or will be when they arrive! Yes, Ebay moment lol! One is just a simple brace, which supposedly has lots of magnets in it, which is supposed to be good for you, or so the people trying to sell it tell me! Snag is, after I pushed the button to buy, I discovered that its a Chinese company, supposedly located in London, so how good it will be, no idea? But fine, its cheap, so…
I also bought a corset type one, which thankfully involves zipping yourself in, not lots of tying yourself in, because lets face it, I’m useless at things like that! It claims it will give me a sexier waist too, but I’ll believe that when I see it. But who knows, a bit more of an hourglass figure lol…?
Right, video time. Fine, its depressing, as this is 40 years old, and I remember the song when it first came out. But what I need to do, at least until I get my back sorted out, is…