Monthly Archives: August, 2018

Do you want me baby?

Title might be a reversal of the video title, lol!

Today has been a bit of a preparation day, mainly for the holiday, but yes, I’ve finally done one thing I should have done about 3 months ago, moved my stuff over to my new handbag, which seems to have far more space than the old one, and when I bought it, I wondered if it had as much space. Considering I bought the old one for about £8, about 10 years ago, its fair to say I’ve got my money out of it. In truth, other than that the ‘paint’ has peeled off in several places, the bag is actually as good as ever, but ‘a lady’ really ought to have a nice bag, so I made the purchase in Seattle in May. To me, it looks vintage style, even if it is very modern, and about twice the price of the old one! But fine, if it lasts 10 years, it might outlast me!

The other is the new laptop, which I had planned to switch to, today, but then I went and got my hair done (yes, natural blonde for a few days at least, lol), and I’m still on the old one, lol! I know, by Monday week, I ideally need to have changed over, but… it might yet end up being done on return, after those few days away, oopsie! Its all those logging in things, darlings, definitely not the Cats Whiskers, as everything is auto saved on here.

Oh, I need new shoes to go away too, but as I have a Shoe Zone, free next day delivery voucher I can use (if I spend £20, which wont be hard, as nearly all my shoes have ‘holy’ soles at present. Fine in this weather, but shortly… Yes, these composite soles hate wet weather, and I hate spending extra money on better quality soles, ah well…

The other holiday preparation is actually for later in the year, November. I’m trying to be practical, I’m pretty sure my back isnt going to get through another UK winter, without assistance. And the best form of assistance it can get, heat, lots of it. So I’ve been waiting on my bonus from work, to try and get something booked, to try and placate it. There had been talk of a trip to Florida, but because of the way events are working out, thats not going to happen then. Oh darlings, the secrets that I keep, lol! No, thats not the video! 😛

So anyway, I had a search today, on a pretty limited budget, to see if I could find anything that would fit the need, and I suspect, that unless something dramatic happens, I will be doing my second ‘sentimental journey’ of the autumn for a break. Algarve (Portugal) holidays are a bit more recent than Inverness, but its still been a while since I done one. But now, looks like I’m going back, though to the Eastern end this time, to Monte Gordo. Might even allow me to see a bit more of Spain this time (its about 3 miles from border, with ferry crossing), as this time, currency will be the same both sides of the border. Last time I did it, I couldnt spend money on the Spanish side, as it was Pre-Euro’s days, wow!

So unless someone wants to offer me a holiday home, suitable for a (very modest) actress for a week, somewhere warm/hot, thats the plan. In truth, I’ve never got the concept of those celebrity holiday things, but if someone wants to pay me to act like a star actress, or something (Sweet kind, a la Harlow, I might add), then thats the idea. If anyone that knows me, wants to come on a ‘gentle old ladies’ holiday to Portugal that week, starting 10th November, then let me know before Tuesday! Mind, acting the ‘qiuirky actress’ might be fun, lol. Equally, if Rotwang reads this (fictional characters read this, yeah…) and needs another woman for Metropolis type experiments, give me a call before then! 😉

Right, video time. Some groups dont show their age, it can be said. Well, he’s got a lot less hair now, than at start of 80’s, but otherwise…

Why do I have to need you?

One of the things I’m contemplating doing in November, is to try and take a week in the sun somewhere, so that in theory, and probably only in theory, that extra heat might help to get me through the UK winter. There is one possible event that could make this blog irrelevant, but regardless of that, its still something designed to annoy a singleton like myself. Lets face it, who would want to share a double room with me for a week? I mean, I wouldnt inflict me on Eric for more than a few days away, and we live in the same house together, though not in the same room.

Snag for me, I’m on a budget, pretty tight one, I suspect. I’ll be able to work out just how tight, or if its even no go on Wednesday, when I see how much my bonus actually boosts my wages by this month! And yes, I have to allow for the physiotherapy out of that! Hopefully tomorrow, or next week, my back gets zapped so hard that I turn into a robot, and these issues go away, lol. Oh, I hope!

Yes, November (w/c 10th, if anyone wants to book me something, lol), to get heat, I will need to go south, just a matter of how far, and then finding somewhere that is Trans woman friendly. Yes, I have a friend currently away by herself in Egypt, and it sounds perfect, but… its perfect for ‘natural’ women, but having looked at Wiki, it does seem it might not be the same for women like me! Also, not sure if the budget would allow me to go that far, anyway, but if I could…?

Oh, fine, the rant. Yes, its all these special holiday deals I see on websites, or on these discount email voucher things I get. The prices look wonderful, but then you read the small print, all prices are based on 2 people staying together. So for me, no good whatsoever! Shame, because I saw one yesterday, for 5 days full board (inc flight) in Benidorm (which I assume would be warm enough, even mid November?) for £259, which would be perfect, but yes, must be 2 people, 2 vouchers, so… I know, its only that cheap because they’re going to get 2 people in a room, but in truth, if I could get a single person deal like that, for about £100-140 more, I’d probably go for it. But oh no… grumble, grumble!

So fine, much though I hate the single supplement, especially for places where you get squeezed into a tiny room, rather than a standard size room, I do get it, to some degree. Doesnt mean I like it, but…

But yes, if anyone is free that week in November, and clinically insane enough to be prepared to share a double (ideally twin) room with me, somewhere warm/hot, let me know. If its proved you’re not actually crazy, lol, well, who knows? Just note, I am 60, not a party animal, with back issues, so if you’re looking for someone frisky, to have fun with, I’m not your girl!

Alternately, if anyone knows of a small apartment I can rent, or the like, somewhere warm for that week, that wont bust a small budget, let me know. So no, Mr Branson, Necker Island (or whatever its called) is beyond my budget, lol, unless you’re providing it for free! 😛

But yes, please, bargain holiday people, please consider offering a single person price, even at a small supplement, for those of us who dont have partners! Fine, rant over.

Video time. A little vintage Abba, seemingly actually live!

Like a fall in the war, like a pawn in the game

I suppose my readers might have worked out by now, that I’m not a fan of Trump. I know, shock horror, and all that. One of the criticisms that so many have made of the Republican party, quite justifiably on the whole, is that no one has had the courage to stand up to his comments, and crazy tweets, but there was at least one man of whom that couldnt be said.

I dont know what John McCain did to annoy Trump, other than not fawning over the ‘Emperor’ and his ‘New Clothes’, but seemingly something did. I’m pretty sure it was the fact that he did tell Trump what he thought about matters, and from time to time, disagreed with him totally. Anyway, for that fact alone, regardless of his political views, I’d have to like him. Maybe it was the fact that he actually served in the military, with honor, something Trump was determined to avoid.

I’m not going to snatch lots of stuff from Wikipedia about the guy to impress you about him, you can do that yourself, if you so desire. In truth, the first time I really came across him, was 2008, when he was the Republican nomination, who lost to Obama. Of course, I had a couple of reasons to want Obama to win, but in a sense, after Bush, he did seem a Republican candidate I could have lived with, but anyway…

Of course, one of the things he did, after falling out with Trump, was to vote down the mess that was the Trump plan to dump Obamacare, in favor of something that would line his friends in the medical industry’s pockets! I’m not saying that compared to our system, Obamacare was perfect, but it was better than previously, and its better than anything Trump wants for non wealthy people in the US. He did that, at a time when he was already critically ill, quite a stand to take.

Anyway, a couple of days he decided to stop fighting the brain cancer he was suffering, and take his chance in the next world. Unsurprisingly, it wasnt long between that decision, and his sad death. I dont know, maybe its because he was an old school Republican, maybe its because he was prepared to say what he thought, not just toe the party line that endeared him to me, but regardless of all that, RIP, John McCain.

OK, the video. 35 years ago, or so, OMD brought out an album that was totally ahead of its time in complexity, Dazzle Ships. I must admit, at that time, I probably didnt get it either, but its one of those things that has developed a fame after its time. I’m not saying I get it entirely, even now, but with the modernity of music, it makes a lot more sense. This wont be everyone’s cup of tea, but then again, neither was McCain, and indeed, neither is Trump!

Then she’ll be a fair maid from my home village

Tonight, for both blogs, I have people to thank for providing the image inspiration. In this case, its a lovely guy named Matt, that I used to work with, in my last long term job before this one, from which we both took redundancy at the same time. Fortunately for me, the last couple of days he’s been in Scarborough. So, given that info, and the blog title, well, if you havent worked out the song, I’m disappointed!

I think its fair to say, that unless I had miraculously became a major acting sensation, I was never in danger of being the most famous woman who lived her childhood in Haworth! Funnily enough, neither of us were actually born there. Her, because her famous Father only took up the pastor role there when she was a babe in arms, and me, because my family couldnt get my mother back to Yorkshire in time! Some of whom probably never forgave her for the fact I couldnt have played cricket for Yorkshire (as things stood at the time), but my father was based in Chatham, in the Navy, so…

Yes, I wonder if the treatment of an intersex baby might have been different in a West Yorkshire hospital, to a Kent one, but we will never know!

But yes, just under 140 years before I went home to Haworth for the first time (I was told within a few weeks of birth), a far more famous family to be arrived in the village for the first time, the Bronte’s! The youngest, seemingly the sweetest, and the one I took most interest in, was Anne. No, not the most famous of the 3 writers by far, but maybe thats why I was always closest to her, her lack of relative fame!

In the end, only 2 members of the ‘family’ who lived in that Parsonage arent buried in the little church at Haworth. One is cheating a bit, because he was never a Bronte. Charlotte’s husband, Arthur Bell Nicholls, who returned to Ireland after their father died in 1861, and wasnt offered the parish priesthood is one, the other of course, was Anne.

In her life, she fell in love with Scarborough, and decided that was where she was going, to end her life. As much as history tells us, Charlotte couldnt summon the means, or enthusiasm to take her dead body back to Haworth, or of course, its possible that Anne made it clear she wanted to be buried there. So, in St Mary’s Churchyard, just under the Castle, she was put to rest. I have visited her there, more times than you can imagine, though not in recent years, for various reasons, at least partly, health! Its quite a climb up there, believe me!

Anyway, I asked Matt very nicely to pay my respects for me, and not only that, but I found a picture in my Facebook timeline today, this one.

anne bronte grave

The new plaque is actually more recent than my last visit, but is a nice touch, as the old one, like me, is very much showing its age! Maybe, like a few other places, one more visit is called for at least? I really should, but… we will see!

So yes, I dont think, that now, whatever I do, I’ll ever be more than the 4th most famous woman to live in Haworth, lol, and I’m not even sure I’d rank that high!

So, video time. I only know one song title mentioning Scarborough, and if there is more, this is the most famous one!

 

I was reading an article earlier today

About how AI was becoming so powerful, its going to take over the world from humans.

I mean, seriously, unless humanity is careful, I would guess that in about 20-30 years or so, they may well be right! Of course, their timeline, and the perceived nature of the article was more inclined to suggesting that in as little as 3 years from now, our AI Masters will control the Earth, and Humans just acting as their slaves, and in all honesty, I cant see that timeline being correct. I would, in truth, call it something that a bewigged Russian plant in the US likes to say, but in truth, it only is ‘fake news’ for now, because if you go far enough on, at likely rates of AI enhancement, it probably will happen.

I’m pretty certain I will be dead by then, so will miss out on the robot upgrade that I’d probably be one of few people to enjoy! In fact, by then, it will probably be more of an issue when said AI breaks down, as with the computer information systems at Gatwick Airport over the weekend, when departure information, and other critical stuff, normally handled by computers, and monitor screens do go down. Yes, it was all done on wipe boards, which I would imagine was the basis for flight info back in the early days of public flying, but there were far less planes around back then!

So, imagine, when you’re trying to board your hyperspeed space shuttle to Mars, and you have no idea what launch pad you’re taking off from, in about 20 years time…, lol!

Even more so, now, I’d love AI technology to be at a point where replacing my damaged spine, with a brand new cybernetic one was a simple operation. Fine, I’d quite enjoy my whole body being replaced by a new cybernetic one, but thats beside the point. Said body would then rely on systems to run it, and if that AI broke down…or ran amok, and took total control of mind and body…? Alright, I’d love that, but others…?

But yes, the development of AI, and similar systems is happening at an incredible rate. Too fast for some? Well, maybe, but for others, who would love a whole new AI capable robot body, maybe things are going too slow? 😉

Video time. No music tonight, just that classic Harlow film moment from Dinner At Eight, with the perfect retort from Marie Dressler. Yes, Jean, machinery probably will take over all jobs in time, just not quite yet!

Good old fashioned Civil Service?

Any readers old enough to have seen ‘Yes, Minister’, or ‘Yes, Prime Minister’, or more likely, have seen any number of the repeats over the years, probably have an image that every Civil Servant, even now, wears an immaculate suit, or dress to work, depending on gender, and preference of wear. How do I break this to you, it doesnt happen.

I’m not saying that some of the top echelon dont do so, but at our level, smart casual clothing is fine. Well, normally it is, but… A month today (19/9, or 9/19. depending where you reside), we’re being given free reign to dress up posh at work, for the day. It is for a good cause, it will raise money for charity, and there will be prizes for the best looks. Then yes, back to standard smart casual the next day, lol!

Who, me, dressing up, of course I will be, darlings! Though to be fair, unless First Buses are prepared to actually clean their buses, it will be work only wearing a dress! Well, I wont get changed when I go out to get lunch, but anyway… But yes, if I had faith in a clean bus turning up, I would wear it to work, believe me! Both the most suitable dresses are floor length, so pavements might be issue too, but anyway, the concept of wearing a dress to work, and back, done it before, and will do it again!

My obvious choices at present, are either the Flapper Dress I wore to my Birthday celebrations, which most at work havent seen, or a wonderful vintage style dress I bought in Kansas City many years ago, and have only worn a couple of times, as its a real special occasion dress! Which it will be, well, wait and see! Or read on here, in most cases, I guess? I must admit, it will be interesting to see what others decide to wear too.

So yes, for one day at least, Sir Humphrey Appleby would probably approve of Civil Service wear, lol.

Video time. Yes, you can tell this really is live, as there are a few ‘moments’ in this when things dont go quite to plan. I suspect this will be a new song to most, if not to me. Yes, I purchased the single of this, about 46 years ago! Was a rarity, actually, as the label was incorrectly pressed, another song, different artist, lol. B side was correctly done though, lol.

You make me feel…

I knew it was somewhere around this time, 2 years ago, that the ‘old lady’ started back at work full time, 15 months after being made redundant, but couldnt have told you the exact date if you paid me. Anyway, according to a congratulations from someone on LinkedIn, the anniversary was today, or looking at a calendar, more likely yesterday, because he’s 5 time zones behind me, and the Monday was the 15th, but anyway… Yes, I know, I did do a couple of temp things in the interim, one OK, one I’d like to wipe from the annals of history, and which I can safely say, never made my CV, being only just over a week that I could stand the place.

Well, as it stands, I’m hoping its the last time I ever start a job here in the UK. Well, because even if the back holds out that long, and I’m not convinced that the attrition of travel to, and from work wont get it before then, I’ve got less than 6 years to go, and no huge ambitions, in a work sense at least. Well, unless someone wants to offer me a major acting role, but at my age, with my back disability, and my ‘push’ all gone, I dont see that happening. That doesnt mean I’m not going to appear on a stage again, mind, before Angie says anything, because if something in that sense can be arranged, I am more than up for it, believe me. I might say that my singing isnt great, I suspect my dancing would be limited now, even more so than before, but that chance, on a stage, to do either, you bet I would!

There is also a distinct chance that I might be getting a new role in life, but if so, that will be outside the UK. Possibility I’m going to be a companion, and part time P.A to a wonderful lady, somewhere across an expanse of water, well, thats all I’m going to say at present. But given the chance, the warmth on my back, amazing company, no travel on buses, and everything else, no way am I saying no! Oh, and her biographer, maybe that too?

But while I need to drag my aching body to work in the UK, there is only one place I want to go to, until they sling me out at least, either due to age, infirmity, or the fact I’m moving abroad (at which point I guess its me slinging me out). And yes, thats where I am now, because not only is it a great place to work, but as the video says, they do tend to make me feel like a natural woman too!

Right, video time. I did think of doing a tribute to Aretha Franklin, who left us today at the age of 76, but fine, I’d just be cribbing Wikipedia if I did, and thats being lazy! But musically, oh absolutely! RIP Aretha, has to be said, and thanks for the memories

When I look back upon my life?

I have to say that the only thing that I feel is a shame, is that it took me so long to discover what had been ‘wrong’ with me for just over 40 years! Of course, there is the other way of looking at it, in that sex reassignment surgery back then was so much more basic back then, than now, that whether I would have had it done, even if I could, no idea. I do know that if I knew what I know now, and was in my twenties, and in good physical health, something would be dealt with. Instead, I’m 60, with a few health issues, and a hatred of pain, so no, unless good cause comes up, it probably wont happen. But, never say never…?

Yes, being the ‘shy wallflower’ that I am, if people ask pertinent, and polite questions about the whole Transgender thing, I’m always happy to talk. After all, education is always a good thing. So, if while my Physiotherapist is zapping the pain out of my back, and asks relevant questions, I’m happy to answer them. Of course her main interest is more in the last 20 years, than the first 40, but anyway…

She actually told me today that I probably ought to write my biography, but in truth, its only the current last third that would be of any real interest to anyone.  Alright, fine, now in hindsight, I can look back on the female parts I played acting before then, and see an amusing significance, but in all honesty, they were just a role at the time. Being honest, I think its only really been the last 10 years or so, when its really been full time female that would interest most. I have to say that there is someone whose biography would make a far more entertaining read that I know, that I’d love to write, but whether she will let me, will have to wait and see!

Alternatively, if someone wants to provide me with enough money to do a voyage of discovery to Oklahoma, Texas, and California, and try and discover the full Clara Johnson story, that would be fun. But yes, writing about someone alive, who has numerous friends also alive, as opposed to someone who no one who knew her in her ‘fame’ would be alive, much easier task! But yes, would be very entertaining, I’m sure, to look back on her life!

Given the blog title, you’ve probably worked out the song, so if I ask if my life has been a sin, it shouldnt be much more of a giveaway? Oh, for sure, my life has had a few sinful moments, any actress that says otherwise is probably lying as much as Trump does! And yes, of course, if trying to live as a man was a sin, count me in. Of course there are some who would say that now, living as a woman was a sin, but anyway…

Hopefully, I can look back on my life, in a few years time, or whenever, and even if I have a sense of shame for the first 40, I can be proud of the rest!

OK, the obvious video. Live version, as I cant believe I havent used the original at some point on here. Of course, if its a while back, would have been fine, but anyway…

Tainting Love?

I know, an asexual, and the second blog in a row including the word love, shocking stuff, lol!

To reprise a quote, I was reading a story earlier today, and…it was this one

https://mcstories.com/NoStraightsAllowed/index.html

It just set me thinking, is it fair, or right when I enjoy a story when a very straight girl is transformed into a happy lesbian, even if they were making the mistake of signs of homophobia, in a gay bar? To be fair, I’m equal opportunity in these matters, and tend to enjoy stories where girls who are sapphically inclined, are made to go straight, so dont throw that brick at me.

And fine, I know its only fiction, but hypothetically, is that actually any better than homophobia, lesbian girls hating the straights, you tell me? I mean, as an Intersex/Trans Bi lady, its hard for me to say, even if I probably am more girl inclined if pushed, but not sure anyone of either gender would want me, lol! I personally prefer the neutrality route, make someone bi, rather than turning their sexual compass through 180 degrees, but I guess some deserve it, maybe?

Anyway, as I say, its purely a fictional theory, cant be done for real, but how would you feel, readers, if your sexual orientation got changed in that way? Now if only I could find a way to make women fall in love with a woman that comes with an unwanted added extra, lol…? Hmm?

Right, video time. Everyone knows the Soft Cell version of this, and I’ve used it before, I’m sure, so lets go with the original! Sadly, not a live version, but given the song was less than a major hit, 54 years ago, hardly surprising?

 

Are you secretly in love with me?

And before I start the actual blog, may I suggest anyone answering this in the positive about me needs to check their sanity! 😛

To misquote Jean Harlow from Dinner At Eight, “I was reading an article earlier today, and…”

It comes down to, this man was terrified of complimenting, or talking to women nowadays, because more seem to see it as an affront to their morals, than a polite, charming comment. Sadly, in truth, the comments under this piece seemed to suggest he was right, though I suspect that where it was posted (by someone else, who has a reputation for stirring in these matters), the comments in reply seemed to match his views. I know, militant feminists, love them, not! Full of outraged comments about him wanting to take things back to the 1950’s, and before, when in truth, I suspect he doesnt! Well, maybe he does, secretly, but that didnt seem to be the gist of his argument, but anyway…

As an elderly, less than stunningly beautiful, 60 year old Trans woman, I have no idea if the Hollywood trope of a strange man coming up to you in the street, and trying to charm you off your feet is true. Given I missed out on the ‘pretty young miss’ era in my life, it might work for them, who knows? I’ve only had 4 moments of ‘appreciation’ as a woman, and as far as I know, only 1 of those saw my face! 2 of those saw me side on, from a distance, so I think its safe to say my boobs (which arent even natural, lol) caught their eye, not my face. One was up a side street from where I was walking, another was when crossing the road some distance in front of him.

A third guy almost literally bumped into me, when walking up the street to get the bus, but its fair to say the reason he nearly walked into me, was because he looking at my chest, not my face.

The last one, I have no idea what he saw, because I was sat on a train heading for Leeds (yes, that long ago) for work, and he was sat next to me. Anyway, just as he was getting off the train at Dewsbury (intermediate stop), he handed me a bit of paper, with his phone number on, and asked me to call him. Given I suspected he thought I was a ‘natural’ woman (ghastly term, but anyway…), not Trans, I never did. Maybe I disappointed him more by not ringing, but I thought it was easier on him that way, than finding out the truth!

But yes, me, the thought that some guy might have found me attractive (stop laughing!), or wanted a chat over coffee, or a meal with me, and was terrified of the consequences of talking to me, well, thats heartbreaking! I know, I’m not a shy wallflower, so maybe its different with me, but anyway…?

I know, no guy is going to have fallen for my charms, and talk to me, and is scared of doing so, sad turn of events. So, if anyone sees me, and is crazy enough to want to chat while making gooey eyes, over a cup of coffee, please do so! I promise I wont ring the lunatic asylum until afterwards, if you declare undying love, lol! 😛

Tonights video, a short one from 1929. No, despite it being dancing from that era, Clara Johnson isnt there! Why, because its from Broadway, lol! Just think, shortly after this, Wall Street crashed, and then… 😦

Yes, you can tell there wasnt Health & Safety inspectors back then!