Its been a funny sort of week, in truth, in more ways than one.
Earlier this week, the orange, bewigged Russian one threw enough of a temper tantrum that he got his way on one issue that has annoyed him. Seems the rule to stop Transgender people from serving in the American Military forces has been finally passed after numerous efforts. Even more amusing of course, in the week it was announced that one of the General’s who helped to fight for the independence of his country (assuming it isnt Russia?) was either a woman, or even more horrible for him, intersex.
The more amusing side of that is that at least 2 states (maybe more?) have already told him that they wont be getting rid of any transgender people already serving in their state military command groups, and will still accept applications from anyone desiring to do so. I’m sure if he hasnt already Tweeted (high security method, not) on the matter, he soon will be.
The other LGBT news I’ve heard today comes care of Australia, Sydney, to be exact
I must admit, there would have been a few cities that if you’d told me would be candidates to do it, Sydney would have been one of them. Thank you for the gesture. Not that I guess I would ever have seen it, even if my body hadnt totally given up on me, thats far too far away, but at least I know its there, which is something. Somehow I cant see the guy mentioned previously will be rushing to use that crossing somehow. I’d love to, but now especially, I think I might have to pass on that.
Why, you ask? Well, a couple of days ago, I had to post a letter to work, re my health issues, and I thought that as the post box was only about 200 yards away, and no one else was readily available to post it, I’d give it a go, and see how it went. Well, going down the hill was ‘interesting’ but I survived, just. Snag is, I then had to come back up the hill, and that was a whole different game! I did make it, but it hurt! I’ve also noticed that the stairs at home, when I’m carrying anything (especially full cups), are distinctly becoming a challenge, coming up. So yes, the old girl is definitely busted, for sure. I suspect unless something dramatic can be done to me, I wont be walking far in future. 😦
Oh, and talking of busts… As some already know, and others will now know, I look like I’ve got a decent cleavage. No, its not some magical hormone, or the fact I have a friendly fairy godmother who provided me with a decent pair of boobs. Believe me, if the latter was the case, I’d have got her to remove something else at the same time! Many women are unfortunate enough to have mastectomies due to breast cancer, a charity whose cause I used to support when I had any money. For those women, prosthetics are provided that give the image that they still have breasts. I’m not the only Transgender women that uses them, I’m sure, but we arent strictly the main market for them. These silicon breasts are fantastic, give a great look, are designed to be about the right weight, and are great, providing you dont put too much weight on them. I dont, I have a foam pair I use at night (vanity, I know), which can take just about anything. Of course, when I was in hospital, the pair I was using were the silicon ones, and they didnt take kindly to being slept in, especially the one on the side I slept on. So yes, its a bit damaged, and I’ve had to buy a new pair which arrived this week. More expense, ah well… Mind, if anyone knows of a similar vagina I could wear 24/7, without toilet issues, please let me know. Hiding ‘that thing’ would be heaven, and far less painful than surgery!
Right, video time. Bit of a clue in the blog title, how original!
Lets say that this might be getting a little bit ahead of myself, but given comments I’ve got from 2 sets of medical people in recent days, quite possibly I’m not, though equally now, I do wonder if I’m officially healthy enough for a certain option to happen, rather than being able to bide my time?
Yes, those of you with reasonable memories, and who have been reading these musings for a while, may remember that during Transgender Week of Awareness last November, I pledged that post retirement, I would actually go ahead and get the ‘big snip’ done, never imagining just how soon that moment might arise? Well, at this point, pre blood tests, pre neurological checks, and probably some heart checks too, I dont officially stand at a point where I’m immediately looking at medical retirement. But yes, over the weekend, the thought did more than cross my mind.
No, I’m not considering not going through with the pledge, all things permitting. Firstly (though seemingly likely), its not yet confirmed that I cant recover sufficiently at some point, that I will be able to go back to work. But fine, unless my speech improves dramatically, fairly quickly (I’m 61 already, lets face it), I wont be able to do call centre work, lets face it. Equally, there is the counter issue, my health. Would they actually be happy to do the sex reassignment surgery on someone whose health is as questionable as mine is now?
One thing would then be for sure. In good time, post-op, the issue of a ‘little bit’ that a chorus girl dancer’s outfit might tend to reveal, would no longer be a concern! In truth, I have no idea how the timing would work out. Strictly, I’ve lived as a woman for nearly 10 years, so that qualifying period is more than over. Equally, though that ‘little bit’ hasnt worked in even longer than that, I havent actually been taking female hormones either. Indeed, another thing, as well as the actual surgery that I’m not sure how keen they would be to let me do, given the seizures, and stuff?
Anyway, lets see what the results of the tests are first, shall we? So what do you reckon, was it someone trying to stop me being a chorus girl, or was it someone trying to ensure I become a proper chorus girl, with proper bits? Hmm?
So will it be 5 years time before I complete transition, or a lot sooner? Or, hopefully not, medically unable to do so?
OK, video time. Just over 40 years ago Supertramp were one of those bands you tended to avoid admitting you loved. Probably still are, but I’m past the point of caring! A lovely live version from more recent times
Irony moments here. It was only after I’d written the blogs last night, that I heard that Julia Grant had passed away (some places she’s called Julie, which explains the video). Still, I thought it gave me an option for a blog on Sunday, as it was something I wanted to comment on. And then, yesterday, and this morning, my back fell victim to a lack of physiotherapy, and some cold weather, and was pretty much totally locked up this morning. Thankfully, I’ve eased that issue, with my first experience of an infra red sauna (or indeed any sauna) today. Wouldnt say its cured it completely, but on a pain scale of 1 to 10, its gone from 10, to 2 or 3, lol.
Julia Grant wasnt the first person to change gender, I’m not even sure if she was the first in the UK to do so, but she’s probably seen as the pioneer over here in the UK, because back in 1979, her transition was part of a BBC Documentary. Whether she kick started Sex Reassignment Surgery availability in the NHS in the UK, who knows? Quite possibly she did, but regardless of that, she was the one who did it in the eyes of the public.
I’m not going to say it wouldnt now be available on the NHS without her, as times have changed, but then again, history makes it impossible to go down a different route, and find out. I’m not going to say much about her life since then, as all I know of it, is a few lines on the internet today, and if you want to read that, well, you can Google (or whichever search engine you prefer) for those details quite easily! Funny thing is, she was only 3 years older than me!
I know, I had said in the past that unless the need arose (a partner) for me, I wasnt going to do the surgery, supposedly far too much like pain for a wimp like me. Then I’ve discovered the ‘joys of pain’ through my disabilities, and during Transgender Awareness Week, a couple of months back, I did say I was going to get it done, but only once I’ve retired, as its quite a recovery period for all, and I should imagine even more so, at my age! When that retirement date might be, is the 64 million dollar question! The way its going, it could be any time from a few weeks from now, until March 2024 (retirement age), or anywhere in between? My money is not as late as the latter date, but hopefully I can get through a few more months, or even a couple of years before the pain in the body wins out! Well, a lottery win might jump up and change matters, but with my luck in life, pigs flying is just as likely!
So, RIP Julia Grant, for being the one brave enough to go through transition, under the lights of TV documentaries. I dont know if I shall ever bother with the sex thing, but being able, one day, to look down, and see the correct ‘bits’ will be a wonderful thing for me too. Without her, whether I would be able to get that done on the NHS, who knows?
OK, video time. As I say, in a couple of places, she’s referred to as Julie Grant, which is how I found this video. Just to add, this is an entirely different person, even if she was actually known as Julie Grant, not Julia. A few minor hits in the early 60’s, but found this live video, from 2010, for tonight
OK, fine, they think its all over, well it pretty much is now, lol. No, I’m not talking about the current government, though that might yet prove to be apt. But being strictly politically neutral on UK matters…well…? No, seriously, I mean my little break in the sun.
Of course, the sixty four million dollar question is, has the break in the sun done my back any good? Well, I’ve been taking less pills than usual, so I guess thats a good sign, but how long the effects will really last when I get back to the UK, who knows? I certainly havent missed not hearing all about the chaos at home over Brexit, and other stuff, for sure.
Yesterday, I headed to Vila Real De Santo Antonio as planned, and had a look around. In a sense, its more my sort of town than Faro would be, more peaceful, laid back, and dare I say it, old fashioned? Sadly I didnt get to Spain, as I reached the ferry terminal after town, and lunch, to see it pulling out for Ayamonte, across the river, in a different country, and given the next one wasnt for another hour in the off season, I didnt wait. That would have put me on the 2.30 ferry across, so earliest back at 4.00, and then needing to get back to Monte Gordo, all would have got a bit late for me. Maybe another time, maybe not, who knows?
Today, as I have done most days (gentle exercise, which is good) I took my stroll down along the front, and down part of the boardwalk, over the beach. I did some shopping, a little bit more than I’d planned, but nothing too dramatic. Oh, I got one of those coats, seems they had a zip up version as well for same price, so deal done! So I guess at some point soon I’ll need to go into work looking like a 30’s film star, lol. No, its silly really, I dont need a winter coat, but… Yes, I found the PIN for my credit card, but then found they only took cash, no cards, aargh!
I must admit, if, as I hope, I can retire somewhere with all year round warmth, then Monte Gordo has done a pretty good publicity job this week. I know its off season, but its quieter than the more popular end of the Algarve, its pleasantly warm, even in mid November (70 today), and cost of living is definitely lower than the UK too. But whether I will be in a position to make it happen, who knows? Will it even be possible once we’ve left the EU to move out here easily? Rolls eyes… Who me, a remain vote, well, you might think that, but I couldnt possibly say! 😛
Last amusing note, before I close for this holiday. There is a spa at the hotel I’m staying at. I did notice on their website that the spa does those body wrap things, and I’ve always fancied that. Go into my cocoon as the ugly caterpillar, come out the beautiful butterfly, yeah, I wish! So today, with budget sorted, I went to see how much it was. Yes, as I expected, way above what I had left, 80 Euros, for admittedly 80 minutes of pure pampering heaven. So, a fair price, but… To be honest, it was pretty much all above my budget, but I guess a 4 star hotel with spa (I’d say closer to 3, but anyway…), thats probably going to be the case. The thing was, they had a special offer for a hot stone massage, at 49 Euros. for 50 minutes of pampering, which I could just about scrape together. But anyway, being practical, I checked on Google, and it said not advised for people with Osteoporosis issues, so I ended up passing. Probably would have been fine, but better safe than sorry with boring old me!
It was funny tonight at dinner, I got asked why I was drinking Coke, when everybody else was drinking wine, so I explained about the painkillers, and all that. Again I wonder if thats just me being extra cautious, as I know people taking those pills, and drinking booze, and being fine, but…I am being boring, lol!
Tonights video is a song that might have passed most people by, especially as its now 33 years old! The late, great, Kirsty MacColl for your delight
Oh, and as a test to see who actually reads these things, given its Transgender Awareness Week. Yes, somethings been annoying me this week, and I’ve decided he’s got to go! Its fair to say, dont get excited, its not going to happen before retirement, as I’d need way too much time off work otherwise, to get it done before then. Yes, been looking at clingy dresses again, lol, and the desire to wear them, and the current impracticality of doing so. Latex would be fun, but at 66, I dont think so! Of course, the back could have a major relapse over the winter, I need to retire on disability grounds, but until then…?
Might give me a clue as to who ‘likes’ the blog without reading it, lol. 😉
Oh fine, I’ve had one of those afternoons when a few events have made me think about myself, and my future, and all that sort of stuff. So if transgender, and health issues arent your thing, you might want to pass on tonight. Well, except maybe for the cool video at the end, but anyway…
Today was that important, 4 weekly event that I have to do nowadays. No, not my period, lol, because though I did used to have them (the womb, even if undeveloped, I guess?), they have passed into history now, as is the case for all women of my age. No, that other one, collecting my medical prescription of painkillers, to help me keep going for another 4 weeks or so. Yes, Cocodomol, and Naproxen are my friends nowadays, though Robo-Domol, and Nanite-proxen might be more fun for me. 😉 Oh, if only they existed!
OK, the first amusing bit, I generally wear a back brace nowadays, which I would best describe as a waist level (very under bust), zip up corset type thing, with fastenings every couple of inches or so, depending on how much support you want, and stuff. I’ve worked out by now that using it on the 4″ reduction setting (I suspect about an inch less on waist reduction for me) is fine for support, just about, but is just loose enough to permit reasonable movement, when it comes to things like walking, and the like. Therefore, generally when out, or at work, where I might have to move around a lot, I tend to use that setting. When at home, and doing less movement, less twisting, I tend to use the 6″ setting, which is fine, except that any show of flexibility goes out the window! I can walk a bit in it, though bus rides on that setting can be interesting, as you literally feel every bump, because there just is no give.
Anyway, today, I went for the higher setting this morning (bit sore, not working), which was fine, until I went out to collect my pills. Now, the distance there is about the same as to, or from work, from the Bus Station, and I can do that, just about, so…? Thing is, I dont do both journeys at once, which is pretty much what I did today. So anyway, after about a mile or so, I was getting sore, but then I realized, but couldnt do much about it, at that time! I got home, but was glad it was ‘pill time’ when I got here!
It was then that I accepted just how fragile my body is now. And it led me to wondering how much longer I will be able to drag this body to work, even a few days a week. Yes, I have looked, and worked it out, and no, I cant afford to cut back to 3 days a week! 😦 So, as I was having a ‘I hate my body’ moment, it set me thinking that it is actually about 8 years (Again, I had to wait for a holiday to do the name change thing) that I started transitioning, that I again turned thoughts as to ‘which body’ I want to leave this world in. No, I cant seriously see me doing the sex reassignment surgery while working, I’m the type who would feel way too guilty about all the time I’d have to take off work while recovering, to do that. But fine, equally, I did start seriously thinking that maybe when I finally give up on work (and judging by deterioration, I would say 2-3 years at best), that then I’d have no excuse not to get it done on that front at least. Yes, there is still the pain involved, but fine, I’m getting used to living with pain, so whats a little bit more, in that case?
I know, it would be better to have no ‘little bump’ for wearing things like latex catsuits, and the like, but the chance of actually ever wearing that now, unless offered a role that required it, shrinks by the week! But at the same time, I could then consider those snug legging things, that would be good for me during winter, or even, heaven forbid, tight, sexy dresses, if I didnt have that issue! I know, its not going to happen overnight, whatever I do, but one of the conditions is time lived as a woman, and I have 8 years already! I believe the period required to live as a woman is 2! Not that I plan immediately on losing my virginity again, even if I do get it done, but who knows? I’d certainly feel better about dating, with the right bits, I’m sure? Again, not saying I will, but…?
There is also one monetary advantage now, I dont have to pay for prescriptions, so all those lovely hormones I’d need to ingest, lol… Hazard, I might hate myself if I dont grow decent sized breasts, as I’ve got used to having them, but I guess natural would be better, but explaining it away might be fun!
So yeah, I’ve got a visit to the surgery due soon (2 in fact, pill check, and 5 yearly health check), and now I’m wondering whether to say the magic words, that I want to start with the hormonal changes. I still dont see the surgery happening while working (I know, me and guilt), but after that, fine, I’m weakening. Funny thing is, the bits are the only things that would need changing, I’m a woman on all paperwork already! Fine, if any wealthy benefactor wants to force me to speed up the process by paying for it to be done privately, then feel free to discuss! Arm twisting practical, mind control would appeal more, if possible! 😛
So yeah, I’ve had a pondering day, which explains why this is so long today. Hope it hasnt been too much?
Right, video time. A song I dearly loved from the 70’s. And yeah, the guy with the eyepatch could easily have seduced me then, if I’d been an 18 year old girl, just saying…
Today just happens to be one of those ‘days’ that I approve of, as it affects me personally, and thats Bi Visibility Day. Strictly, you could say I’m not bisexual, I’m asexual, as I have very little (or less) interest in actual sex with anyone, of either gender, but thats beside the point. The point is, if so inclined, I can fancy people of either gender, so just be warned, lol! It also means that I dont mind people of either gender fancying me, but on the whole, the likelihood of that happening has to be pretty slim! 😛
For tonight, I’m going to concentrate on one myth that so many believe, but just isnt true. You know, that crazy one that if you’re bi, you fancy equally people of both genders, just not true! I’m sure there are some who are perfectly 50/50, and good luck to them. However, most have a preference (slight, or otherwise) for one gender or the other, while not excluding someone from the other gender, if they are so attracted.
Me, its best to say, I’m more likely to be attracted to a woman, than a man. However, I’ve certainly seen men for whom I would definitely get my bits ‘bobbed’ if so desired, or who knows, they might prefer me as I am, best of both worlds? 😉 Equally, I’m sure some women would have preferences on my genital area, as to which version they would prefer, not that ‘something’ really works nowadays, but thats beside the point. I think any partner, of either gender, would probably have more ‘fun’ with the fact that after nearly 20 years, I’ve got used to doing my thing, and not worrying about a ‘significant other’ and to what they would like to do.
Ideally (for me at least), they could get me ‘upgraded’ as a nice, obedient Stepford type wife, but not sure if that can be done for real, lol? Lets face it, I’d enjoy that way too much, anyway!
In truth, I think in a perfect world, more people would be bisexual, its just that their social norms, or beliefs lead them to deny the fact, but besides all that…
But yes, I’m Bi (loosely), and I’m definitely visible about it, so…lol? So, guys and girls, if you’re trying to hide the fact you want the best of both worlds, then just come out, and be proud, just saying… 😉 Offers of love, marriage, or just a coffee/dinner date, to firstname.lastname@example.org or comments here, but I wont expect to get crushed in the rush!
OK, video time. My spelling might be suitably wrong, but those old enough to remember this might have worked it out. Oh, to have been a young lady in the mid 70’s, and swooned over them, and worn tartan. Now that would be fun!
I have to say that the only thing that I feel is a shame, is that it took me so long to discover what had been ‘wrong’ with me for just over 40 years! Of course, there is the other way of looking at it, in that sex reassignment surgery back then was so much more basic back then, than now, that whether I would have had it done, even if I could, no idea. I do know that if I knew what I know now, and was in my twenties, and in good physical health, something would be dealt with. Instead, I’m 60, with a few health issues, and a hatred of pain, so no, unless good cause comes up, it probably wont happen. But, never say never…?
Yes, being the ‘shy wallflower’ that I am, if people ask pertinent, and polite questions about the whole Transgender thing, I’m always happy to talk. After all, education is always a good thing. So, if while my Physiotherapist is zapping the pain out of my back, and asks relevant questions, I’m happy to answer them. Of course her main interest is more in the last 20 years, than the first 40, but anyway…
She actually told me today that I probably ought to write my biography, but in truth, its only the current last third that would be of any real interest to anyone. Alright, fine, now in hindsight, I can look back on the female parts I played acting before then, and see an amusing significance, but in all honesty, they were just a role at the time. Being honest, I think its only really been the last 10 years or so, when its really been full time female that would interest most. I have to say that there is someone whose biography would make a far more entertaining read that I know, that I’d love to write, but whether she will let me, will have to wait and see!
Alternatively, if someone wants to provide me with enough money to do a voyage of discovery to Oklahoma, Texas, and California, and try and discover the full Clara Johnson story, that would be fun. But yes, writing about someone alive, who has numerous friends also alive, as opposed to someone who no one who knew her in her ‘fame’ would be alive, much easier task! But yes, would be very entertaining, I’m sure, to look back on her life!
Given the blog title, you’ve probably worked out the song, so if I ask if my life has been a sin, it shouldnt be much more of a giveaway? Oh, for sure, my life has had a few sinful moments, any actress that says otherwise is probably lying as much as Trump does! And yes, of course, if trying to live as a man was a sin, count me in. Of course there are some who would say that now, living as a woman was a sin, but anyway…
Hopefully, I can look back on my life, in a few years time, or whenever, and even if I have a sense of shame for the first 40, I can be proud of the rest!
OK, the obvious video. Live version, as I cant believe I havent used the original at some point on here. Of course, if its a while back, would have been fine, but anyway…
Given I wanted to do something Transgender this month, given its Pride month, and everything, but lacking for bright ideas in areas I havent covered previously, lets look at something that I should get removed, but dont fancy the pain of doing so at my age. Thats right, that ghastly bit of my anatomy that a girl shouldnt have, the penis!
To be fair, I’ve always said that if the need arose, principally that I got into a relationship, that might involve sex, then fine, it might be fun to do it as a girl should, I have to admit. Until then, I’ve said that why go through all that pain, and issue, just for myself? And yes, if I was younger, or less bothered by unneeded pain, I probably would. But under the circumstances, no thanks!
The thing is, as I’ve got older, and with the body clearly beginning to fall apart, I’ve been thinking one thing. Do I really want to meet my maker with a bit I should never have had, and could have got rid of, in life? In truth, probably not! But how to get around it? Strictly, the one idea I’ve come up with is flawed. Thats because the moment you actually die, then thats it, time is up, not at the time of burial, cremation, or whatever. So therefore the idea I’ve had, of having it removed after death, but before cremation technically falls down, the soul is already gone by then. But on the other hand, if, at that big moment when I leave the world, hopefully in style, its not there, does that count? In truth, I have no idea if there will be anyone around to mourn for me, but besides all that…? Or do I have to face it, that if I want to go without ‘it’, that it has to be gone before I die?
Of course the same theory comes into play with my boobs. Lets face it, my prosthetics are external, not internal, for a few reasons. Mainly the fact that nowadays, they look good, feel good, and as I’ve previously mentioned, they’re very easy to use, in a pain free form! But whether I could be cremated, wearing them, no idea? I know, some girls are pretty flat chested anyway, but one of the things I love is looking like I’ve got a cleavage, so not having one at the end would be a bit cruel. I know, I wont know either way, but…
I know you can make all sorts of requests for your funerals, but is having your ‘bits bobbed’ a permitted one?
Of course, all this might not be needed, if ‘the one’ comes along, but at my age, I doubt they will! So…?
Right, video time tonight. Firstly the version of the song most will remember.
Secondly, a much crazier, metal version of said song by Leo Moracchioli
Well, indirectly, though they wont know about it at the time,yes, they will.
Assuming that the fairly obvious is correct, and after the bone density scan, they do decide that my issue with my back is osteoporosis related, there are a couple of fairly obvious supplements I could be given to try and ease, and hopefully cure the issue, to some degree at least. One is calcium supplements, which would help to strengthen the bone, which I’m pretty sure is needed. The other one, and more relevant to this blog, is (o)estrogen supplements, as would be given to menopausal women under these circumstances. Yes, I’m sort of doing the double spelling thing here, as both options seem equally used, though I will settle for the estrogen version from now on, when writing this. In fact, its quite possible, and some say quite likely that I will get both!
One thing I’ve always said is that if the situation arose, where I felt the need, or desire to have the actual Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS), then I would get it done. In truth, the main reason I’ve put myself off it, is the surgery issue, I’m not one of those people who love pain, in that sense at least! So given I have no sexual desires, and no partner, or potential partner who wants to get close in that way with me, I’ve passed on the matter, up to now.
But yes, I have had a think about it, and I’ve come to the conclusion that if a doctor, or group of doctors think I should be on estrogen supplements, then maybe I should take that as a hint that I really ought to take that last step to womanhood after all. I know, its still going to hurt, but I’m not sure it could be much more hellish than the pain I went through before getting on serious painkillers for the fracture in my back. And hey, lets face it, if anyone ever actually enters my new vagina sexually, I will be amazed. But yes, going to meet my maker, as a proper woman, it would be nice, I must admit.
But equally, I’m not going to be the one that actually makes the decision for me, as in truth, I’ve got a life now that suits me fine. All my paperwork says I’m a woman, and thats the main thing for me, but all the same…? So yes, if I get put on estrogen supplements, for my osteoporosis, I’m going to take that as a signal from a doctor, or ‘higher person’ that I really ought to become a woman for real. I know, a proper get out, but at least this way, I know its destiny, if it happens, which is fine by me.
I suspect its fair to say that therefore, a number of people will be hoping that the doctors do decide to put me on estrogen, so I go ahead and do it. There might be one or two hoping otherwise, but I suspect the vast majority who know me, and know about me would love to see me do it. Hell, I’d probably be glad I did it, after its done, but just at the moment, yes, the pain issue concerns me!
But yes, if in about 6 weeks time, or so, I announce that the decision is estrogen supplements for me, and I try to get out of this, dont let me! An angel will have contemplated my fate, made that decision for me, so…it will be done! Mind, unless someone wants to pay for me to do it privately, the length of time it might take on the NHS, well who knows when it will actually happen lol?
Oh fine, I might have given a couple of clues to the video here. This is a delightful live version, from the concert in Manchester that happened after the awful events there at a concert earlier this year.