Category Archives: Squeeze

Another nail for my heart

Its been a funny sort of week, in truth, in more ways than one.

Earlier this week, the orange, bewigged Russian one threw enough of a temper tantrum that he got his way on one issue that has annoyed him. Seems the rule to stop Transgender people from serving in the American Military forces has been finally passed after numerous efforts. Even more amusing of course, in the week it was announced that one of the General’s who helped to fight for the independence of his country (assuming it isnt Russia?) was either a woman, or even more horrible for him, intersex.

The more amusing side of that is that at least 2 states (maybe more?) have already told him that they wont be getting rid of any transgender people already serving in their state military command groups, and will still accept applications from anyone desiring to do so. I’m sure if he hasnt already Tweeted (high security method, not) on the matter, he soon will be.

The other LGBT news I’ve heard today comes care of Australia, Sydney, to be exact

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/video/travel/sydney-unveils-permanent-rainbow-crosswalk-as-symbol-of-lgbtq-pride/vi-BBVTVmH?ocid=spartandhp

I must admit, there would have been a few cities that if you’d told me would be candidates to do it, Sydney would have been one of them. Thank you for the gesture. Not that I guess I would ever have seen it, even if my body hadnt totally given up on me, thats far too far away, but at least I know its there, which is something. Somehow I cant see the guy mentioned previously will be rushing to use that crossing somehow. I’d love to, but now especially, I think I might have to pass on that.

Why, you ask? Well, a couple of days ago, I had to post a letter to work, re my health issues, and I thought that as the post box was only about 200 yards away, and no one else was readily available to post it, I’d give it a go, and see how it went. Well, going down the hill was ‘interesting’ but I survived, just. Snag is, I then had to come back up the hill, and that was a whole different game! I did make it, but it hurt! I’ve also noticed that the stairs at home, when I’m carrying anything (especially full cups), are distinctly becoming a challenge, coming up. So yes, the old girl is definitely busted, for sure. I suspect unless something dramatic can be done to me, I wont be walking far in future. 😦

Oh, and talking of busts… As some already know, and others will now know, I look like I’ve got a decent cleavage. No, its not some magical hormone, or the fact I have a friendly fairy godmother who provided me with a decent pair of boobs. Believe me, if the latter was the case, I’d have got her to remove something else at the same time! Many women are unfortunate enough to have mastectomies due to breast cancer, a charity whose cause I used to support when I had any money. For those women, prosthetics are provided that give the image that they still have breasts. I’m not the only Transgender women that uses them, I’m sure, but we arent strictly the main market for them. These silicon breasts are fantastic, give a great look, are designed to be about the right weight, and are great, providing you dont put too much weight on them. I dont, I have a foam pair I use at night (vanity, I know), which can take just about anything. Of course, when I was in hospital, the pair I was using were the silicon ones, and they didnt take kindly to being slept in, especially the one on the side I slept on. So yes, its a bit damaged, and I’ve had to buy a new pair which arrived this week. More expense, ah well… Mind, if anyone knows of a similar vagina I could wear 24/7, without toilet issues, please let me know. Hiding ‘that thing’ would be heaven, and far less painful than surgery!

Right, video time. Bit of a clue in the blog title, how original!

 

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From the cradle to her grave

There might have been some, other than me, who noticed the ironic coincidence today. Though American’s wouldnt have done so, as they celebrate one at a different date to us, but like a few other things (yes, finally they are on the correct summer time period, lol), they dont agree with us on when Mothers Day should be celebrated, but yes, here, it was today.

Today was also (seemingly generally) Transgender Day of Visibility, perchance. Which meant for me at least, today was both Mother’s Day, and TDOV (abbreviation, please), which is ironic, because my mother pretty much disowned me the day I came out as Transgender. Given that a matter of a couple of months later, I found out that I was actually Intersex (I have a womb, and heaven knows what else?), I find it hard to believe that she hadnt known that at least since shortly after my birth, as history (thank you, internet) has shown records of others where doctors/parents decided what gender the baby was ‘desired’ to be, and ‘bits’ adjusted accordingly.

But anyway, by the time I found out this critical piece of news, me, and her had gone our separate ways. Soon after that initial event, she’d passed away, issued sorted for her at least.

In truth, by now, I dont really care, its done, history. But when, a few days ago, I realised the conjunction today, I did a smile to myself. But fine, I must admit, if I get the op done as planned (health permitting), and we meet ‘somewhere in the next life’, I might just show her that she actually had a daughter, lol.

Video time again. Squeeze again, only a far more recent track. So, yes, with luck, I left the cradle as a baby boy, but I’ll go to the grave as a feisty old lady! I know, strictly, I’m not Transgender, but it sums up life that its easier to describe myself as such, than trying to explain intersex!

That was unexpected

It seems that today, here in the UK, there was something happening other than another vote on Brexit. No, the result of that definitely wasnt unexpected, lol. As to the result of the blood tests I had earlier today, I cant comment on how expected they are, as I wont get them until next week. The one thing I hadnt quite expected, but had thought might be the case, was the fact I needed a taxi to get me to and from the surgery today (Ella was busy elsewhere) rather than being able to walk there, as I’ve done previously. Its a fair way (nearly a mile), but nothing I wouldnt have been able to do, with a bit of effort, pre seizures. Ah well, and another medical look that suggests going back to work is an unlikely option. Talking of which, got a lovely ‘get well’ card from work arrived this morning too.

Oh fine, getting to the point, the event today was a Transgender Health Conference, which was pretty much discussing just how young children should be able to begin to transition. Fine, so I knew by the age of 6 that trying to be a boy wasnt working out. Then again, I’m not strictly transgender, I’m intersex, as I already have bits belonging to both genders. But yes,for ease in explanation and stuff, I’m transgender. Thats hard enough to explain to some, let alone getting into the area of Intersex!

My personal opinion? I dont think anyone should, or should be expected to conform to a gender pre puberty. Hey, thats when hormones really kick in, and give good clues on the matter. But I know, convenience, and conforming with the gender game, cant wait that long, can we? Unlike her, I do think there are transgender people, but convincing me that someone transgender, not intersex really knows that, pre puberty, well…?

Anyway, someone was having their say on Twitter, along the lines of whichever ‘bits’ you’re born with, thats your gender. Anyway, feeling sore, having been stabbed with needles for blood earlier that morning, and feeling mischievous, I asked what happened if you were born with both sets of ‘bits’, like me? I got a nice surprise, she knew that made me intersex, not a ‘gender of convenience’ person as she sees many transgender people, and it pretty much came down to the fact that I should live in the gender I feel comfortable in, which of course I do.

No, we didnt go away following each other, one way, or both, on Twitter, but I guess it shows that if you act in an adult manner, pre conceptions can be proved wrong, I’m delighted to say.

Video time. I’m sure I must have used this before, but I wanted something with an apt lyric line, and its a much under rated Squeeze song, so…

PS Sunday is Transgender Day of Visibility, supported by both Transgender, and Intersex people, hopefully everywhere?

Goodbye, Stevie Lou, Hello, Harlean!

Yes, I know, formally its been changed for a while by deed poll, but one annoying document has been holding me up from the full transformation into Harlean, the passport. To be fair, I’ve been using Stephanie up till now on the whole, with the ‘job from hell’, and other places, but I might decide to embrace the name, Harlean more fully when all my paperwork says thats me! Hey, if I dont, why did I make it my first name lol? Then all I need is a matching Harlean Carpenter/Jean Harlow neural makeover…OK, fine, but I can dream! 😛

The snag with arranging to get the passport changed over, is the obvious one. When you are job hunting, you need ID at every point, to prove you are who you say you are, so normally, even for 2 or 3 weeks, being without a passport is pretty much out of the question. Oh, and fine, I was waiting for the magic letter from the Doctor, but seemingly that was purely a confusion issue, I assumed it would be sent to me, whereas its been waiting patiently for me at the surgery, for, err, a little while! Ah well, as I say, I’ve been using it as ID, so no real harm done.

And yes, you’re right, I havent got a job yet, but Christmas is fast approaching, and I suspect no one is actually going to start new staff, between now, and then. So as things stand, I have got (probably) an assessment session next Wednesday, when they may, or may not want to see some ID, and I have a medical screening to do, which I can rearrange tomorrow, hopefully for early next week, and then…I could take a chance, and send that passport away. And then early in the New Year, when I will hopefully be in a clinic bed for a few days, before starting work, it can return. brand new, and the ugly duckling, Stevie Lou, will become the beautiful swan, Harlean Stephanie.

Oh fine, I know, I’ll look no difference, but that magical document will say female, not male, which will be a wonderful sight. And then, I will feel like I can visit Canada again, when I want to, as my image will match the gender on my passport! Not that I’ve any immediate plans to do so, but…it could be done! I’m not saying I would have had issues, but I wasnt prepared to find out!

But yes, I’ll be so glad when I only have to think about using one name again, the one I treasure, the true me, Harlean Stephanie Carpenter! I might scan a copy of the critical passport page before I send it off, though I have no idea how much standing that really would have? But it should only be in case of emergencies, so…?

So yes, hopefully in about 4 weeks or so time, Stevie Lou Nicholls will have had her last call, and I will be Harlean Stephanie Carpenter in every way, at long last. I cant say I’ll be sorry when it happens!

Oh fine, as always, the video. I know, lacking Christmas songs this year, and this wont change things.