Category Archives: sex reassignment surgery (SRS)

Does A Doctor Contemplate My Fate?

Well, indirectly, though they wont know about it at the time,yes, they will.

Assuming that the fairly obvious is correct, and after the bone density scan, they do decide that my issue with my back is osteoporosis related, there are a couple of fairly obvious supplements I could be given to try and ease, and hopefully cure the issue, to some degree at least. One is calcium supplements, which would help to strengthen the bone, which I’m pretty sure is needed. The other one, and more relevant to this blog, is (o)estrogen supplements, as would be given to menopausal women under these circumstances. Yes, I’m sort of doing the double spelling thing here, as both options seem equally used, though I will settle for the estrogen version from now on, when writing this. In fact, its quite possible, and some say quite likely that I will get both!

One thing I’ve always said is that if the situation arose, where I felt the need, or desire to have the actual Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS), then I would get it done. In truth, the main reason I’ve put myself off it, is the surgery issue, I’m not one of those people who love pain, in that sense at least! So given I have no sexual desires, and no partner, or potential partner who wants to get close in that way with me, I’ve passed on the matter, up to now.

But yes, I have had a think about it, and I’ve come to the conclusion that if a doctor, or group of doctors think I should be on estrogen supplements, then maybe I should take that as a hint that I really ought to take that last step to womanhood after all. I know, its still going to hurt, but I’m not sure it could be much more hellish than the pain I went through before getting on serious painkillers for the fracture in my back. And hey, lets face it, if anyone ever actually enters my new vagina sexually, I will be amazed. But yes, going to meet my maker, as a proper woman, it would be nice, I must admit.

But equally, I’m not going to be the one that actually makes the decision for me, as in truth, I’ve got a life now that suits me fine. All my paperwork says I’m a woman, and thats the main thing for me, but all the same…? So yes, if I get put on estrogen supplements, for my osteoporosis, I’m going to take that as a signal from a doctor, or ‘higher person’ that I really ought to become a woman for real. I know, a proper get out, but at least this way, I know its destiny, if it happens, which is fine by me.

I suspect its fair to say that therefore, a number of people will be hoping that the doctors do decide to put me on estrogen, so I go ahead and do it. There might be one or two hoping otherwise, but I suspect the vast majority who know me, and know about me would love to see me do it. Hell, I’d probably be glad I did it, after its done, but just at the moment, yes, the pain issue concerns me!

But yes, if in about 6 weeks time, or so, I announce that the decision is estrogen supplements for me, and I try to get out of this, dont let me! An angel will have contemplated my fate, made that decision for me, so…it will be done! Mind, unless someone wants to pay for me to do it privately, the length of time it might take on the NHS, well who knows when it will actually happen lol?

Oh fine, I might have given a couple of clues to the video here. This is a delightful live version, from the concert in Manchester that happened after the awful events there at a concert earlier this year.

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Well, if I have to take estrogen supplements?

Yes, fine, to keep people updated on matters…

Initially, as reported in the last blog, the view from the Doctor’s surgery, post X-Rays, was to wait a few weeks, see how things settled down, and then decide what the next step from there would be. I’m assuming that was based on what the hospital told them, and that a couple of days later, they saw the X-Rays for themselves, because when I came home from work on Thursday (Yes, now its kicked in, the medication is fine to allow me to go back), I got a message that the surgery had been trying to contact me, and I needed to ring them the next morning. No, it wasnt hard to work out what it was about, lets face it. Anyway, a few minutes before I was going to ring them, they rang me, and told me that having discussed the matter (and I assume, seeing the results for themselves), they had already decided to refer me for a bone scan.

I know, doesnt sound good, does it? Not surprised, but anyway…

Of course, one of the more fascinating options, if it does show as osteoporosis (and this referral is rushed, if they dont think it is), would be to put me on estrogen supplements, to try and build bone density, as they do with post menopausal women, which lets face it, I pretty much am! Yes, I would, given the opportunity, no surprise there.

The thing is, having got all my papers nowadays as female, but being very single, and being unlikely to find myself in a relationship, and not being a lover of unnecessary pain, or surgery, I had sort of decided that I wasnt going to ‘bob the bits’, or more technically correctly, go in for the sex reassignment surgery, which strictly would be the final step. Even more so, given the body is clearly in even worse condition than I thought it was lol! No, I dont think they’d do the knees/back/genitalia combo all as one!

But all the same, it did start me thinking, that if, and at this point, it is only an if, pre bone scan results, I did start loading up with estrogen supplements, should I take all this as a hint that I really ought to get my body changed, so that everything is fully female? Let me say at this point, I will only even consider this, if I do get to take estrogen tablets for osteoporosis, as otherwise, I’m pretty fine as am. But yes, I do wonder if this is a hint from ‘higher authorities’ that I should be doing the full transition, hmm?

Not saying yes, not saying no, but I suspect I would take less convincing if the seemingly inevitable happened, to take that big last step. But yes, at my age, and state of health, that surgery might still put me off! 😛

Right, video time. There are some great songs, that no matter how I try, an I going to be able to directly link into a blog, and tonight I’ve decided to provide one of those, as I cant think of anything that obviously fits, that I havent used before. So, a little classic Roxy Music, live…

Some very deep cuts

Before we get started tonight, I’ll issue a warning. If you are squeamish about people’s ‘bits’, then you may not want to watch the video in the link. It is only animated, not the real thing, but… Reading the article should be fine, but just in case, consider yourself warned.

https://www.good.is/articles/gender-reassignment-animation?utm_source=TSE&utm_medium=FB&utm_campaign=pd&utm_content=inf_10_81_2&tse_id=INF_1830db7dfb3a41eb83fd9a16ceb0ead5

Sadly, this might also be the closest I actually get to it happening to me, unless someone comes into my life, and wants me to go through with it, because I know just how painful it would be. And yes, fine, if I was 28, instead of 58, and feeling strong, I’d probably go ahead with it regardless. But now, just for me, I think I’ll pass!

Lets face it, nowadays all my paperwork says I’m female, though there are a few places in the US at present that would object to me using a ladies toilet, technically. Strictly, if they looked at my ID (Passport), it says I’m female! If they actually insist on looking at my bits, then fine, I fail their crazy tests, but anyway…

Mind, they wouldnt work in a sex sense anyway, as would be the case for most trans females, in all honesty. Mind, it seems its more the case that being in a public toilet with a GOP politician is far more dangerous than being with a Trans Woman! Maybe we should bar all of them from public toilets?

Yes, for those of you brave enough to look at the video, it is painful, and not quick surgery either. As I say, if the need arises, and I have my doubts it will, I’ll get it done, but until then, I’ll give it a pass. I know, that will make me even older when I get it done, should I have the need, but my call of preference! The funny thing is, when I was getting answers from men on the dating site, they seemed to want a girl with additional parts, not the anatomically correct ones! Yes, I know I’m going to hate dying, with the wrong parts, but what can I say, apart from the fact I’m getting on in years, and not that endeared of pain!

But yes, if someone wants to make it worth my while to get it done, or wants to get all dominant with me, and make me have it done, then fine, though in the case of the latter, you’re paying for it!

Right, video time. To be honest, all this time, I assumed this was a Rod Stewart song. Well, it was, but that was a cover! Yes, Cat Stevens wrote, and sung the song first! And I’ve found a very rare 1960’s live version of him singing it. Yes, its blurry, but its history! Fine, if you want to find Rod’s version, or even the Sheryl Crow one, then OK, but…

Out there, and proud!

Firstly, seriously, is there now any day left in the year that isnt “something” day? There must be a few I guess, but nowadays they must be getting few, and far between. So fine, today is actually one of those that actually means something important to me, Transgender Visibility Days.

Me, I’m pretty visible most days as transgender, though fine, generally outside, I’m more likely to wear slacks, than a skirt, but then again, so do most women? But yes, I do go out in a skirt sometimes, and certainly when I go out for an evening meal, its a safe bet it will be a dress, and heels that I wear.

But do I hide the signs that I’m living as a woman, no chance! I know its not as easy for everyone, I fully understand that, but I’ve got to the point in life where really, I wouldnt have it any other way! As to others, I wish more were able to go for it, just like me, but…

To be honest, however much I dislike, and suspect the motives of Caitlyn Jenner, there is one thing for sure, more people with biological gender issues are coming out about it, and hopefully in time, will be able to sort them out. One other blessing is that the surgery becomes more practiced, and carried out, the surgery we’re going to get, is only going to improve.

But fine, here, I’m talking about progressive (to varying degrees) countries, not all of the world. There are many parts of the world where being any part of the LGBT rainbow, is a pretty dangerous thing to be. Only today I read, that Saudi Arabia are attempting to bring in laws to make giving any sign of being any of those 4 things, a case for execution! Not just on the street either, but online too! Mind, before the West gets too smug, new rules just brought in by North Carolina, and Mississippi are pretty awful too. Georgia only avoided taking the same route because of pressure from very major businesses within the state, so they have nothing to be proud of. Mind, given their past record, Mississippi would probably like to bring back another form of segregation, but anyway…

Who, me, visible today? Yes, you could say that. I had an interview in town today, for a position in a bank, as a customer service officer, serving people in the bank. Suit jacket, dress, and high heels, absolutely! Whether the bank staff will have the courage to give the position to a Trans person, no idea? Not that strictly they know, my passport says I’m female, so as far as they know…? Yes, a very transgender visibility role, amazing stuff.

Me, and that final op? I honestly say that if something happened in my life, that would justify it, I would still get it done. But with my health, and my age, and how complex it is, I cant see it happening unless there is good cause. Apart from losing that thing (and getting a vagina instead), I’ve now pretty much got everything I want, so unless a man, or a woman comes along that wants me with pussy, probably not. I might regret it, at my dying day, but in truth, we’ll see.

Right, finally, the video. A nice gender blurring song, from a group called Blur!

Against All Odds

Fine, I had to post this earlier than I normally would, because after the event would be a pointless exercise, so…

I cant remember the last time I played the National Lottery, to be honest. The last time I would have played it on a regular basis, that much I know, was 2002. I have bought the odd lucky dip ticket since then, when there has been a rollover, but in all honesty, its been quite a while since I even did that, certainly not at all since they doubled the cost of the tickets, for sure. And now they’ve gone and added 10 more numbers too, making it even more challenging to win the jackpot. Which is probably why the estimated rollover jackpot for tonight is £26.3 million, because it hasnt been won in quite a while. But I’ve cracked, just for once, and bought a ticket.

No, I dont seriously expect to win the jackpot. Hey, in all honesty, with my luck, I’ll be amazed if I get 1 number, let alone all 6! But something inspired me to give it a try, and hey, lose £2!

To be honest, compared to some lottery jackpots, £26.3 million is chicken feed. The Euromillions one seems to hit £100 million from time to time, and as for things like the Powerball lottery in the US, well, absolutely nothing!

But even so, that sort of sum of money is still way beyond my comprehension, and I have no idea what I would do with most of it, other than savings, and letting the interest give me a comfortable lifestyle.

I guess there are a few obvious things I would do with it. A nice home, in Hollywood, if I could convince the US authorities to let me in (and that much money would influence things, I’m sure), but nothing too excessive, I’m just not the type for that. A comfortable 2 bedroom apartment, in the Hollywood Hills, around Beachwood, would suit me fine, I wouldnt need more. If they wont let me in, I’ll find somewhere nice over here, with good public transport, and settle for that. But in my dreams…

I guess the other obvious thing I would then get done, is have a ‘few bits’ rearranged, as I could afford the best surgery possible, so what the hell, I’d probably get it done, with a whole lot less fuss than some I could name. I have to admit, I’m not sure about the pain involved, which puts me off at present, but I suppose with that much money behind me, I could get the best care possible, and a bit more! Anyone who doesnt know what ‘bits’ I’m talking about, hasnt been reading this blog before lol!

But seriously, beyond that, what would I spend money on, apart from general living costs, given the only work I would then do, would be some writing! No idea? I mean, I’d probably get a few nice dresses, maybe a corset or two (especially if someone can design a self tightening one!), and almost certainly a custom made robot suit, just because I’d love one, even if it doesnt actually turn me into a robot, hey, I could look the part.

What I dont think I’d do, even if perhaps I could, and should.

A boob job. Yes, it would be wonderful to have a pair of C Cups of my own, I guess, but the thought of doing that, I just dont know? Again, I suppose with this wealth, I could get it done by the best surgeons, and everything else, so maybe. But while I have such excellent silicon prostheses, why do it to yourself?

Plastic surgery. Please, no. I know, I could find a surgeon who could make me look even more like Jean Harlow, but I’ve seen the results, and how often it just makes things worse, not better. And besides, I’m middle aged, if Jean had reached her fifties, I might look just like her, but we will of course, never know.

Oh, and the one silly thing I would do.

Simple, fly first/business class, depending on airline. I have walked through, or seen first class a few times now, but never traveled that way. Yes, its one of those silly things I’ve always wanted to do, if money was no object. Ironically, I’m hitting the range with Delta, where I can request complimentary upgrades, but given how many ask, how far down the list I would be (I’m only silver status), its not likely to happen that way.

But fine, in the end, this posting is just a dream, nothing more. Because the strict chances of me getting 6 numbers tonight are about 30 million to one, and I dont have any luck in draws with far more favourable odds than that. But for a couple of hours more, I can dream, so…

No, dont expect a blog in the morning saying I’ve won the jackpot lol!

The video sums up my chances of winning anything tonight, let alone £26.3 million!

2015 – The will happens, the maybes, and just the ‘seriously’?

So yes, Happy New Year, and all that jazz.

The working year for 2015 starts tomorrow, with, err, a 12 hour day! Ah well, can only get better from there lol?

So, at this point in 2015, I know some things that will happen, some that will probably happen, and some that might, though I wouldnt necessarily put good money on it.

Fine, lets start with the secure, will happen stuff.

11 days from now, unless we get several feet of snow, I will be heading down south, and by the time I come back 2 days later, I should look even more like Jean Harlow. Yes, the ‘unable to do make up’ problem is being taken out of my hands, by a wonderful friend, and ex workmate, by giving me the permanent make up job of my dreams. As far as the eyes go, brows (though not those hideous ones Jean had in the mid/late 30’s), liner, and temporarily at least, lashes, should give me a real Harlow look. Not stopping there, as the lips will end up with a cute Harlow bow look too. Oh, and a beauty spot. Yes, a beauty spot, though unlike Jean, mine will stay in one place, almost certainly on a cheek.

Fine, I’m going to have to quickly learn how to apply foundation, but as thats slightly less of an art form, hopefully I’ll get there. I know, famous last words, but…Might even go mad, try and put blusher on the cheeks too!

Who knows, if the men swoon, and start asking me for dates, what might develop from there? More on that, in the last group for now. Of course, the whole new look might start me looking for men, instead of letting them chase me, and then, who knows!

The other main definite I know of at present, the Hollywood trip in April, which really will be something. Yes, there are a few stars on the walk of fame I want to see, as well as Jean’s! Sadly, Louise Brooks lacks for one, because of not bowing to Hollywood desires, but anyway…The one slight disappointment for me, is that I can get to Forest Hills, where Jean (and a few others, Bow amongst them) are buried, but her crypt is not in one of the public areas, so how close I can get, no idea? But I’ll try to see one of her old homes at least, all things permitting. Meet her ghost (allegedly she shows from time to time), that would be something, but unlikely.

I plan to add Dodger Stadium to my collection of visited baseball parks, all things permitting while there.

One other thing really needs to happen (so will), and thats a new pair of glasses. I’m 14 months overdue in doing it anyway, and the anti glare on my current pair is pretty blurred, so all in all…I’m hoping that one of the ‘big name’ opticians over here has got some 30’s looks glasses in their collection, but that might be pushing optimism too far.

OK, to the probables.

September will see a return trip to the US, just a matter of where, which is why its only in the probables. Depends entirely on how my body reacts to a long trip to LA, as to how far I want to fly in September. Well, it will either be Boise, Idaho, to a friend I’m looking forward to meeting for the first time (though I spoke to him in September), or if the body complains, it will be to meet up with Kate in New England, heading mainly to the north of the region, not a part I have really seen much of.

Quite likely, given there are no major sporting events this summer, if it works out, I will have a few days in Ireland, taking in some cricket. Just depends, because there are a lot of expensive ‘musts’ this year, so I will have to see how affordable that is. But ideally, it will happen.

Fine, the less likely, but might happen.

As my regular readers know, just before Christmas, Nicole took the big step, had the op, and became a woman. Shortly after she got back from holidays, it was being suggested that I should at least apply to go on hormones, either by battling again with the NHS, or going privately, a lot less hassle, but a bit more expense. I’m told (at this time at least) that there is no pressure to go down the full op route, but I know with me, once I get started, I will almost certainly want to finish it.

Fine, people older than me do it, but lets face it, their physical state might be a bit stronger than mine. And yes, age does come into it for me too. But equally, I have this suspicion (dont really tell them I wrote this) that if the Harlow look attracts any romantic interest, or feels really great, I’m going to want to go down that road anyway! No, Nicole, and Denise, you didnt read that, just read on, and ignore! 😛 Equally, if the men just continue to ignore my charms, I might just stick with the current figure, current cleavage, and roll with that. We will see, but I wouldnt put large sums of money on that happening!

Of course, as some will know, the irony is, pre op, you have to live full time as a woman for 2 years, I’ve been doing so for nearly 5 already! So thats not the challenge, its the condition of my body, my view on the age thing, and…I suspect how I look and feel, post Jean Harlow transformation even further.

Oh, and the highly unlikely.

A new job? And no, I dont mean the Jean Harlow lookalike role in Hollywood that doesnt exist anyway! Probably not, but once I have the make up, look smart, and everything else, well, it might be fun, but 56 year olds, and new jobs dont really go together, do they, in the modern world? Lets face it, its only going to be another call centre (could do data input, but convincing an employer that I would be a better bet than a younger person, already doing that work), so is it better the devil you know?

OK, the video, Jean gets a mention in the first line (hair), but one of the big changes will be to how my eyes look, so I went for this.

Have a good 2015, readers

A different corner

I think its fair to say that if I was 25-30 years younger, or if I had a man who cared for me as much as Nicole does, then maybe I’d be taking the same step as she is doing on Thursday. Yes, thats right, that last element of transition to womanhood, that last big operation.

I wish her well, naturally.

Maybe one day I will feel the need to take that last step, but for now, given my age, given my single status, and everything else, I just cant face the hassle of going through all the necessary hoops now, especially given that I’ve lived as a woman full time for 4 years now anyway, twice the supposed required period for the next step. Irony, I know…

The funny thing is, when I first got to meet Nicole back in 2004, I was the one already living part time at least as a woman. And all I’ve done since then is move to living full time as a woman, changing my name, and gender in the process. Well, fine, the passport office says I’m still a man, but they are the only ones that do. Judging by the confused look I got at Atlanta Immigration in September, I think the guy thought there was a mistake with my passport!

But anyway…that last big step…hmm?

As I say, Nicole is a fair bit younger than me, and has a man that cares for her, so the transition makes a lot of sense. Me, maybe one day…who knows? Though I must admit, the idea of going to meet my maker, with that thing attached, doesnt fill me with joy! Maybe I should put it in my will that it gets cut off, pre cremation lol!

Anyway, just wanted to say, Nicole Woodhouse, my best wishes, admiration, and everything else goes out to you. Maybe one day you’ll be writing the same thing about me!

The video, something that gave me the idea, turning the corner in your life.

The other most exciting element of current news? No, I havent yet decided what dress I’m wearing on Thursday. At this rate, I’ll be taking more than one with me…rolls eyes! Just a shame, that given I’m getting my hair done, my make up done, that the weather forecast is so awful. Ah well…

In a different timeline

On one of the writing forums that I’m a member of, the monthly contest is to write a story, based on a historical event, only with a different timeline, and supposing what happens from there. Say, as an example, Buddy Holly hadnt died in that plane crash, back in the late 50’s, and that his career had continued from there. If, as Don McClean put it, ‘the music hadnt died’. He might have became as legendary a figure as Elvis, or his career might have waned within a few years. One thing is for sure, we will never know.

Equally, close to my heart, and especially given that it would have been her 103rd birthday today, suppose Jean Harlow’s kidney failure had been curable in the mid 30’s, and she hadnt died at 26. Would her career have briefly flickered, and died within a short period of then, or would she have become as big a Hollywood legend as she did, had she lived?

The other semi topical one, had the Tsar seen off the potential revolution in 1917, what would Russia be like today? Given the tyrannical rule of some of the Tsar’s in the past, would it be for better, or worse?

Lets face it, in these, and other cases, we will never know.

Of course, for me, the timeline that could have been so different, is if I’d known I was transgendered when I was 20, not when I was into my forties! Of course, in this world, finding out such things back then was far harder, and the surgery not as good as today, but anyway, as we are talking different timelines, lets bring today’s perspective to events that might have happened back then.

In all likelihood, its fair to say I would have gone through all the hassle, and all the surgery back then, because my whole life would have stretched before me. Its also fair to say that with less male hormone having pumped through my body, my look post change, would probably be more feminine too. I know, I know, I pass with many, but all the same, with female hormones pumping through me, and all the right bits physically, life might well have been good.

I might, might have even enjoyed sex, with the right body, or I might have been as asexual as I am now, who knows? Hey, if I’d passed well enough, I might even have found myself a man, got married, and all that. No, using current surgical limitations, I couldnt have had a baby, even though I have an undeveloped womb. Who knows, back then, if I’d started on female hormones…no, I’ll settle for not being a mother lol!

But, and its a big but, if I had gone through the change back then, would my life have been so rich? Yes, I would be a woman, and in that sense, at peace, but…Ironically, there is one precious man in my life, who I would never have met, if I’d been a woman about 15 years ago. Why, because at the time, he wasnt interested in women, only men, and if Stephanie Louise had written to him about matters, she would have been ignored! But because Steve wrote to him…

When I first met him, it was as a friend, it was only after a whole stream of events around 2002/2003, when I needed somewhere as a base, to get my life back together, and things, that he was there for me. And yes, although its now in a different house, in a different part of the country, we are still in the same house, even now, and are still friends. Yes, I’ve mentioned him, its that lovely gentleman I escort on train journeys through the North of England, twice a year, amongst other things.

And yes, he, his friend, and his partner are very special to me, for many reasons. But, if I’d become a woman, in my early twenties, I’d never have known any of them, and thats a hole in my life that I’m glad not to have.

So, this different timeline thing, its not just one thing it alters, its the rest of your life.

Interesting concept though, isnt it?

The video, one of my favourite artists, sadly no longer with us, but thankfully the music lives on.

Maybe, one day, I’ll find the ‘right moment’ to fully change genders, but given I’ll be 56 in less than a fortnight, I suspect not, now.

A funny thing happened last night

And no, it wasnt the train actually running on time last night, that would have been more of a miracle, than something funny. In fact, if the train had run on time, this wouldnt have happened.

During the day, we have 8 buses an hour from the estate, into town. However, come the evening, that drops off dramatically, down to 2. If the 9.40 train is on time (and despite rumours I cast, it is sometimes!), I can get a bus that leaves me with a 10 minute walk, rather than having to wait 30 minutes for a bus into the estate. But when the train is 6 minutes late, you miss that!

So anyway, there I was, waiting at the bus stop, willing the clock around to about 10.25, when the bus generally arrives, to leave at 10.30. Up to the bus stop walks this guy, and says, “Can I ask you a question?”

Assuming it was about the bus service, I say yes, but was I wrong! Well he did ask where the bus stop was for somewhere (Cottingley, I think?), and I told him he was better off getting a train at that time of night.

Next thing I know, he’s asking me when I had the sex change op. Said he could tell by the voice, and the adams apple, but hey, he’s right. There may also have been the vaguest hint of stubble at that time of night, I dont have much, but nearly 12 hours after shaving, it might not have been perfect, but it was dark lol! Except…I havent had the big op yet! Obviously the boobs may have added to his confusion, but hey, he said I looked good after it. Followed up by saying he was gay, so not interested, which just made me roar with laughter inwardly.

I just diplomatically said that I had done it in the last few years, and left it at that. He just wished me well, and walked away, in the direction of the station, so I hope he got home safely. Anyone know, does that count as a pass or not? Yes, he thought I was a woman, but no, he knew I hadnt always been one. So…? Yes, that is a first, someone saying that I was a woman, but clearly a transgendered one.

Does that make me a modern girl? Who knows, but it seemed a good option for the video tonight lol.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Std7DMPfz4Q

Wanted

Its funny how these things happen, isnt it? Very happy being single, so it doesnt matter if you have the ‘right bits’ down below or not, and then it creeps up on you. You start chatting to a guy via a Forum (no, not a dating one, heaven forbid), and you start to get on alright, and then things move on, and so…Its strange, someone who has posted a few comments on here in the past always told me that somewhere out there might be the guy for me. To be honest, I always thought that a crazy idea, but now I’m beginning to wonder myself.

No, its definitely not love, I’m so far from a point where I could fall in love with anyone, that I’m not reaching that point anytime soon. But like, and even maybe like a lot, then yes, I’m beginning to feel that way about him strangely enough. But yes, you’ve guessed the obvious snag to anything happening, he thinks I’m a woman. Well, alright, in all senses but one I am, but as far as a guy, and sex goes, thats a pretty big thing that lets me down. Well, OK, that thing isnt very big as such, but its not the right thing for a woman to have lol!

Thankfully, though perhaps with a tinge of sadness as well as everything else, its not a relationship thats going far anyway. I’m in Yorkshire, he’s in California, and thats a lot of miles between us. Possibly its for the best, as I’m not entirely the woman he’s looking for. Maybe 90 odd % of me is, but the critical bit isnt! But yes, for the first time in an incredibly long period, there is someone out there who I fancy meeting for reasons more than socialising, and yes, alright, much to my surprise, I feel good about that. Also I suspect I’m far too imdependent by now to really live with anyone, as a couple at least.

Adding a touch of realism, it might be a case that even if I did have all the ‘right bits’, it might not come to anything, indeed quite likely it wouldnt, but you never know. Sadly, because of my gender dysphoria, I’m never likely to find out anyway! But hey, its been a long time since I felt this way about anyone, and I’m surpised how much I enjoy it.

No, its not tempting me to look for anyone else, I’ve had enough knockbacks in my life, that I dont need more of them. But yes, James, I never thought I’d say this, but you might well have been right about that special someone all along. Just wish I was 100% what he wants though!

Oh, and an early hint, 2 weeks yesterday, I’ll be even more decrepit than now, numerically at least. Yes, on the 16th, I will reach the grand age of 54. The only thing that really frightens me about that is the fact that I’m only 6 years away from the old peoples bus pass over here, aargh! Anything Brooksie inspired, especially e-cards from anyone would be appreciated. A quality (and I do mean quality, as I’d want to wear it out) ‘helmet’ wig, preferably dark would be heaven, if anyone has more money than sense! My hair is good everywhere but the fringe, if I could solve that, I wouldnt need a wig, lol!

Music, a wonderful piece from the 70’s, and yes, as so often, the blog title is the giveaway here. I remember the Dooleys, do you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwp&NR=1&v=xwc0iriZahI