One thing I’ve had to accept is the fact I’m getting old now. How much longer I’ve got, who knows? How much longer (given the pain I’ve got now) I want to last, who knows, but in this current organic body (yes, I’d love a cybernetic upgrade, if offered, lol), I dont want it to be forever. Whats the pleasure, when you’ve got a body with permanent ache, and lets face it, even if its now my personal choice (due to no pleasure in surgery pain), I’ve got a body thats screwed up gender wise too! If asked my ambition, I’d aim for a few years of retirement, but not too many, then just leave the world to the next generation. Fine, we dont get all the say we want in that matter, but anyway… But yes, I’ve started planning for the next stage now, that of retirement.
Let me say, I have no idea if my body is still going to be up to work by the time I hit the current retirement age of 66. I’m hoping it is, to build up the work pension, but in truth, not sure that I will. But while I can, I will, at least unless they change the retirement age for women again, something I think that despite campaigns, is not going to happen, but besides that… Not going to hold out for the suggested compensation payment either!
But yes, facing facts, as things stand, just under 6 years from now, I can retire from work. Now, I probably will. Until the back went, given that I could have carried on for a short while, I was considering October 2024 as retirement date (50 years of working life), but now, the sooner the better!
Anyway, last week, got an email at work for a pre-retirement advice course from work (well, I work in right department, lol), but unfortunately saw it one day after the closing date to apply. Anyway, yesterday, got an email that someone had dropped out, I was top of reserve list, so now I’m going. Just under 2 weeks time, in Leeds. I hope I can learn a lot, including how you apply to a previous job for your pension that they owe to you, when you’ve had 2 name changes, and a gender change! I guess the name change isnt going to be new to them, women get married, lets face it, but the gender change might be new to them! Thankfully my National Insurance number hasnt changed, so they should be able to trace it, but… Another advantage of that, payment was due to start at 63, even when the retirement age was 65. It wont be a fortune, but if it makes the differenece between the need to do a 3 day week from 63, instead of a 4 day week, might be handy!
But yes, who knows where life will take me between now, and then, anyway? But hopefully, on 2nd July, I can learn a lot more about that next step in my life thats fast approaching. No, I dont expect the robot body offer in my lifetime, lol!
Right, the video. I always assumed that the US Sports video of this song was the original one, but seemingly not! Bit dated with things like £1 pound notes and the like, but hey, its old, just like me!
To amuse some, the title is slightly tweaked tonight. And sadly, due to Sony getting feisty about the original video being on You Tube, this is a slightly cribbed version, but anyway…?
In truth 90% of the time I’m on holiday, in truth, being a single traveler is an advantage for me. No concerns about what others might want to do, and when they want to do it, which is great, most of the time. And even more so now, I dont have to worry about upsetting plans of others if I’m having back issues.
So now I’ve got you wondering about that other 10% of the time, perhaps? Some other fellow singletons may even have worked out what it is, its the evening meal, or more strictly for some, the main meal of the day, whether it be lunchtime, or evening. Yes, we single eaters tend to stand out like a sore thumb, lol. You know, that blight that take up a full table when 2 (or sometimes 4) people could be using the same space, double the profit, and the staff hoping, double the tip!
There is also the issue that while a couple are waiting for their meal to arrive, they can talk, hold hands, or whatever. Though hopefully not certain whatever’s with people at other tables lol. Mind, what I read in some stories, who knows whats going on underneath the table cloth lol! I’m pretty certain thats fiction, but…? Me, I usually have little to do, but sit and wait, and… No, I’m not buying a smart phone just so I can play with that while waiting, OK?
So, once or twice recently, I’ve put ads on Craigslist (or whatever its called?) seeking a dinner companion, and no more, just someone to chat with before, and during the meal, maybe? Even said I’d pay my share unless that was an affront to them, lol! No, I never got a reply, and seemingly I wont now! Because, as I discovered today, Craigslist have removed their personal pages, because of some new ruling, to try and counteract the fact that those sort of places were being used by the adult industry, to find sex, and little else. Ah well, no chance of sex with me, lol! Dont get me wrong, it would be fun being an escort for the night, as long as they didnt want sex afterwards at least!
So, this year at least, my chance to find out if there are any other casual meal sharers, in Seattle, with an interest in Baseball, Harlow, 30’s musicals, or indeed 20’s and 30’s movies as a whole, because my only route to do so is gone. Equally, I’m now not going to find the mad scientist looking for a guinea pig to turn into a robot either! Well, unless someone from Microsoft, with such desire happens to read this, while spying on my postings, lol… Mind, I suspect that a middle aged Trans woman, isnt everyone’s dream date, in the first place, lol. Not that its really a date, just dinner companionship, but…? Ah well!
But yes, if any of my US readers of this (and there seem to be a large number) blog see this, and feel crazy, and think they can chat about these subjects for a couple of hours, then let me know! Usual email address, email@example.com if you dont want to amuse others, might be best way to go. Please note, I will not have a US phone until 20th May (day after arrival), and will then be available until lunch on 27th. So if you dont want to die in the rush (ha ha), you might want to email me before then!
No, I seriously suspect I will be dining alone, and frustrating the waiting staff at my meals yet again, somehow! Unless…?
OK, video time. I’ve used this before, but as I say, Sony have pulled the original, a while back now. This version is someone videoing it off their TV at a guess?
One thing you quickly discover with the internet is that a lot of people are all talk, and no action. In other words, they come up with these interesting (to me at least) ideas, but when people actually show an interest in it, they just disappear again, as fast as they arrived. Yes, this looks like another one, much to my disappointment. Just over a week ago, over at Fembot Central, this headline appeared on a thread
An idea for actual conversion, looking for willing subjects!
So, unsurprisingly enough, I showed cautious interest. No, not cautious as in, do I want to be converted into a robot, because the answer clearly is yes! Even if its more of an organic, controlled robot, than anything more deliciously cybernetic, its a start!
His answers started impressively, answers clearly thought through for many issues, and not what I would call beyond potentially possible nowadays. Yes, EEG Caps, and Brain/Computer interface devices, rather than transformation pods, which fine, I would love, but practically, not going to happen for a while yet, in real life!
Anyway, after a weekend of dealing with the matter, seemingly quite professionally, everything has since gone quiet. So yes, I’m assuming it was never beyond a theory in his head, and is never going to happen in reality. Great shame, but am I totally surprised by this? No, not really! I’d love to be proved wrong, believe me I wouldnt, but I’m beginning to suspect he will never be seen, in a meaningful way again. I did send him a message on Skype, just to get a reply that he was trying to check on a couple of things, and would get back to me, but that was Tuesday, and not heard a thing! No, no plans to contact again, and no expectations of hearing anything now, either.
Fine, I was impressed when I saw it, though I couldnt see the practicality of someone controlling several (as was his plan) organic fembots on a long term basis, but I had to hope. Ah well…
On semi related news, the new book is progressing. I have the edited copy back, and if I can work out a way to buy the cover for it, it could be close to release. Snag is, due to the collapse of the pound, due to the Brexit campaign, I havent quite got enough on my pre paid credit card to pay $7 for the image. Minimum top up is £30 ($40), and the finances really arent solid enough this month for that, but fine, its going to be done, I guess?
Why is it related? Well, there is this thing, that generally, when creating robots, it involves a nice zap of electricity to the mind, or at least in the movies it does lol! And yes, a little bit of zapping might just be happening in my story, though not to transform anyone into a robot. Having got into the whole subject of ECT, its no surprise I decided to develop it into a story. I know, might hurt some sales, but might make others, who knows? Tackling something different might even prove to be a breakthrough moment? More likely make a few sales, and that will be it, knowing my luck! Yes, when available, I will advertise it, believe me!
In case anyone was wondering, no, I never got to do any more research on ECT treatment than I could find online. And I hate to break it to people who are against ECT, but the stuff you see in the movies, isnt general treatment nowadays! Yes, even a placebo walk through would have been helpful, and I did try for that. Not surprised I got no reply from local NHS, but I gave it a go. Yes, a low voltage session might have been even more informative, but practically, I wasnt expecting to get offered that! Bit like the guy offering to turn me into an organic robot, was never likely to happen!
Right, video time. You could jokingly say how a robot might think, especially an organically based one!
Right, I’m glad to say that the knee is improving. Still a bit sore, even worse than usual to look at, but hey, I can walk on it, so lets celebrate that at least.
First, lets do some catching up. Yesterday I did the one tour in Hollywood that I wanted to do, though I’d have enjoyed it even more if I could have time warped it back to the 1930’s, but being realistic…Warner Brothers do a studio tour, and I headed off to take a look. Most of it (obviously) relates to modern movies, and TV programming, not the Golden Era that I truly love. But there were a few spots I saw, where films in the 30’s were made, even if the facilities on site were on the whole slightly more technologically up to date than back then. What I had forgotten, until conveniently reminded by my excellent guide, was that Jean Harlow starred in at least 1 movie for Warner’s, while Howard Hughes was contracting her out, ‘Public Enemy’. Alright, more remember Cagney, but anyway… Of course, a short period after that, MGM signed her to a contract, and of course, thats where she’s remembered for working, naturally.
Oh fine, so some of those Batman cars, I wouldnt mind being taken for a ride in, and the Hathaway, Catwoman suit (in my size), I’d love to wear. As for the Mr Freeze outfit… It was also interesting to see inside a sound stage, and imagine that Jean might have done the same walk, across town at MGM.
Seriously, the tour comes highly recommended. I did afterwards get my picture taken with ‘An Oscar’, which I will pull off my camera some time, and post. As close as Jean Harlow ever got to winning one, lol!
The other main moment of hilarity was attempting to arrange the meet that never happened. As much as you can ever know someone only through Twitter, and Facebook, I have the pleasure of knowing a wonderful, crazy guy there, by the name of Matt. Lets leave it at that, to protect his privacy at least, though a few will know who I mean. If I had a smart phone, with internet, and the like, I would have got his Twitter messages after I left here, I would have met him, and got a DVD. Sadly, even though I have a US phone, its cheap, cheerful, and no internet. So, in the end, it never happened. I did ask a couple of people in the studio if they knew the name, met with blank faces. As he told me afterwards, if I’d asked at the end of the Stage 48 part of the tour, where I got my coffee,…would have happened, but…
Today was a briefer trip, to the science museum down at Expo Park, close to USC. I did go mainly for the space stuff, but had a general look around, and yes, its good value. Straight face, that might be because basic entry is free, but seriously, well worth visiting.
Fine, the 2 requests. And lets face it, as you might have guessed, unless you’re in the LA area, you might as well jump to the video link. Well, unless you want to bestow a few thousand dollars on me, so I can stay a bit longer, but otherwise…
Firstly, is to take me out by car (or whatever) to a very special address. 9525 Easton Drive, up above Beverly Hills is the (in)famous home where Jean lived with her 2nd husband, Paul Bern, and where he committed suicide. Well, we assume he did, its the generally believed version, but we will never know for sure now, I guess? If I say this address is 3.5 miles from the nearest public transport point, and that the temperature during the day is still at least in the high 70’s, I’m not going to get there under my own steam. And its not like I’m going to pay a lengthy visit, unless I get invited in, ha ha! So, if anyone is prepared to drive me up there, I’d be eternally grateful. So might Jean’s ghost (allegedly) be, but thats another story! In my dreams, Jay Leno reads this, and drives me up there in 1 of his 30’s cars, but this isnt a fairy tale!
Second request is a more silly one, which I’m sure wont happen, but in this town, where movies are made, and special effects people abound, I can only ask. Yes, a robot transformation, or brainwashing scene, performed on me. No, I dont mean for real (though I wouldnt mind), just a roleplay where it really feels like its going to happen. You have a week, on both these requests, btw.
I know, I know, but if you dont ask…
OK, lastly, the video. One of the things that amuses me, is that the signpost for the main highway, doesnt use San Francisco, when going north, it uses Sacramento. Now fine, the latter is the state capital, and I gather little love is lost between here, and SF, but anyway…I find it funny. So, I’m using that as an excuse to use this golden oldie, from the 70’s, as my video tonight.
And lastly, as you know, recently I was interviewed by a wonderful lady named Alexia. Well, I’m trying to publicize, and raise funds for her new movie. There is one of those Thunderclap things, due to go off tomorrow, which costs you nothing to support, at https://www.thunderclap.it/projects/31154-support-selfdiscovery-film and also, if you want to offer her financial support to get the movie made, go here, and do so https://www.rockethub.com/projects/60770-support-alexia-s-selfdiscovery-film-experiment-the-fantastic-santa-monaco please!
A brief (well, relatively brief) look at what happened yesterday, the build up, and after. Some of it serious, some of it, slightly more light hearted, you decide which!
Well, thats it all settled now, losing control of my mind for a few hours tomorrow. I know whats been agreed on, and hypnosis can only make you do what you want to do, but…Given my robot fantasies in the past, would it really be that hard to keep me in that mechanised state? Bit late to worry about that now, girl, and I never back out of things, so…
Pack bag with a few outfits, one silver set, a couple of 20’s look things too, as that is something else to greatly look forward to. Oh, and a pair of heels, darlings, an absolute must!
Friday morning, first thing
Breakfast. Nothing out of the ordinary, its not like a condemned persons final meal, I will be becoming myself again at the end of the session, after all. And unless Lex has developed the first robotisation chamber, or a time travel machine (flapper in 1920’s), I should be fine. He hasnt told me of either, but he wouldnt, would he? 😉
Train journeys, pretty much straightforward, quite a surprise with Trans Pennine to be honest, that was my main concern of the day, getting to Manchester in time for the connection. We were a couple of minutes late arriving, but nothing to worry about. Train to Chester also arrives a few minutes late, nice to see Arriva Wales are that way inclined too.
Meet up with Lex, get taken to his place, and plied with coffee. Seriously, he thinks he can put me to sleep after 2 cups of coffee, he must be good. Oh fine, in time we get down to business, and what do you know, he could put me to sleep (strictly in trance) very easily, despite said caffeine. I know, I didnt want to resist, but…
I would say its fascinating being a mindless robot, but given that in that state, you cant really think, I’m not sure how strictly true that conclusion is? Kind of blissful, I guess, though some might see it strange as just obeying commands, and not able to do anything about it. oh, I’m pretty sure he made me forget my human name, but a robot wouldnt want to remember that anyway! No robot designation given, but I think thats because we both know nowadays, there’s someone else I’d rather be long term, the sweet, but sassy flapper!
So, my mind gets introduced to my new ‘temporary’ self, Mary Lou, said flapper, aged 22! She’s great fun! Saucy, sexy, and out to have a good time, while she’s allowed to. I know there was a condition put in, so she wouldnt panic at all the modern surroundings, but I cant remember the details (or I’m not allowed to, one or the other). Talk about turning me into a sex kitten, I was amazed myself! She’s not good at alcohol though (coloured water, actually), and gets a bit giggly when she starts drinking wine.
After that, I remember a session as a fembot sales girl, where I started off thinking I was a human, selling them, but am then led to believe that I might be one too! Dont think I sold myself anyway, lol! Then a purring, sexy Domme, with her hypnotic pendant, now that was fun! Clearly out of order, couldnt get Lex under my control! Beyond getting him to leave me as Mary Lou, I’m not sure what orders I would have given him though!
Then back to the sassy, Mary Lou for a while, until my tummy rumbled too loudly at least, and ‘she’ was asked if she was getting hungry. She was! So soon after that, things were brought to a climax, and I was returned back to normal, though only after a trigger to leave Mary Lou in charge for the rest of the day (with the same no freaking out about modern day things) was set up. To be honest, I’m only sorry to see her go after last night, she was such fun to be!
It made the train journey back quite interesting, a whole new perspective on things to be honest, looking at it through ‘her’ eyes at least. TPE finished the day off, by sitting outside Huddersfield station for about 15 minutes, before finally going into the station, not everything could be perfect after all.
I was torn last night. Whether it was the time in trance that did it, or the travelling, or both, but I felt tired. I didnt want to lose her, but about 11.00 I gave up the battle, and went to bed.
Whatever it was, I slept like a log, a rare event for me. Sadly, when I did wake up, Mary Lou was gone, back to the old me again, ah well…Somehow I suspect that at some point, I’m going to have to get Lex to put her back in my mind as a trigger, even if as a controllable one, with me in charge! Shame, as she might feel quite at home dressed 20’s style tonight when I go out for dinner, for Nicole’s birthday. May, or may not wear the flapper dress, as I call it, its a bit short anyway, even more so for mid January! We will see.
So, in review
It was a wonderful, and fun day, and I’m really, really glad I did it, so many thanks to Lex, for letting me fulfil 2 big time fantasies, both robot, and flapper girl. For the future, I’d pick the flapper girl every time. I’m very glad I discovered what life as a robot is like, but the flapper thing is so much more fun, and far more me, nowadays too.
In case anyone was wondering, yes, it was filmed, and yes, I will be getting a copy, might have more idea of everything that went on when I watch it! He does normally sell his films, but those models are younger, and remove a few more clothes than I was ever going to! He has got permission to use it if he wants to, but I suspect the market for someone like me is a lot more limited. If however, you want to see me hypnotised, and obedient, then maybe you should let us know!
The video, something else entirely. I didnt mention, Lex has got a cute puppy called Honey, who even a cat person like me could adore. So given I’ve used up a good number of 20’s videos already, lets go with this
As I mentioned just over a year ago, I have a fascination with all things robot, and what it would be like to be transformed into one. As I also mentioned back then, the fantasy, and facing the practical reality of it about to happen to me are probably two totally different matters! Well, maybe at least? 😉 Its probably not helped nowadays by the fact that I work with a computer all day at work, though currently I control it, not the other way around, and as far as I know, the headset has no effect on my mind either! Apart from anything else, the way its designed, it slips off my head far too easily when I’m looking up and down from paperwork for that to be likely anyway lol! Personally, I’d prefer a headset that would stay on my head better, a skullcap type headset, and not just for the robot thing, it would be easier if I wasnt having to wonder about whether it was going to stay on my head or not! I suppose it could be done, redesigning a cycle helmet or something? Cant see work doing it though, I’d be the only one who wanted one like that anyway lol!
But yes, if any designer (or someone who knows a designer) could come up with something like that, I would appreciate it. Having it so that it could control my mind in any way is purely optional extra lol! Having a headset that stayed on my head would be a good start! No, I dont need a silver bodysuit to wear at work, though agreed, especially with said headset, it might be fun doing so! Might make going out to get lunch a bit tricky though lol! It also would make a certain bodily function quite complex too, unless the suit has very robotic effects! Whether management would prefer obedient, robotic workers, no comment whatsoever! Might make training for new roles easier, just download it into our minds lol!
I suppose one day I might get hypnotised, and experience what life as a robot is like, but suspect thats as far as it will ever get. I might get roleplay for robotisation, or brainwashing, something that might be interesting to experience, more so if the person doing so made it feel very real of course. If anyone wants to offer to help with either, or again, knows someone who could help with either…?
Right, what bought all this on, you might ask? Well, about 10 years ago, some Canadian TV company was looking for people to discuss the whole robot thing, and I got involved. I assume they were either in the UK for something else, or used a local company or something, rather than flying across the Atlantic to see me, but who knows? Funny thing is, I never got to see the interview, or programme! No, I dont remember any details now, strangely enough, beyond the fact it was filmed in an exotic location, my bedroom in London! Just a few days ago, National Geographic were advertising for people to interview for a programme they are planning to make about the whole fembot scene. No, I wont be taking part, their location expenses mean they are only doing interviews in North America, so…Mind, I did say I wanted a more interesting location, but the situation wont arise now, and not just because of that!
Being honest, this is probably as exciting a revelation as you’re ever likely to get out of me on here. Well apart from those who dont realise I’m pre-op transgendered, but what havent you been reading if you didnt know that? Beyond this kink, I’m as dull as they get lol!
Right, the video, well again the clue is in the title, though not so many may know this song. Oh, and coincidence, a new version of this will be on the OMD album released in April, but more on that later. Lets just say that outfit, first seen worn by the woman at 46 seconds, might be fun! A Maria type Metropolis one (as also featured), even more so, but dont think thats as easily, or cheaply created!
If you want to kiss this ‘machine’, you need to make me a machine first lol!