Yes, the blog title is rather apt, as its all about mine! Its hard to believe now that just over 13 weeks ago (as clearly the Tuesday incident was first seizure, in hindsight), laugh for me was relatively normal for me, other than a busted back. The irony of that, and the more calamitous ones on the Friday was that I’ve had less literal pain from my back since then, but my mobility has gone to pieces, so I’m assuming that some connection between my brain, and my spine has got disrupted in some way? All the same, despite knowing it was going to be a while before I got to see an expert, due to the speed of things with the NHS, it was still a bit of a blow when I found out it wasnt going to happen to mid June, but yes, we’re almost there.
As, in fact I found out yesterday afternoon, when I was sat quietly on the settee, when the phone rang, which Eric answered. He did something with the dial (yes, its one of those retro phones, compatible with digital system to dial out, and stuff), and then handed me the speaker. It was some automated call from the appointment centre at the hospital, presumably to confirm my appointment a week later. Thing is, despite it doing the equivalent of dialling a 1, to say I was hear, it didnt pick up. Anyway, when it repeated the question to me, I did the same thing, with the same lack of effect. So the call cut off, presumably the equivalent of a ‘no answer’ or something.
I checked the number we were called from, but all I got was an automated voice saying that someone would call me within 24 hours as a repeat. Anyway, just over 24 hours later, no one had, so I tried the number on the appointment letter I got from the hospital, nearly 3 months ago! But it seems to talk to them, I needed a number that wasnt printed on my letter! So anyway, I got frustrated, tried to explain to him, and my voice disintegrated totally. Eventually he gave me a number for the actual hospital, but I couldnt have called them, my voice was blown by then. Yes, another reason I cant go back to work, clearly, one stressful call and my voice would be blown for hours! Not much good in a call centre!
As for next week, I cant deny I’m looking forward to the EEG, MRI and anything else they might throw at me that way for all the wrong reasons! Oh yes, weird things done to my brain, especially involving electrodes and chambers, cant wait! Yes, dont be surprised if I report that I imagined being brainwashed when the electrode cap was on me, and activated, for sure. As for what I might imagine being done to me, in a MRI tube, lets not consider! Sadly, the former is unlikely to brainwash me, and the latter turn me into a mindlessly obedient robot, but nothing’s perfect. Yes, I would love those, lets face it.
I try to wonder what they might find when they do the tests. Are they just going to decide its epilepsy (though the pills certainly didnt stop the later bout of seizures), or will it prove to be something more serious? Who knows, though there isnt a lot I can do, whatever it is. But I have to be honest, setting the steps to find out will be an absolute blessing, and might stop me worrying just how bad it is. The other blessing being, that once I know, I can work out when, or if I can do a few things I really need to sort out. Photo shoot, holiday planning, offering myself for mad scientist research? (I wish!)
I was tempted to ask a Psychic friend if she could tell me what my fate is, but firstly, I cant afford to call her (she’s in US), and secondly, is there a bit of me that really doesnt want to know? Mainly the former, I’m sure.
So no, I wont be there at the first day of Royal Ascot, dressed up in some posh hat and dress (wouldnt that be fun?), I’ll be at a hospital, in Huddersfield, awaiting my fate. Funny what a brain can do to you, lol.
Talking of which, the video. This song is slightly younger than me, but not much, its from 1965! Its why the film, and the song dont match, its a combined mix, thats all. Love, no idea what that is, but I now know how ‘funny’ brains can be!
Before anyone gets too concerned about this, check the publication date, just saying…
Saturday saw me get my letter from the local National Health Service, re my Neurology appointment date. Yes, June 18th. I know, British folk, about par for the ‘free’ National Health Service over here (strictly its paid out of our wage deductions over here). Some of my US friends would say “So long?” but fine, if I had £10K to spare (or Medical insurance cover for that), I could probably get seen to in next couple of weeks. but unless any generous ‘chaperone’ is offering me that sort of money, not going to happen. No, I havent got the looks of Marion Davies, and I dont know anyone with the wealth of William R Hearst! So…
Anyone, given that they know something is wrong with my brain, and someone (no, it wasnt me, honest) has told them about my brainwashing kinks, they’ve decided to take the logical outcome, wipe my organic brain clean, then replace it with a nice AI unit, that will ‘act’ like me, but will in truth be a robotic machine, within a human body (though they are considering the matching robot body, I’m told). In truth, my only disappointment, the fact I’ve got to wait until the middle of June for this to happen!
OK, yes, its April 1st, one of those paragraphs is the truth, the other is total fabrication. Yes, sadly, its the second paragraph that is the ‘April Fool’, unless you want to tell me, and arrange otherwise. Because if it could be, the only thing in the second paragraph that would then be true would be my disappointment at it taking so long to get it done! I must admit, I’m looking forward to have a brain MRI, and EEG done, for all the wrong reasons, or shall we just say my fantasies will be running wild while its all being done.
I’ll be honest, I discovered today just how weak its all left me. I had to go into Huddersfield today to provide the certificate showing that I’m unfit to work at present. That’s dated until 30th April, but as the Doctors all said, I’m not going anywhere near any work until after my brain has been upgraded. Sorry, medically checked out, yes, I wish! So now we know that’s not before 18th June, and then will need the results after that, its going to be the end of June, at best. All medical advice recently, suggests I’m not going back. Having walked a few hundred yards between where I was dropped off this morning (Thanks, Ella) to deliver said certificate, and back, and how exhausted I’ve been afterwards, they’re right, I’m sure. Well, unless my brain/body, does get the robot makeover (oh, please…) at least.
So as I say, partly fact, partly fool. If someone does want to make the fool part fact, I couldnt be happier, but seriously… I know, a year ago, I could walk miles in Seattle, even with my back issues, now 200 yards is a challenge! So that automated, cybernetic robot body, oh yes please! Yes, brainwashed, and totally mindlessly obedient would be seen as a bonus, and thats no fool!
Right, video time. Yes, I would love this done to me, seriously, and as my brainwashing fantasies go, this pretty much fits the bill. It is Batman, but this is the 1940’s version, not the better known 1960’s version. But the brainwashing helmet over your head, the control unit literally on your head, well… Where’s this kind of man when you need one, when your brain is malfunctioning, lol?
Happy April Fools Day, unless you want to show me otherwise? 😉
OK, amusing story time.
When I got back to work last week, as well as being told of the forthcoming change of team at work, which though I dont mind it in the slightest, I’d still quite enjoy it if someone convinced me about it, using this machine…
Yes, I know, I wish!
The second thing that was waiting for me, in the form of a piece of paper on my desk, is something from the daily free newspaper over here, known as the Metro, an article called Rush Hour Crush. Yes, it is as awful as it sounds, judging by the posts in the one left on my desk, but anyway…A couple of people especially, know of a certain bus journey crush I have, and it was placed there because of her, and me. In truth, I have no idea why I crush on her, because strictly, she isnt my type. She’s very slim, pretty much flat chested, and non exceptional looks. But, but, she just has something I adore, though thats a mystery ingredient, for sure. But anyway…
Last night, for the first time in weeks, I saw her. Mainly because I didnt see her just before I went on holiday, or the first week I was back, plus that 2 week gap, so…it was a treat when I saw her at the bus stop, and then realized there were no double seats left downstairs, so yes, she went upstairs, I was downstairs, and I’m not that predatory! Fine, I’m not in the slightest predatory, so I had to settle for 2 brief sightings.
Anyway, in line with those Crush postings, I jokingly posted this on my Facebook page, as they always love to know when I see her
Cute, slim blonde on 7.20 363 to Bailiff Bridge tonight. Coffee, or more?
Tall, butch looking blonde
I know, silly stuff, but anyway…Yes, I’m crazy, someone said they would text it in (cant do it myself, no mobile phone), if I wanted them to, and I said yes. Fine, it helps that I know she never reads anything but her kindle on the bus, so I think I’m safe from her reading it. I suppose someone at her work place might, and work out who its aimed at, but I’m sure the chances of that are equally slim.
On top of all that, I know she has a ring, but I have no idea if its a wedding ring. Probably is, but…? Oh, and secondly, I’m sure the only way someone like her would consider a sapphic relationship would be by influencing her mind, something like this!
But yes, fine, if it appears in the Metro (tomorrow would be the earliest possibility for that), and she looks at me, in a certain way, the next time I see her, well…I’ll probably still have to do without even a friend for coffee! But, just maybe…?
The video, some old Doris Day, from Calamity Jane, what I will probably have to do, concerning my certain cute lady…
When I say I have a wonderful friend in Colorado, I mean the type of friend that 20 years ago, I would never have dreamed of having. Yes, the online type. If you’d told me back then that we would talk to, and feel we know people, halfway across the world, that I’ve never met, nor am I likely to meet, and I would have laughed at you back then. Now, its seemingly the most natural thing to have. To be fair, the number of people who I have never met, or only met because of the magic of the internet, is an amazingly high number, especially for a more mature lady like me. But yes, I’ve been blessed to meet to, or pass words with so many of them. There are a pair of people (James, and Kate, for example) in the NE of the US who are very special to me, and they know it. As to others I’ve either met briefly (Tina and Eden, again for examples), or currently, am yet to meet (Stacie, Penny, and Diane amongst many), they’ve played a part in my life, both online, and real.
Well, anyway, Diane is an author, far more talented than me. I would say go to her website, and buy something, but I’m not going to force you to. But if you want to take a look, go to http://www.banditsranch.com/ and do so.
Anyway, last month, she had a contest, to tie into a giveaway she had (at time of writing, its on her home page), and I took my chance. I didnt expect to win, but I like to support her as much as I can, given I’m not in a position to go on a book buying spree at present. So I took my chance, and wrote something. To my surprise, and delight, when I switched my computer on yesterday morning, I had received a magical reading from her, and my angels. Honoured, and delighted, you have no idea!
No, I’m not going to quote you all the details, if anyone does want to see it, comment, with an address, and I’ll send it on. But yes, I’m told I need to wipe my slate clean, and look forward to my fresh life, in my future. Oh fine, I’d like my slate quite literally wiped clean, but as far as I know (sadly), brainwashing isnt yet a practical option, if only it was. But those angels are keen to work on my dreams, and make my life in future, so much better! I know, given much of the last year, not hard, but lets not reflect on that. Funnily enough, I got one of those silly Facebook milestones this morning, which reminded me that just over 8 years ago (given the time it would have taken to get the pictures) was actually the first time I worked as a woman! Yes, its happened a lot of times since then, for sure!
I know, I know, not every reader here will believe in angels, and the like, and everyone is free to believe what they wish. So if you want to believe its true, fine. Equally, if you want to believe its just me being soft again, thats fine too. In recent times, I’ve also been asked if I believe in Aliens, Ghosts, and Witches, and said yes to all 3! Not because I’ve met any, but…I believe they’re out there somewhere!
But what I am sure of, despite all the talk, is that the internet can be a wonderful place to make very special friends, and that is true. Yes, it can also be a dangerous place, but for me, I know who are in the majority at least.
Right, video time. Yes, the obvious one, even more so, given the blog title is a line of the lyrics.
Yes, I know, a cheery sounding blog from me, scary stuff! But in truth, maybe things are finally turning for the better, after so long, we will see. Fine, so far at least, this week has been quite promising, so lets hope it lasts.
Firstly, I really look like a blonde again. I know, its not my natural colour, but I really dont care! I love being blonde, so…Added amusement with this, as I got to go under one of those wonderful hair dryer machines, that looks just like a brainwashing machine out of a good science fiction movie. Yes, real helmet type, complete with visor, dropped over my eyes, and then left for my mind to melt away…oh, I wish! But yes, if I’d known I was going under one of those, instead of the normal cap type dryer hood I normally go under, I’d have taken a camera, and taken a selfie! Especially as it had a red light on the front, when switched on.
Next bit of good news, I’ve finally got agreement on my rent benefit figure, and in truth, it was slightly more than I was expecting to get. Alright, its tempered by the fact that I’m not getting any back pay, but at least the difference between what I owe here, and what I will be getting, is sufficient to allow me to at least get a few basic things done. Not that I’m now looking forward to a good waxing session, its going to hurt, but so needs to be done! One or two other little things as well, like technically spending the balance of my birthday money, once that arrives will be nice too.
Oh, and then, this afternoon, I got a call from one of the agencies, got an interview in Elland, on Monday. So providing I make a decent show of that, I might get a job too! I know, me, competency questions, and all that, but hey, I might be on a roll! Alright, stop laughing, but…
Lastly, though I dont gamble any more, other than once a year, funnily enough, done today, for Saturday, I still do sports competitions on the net. One site I know, because of Facebook postings, offered a free contest on the first day of Aintree today, and yes, I came 4th, out of 100! £5 worth of free bets! Not a fortune, but any beacon of hope is good for me at present.
So yes, this Saturday, the National Lottery are doing one of their specials! Usually there is 1 millionaire, and 20 prizes of £20,000 on each draw, as well as the standard 6 ball stuff. This weekend, its 10 millionaires! So what do you reckon, should I get a lottery ticket? Hey, even £20,000 would more than solve all current issues, let alone a million!
No, I’m not going to count my blessings until that rent money is in the bank, and stuff, and I’m certainly not going to expect a lottery win, even if I go for it. As to being brainwashed, by some evil machine, oh I wish, but I suspect, only in my dreams!
The video. As the singer says, maybe things really are getting better, not before time!
Seemingly, you should buy me some chocolate! And believe me when I say, that I wont say no, if you offer it! Oh, and not only that, its the perfect time to treat me, seeing its my birthday on Wednesday. Yes, I’m 29, or at least a multiple thereof, and be careful what you say, on that point lol! No, I’m not joking about chocolate, read this!
Mind, if you are getting me some, I would prefer something decent, but this poor church mouse wouldnt say no to any treats at present, I guess? I know, fine, I’m not going to have a dozen messages (or even one, probably) asking where to send the chocolate in the morning, but at least for now, I can dream! Bottles of alcohol might be nice, but not sure how wise that would be, given how I feel at present, but anyway…
Mind, if anyone is offering the opportunity for the opposite result to be done to me, turned into a mindless, obedient machine, it might be more fun than the current battle for a job, and besides, post treatment, I wouldnt concern myself too much with that option anyway lol! I know, I know, but… If someone just wants to give me the treat of pretending to do it to me, as a birthday treat, I’d love it, btw.
In all honesty, of all the 58 upcoming birthdays I’ve had in my life (I know, the first few I wasnt terribly aware of, but), I’ve got to say this is probably the one I’ve looked forward to, with the least enthusiasm. Yes, the working situation is probably a great part of it, after all this time, its really got to me. But yes, apart from that, its that growing realisation that my time here, is probably now on the down side of the hill, not that I suspect at the moment, I really mind that fact. Not helping on that front is so many music heroes of my youth departing this world at present. I know most are a decade or so ahead of me, but even so, it does make you think!
I suppose my one regret, that seemingly gets less likely to happen over the years, is the fact that I’ve never worked anywhere other than the UK, in my life. Maybe it annoys me more because it almost happened on a few occasions, but for whatever reason, never did. Lets face it, how many firms outside the UK are going to take a chance on a 58 year old? Yes, exactly! I know, turning down that US job offer in 2003, is going to haunt me to my grave, I suspect? It might still happen, but being practical, probably not, now.
So, beyond chocolate, what would I like for my birthday, you might be asking, but I doubt it! A job would be the obvious answer, anywhere reasonable, and nowadays, that covers a larger range of locations than a year ago! Fine, LA would be heavenly, but this is real life, not a Golden Age Hollywood movie I’m living! Mind, if anyone wants me to recreate the Marion Davies story, with me in the Marion role, I wouldnt say no!
For those (ha ha) that want to spend slightly more budget on me, I could do with a small second hand chest of drawers, for my room. Maybe 2, depending on size, maybe a small wardrobe (fabric type would be fine), so that I can get my clothes sorted out, without worrying about spending money!
I might not say no to a full length, silver metallic bodysuit, with or without mind controlling electrodes, but…yes, I’m kidding, I think, or maybe not? 😉
Lastly, should there be a very rich person out there, with more money than sense, I’d love another 4 weeks in the sun, in an apartment, in Hollywood! I know, I know, but if I dont mention that, and there is some crazy millionaire out there…ha ha!
But yes, fine, if you want to get me a bar of Bournville chocolate, or similar at present, thats good by me! Might even make me smarter, you never know?
The video, well yes, the song is old, was released when I was about 6! This version though, is a live one from 2009, still sounding pretty good. Yes, song could be quite apt? 😉
Silly title, but events today have driven me to the point of stupidity, or is it concern? Yes, more less than memorable moments in the battle to get this passport in my new name!
As you may remember from Wednesday’s blog, I had a letter from the passport office, requesting details that I’d registered my name change with the driving licence people, and I told them that I didnt have a driving licence, issued solved, I hoped? Wrong!
Today, I got another letter from the passport office, telling me that I was actually issued with a driving licence in 1983. Well, I know I certainly didnt do that, as that was the year I moved to Somerset, and I certainly didnt apply for one then! And no, I certainly didnt order one either in the 2 and a half months I lived in Kent, before moving down there. I did in fact hold a provisional licence, somewhere in the late 1970’s, but that was it. Mainly because my driving talents matched those of Frank Spencer (of Some Mothers Do Have Them fame), so I quickly gave up on the idea.
As far as I remember, since then, I have never held a driving licence, nor have I ever driven a road vehicle at any time. So yes, this news concerned me, a lot, even if its long before identity stealing became popular! So I rang the passport office up, informed them of this, and they told me an examiner would be requested to get back to me quickly. That was 11.00 this morning, still no call. I’ll leave it until Monday afternoon before I chase them, but anyway… The thing is, why didnt all this come up when I changed my name in 2010? Thats right, I heard nothing then, when only changing name, but not gender. Suspicious, maybe? Hopefully not?
Or did I really learn to drive, pass my test, apply for a licence, and was then brainwashed to forget it ever happened? Much though I’d love that to be discovered to be the truth, its not going to be the case, is it? And lets face it, if I was brainwashed by a sinister government department, surely another government department wouldnt now be telling me about it?
I suspect the more likely story is far more dull. When I applied for a joint mortgage in 1987, we had an issue, because of a man with the same name as me. He lived in Derbyshire, I had to prove I’d never lived there, and all was solved. And yes, my intuition is that this driving licence was issued to him, not me.
But its all dragging out this event (its now 5 weeks, instead of the standard 4, and I still havent got it) that is causing me problems with job hunting, at a time I really dont need it! And of course, its Catch 22, to get identity papers anywhere, you need a passport. And they are doing their best to slow down this process, and I really dont need this! This will lead again to stress issues, which makes getting through interviews, getting a job, and some much needed money, even harder! And people wonder why I dont feel like going on with life, seriously! Yes, its getting that bad, about 6 weeks before I have major problems, and thats far too soon for my liking.
Right, rant over, though if anyone wants to issue me a passport (USA would be heaven), so I can travel, and job hunt legally, I’d love it. Before I decide to do something silly, anyway!
Right, video. Alright, the licence issue is going to be related to a guy, but I’m now a girl, so this great track will do nicely.
So fine, I could have just left it until tomorrow, and got around the issue, but strictly, its one more blog before Christmas, so…
I think its fair to say that this ‘being out of work’ thing can be pretty stressful. It could also be said that when I did briefly get a job, that proved to be even more stressful, in a different sort of way. So what I was planning to do, before that ‘job from hell’ arose, was to do a relaxation, and stress busting hypnosis session locally, as she was offering a reduced rate for doing so, and I’m not one to turn down a bargain, especially a bargain that was going to be useful to me.
So yes, it got all sorted out, and set up, and was going to happen on a Saturday. Yes, you’ve guessed it, the Saturday I was doing training for that job, so I had to cancel it, another thing I regret. Anyway, I can now happily say that its been rearranged, for 3 weeks time, again on a Saturday morning. This time, hopefully, all will go to plan. To be honest, I could do with a hypno brainwashing session, and then being ‘rebooted’ like a computer, and hope a better me came out of it, but I’ll settle for this, for now.
Yes, I’m looking forward to being hypnotised again, that I will admit. Though fine, if anyone wants to try the shut down, and then reboot my mind technique, I’d love to give it a go!
I know, I havent been doing Christmas videos this year, pretty much because its hard to come up with anything I havent used before. But then I found this. Seriously, covering the Wombles?
Yes, they think its all over, for Ms Nicholls at least, it is now!
This morning marked the last appearance of said, Ms Nicholls, at my final job interview, using that name. Hey, I’ve already altered my CV, the sites that I get job vacancy emails from, and my NI details. The passport, the last document showing that old name, will be sent off tomorrow, as I will go into a Post Office, and send it off on the way into town, to get the last couple of small Christmas gifts I have to get.
But on that bus into town (even if my Metro pass will say otherwise, for the next 14 days), it will be Miss Carpenter going into town. Oh fine, strictly, she has for over a month now, but due to ID issues, and a good number of those trips relating to job applications, its a debatable issue, but no more!
To be honest, I’m glad its done. It will be so much easier to only have to focus on one name, and fine, this may also be the point where I switch from using Stephanie, to actually using Harlean, as I’m no longer worried about keeping the names similar. Yes, I expect to hear “That’s an unusual name.” a few times, but I really don’t care. I know one thing, I wont have to worry about having the same first name as anyone else in an office, or anywhere lol!
Oh, and should anyone be daft enough to want to buy me a present to celebrate the fact, or for Christmas, I’d love this
I know, thoroughly submissive look, so I shouldnt love it, but I do! No, I dont seriously expect anyone to get it for me, but I can dream.
Right, the video, possibly apt on a day when I finally only have one name again. It features a lot of old movie stars among the images, though sadly not the star formerly known as Harlean Carpenter. Now where have I heard that name? 😉
Oh, and finally, if anyone wants to use this method to erase all my memories of my former name/self, please do so!