Before anyone gets too concerned about this, check the publication date, just saying…
Saturday saw me get my letter from the local National Health Service, re my Neurology appointment date. Yes, June 18th. I know, British folk, about par for the ‘free’ National Health Service over here (strictly its paid out of our wage deductions over here). Some of my US friends would say “So long?” but fine, if I had £10K to spare (or Medical insurance cover for that), I could probably get seen to in next couple of weeks. but unless any generous ‘chaperone’ is offering me that sort of money, not going to happen. No, I havent got the looks of Marion Davies, and I dont know anyone with the wealth of William R Hearst! So…
Anyone, given that they know something is wrong with my brain, and someone (no, it wasnt me, honest) has told them about my brainwashing kinks, they’ve decided to take the logical outcome, wipe my organic brain clean, then replace it with a nice AI unit, that will ‘act’ like me, but will in truth be a robotic machine, within a human body (though they are considering the matching robot body, I’m told). In truth, my only disappointment, the fact I’ve got to wait until the middle of June for this to happen!
OK, yes, its April 1st, one of those paragraphs is the truth, the other is total fabrication. Yes, sadly, its the second paragraph that is the ‘April Fool’, unless you want to tell me, and arrange otherwise. Because if it could be, the only thing in the second paragraph that would then be true would be my disappointment at it taking so long to get it done! I must admit, I’m looking forward to have a brain MRI, and EEG done, for all the wrong reasons, or shall we just say my fantasies will be running wild while its all being done.
I’ll be honest, I discovered today just how weak its all left me. I had to go into Huddersfield today to provide the certificate showing that I’m unfit to work at present. That’s dated until 30th April, but as the Doctors all said, I’m not going anywhere near any work until after my brain has been upgraded. Sorry, medically checked out, yes, I wish! So now we know that’s not before 18th June, and then will need the results after that, its going to be the end of June, at best. All medical advice recently, suggests I’m not going back. Having walked a few hundred yards between where I was dropped off this morning (Thanks, Ella) to deliver said certificate, and back, and how exhausted I’ve been afterwards, they’re right, I’m sure. Well, unless my brain/body, does get the robot makeover (oh, please…) at least.
So as I say, partly fact, partly fool. If someone does want to make the fool part fact, I couldnt be happier, but seriously… I know, a year ago, I could walk miles in Seattle, even with my back issues, now 200 yards is a challenge! So that automated, cybernetic robot body, oh yes please! Yes, brainwashed, and totally mindlessly obedient would be seen as a bonus, and thats no fool!
Right, video time. Yes, I would love this done to me, seriously, and as my brainwashing fantasies go, this pretty much fits the bill. It is Batman, but this is the 1940’s version, not the better known 1960’s version. But the brainwashing helmet over your head, the control unit literally on your head, well… Where’s this kind of man when you need one, when your brain is malfunctioning, lol?
Happy April Fools Day, unless you want to show me otherwise? 😉
Before Friday, I cant honestly remember the last time I had an X-Ray done. My best guess would be about 30 years ago, when I was trying to climb into an attic, against my better judgement, and didnt make it, tumbled down again, falling down a long set of stairs, and the next thing I knew, was in the ambulance on the way to Yeovil hospital, to be checked over. Irony was, they checked me out accordingly for concussion, or head injuries symptoms, and completely missed the fact that I’d broken a toe on my left foot.
By the time it hadnt healed 3 weeks later, and I went to the doctor about it, went back up the hospital to get that X-Rayed, and discovered, it had already healed, though not correctly, which is why, to this day, one of the toes on my left foot looks so awful. It came down to the fact that trying to break it again, in the same place, then have it heal correctly, not really practical, unless I had serious issues with it. Never did, so its remained as an ugly reminder of that evening, ever since.
To be honest, with all I’ve heard of the NHS of late, I had no idea how long it would all take. I know, a set of X-Rays doesnt take that long, but throw in all the waiting time, and everything, and…in truth, I was out, more or less an hour after I entered the hospital, which I thought was pretty good. Yes, I know, me and tying knots, not a good combination, so the gown stayed pretty loose.
X-Rays done in 2 positions, I have no idea how many pictures taken, but I was laying there, especially on my back for a while, so I assume several were taken. Then changed back, bus home, and that was it. Doctor at Surgery had told me to allow about 2 weeks for results, hospital said about 1 week, but I will probably leave it nearer 2, all the same.
Yes, one of those scanners where they slide you in, and then do things would have been far more fun for me, but not to be, just a good old fashioned standard imaging machine, ah well… I’m pretty sure of 1 thing, it will be less than 30 years before I get X-Rayed again, as I’m certain they will take images of my knees, before the inevitable surgery, which I’m still trying to put off lol! But until then…?
The video is one of those feel good songs from the 80’s, by a group that never really made it, beyond this hit.
But no, you arent getting the Bob Dylan video, hopefully that might fool one or two peoples expectations lol!
Its funny, I was reading a piece somewhere this morning in a Trans Related Group, comparing life for us now, even as opposed to 5 years ago, and the general impression I got is how much things have improved since then. Dont get me wrong, its not yet perfect, but a big improvement on how it used to be at least.
Mind, given how I seem to fall under the radar anyway, maybe I’m not the best person to comment on this. Again, yesterday, I was sat next to a woman on a train who clearly thought I was, and always had been female. Well, unless men are now able to bear children, and no one told me lol! Alright, I still get the very odd ‘Sir’, but they are pretty rare nowadays, and it shows how things have changed for me, it annoys me more nowadays than it ever used to!
However, long before all this enlightenment and the like, things did used to be different, and indeed many Trans people have been badly beaten, or indeed killed by idiots, just because of who they are. I suspect there might still be instances of this, but seem far fewer now, to me at least.
But it does seem, that going back long before recent times, there was one place that was so trans person friendly, that it stood out like a sore thumb for us, Brighton.
Brighton is still the only place I know where I’ve seen toilets marked ‘Ladies and T-Girls’ on the same door! There may be others in clubs (especially fetish ones I suspect?) but in Brighton this was widely prevalent nearly 10 years ago, let alone now. If only everywhere was so enlightened, as I’ve commented on in an earlier blog. I dont even remember seeing that in San Francisco, but maybe I just missed them?
I know, personally I think we should be able to use the Ladies regardless, but anyway…
Maybe one day we can even have true equality with correctly gendered people in all issues, but suspect that might take a little longer yet. Equally someday, the wonderful NHS might make the whole transgendering, and surgery issue so much easier, but again, I wont hold my breath.
Oh alright, the part I suspect only come here for, the music video. This has a tenuous link to Brighton, as Den Hegarty (bass vocalist) on this has lived most of his life in Brighton, and even more, was actually born in Ireland! I loved the doo-wop stuff of this era, and this might not be the last Darts song you ever see here!
Its fair to say nowadays that I’m pretty happy with most of my body, even more so given that no hormones have been involved in this transformation, though I do wonder if hypnosis has somehow activated all those female hormones laying latent within me, and brought about some amazing changes.
So alright, my boobs arent huge, but then again, a number of natural women arent really any bigger than me, though possibly they have more of a full curve than mine do at present, but quite possibly they are getting there. And maybe the waist and hips ratio isnt perfect, but its not bad either! The chin and hairline, well they arent doing badly either. So all in all, seemingly for a good majority of people, if not more, I seem to pass as a woman. Of course the irony is that you only hear when people dont think you pass generally, because otherwise, lets face it, why would you say anything to a woman about looking like a woman?
So it comes down to one thing that annoys me about my body, irony is, I’m generally the only one that sees it! But even so, yes, the penis lurking down there does annoy somewhat! And yes, I would love to be able to hide it from view, if not more.
The one thing you never know with these blogs, is who your readers are. Alright, I have a good idea about some (yes James, that does include you lol), but others, well you dont know who they are, or what their talents are. There may be no doctors, designers, inventors or otherwise, but if you dont ask, you dont find out.
So to the medical readers, the question is, is there some way of raising the penis and balls (surgically or otherwise) so that they either disappear completely from sight, or pretty much do so. All I’m interested in is enough to make going to the toilet possible, and beyond that,…and lets face it, a girl should have labia lips anyway. Complete change would be great, but as I’ve said before, I’ve really not the fight at my age to take on the Leeds NHS again, and that would all take time anyway, and at my age, well, the sooner something changes, the better.
Designers, inventors, whatever you wish to be called, this next bit is for you. Could something be designed to fit over the penis and balls in such a way as to just leave an opening for toilet needs, and nothing more? And by this, I mean something that can be worn pretty much on a permanent basis, not the odd day here or there. I know its covered up, but it would be lovely if when I lowered the pants, I didnt see him there!
And no, not looking for a freebie or anything, though I wouldnt say no, but dont expect it. If the gadget, or ‘surgery’ really worked, then it would be more than worth the cost, simply because its the only thing I need to get done for a pretty remarkable change to a natural woman anyway. Or at least the look of one, as bits would not get removed (presumably?) of course.
So, if the right person reads this, or someone who does, and knows the right person who could, then please let me know. Oh, and if any wealthy benefactor out there wants to buy me a boob job for Christmas lol…not sure I want them huge, just fuller really, but…I cant afford, or justify the cost to myself, thats for sure. They at least are blooming, more important to me is the disappearance of something else, if only from visible sight.
Oh, dont worry, the video is coming, I do wonder how many look at these choices too? Maybe this is a bit cheeky, as I’m not natural, or even post op, but it certainly works for me as my mindset at least
Supposedly in this country, transgendered people are pretty much meant to have the same rights as those who are born into the correct physical body, and in some areas it does work out that way, but in others, especially for mtf transgender people, reality is a whole different matter.
Alright, I’m better off than I woukld be in some countries, I can have a passport that says Ms, and indeed my NI (National Insurance) certificate says the same thing, but in boith cases, until I’m post op, the paperwork still says male! Doctors, bank and work all show me as female, though at work I’m still ‘expected’ to use the male toilets for now, which gets me some funny looks at times, but anyway…Using public toilets is entertaining now, and something I try to avoid wherever possible, but cant always be done. And yes, by tending to dress ‘cross gender’, I can avoid miost hassle on the streets, though the painted nails are a bit of a giveaway, but most dont seem to notice, or at least care. Trousers and a top are fine, suspect I might attract more wrong attention if I wore a dress though lol!
And thats what I feel is wrong, a woman can power dress, as they term it, and no one blinks an eyelid. She can even wear her hair short, and beyond maybe being thought to be butch, not a word is said. But if a man goes beyond mild cross gender dressing, it becomes simply a source of amusement, and possibly danger for that person, and in a perfect world, that shouldnt be the case. I have no desire, or need to wear high heels in public, and beyond a few occasions, no great desire to wear a dress either, but if no one would blink if I did so, there might be occasions when, but…still be nice to wear a scoop neck top out all the same. Beyond the toilet issue, work is very good on matters in all honesty, and I suspect that if I was the pushy type, that might even get changed, but despite this posting, I’m not really that way inclined
The two areas that really annoy me, even if I’m not actually job hunting at this moment though, are health and employment. I have no idea how good Leeds NHS is over general matters, but it has to be said, and quite rightly, that their section dealing with transgender issues has an awful reputation, and sadly quite justly. I’ve pretty much given up bashing my head against the brick wall they’ve put up, and settled for living a woman as best I can, without their help, or is that their hindrance?
Oh, and if I was going job hunting…! In theory, and in rights, I would be entitled to equal opportunities in getting any job I applied for, if I was good enough. But how many employers are going to give that, in good times, let alone now, in all honesty? I suspect 20% would be a vastly optimistic figure somehow. Fine, Ms N will get interviews (even at my age), but when I actually turn up…, jobs might be another matter lol! I assume there are actually transgender friendly employers out there, but not many I suspect when push comes to shove!
Alright, transgender rights rant over, I’ll try and come up with something lighter, and a pop video next time, I promise. To my readers, have a lovely weekend, whats left of it, and I’ll speak to you again soon