One of those ‘grumpy old lady’ moments that I hope some enjoy at least. Yes, I understand that many things need to be done ‘politically correctly’ nowadays, but there are times when its taken too far. Let children grow up as children, for pity’s sake!
The PC furore I ran into today, was over a dress that Disney are apparently trying to sell to young children, or more correctly, their parents, for their young daughters. Which one, you might be asking, or maybe you’ve already guessed? Pocahontas!
I know, young white children, wearing an outfit of a Native American character, I can see, in a perfect world, some might not see it as an ideal scenario. But seriously, some of the ‘moral minority’ were making it sound like it was a treasonous crime, for heavens sake! I’m sorry, but girls under the age of 10 dont know, or care about politics, let it be known! All they know, is that they’ve seen the movie, loved the character, and want to dress like her. Presumably at this time of year, it could be as a Halloween outfit (which is crazily huge in US), or maybe something else, though I would assume the former.
What I want these people to do, is stop and think. Lets see, if young girls want to (in their minds at least) look like a Native American woman, isnt it more likely that when they grow up, that they will be more supportive of said community? Whereas if they are stopped from wearing it, to appease the politically correct people, arent they more likely to dislike said community, for stopping their dressing up fun as a child?
Now, I’m not saying my logic is perfect, as presumably, if parents are happy for their daughter to dress up as Pocohontas in the first place, then they’re not likely to be right wing white supremacists! I know, I know, Disney are only in it to make money, lets face it, but…if young girls (and dare I even suggest this, young boys?), want to dress as Pocohontas, then let them! Their precious childhood is but for a few years, so let them enjoy it. They can get into the sad realities of life when they get old enough, and hopefully wise enough to still want to support Native Americans living in the US.
Lets cheat, and include the video here, as this is what it relates to. The song is from 1960, this version is from 2009, and still pretty good!
OK, lets have an actress moment, as it loosely relates to a similar sort of issue. I know, I’m blessed that at the moment, I only need a wheelchair for matters involving standing in one place for very long. Others, it has to be pointed out, are not so fortunate. But practically, for me at present, pretty much any acting role (stop laughing, I know) would require me to be in a wheelchair for most, if not all of the performance, pretty much the latter in truth. A fact that you may, or may not know, most roles in the movies (and other parts) requiring people to be in a wheelchair, are played by people who dont need one! Oh fine, Patrick Stewart was magnificent as Magneto, and Raymond Burr (for the oldies among my readers) was great as Ironside, but…a disabled actor might have been just as good! I know, these arent female parts, but as good examples…And yes, I’d love to play a female Davros type (of Dalek fame) role, not that most would be surprised by that fact lol!
I know, I’m a bit of an in bet-weenie, in that I would need a wheelchair at present to act in the theater, or a movie at present, but its not a permanent state for me. As I said before, some are not so lucky, but yes, especially after the last fortnight, I have even more knowledge of what their life is like. Yes, its true, far too many people really do try to avoid catching your eye, or even acknowledging your presence, when you’re in a wheelchair, believe me, I now know!
But yes, if you, or anyone you know, either here in the UK, or in North America knows of a part suitable for a 60(ish) woman in a wheelchair, of decent acting standard, then feel free to let me know, c/o of firstname.lastname@example.org , or even better, contact a lovely agency in LA, and let them know. Their twitter address is @cgemLLC , or their website is cgem-llc.com . Just tell them that Stephanie Carpenter (the name I use on Twitter) sent you, and you’ll probably make their day, as much as mine! Go on, just think of the disability kudos it gets you, lol! Could make my dream come true too!
Oh, and tomorrow, back to the day job! Wish me luck!
Due warning, before we get started, this blog wont be short! So if you only have a couple of moments, come back later!
So, catching up on rest of week…
Wednesday was fairly quiet, the rest of the week hasnt been, so lets leave that day at that.
Thursday was moving day, as Kate headed for the Berkshires, and I headed across a few state lines to New York. The ride up to Boston went smoothly (barring traffic, hardly a surprise, but we had tons of time), and because Kate had a room booked, I got to experience the lounge at a station for the first time. The Red Cap was of the opinion that I could stay there after Kate was gone (her train was 50 minutes before mine), but the lady in the lounge thought otherwise lol. Fair by me, I was her guest, so once she leaves, I should go, but he wasnt impressed lol.
The journey to Stamford was interesting, not so much because I remembered anything from 30 years ago, though I got one memory as we pulled into New London. That first time, 30 years ago, me, and my partner of the time were visiting her elderly aunt on the trip, across the River Thames (pronounced differently to the London one) at Groton. 2 months or so later, she died, and as my partner said at the time, she’d probably only been hanging on to see her UK family one last time, and then…I’m not saying how many ‘doggy bags’ they found in her house after death, but there were, err, a few!
Oh fine, Stamford station was entertaining, mainly because all Eric and I had seem pics of each other, were a few on Facebook. And you have to remember, mine were designed to show me at my best, not my everyday look, but anyway, we got together in the end, and… The rest of Thursday, and Friday, I’ve visited the family, and they are all a delight to know. I sort of knew that, online, but even better for real! I got to see some of the area on various trips, which was nice too.
Oh right, Saturday! Fine, fine, we’ve got there now! No, no pics at this point, sorry. The snag with new, sparkly dresses, is that some of the sparkly stuff isnt going to stay on the dress, perfectly, you get my drift? 😉 But yes, the dress was gorgeous, though in hindsight, given that I need to wear a bra, I should have brought a bandeau bra with me, but hindsight is a wonderful thing! Would have made picture set up so much easier lol.
Oh, btw, I’m maid of honor, and I have to make a toast. Yes, I found out the latter at a couple of hours notice, but like all good actresses, I improvised. Might not have been the standard toast, but hey…I got through! The service first, was very nice, just so proud to be there, let alone in the position of honor that I was. The setting for the wedding was delightful, at Cortlandt Manor, but unless you’re in the area, just a note of reference. The food was good, though far too much for a modest British appetite, but besides that…
The additional magic moment of the meal afterwards, one of the servers recognized me, from one of the documentary things I’ve done in the past. I’m assuming its the LA one, from April 2015, from description, but dont quote me on that. Now others want to see it! I have no idea if there is still a link to it, but I’ve asked the lady who done it if there is, but awaiting a reply. Suspect finding it might be a challenge, even if she can, as she was doing these regularly, but we will see…? Yes, its amazing where ‘fame’ can catch up with you, lol!
Oh, the service, well, what with holding my bouquet, the ring for the groom, and the bride’s bouquet at one point, quite an experience, but I got through, and loved every moment of it. I also got to meet a number of lovely people that I will probably never meet again, which will be a shame, but is part of life, I guess? Was a wonderful time, so very glad I could be there, and part of it.
Discretion says I’m not describing events after the reception, OK? Nothing bad, but entertaining, just maybe…?
This morning has been quiet, as all recover after the big day, including me! I actually went for brunch at a nearby diner/grill to the hotel, and if I needed reminding how crazy US portions could be, they did it! The omelette was large enough on its own, but by the time you add in toast, and potatoes, well…thankfully, plenty of coffee! How much more food I need today, not a lot! So currently, I’m in the hotel, watching Kansas City play in the NFL, so…chilling! Tonights ESPN baseball, well, its the Dodgers, so…I guess I can survive for a while, while the Gelhaus family recover after yesterday!
I will get back there at some point, in fact need to, as one of the wedding presents was a mask (if not more) of the Creature from the Black Lagoon, and yes, as if I’d love to see that, you bet I do. Hey, I’d love to wear a full suit (if anyone has one laying around lol?), though at my age, underwater swimming scenes wearing it might be beyond my skills, but I’d try, if I had to! 😀
Tomorrow sees the start of the return to reality, and the return to the UK. Thankfully, with my new shifts, no work until Friday, by which time a very quiet, very shy team leader of mine will have had her birthday. Yes, it might have been mentioned most of September. Yes, Madi, I love you, I really do xxx I’ve accepted the old age thing, btw. I’d originally planned to get to JFK by public transit, but Stacie wasnt happy with the thought of that at present, and in truth, I wasnt entirely looking forward to it either. So yes, going there by shuttle now…angel…and then the wheelchair thing again! 😀
Even if there are any pictures of me as the creature from the Black Lagoon, you’ll probably have to wait until Tuesday, or Wednesday, and back in the UK before seeing them. I will post wedding pics, of me at least, once I have some, OK?
And so endeth the longest blog, with its traditional moment, the video. No, I’ll save a certain Dave Edmonds song, in case I need it, and go for a song I didnt hear yesterday at the reception, but which sums up the day so perfectly. Yes, I’m old enough to remember this, I know…
As to the next US trip, I have no idea when, where, or for how long. Need to hear what the Doctors say, how many days work per week my body can still cope with, and take things from there. I have enough saved that I might be able to do two next year regardless, but if I’m limited to 4 day weeks, that will be the end of that. Though if its one trip per year, I will probably make it longer than a week (flight is major element of cost), but we will see… In theory I have an invite to a stage reading of a Clara Bow show next month in NYC, but unless anyone wishes to donate £1000 (flight and accom) to me, and even then, there is holiday available at work, not going to make it. Shame, as I could use the publicity time for myself, as well as the show! Ah well…
So from the US for the last time, probably…bye for now!
Given my love of movies of a certain age (older than me!), I have to accept that some of the things seen as ‘fine’ back then, just look horrid now. In truth, I dont even have to go back that far for a prime example, there was a 1970’s TV series called ‘Love Thy Neighbour’, which at the time was designed to show off the racist attitude of one of the actors, when a West Indian couple moved in next door. In truth, the humour was probably pretty dodgy back then, but if people watched it now, with modern eyes, they’d probably want to burn all the tape of the program. Fine, now, it would probably be for the best, but back then, well, lets just say there were people, like myself, who found the attitudes to be horribly wrong, and there were others who just couldnt see what was wrong with his opinions!
There is a ‘much discussed’ silent movie dating from 1915, called Birth Of A Nation, that, to put it bluntly, shows the KKK in a good light. No, to modern eyes, that isnt good, and hopefully to some at least back then, they felt the same way about the matter, though I suspect the segregation that went on back then, less so. My personal view, the nature of the film, as it portrays, is ghastly, but its film history, that with modern eyes looks awful, but back then, things were different. I’d love to say the whole matter is solved, but as we’ve sadly seen too many examples of in the US recently, sadly there are a few ‘cavemen’ type who still think that is right. No, I’ve never seen the movie, so cant comment in a personal way.
But the one I have seen, that is now starting to cause a fuss, in a similar manner, is Gone With The Wind! Seriously, its a story of the American Civil War, set at a time when white people were in charge, and everyone else was treated with disdain, but…I’ve seen several reports of late of cinemas refusing to show it, because of what its about. I know, if the nature of it upsets you, dont go and see it, but seriously, its a film classic, and trying to stop others watching it, of their own free choice, seriously…? So leave the film be!
No, I agree, it would never be made now, because the times have changed, but back then…So yes, before you comment on these movies, or the Charlie Chan movies (where a white man dressed up as an oriental, rather than getting a Chinese actor for the part) as being horrible in modern eyes, just stop and think. Try, if possible to see them through the eyes of people who were around back in the 1930’s, or before, not through modern eyes. Or better, dont watch them, unless you can! Yes, they are horrible to modern eyes, but these were made 80 years ago, or more, when things were very different.
End of rant!
Video time. Well this isnt quite as old as Gone With The Wind, but its nearly as old as me!
If only to stop me from disintegrating completely lol!
Much to my surprise, and judging by her reaction, the nurse’s surprise too, they got the results of my X-Rays back today. Yes, basically I’m old, and my body is showing its age, in the disintegration of my back. It seems I have got a wedge fracture at the bottom of my thoracic spine, which has been caused by weakening of the bone in my spine. Or as it could also be called, osteoporosis. Which all comes down to the fact that I’m getting old, and the fact that my body has been battered a bit during life hasnt helped of course. So in truth, short of someone actually creating that new cybernetic body that I dream of, there isnt a lot they can do. But if anyone is researching such a thing, and needs a volunteer to try it out on, call me!
So, outcome for now, to leave it a few weeks, and see if it stays much the same, gets better, gets worse, and then take things from there. More painkillers, more steroid cream for now, and then review. I also need to try and do something to get my colon more active again, which may have been started because of this, which may have caused some of this, or might simply be a side issue, but yes, needs to be dealt with.
Yes, work knows, I rang them shortly after I found out from surgery, though I suspect most of bosses had gone home by then. I’m planning to go in tomorrow, though how well it will work with a standard seat, I have no idea? Even more the bus journey, but anyway…? Ideally I need a seat that will take all the pressure off my back, of which I have no idea if that exists, or not? I suspect a non gravity chamber is only in the range of science fiction lol!
But yes, its official, I’m getting old, and my body is determined to prove it! Anyone got a spare back brace laying around lol?
Video, like me, a real oldie. The record is from 1968, though this live performance is from the 80’s, and quite good. So…
One of those series that I could enjoy the camp, kitsch nature of more, as I grew older, was Batman. Yes, I enjoyed it as an 8, to 10 year old child, but fine, it meant so much more, as I grew older, and got to understand the nuances of it, but anyway…Yes, sadly, my Batman is dead, Adam West, at the grand old age of 88. I know, there have been more modern version of the character, but if you asked me to choose between the more modern, dark brooding versions, or that gloriously crazy version from the 1960’s, no contest! I know, its probably the one you grow up with, that you prefer, so…?
Its fair to say that the outfits worn back then, were less fetish than recently, though to say they were designed for sex appeal still came into the matter, as per the video clip shortly. 50 years on, its impossible to exactly remember which role I fancied ‘playing’ most, though I’m not saying that Batgirl, or Catwoman didnt come into the equation, I cant be positive on that now.
But yes, now, and possibly influenced by that PVC outfit that Michelle Pfieffer wore, its fair to say that playing at being Catwoman, would be a lot of fun! Though yes, the original, Julie Newmar probably appeals to me the most. Maybe because she mixed feline charm, in with all that wickedness? Oh, and fine, that style of Catsuit was none too shabby either!
Anyway, as a tribute to Batman, here’s a scene where Catwoman is supposedly seducing Batman, though clearly her aim is something entirely different, as we find out at the end.
So yes, RIP, Adam West, and thanks for those memories. And yes, I do feel old when things like this happen, and I realize that before too long, Old Mother Time is going to catch up with me too. But until then…
OK, video time. So, is this good girl going to go bad, and be Catwoman, rather than Batgirl? Yes, absolutely! 😉
Fine, today I proved to myself why I dont bet, and its because I’m a lousy gambler. More on that shortly.
Yesterday, the first target was to turn my little phone into an active one, by getting its umpteenth new Sim card over the years. Basically, they last 90 days, and apart from 2 occasions, everytime I travel to the US, I need a new one. And so, choices, choices…
Because I wanted to go back to Pasadena at some point on the holiday, and there was an AT&T store near the metro station there, I went over there to do it. I could have done it locally, but it would have needed a fair walk, so fine, excuse made. Pasadena is a lovely place to visit, except for this weekend, when I gather it will be chaos there, with pop concerts, museum tours, and roadworks, all adding to the racing at Santa Anita, so yes, glad its done.
After finishing there, I did the opposite to the Pet Shop Boys, and went East. The line has been extended eastwards to Azusa, so I took a chance to travel on it. A bite of lunch, then back to Pasadena for the bus journey home. Apart from 4 people each travelling just one stop (one may have had health issues, the other 3 definitely didnt), it was a fairly dull affair.
This morning is when I gambled, and got it wrong. I walked down to the Metro station to get a train downtown, to find that an ‘every 10-12 minute service’ wouldnt be along for 21 minutes! So fine, I thought, I’ll walk down, get the bus to Santa Monica, and get the train back. Yes, another new line I wanted to go on. Oh fine, I picked the crazy bus, clearly! So yes, with all the delays with those folk, I could have waited over 20 minutes for the train downtown, gone back out to Santa Monica, and still have been quicker!
I did my stroll around town, stopping off for a coffee, before heading to the biggest Santa Monica landmark, the pier! Which supposedly is the end of Route 66, halfway down its length, according to the sign. I strolled to the bottom, said my close up farewell to the Pacific, in case I dont go down there at Pacific Palisades, though I will see it as I fly out, but thats not the same thing. Lunch on the pier, then finally I got that train I could not miss, back to LA.
In truth the most memorable bit of the journey was 2 teenagers being ‘tough’ until some guy actually stood up to them, and then they quietened down! They had reminded me why I’m not a fan of modern music at least!
Tomorrow evening, is dress up time, as I’m off to the movies at the Egyptian Theater. I know, I dont have to, especially nowadays, but it will be fun to put a dress on, so I will. Sunday afternoon, a Women in Media event, so a chance to try and sell my talents, maybe? Other than that, I’ll see what the morning brings!
I’ve given a couple of clues to the video, so hopefully you know what it is, without looking!
Because as they always say about Hollywood, you just never know! Granted, given that isnt the Golden Age any more, the vision of being whisked off the streets of Hollywood, and becoming a movie star are far slimmer than they used to be. Even more so when you’re fast heading towards 60! But fine, miracles might happen…stop laughing!
Well, for the first time in about 18 months, my nails have been ‘painted’ (gel, actually), my brows have been removed again, and I wont be doing a Julia Roberts if I do wear a sleveless dress either! Hopefully some will get that comment at least? And despite a shoulder that seems determined to join my long list of less than perfectly functioning joints, my body has hopefully been massaged into a state where it can survive a near 11 hour flight. Definitely my longest since 2003 (London – Seattle), and maybe the longest, as I’m guessing flights might be slightly faster by now? Anyway…
And yes, I will be the ‘platinum blonde’ after tomorrow morning, when I get my hair done as well. Though in truth, I’m more suitable for Mama Jean, than Baby Jean material nowadays lol. But actually, today, the subject seems to have been about an actress even closer to my heart than Jean Harlow, though far less famous. Yes, Clara Johnson! Discussed her this afternoon while having my body seen to, which started off with asking if I planned to be regressed again to find out more (Yes, definitely, given the chance) and just went on from there. The head massage part, I did wonder if she was trying to get Clara to come out in my mind, there and then!
This morning, she came up, through talking about another actress of that era, and one I plan to see a statue of, while away, Myrna Loy. Yes, the one at Venice High School. Must see it once, for sure.
Unfortunately, for minor actresses (and chorus line dancers) in the late 20’s, and early 30’s, its hard to find much details, as extras, and chorus line girls didnt get credited, unless they made it later, and as she never did…
So fine, at present, I know…
She was born in Oklahoma in 1905. She moved to LA, from Texas in 1925. She was resident in LA in 1930, and declared her career as an actress on the census form that year, living in town with her brother. What happened to her parents, no idea? 1937, her one actual credit in a movie, in an uncredited role in Thin Ice, and thats definite, care of census details, and IMDB for that movie role.
On top of that, apparantly stated in regression, she was already working as a bit part actress by 1928, got married in the late 30’s, had a daughter, and judging by the impression she gave, I would say, died of lung cancer at some point in the early, to mid 50’s. Of course, the marriage makes things impossible to trace, without going through all marriage records for the area, assuming it didnt happen elsewhere. Pretty sure it would have been local, but…
I know this is the wildest question, but if anyone has any idea who she is in Thin Ice, which I guess is unlikely, as there were numerous uncredited roles in that movie, let me know. Sadly I dont know anyone at Fox, so I doubt I could dive into their archives, even if they go back that far! Must have been a contract, a pass picture, or something? Also, if anyone knows someone who could get me back into the room with the LA census records, and/or marriage records for that era, please let me know. If nothing else, the chance to pay my respects, before I left town, would be so precious.
So yes, in a sense, I want to get a message to Clara Johnson to hold on, because I’m still seeking her, wherever she may be resting. Yes, I’ve stood in Jean’s ‘footsteps’ in Kansas City station, I’d love to stand in Clara’s, in Hollywood. Yes, I know…
The video is all about getting that message out, though actually I will have 10 days, and my life wont be through, if its in vain, as I suspect it will be. Unless…?
Unlike some Trans women, I’ve never missed the fact that I didnt have the chance to give birth to children. I know, lived all my life as a woman, I might feel differently about the whole matter, but I doubt it! I might even be up on some of those women, given that I actually have a womb, that never developed, probably for the obvious reason, but yes, as I found out about a dozen years ago, I do have one! Too old to be a mum to my own child now, but anyway…
Do I think that at some point it will be possible? Yes, would be the answer, especially given that the initial development of an artificial womb is in the process of being tried out, admittedly not yet on human children, but give it a few years…
Also, at the moment, Trans women wouldnt be able to produce an egg, let alone conceive a baby from one, but I’m sure that in time, yes, that will happen, with genetic engineering, and all that, in the future. Even more so for those with a womb, undeveloped, or otherwise. Me, I’ll probably be forgotten by the time its possible, but it will happen, I’m sure.
Equally, I’m sure that Trans men will be able to father a baby too, probably using the same genetic tricks. Again, its going to be a few years, but equally sure it will happen. What I’m also wondering, especially for Trans women, currently without a womb, will these external wombs be able to be fitted internally one day? Again probably, but again, probably not in my time. But for future generations…?
Me, happy to pass on all this baby love stuff, but I know others feel differently, so…
Yes, that last line gives a big clue to the video. Shows how old I am, I had the single of this, so many years ago!
…and avoid at least 10 days of the election hype that we’re now going to have thrust on us, yet again! With luck, I can avoid a lot more than that, but that at least is guaranteed. Yes, could hardly ignore the announcement of a General Election at the beginning of June, could I? No, given my job in the Civil Service, and the fact that my readers will cover the range from Labour, to UKIP, I’m not going to give my views here on any issues, so dont ask! I will vote, and I have a good idea who I will vote for, but I’m not saying more.
The only blessing, as I say, with the timing, is that I’m going to miss 10 days of the campaign, while away in California. Note, I left out the word ‘relaxing’ because in all truth, there will definitely be a good percentage of the time when I will be trying to sell myself to people, or at least I hope there will be. Fine, I will enjoy myself as well, but yes, its probably my last big chance to make it in LA, so…
Fine, I’ll have to kick my unofficial press officer (yes, she will know who I mean!) and see if she can perform miracles at getting me noticed in LA. Yes, Madi, I am joking really, but if you can…lol!
When I was last in LA 18 months ago, I registered with a Transgender Talent Agency, and dropped an email to them, knowing I was only in town for a short period of time, to get myself known with them at least. Yes, she picked it up only after I’d come back, but said to give her notice when I’m going across again, so today, I have! Even if it doesnt provide instant offers, at least she’ll know me, I’ll know her, and who knows where it might lead from there? Movie fame, I doubt it? A decent run in lesser roles in theaters, well who knows, just maybe? I know, it might lead to more, but I’d settle for that chance for now.
Should anyone want to stun her, by asking about my services, before she meets me, the agency can be found here http://www.transgendertalent.com/ Mind, you need to ask for Harlean, not the name suggested by the blog lol!
Sadly, I’ve heard no more about possibly working on a documentary over there, down in San Diego, so I’m assuming thats not now going to happen, but I will drop a line at some point, just to make sure, but fine, that was maybe hoping for a little too much? But if you dont try?
Fine, I might hope that one of the chat show hosts might have been, by chance looking at the Civil Service Blog, and seen my piece, but I would say that ranks somewhere between no chance, and less, but hey, until I come back, you never know? Lol! I must also contact that lovely lady who interviewed me 18 months ago, and see if she wants to do a follow up, or not?
In truth, I only wish I had the time, money, and holiday allowance to extend the holiday by another fortnight or so, and miss the whole ghastly General Election experience, but not to be. Yes, I would still vote, I’d get a postal vote, if that miracle happened! I’ll start one of these funding campaigns if someone wants to provide for the extended stay, mind. No, thought not!
But yes, I know a place where about 650 people will be seeking a job at that time, and 1 person who will hopefully be doing the same in La La Land! I know who I suspect will be more successful, but…?
And that last comment, and the blog title leads to tonights video. Two Petula Clark classics for the price of one, and before you think that its a long video, the last 2 minutes can be cut off easily, and not miss anything.
I’ll give you one piece of warning, if anyone can work out the video from that, I’m amazed, because its about the biggest double bluff I’ve ever thrown! So no, it definitely isnt ‘Family Tree’, just saying.
Given that I’ve not asked permission, and its a Facebook friend I dont really know personally, I’m not going to say who it was, or provide any sort of link to it, but this morning they posted about considering going to Art School, instead of maybe what they see as a more sensible career. Me, I’d say go for it, if its your wish, regardless. Because the one thing you dont want to be doing in 40 years time, like I could be, is wondering where it might have led you, if you’d taken the braver step. Who knows, it might be for the better, it might be for the worse, but if its your ambition, then go for it!
As I said in the title, when I was young, I used to act. It started in Primary school, continued through Grammar school as a serious thing, even if in truth, I might not have been the worlds greatest actor, but who knows? If I’d gone to Drama courses, at university or something, after school, I might be anywhere now. Hollywood? Well, maybe? I doubt it somehow, but I might be earning a steady salary in the theater, or movies, or…but no, I’m working in an office instead. Its a nice office, dont get me wrong, but if I’d set out to fulfil my dream?
The first few years after I left school (no university, family needs meant I had to get to work ASAP), I did my best to carry on, but once I started commuting further afield to London, it had to take a back seat. I did do some more once in Somerset/Dorset in the 90’s, which was fun, local, and nice to do again. And like riding a bike, I would say I hadnt lost the technique.
Since then, not a lot, and in more recent years, nothing at all, in truth. Why, I suspect at first it was the questions I was asking myself about my gender, and then work, and everything else, its ground pretty much to a halt. I’d like to think that one day I will get the call, pick up again, and get back to it, though I doubt it now. One friend ‘foresees’ I will, but maybe I’m more practical than her, in accepting that no, my dream of being a star actress (nowadays) are pretty much gone.
Do I regret that? Yes, probably I do, but thats life for me, I guess, and I have to accept that. But do I wonder, if things had been different, and I’d done drama courses, and more, after I’d finished school, either at a drama school, or university, whether I might have made it? Yes, of course I do, even if the chances it would have happened might be slim, there would have been that chance, so…
The other interesting thought, especially if I’d played a few more female roles (I really should have taken the hint!) later on, would I have transitioned at a younger age, made it truly as an actress? Again, I’ll never know, but…
So yes, this comment is aimed more at the young, or younger people reading this. If you have a dream for yourself, go for it. If it doesnt work out, you can always get a ‘real job’ later, but give it a try. Just dont be, in 30 or 40 years time, be typing on whatever computer, or related device you’re using by then, your thoughts on wondering what might have been, just saying.
Right, video time. Its not the blog title, but you could say its what I’ve been doing in here. This version is a live version from last year, which truly has the singer reflecting on his life.
This one, 47 years earlier, from the year I changed to Grammar School, is the original version