Author Archive: stevielounicks

Something’s got a hold on me

Well I would guess its go surprise to people here if I do a Transgender posting here, even if strictly I’m intersex, but I will still always relate to mtf transgender issues, even when I do finally get the operation out of the way, and yes, I hope the brain issues wont stop that at least. But making a post where I disagree with the transgender crowd, well…

Its fair to say at my age, even ignoring the new health issues, that I’m never going to play sport again at my age. The only sport I really played at anything more than basic level more than a couple of years after leaving school was cricket, and though I was a decent player (I played both at school, and club levels), I was never going to be a world beater. I did play a little recreational golf after I left school, but that soon stopped after a couple of years, due to lack of time, and not being a Nick Faldo/Laura Davies at the game, it was never going to go further. I think at one point I was a 13 handicap, which isnt amazing, but not awful either. I did try again, about 25-30 years later, but lets say I was more like a 113 handicap by then.

But then, since I started to transition, apart from the issue of getting old, I decided it was the end of my sporting career anyway. I know, strictly, I could play as a woman, especially after transition was confirmed, but even if I’d been in a position to play sport as a woman, I dont think I would. I know, you look at me, and apart from perhaps the height issue (I’m 5ft 9 tall/ 1.74 m?) I’ve got the build of a woman, but anyway…

I know some have, and more will, but its just how I feel about things, OK?

But it seems that some are so determined to make it at sport, that they have less morals about matters than me. It seems one team in the Kent Women’s Cricket League are so determine to succeed that rules, well… Now let me say I’ve only read one article about this, and the club, and the player involved dont want to say anything on the subject, but… One ladies team seeming include a ‘woman’ who is strongly built, 6ft 1 in height in their team.

Fine, but this is seemingly a woman who hasnt declared to be transitioning, isnt taking female hormones, and according to reports only declares as a woman on cricket match days, which seems very convenient. Of course she’s scoring lots of runs, taking lots of wickets, and all that stuff. So suddenly a moderate team has become a league winning capable team, isnt that handy?

Now, I wouldnt want to say she isnt genuine in the transition, but if so, why isnt she living as a woman for 7 days of the week? Yes, I do cynically wonder if this will be a 1 year wonder, or not? Handily for them, in England, unless you get into National Squad contention, you dont get sex tests done!

In the sense of glory, I dont care how desperate this team are to win, by doing things like this, but my concern is the simple one, if as I suspect it will, this is proved to be a fraud, where does it leave genuine transgender people in the future, both in terms of general life, and things that are gender related, from public conveniences upward? But yes, life is hard enough for us, without people working the system for the sake of glory, because lets face it, as has happened with this, its eventually going to get out, and probably in a negative way.

OK, rant over. Mind, I’ve acted as a woman, even before I started transitioning (long before in fact), but that was just a part I was needed to play, that I didnt cheat anyone out of, so… The fun is, if it wasnt for the health issues, I might have been acting this autumn as a woman again, ah well…

Right, video time. One of my favourites of all time, in truth. Yes, I’d love to be the lady in grey, with the helmet in this, seriously

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Come up and see me, I’ll make you smile

Firstly, to warn people, you’ll get 2 blogs this weekend, just that it will be one tonight, and one tomorrow. Firstly because I’m running a bit late to do 2, and secondly, I havent really got an obvious subject for the other blog at this moment. Well, not on the blog where most readers think I’m a natural woman, anyway… So why do this tonight? Well, I’ve got time to do one, and its also a special date.

Yes, someone a ‘little bit naughty’ was born on this date, 126 years ago. How she lastly to 87, given her lifestyle, I have no idea, but she did. Yes, Mary Jane (better known as Mae) West is the lady I’m talking about. Its amazing only to think that by the time she became the ‘saucy minx’ of pre code movies, she was already fast approaching 40! By which point, a few years earlier she had served a short prison sentence (only 10 days) for creating a show so naughty that she upset the authorities. I suspect it would probably be seen as fine now, but back in 1927, well… OK, fine, she set out to upset them, but anyway…

Its fair to say I wasnt upset to be told I looked a lot like a classic era movie star after the first photo shoot I did with a very talented guy in Leeds, the thing that surprised me was that it was Jean Harlow. Well, given I was in my fifties, she died at 26, so… but fine I could see the resemblance to her mother, who would have been closer to my age at the time. But yes, if you’d showed me a set of pictures of blonde, movie stars from the early 30’s, and asked me who I looked most like, I would have said Mae West. So yes, how close was I to being named Mary/Mae Stephanie West, who can say?

I think its fair to say that apart from the sex thing, my attitude to life is probably closer to Mae, than Jean, though the latter was a little minx when she wanted to be, I must say. Oh, a picture of the lady, well? And for comparison?

My next acting part, Mae looking back on her ‘quiet’ life, hmm? Oh goodness, that would be naughty, but nice! Somehow I dont see me being as sharp as she was at 87, even assuming they can rebuild me enough to get that far! One thing is for sure, somewhere, today, she will be celebrating her birthday in style, maybe?

OK, video time. I’m not sure if beyond Steve Harley, any of this band were in the original Cockney Rebel, but its a live version, which they definitely werent back then! And its almost Mae’s most famous line, lets face it

Here comes my baby?

I was reading an interesting article yesterday about something very relevant to many transgender women. Strictly it doesnt apply to me for two reasons. First, I’m strictly too old, and secondly, strictly, I dont need one, already got one. Yes, wombs, and baby bearing for transgender women. As I say, I’m too old genetically, and never had any desire to have babies anyway. But yes, I’ve got a womb anyway, even if not fully developed. I do actually wonder if I’ve only got one (obvious) piece of male genitalia, but until they take a look, who knows?

Equally, I do know a number of younger transgender women who would love to have a baby, so if this concept actually comes to fruition, its going to leave them with an interesting decision to make, for sure. Dont get me wrong, the whole act of changing your ‘bits’ isnt an easy operation, but compared to the whole act of designing internal bits to allow for the fitting of a womb, I suspect its a whole less lot complex. Why I say a decision is because its obviously not something they are initially do for everyone transitioning, because lets face it, for those like me, its a wasted effort. Also, seemingly, as to start with at least, its going to require a donor womb, its probably going to delay your op being done.

Yes, donor wombs can be done, thats what the article was about, that a 35 year old woman has just got pregnant using a donor womb originally from a 45 year old women, who was sadly killed in a road accident. And yes, someone raised the question of whether in the future, the same could be done for a transgender woman, and of course, the answer was yes, though as they said, there may be unknown physical issues that a natural woman wouldnt have, but until they look into it…?

Me, I’ve never wanted to be a mother, or indeed any kind of parent, but that might just be my physical build? But no, I have no desire to have my womb made usable, even more so at my age, but hopefully it brings hope to the younger transgender generations at least.

OK, video time. I was thinking of something different, but then You Tube put this on my suggested list, so saved me the search. Lets face it, its not even about the same generation of baby!

 

A whole different role

As is sometimes the way, its fair to credit my inspiration (not literally) for tonight’s blog, a gentleman by the name of Eddie Deezen. You may have heard of him, or more likely heard him, because a lot of his career in recent(ish) years have been doing voices for cartoon series, and the like. For me, at my age, I remember him more for parts in both Grease films, hence tonight’s video. Anyway, this morning on his Facebook page (yes, we are friends there, fame for me, lol, though I also count Bruce Glover as a friend on that front too, ooh.

Anyway, this morning, he was posting something about someone who he had acted with in a film, and something she had done since then. Yes, I know, go find the name, fine, I did, Tawny Kitaen, he’d found an old picture of the two of them, from a film named Happy Hour, which was nothing to do with the Housemartins song, lol. Such a big film it hasnt even got any details about it on Wikipedia lol.

Anyway, this really isnt about her, its about something I did in 1979, to help a few friends out. Basically, they wanted to make a promo video, and for some reason best known to themselves, they decided to use the 2 most famous songs from Grease. They were filling the main parts, but they needed a few more to make up the 2 ‘gangs’ and I got dragged in as one of the guys. I know, be very different now, but more on that in a moment.

Given that I heard nothing more about it, I presume the video sunk like a brick, but as a 21 year old, doing amateur dramatics, and nothing more, it wasnt the end of the world for me. Mind, if it struck gold 4 years later, I wouldnt have been around for them to find me anyway. Either that, or they made it,  didnt need the supporting cast, who knows? I wasnt a great singer, but just going “Woo, woo, woo” I could cope with! As far as I know, its not on You Tube, but please dont go looking for it, just in case.

I forgot all about it, but then, out of the blue, I got a friend request on Facebook from Eddie, looked him up on Wikipedia, went ‘Oh my god” and accepted quickly. Amusing story, his friend number was at the limit, so I sent a message telling him so, assuming that would be it, but no, he made room for me, and the rest was history.

Its funny to think that now, if I was still that age I’d actually be in the girl gang, not the boys! Mind, now I’m more the age for the role played by the legendary Joan Blondell, than the girl gangs, now wouldnt that be fun?

So yes, lets finish going round the sun, to meet the moon on this blog, and get to the videos. Yes, 2 tonight for the price of one. Firstly, a live Olivia Newton John version, without Travolta

Then the one from the movie, with Travolta

I just hope no one can find that fun video including me, thats all I wish!

The gorilla mourns tonight

He might even wreck a building or two in New York City just for the hell of it too. No, somehow I doubt he will in truth, mainly because he was just a fictional film character, though he would have a good reason today, as you could say this was the day, 15 years ago that he lost a friend. Yes, this day in 2004, Fay Wray passed away. Mind, she was 97, so…

And yes, for most people, she’s going to be remembered for one part, as the distressed damsel in King Kong, Ann Darrow. Personally I prefer her (among other films) for her escapades in the Wax Museum, but anyway, she’s always going to be remembered for that movie. To be fair to her, she did say that whenever she visited New York City that she took a few minutes to remember a ‘friend’ who died there. Yes, King Kong.

To be fair to Fay, like  Mary Pickford, not many realise that she isnt American. Yes, born north of the border in Canada, but Kong probably would have objected to the cold winters, lol. Not that New York is all that warm in winter, but he was fine with filming in Hollywood, I’m sure.

Its funny, because of my name, everyone assumes I’m a big Jean Harlow fan. No, I rolled with the name because I was told I looked like her, though to me, my looks are more in line with Mama Jean, than baby Jean, but anyway… But yes, if you ask me my 30’s girl crush, it probably was Fay. So… But yes, I’d rather be in the wax museum with her, than on top of a New York skyscraper, all the same.

OK, video time. I know the song title, but in truth, the gorilla in this gets as much air time as the lion, and he gets to run off with the lady at the end too! The version of the song is dreadful, but the video is just too much of a match, sorry!

Always with my mind?

Well, for those needing an update on the state of the mind, dont say I dont provide. If you’re not interested, just wait patiently for the next blog, and see what you get!

Well, first the good news from yesterday, I got the letter advising me of the new date for my MRI at least. I know some American’s will react to the date, September 7th. My 2 dearest friends looking to clear my health issues, one like me, thought the date, given its a free service (relatively) on the NHS thought the date respectable, which considering they have to fit it in to availability at shorter than normal periods of wait, I can live with it. The other dear friend is too used to the American System wasnt so impressed, but I’ll settle for that. I will have to get myself there, but given one friend, who used to pay my prescriptions for my back (now free since 60) still sends me some money, that will pay for the taxis at least, which will be the easiest way to travel there and back, as others will be away at that time. I’d still rather get the EEG second take done as well, but this is more critical in my eyes, anyway.

The complex side of the health thing yesterday was my pills for my ‘epilepsy’ (assumed to be) was that I sent in a request for more pills yesterday, which got rejected. What happened is the pharmacy should have sent me 2 boxes last time around (new dosage), but only sent one, so I’ve ran out quicker than normal. So the system rejected request, as it dont read notes, but thankfully doctors do, so I have now got more coming, anyway. I have enough until Friday, so I will survive…

Mind, I have to plan on getting to town this week to the Job Centre, to pass over my latest sickness note, so they can arrange medical, to clear me as medically unable to work in future. For all the things I hear about Universal Credit, my contact there is a wonderful woman, just wants to get it all sorted so I can put all this fuss behind me. Thanks, Becky! But yes, I, or a contact has to get the form to her via town so that this process is being done. Oh, and thanks, Madi, for prompt sending to me.

But yes, I’ll be happy when thats in progress, the pills actually arrive (60 days worth), and the MRI actually happens (even if I will enjoy it), and I can get on with the rest of my life. Oh fine, that blows a visit to Rotwang while the others are away, but other than that, lol…

Right, video time. What my life seems to revolve around at present

Lets stick together?

Given it was Leeds Pride today, I guess its an apt moment for a LGBT related blog. No, at my age, even without all my recent more major health issues I probably wouldnt have been there, and lets face it currently, I’d need someone to push me in a wheelchair through the parade, but anyway…

It was actually the start of the pre season play in the NFL this week, with the presentation of the new members of the Hall Of Fame yesterday. One of said new members is Champ Bailey, and the end of his speech contained many comments about race issues and how players like himself are treated in the game. You can see it here,

The irony for me was seeing it posted by the NFL people on Twitter, when lets face it, most of his race issues are made more serious by the owners of the NFL teams in the first place. Thing is, if you listened to his words only, you would think there were no other equality issues in the NFL, oh I wish! So, the reason only one played has ever came out as Gay in the NFL is because he’s the only one ever, right? And guess what, once he announced it, he was snubbed by the whole league. Now its possibly he didnt lived up to his college career, but he went from being an early draft player, to being picked in the last round, then dropped altogether quickly, yes, right…

Fine, its a bit of a macho sport, so unlike to be hundreds, but just one, who didnt live up to expectations, seriously? I suspect its more a case that most just keep quite about the matter, in truth. So anyway, being the quiet, shy (not) intersex woman that I am, I’ve sent him a message asking whether he’d be prepared to support GB (not going to be any LT, I’m sure) players who want to come out. Given it was a few hours ago, I’m not surprised to have no reply yet, but not really expecting to hear from him, all the same, but maybe…?

And yes, lets face it, its not just for the players that we need someone involved in NFL to take a stand, its for the fans visiting the games too, to make them feel welcome too.  To be fair, all the big male sports in the US dont have a great record on all equality matters in a G sense, but this got the response as the current one.

I could say I’ve had no issues at MLB games in the crowd, but not sure most have realised that there was a Trans/Intersex woman in the crowd (and toilets) with them, anyway. Oh, and fine, LA is LA, but…

Yes, wouldnt it be nice if a Baseball player was comfortably enough to come out as Gay (there has to be some, somewhere in the systems, surely?) without fear of reprisal?

Oh yes, if I do ever hear from Champ Bailey, I will let you know, but dont hold your breath!

Right, video time. What we all need to do, white/black, straight/gay, or whatever, I only wish

That feeling, here it comes again!

Yes, I know its been a while since the previous blog, but unfortunately there has been a good reason. Saturday, seemingly I had another seizure. I know, I really could do without them, but such is life that I seem to be stuck with them now. This one was seemingly back to the old formula, I knew nothing about it at the time. It seems I did come round after a short period of time, so was just put to bed to recover (as they were advised), and some time in the middle of Monday morning I finally came around sufficiently to get up. I was apparently woken a few times to check I was alive, and to take my pills, but was otherwise just left to recover.

I took the choice to go up the hospital on Monday, as I was still a bit ‘woozy’ but after a few hours I got cleared, and came home again. I cant say the hospital handled the next step brilliantly, first offering me transport home, only to then eventually be told they didnt do that. Let me say that didnt surprise me, but why offer it in that case?

I did eventually sort out a taxi at the second attempt to get me home, which seemed an excessive fare, but other than that…

Unfortunately all this meant that both the tests that were meant to happen over the weekend never happened, which frustrated me, but such is life, as they will need to be rearranged. Hopefully I dont have to wait 3 months for another MRI, because I think a friend in US will blow his temper if I do. I suspect the EEG will get rearranged after an apology, and explanation though. I have to check with someone for availability to get me there, but otherwise..  Not that its my fault, but all the same…

Oh, and I think thats it for work too. My bosses have been wonderful in giving me time to get things sorted, but my half pay thing runs out at the end of next month, and being practical, after Saturday, I’m not working again anytime soon, so the inevitable is going to happen, thats it. Well I never thought it would end like this, but so it seems… I know, in the old days, I would have retired at 60, so… Ah well,  I can get on with considering getting something ‘lopped off’ I guess? I wonder what will be the first location that I will have visited as a guy, a ‘girl’, and as a proper woman? A lot will depend on the date you officially say I was a ‘girl’ lol? If you say its 2002, that takes out most of US (beyond New England), but if its 2009 (official transition) then its more likely US, though ironically not LA (never as a guy). A lot is going to depend when the ‘snip’ happens, I guess?

I must admit, it will be nice to be able to wear a swimsuit, or dress, and not worry about I might be revealing, I must admit. Anyway, thats the depressing news, or however you want to look at it. So on to the video. What I felt when I realised I’d had another seizure, I guess?

1930’s perm time!

Fine, I was going to leave the whole scan thing until the weekend, probably until after the experience on Sunday, but fine, events today lead to a bit of a cheat. I probably will still tell curious readers what an MRI scan is like, after the event, but anyway… Oh agreed, might have been fun to do in a silver bodysuit, given the way you go into the tube, and everything, but anyway, I’m sure the only person who would see me wouldnt get the joke, besides.

When I had the EEG, I was told that the results didnt show much a clue as to where the issue lay as to why I was having the seizures, and that I might have to do a follow up, after sleep deprivation to get more of a clue. But then I got the appointment for the MRI scan, and hadnt heard anything about the follow up, so I assumed it wasnt going to happen, given I’m now only 3 days away from the ‘robotisation’  pod, but I was wrong.

Got a call this morning from the hospital at Halifax that did the EEG, and yes, I do need to do the sleep deprivation follow up after all. Silly thing is, even taking the first appointment available, its the day after the MRI scan! I suppose they can tie the 2 together, hopefully work out where the issue lays in the brain, then focus on that area from the MRI scan. Hopefully after that they can work out what the problem is, assuming they can find a brain, and take it from there.

So yes, the weekend is going to be fun, for sure. I’m going to have to be up slightly earlier than normal on Sunday, to be at the hospital for the ‘robot makeover’ on Sunday morning at 10.15 (I wish), and then Sunday night I have to lose half a night of sleep, so that my mind is ready for brainwashing on Monday morning, at 9.45. I will probably go with the option of waking up in the early hours of the morning (about 4.30 or so), as I think thats the easier way for me, personally. The theory is that disrupting my sleep cycle will make the brain more likely to give clues as to what is wrong up there, fingers crossed. Some people have no sleep the night before this, but I suspect they just want to disrupt my brain, not set off a full blown seizure, but anyway…

Oh, dont get me wrong, the idea of laying down, hopefully sleeping for 2-3 hours, wired up to a ton of electrodes appeals to me totally. If they accidentally brainwash me while doing so, wouldnt that be fun? If they accidentally disrupted my brain so that I came out as a chirpy Oklahoma girl (no prizes who), then that could be interesting! The only shame with not having one of those phones with a camera is that I cant get a picture of me all wired up, ah well!

Hopefully these 2 scans will provide the needed results, and at least, good or bad, I can find out what the brain issue is, and how it will affect the rest of my life. Well, unless its Clara trying to take full control, in which case…, I’m ready for my audition, Mr Berkeley, lol?

As some might have guessed, there is a subject I’d much rather be discussing tonight, but for now, I have to be a good neutral girl on UK politics, so…lol

OK, video time. Its the way I’d love my hair done (once only, probably) but its a similar level of wiring to what I will ‘suffer’ on Monday. Be patient, it does get there

Make me a natural woman?

Seeing I promised to throw this piece of hypothesis up to (hopefully) a bigger audience, I’d better be a good girl and do so. Let me add that regardless, its not going to change my view on my status, and also, at this point at least, I must point out that beyond knowing that I have a womb, I have no idea whatsoever as to what the rest of my internal genitalia is, as no one has ever checked beyond that point. So if its discovered I have other boy bits internally, the whole question counts for nothing, but…

Given the whole ‘feminist lesbian’ group, who believe you cant be a woman unless you ‘in every way’ present as a woman, stance (no!), against the whole young Trans Activist thing, who believe that someone who hasnt even reached puberty, let alone the age of consent just be allowed to change gender (equally no!) battle that is going on, I’ve decided to take the ‘easy’ route out, and declare myself Intersex, which strictly I am, but it takes a whole lot more explaining, but anyway…

(For those not up on the matter, it means, in my case at least, that I have the most obvious boy bit at present, but equally I have a womb, which most would say is one of the more obvious women bits, but anyway. As to what else I have in there, probably best I dont know! But the thought that struck me is this, if I only have one boy bit, and I get rid of that, does that actually make me a natural woman?

Given that nowadays they dont actually remove it, just using the flesh to create the vagina, I guess that strictly I wont get rid of it anyway, but equally,  if it was meant to be a vagina in the first place…?

Strictly, as I say, it really doesnt matter, all my paperwork says I’m female, even without the bits being bobs, and besides, assuming medical permission for the surgery given things, I plan to get it done, so… But yes, just an interesting thought, if all my bits are then female, does that mean I’ve transitioned, or do I become a natural woman?

So yes, as my dear friend Kiefer suggested, this has to be the obvious song. Just that most people would assume Aretha, so coming out of left field, its Carole King, who actually happened to help write the song, as well as, in this case, sing it.