OK, this is where I get sneaky, and do politics, without really doing direct politics, lol. How, by avoiding the obvious comments, but at the same time, discussing a matter caused by all that ghastly politics, both sides of the Atlantic.
I think the one thing we all have to accept, whichever side of the Brexit issue (in UK) you fall on, or in the US, whichever side of the Trump issue (in US) you back, the one thing both matters have done is polarised views. Lets face it, both issues tend to mean you fall either on one side of the fence, or the other. I suppose it is just about possible to sit on the fence, with some clever thinking, or more likely, the fact that you’re sick of it all, and just want to let it all play out around you, but anyway…
The problem with all of this, however it all plays out, will be getting people back together living in a way where politics isnt going to get in the way of something, at some point in the near future, especially in the ‘I’m the only person that matters’ lifestyle that so many seem to live nowadays. I know, all ramped up by Social Media, and You Tube and the like, but all the same…
Trouble is, with some, its creeping into other areas of life too. Last night, on a forum, actually related to Horse Racing, there was a LGBT attack by someone, that to say was awful would be putting it mildly. Sadly I have to say, I reported it quickly to said forum as a hate posting, but as of about an hour ago, it hadnt been taken down, which says very little about them, I guess? It was someone who had made more than a few right wing comments on Brexit, but I’d ignored those, but this, seriously…
The other matter that makes me despair about how all of this actually gets fixed in time actually relates to a right wing, US based former friend on Facebook, who even after I stopped being his ‘friend’ because of his views, continued to follow me on there instead. Anyway, at some point yesterday morning, on a vintage movie group, someone asked if he was still posting, as they hadnt seen anything from him for a while. They must have been having sight issues, as he’d posted on said group about 10 hours earlier, but anyway… so I just pointed this out.
A matter of a few hours later (given he’s 5 time zones behind me), there is a post on there from him saying he doesnt need a black woman loving, communist posting information on Facebook about him. (It relates to the more left wing Democrat possible candidates for next US election) Given I’m asexual, and of moderate political views, he was quickly blocked, and reported to Facebook (hate posting). I dont know what they’ve done, if anything, because of the blocking, obviously, but at the same time, something like that is downright scary, if not more, and I’m only glad there is an Ocean between him, and me! Not that he knows exactly where I live, but anyway I’m glad I never ordered a vintage movie copy from his collection!
In truth, I’d love to be able to think that one day, all will be able to live together in a decent way, but I must say, sadly, I have no idea when, at present. Ah well…
So, video time. A new live version of a song I’ve used in the past, but not recently. Lets just say, that red dress that one of the backing singers is wearing, oh please…!
Right, given there will be no further health issue news for general release before Monday at the earliest, and might be Tuesday before I feel like, or am in a place to release anything, as ‘family’ and close friends deserve to get it before the blogging masses, lets do something different today on both blogs, one serious (the one here), and one downright silly (apt for that blog) today, as I’m not saying I will ever get back to count, but for now.
A very few might even notice the very early posting time, but there is a reason for this too. A boring one, baseball. Tonight (UK time at least) is the first of 2 occasions when its possible there will be 4 play off games in one night. In theory, it could happen again Monday, but as 2 of the games would have to go to 4th match of 5 for that to happen, its less than likely, so…
So, as hinted, we are talking rail lines here, but some longer term visitors will already know, I enjoy scenic long distance rail journeys anyway. So… When I was young, the only way to see rail lines some way from me, was to plan holidays with something called a railrover, and draw up pages of station times to get connections, write by something called letters to hotels in suitable areas, and hope you could get the 2 to match up. Most of time it worked, a few times it didnt, but this was the 1970’s, so…
Now, all you need to do if desired, is go on You Tube, and you’d be stunned what you could find. I hope you cant find a full 40 hour plus film covering Winnipeg to Churchill in Canada, but beyond that…
Here in the UK, there are a couple of people called Geoff Marshall, and his partner/Wife?, Vicki, who in time have covered the whole network, post any number of helpful videos, and who seem a lovely couple in terms of the limited contact I’ve had with them. All The Stations is their best site on You Tube, go look them up, and stuff at least. But finally, this is it for them, they’re famous enough anyway, lol.
The other thing anyone who has known me for any length of time will know, I love rail journeys, but its the lines that are no longer with us that appeal to me far more than current ones. Thankfully there are another lovely couple on You Tube who have taken up the abandoned line challenge, Paul, and Rebecca Whitewick, their You Tube site being https://www.youtube.com/user/pwhitewick1
Go check it out, take a choice and watch a video or two, or more.
The thing is, this sort of thing isnt cheap, even more so for abandoned lines, hotel costs, video prep, and everything else, so they have a Patreon to help, and thats what I’m pushing now
Neither me, nor them (unless Bill Gates reads this, lol) expects you to pay a fortune, either as a one off, or monthly, but if you can help at all (or more)… I obviously cant with my health position, lol. But anything helps, so…they are a lovely couple, and if you comment on a video, you’re going to get a reply, believe me. And yes, you’ll be helping this old lady to get her fill of abandoned UK rail lines too, at a time when my mobility, and stuff is all compromised.
OK, video time. I know, their rough home area, thats it, but its somewhere not a million miles from Andover. A famous old group from Andover, then, the Troggs, though Wet Wet Wet made this more famous, but this video is so 60’s, when Beeching closed so many lines, and its set on a train too!
Oh, there is plenty of news events I’d love to comment on this week, but as strictly at this time I’m still a civil servant, I will pass on them, even if the PM, and the police seem to want to break those rules, I’ll be good.
But yes, for both my past life self, and this one, it seems its going to be quite a weekend. Well, I’ve got through the first week, weekday wise at least, without a minder in the house, other than the cats, and I dont think they care how I’m getting on as long as I need feed them anyway!
So, lets start with my past life self, who might also lay in my future, but more on that shortly. Yes, on this date, 114 years ago, a new baby girl entered the world in Pottawatomie County, Oklahoma, to be given the name of Clara Elaine Johnson by her parents. 20 years later, via a stay in Texas, moved to Hollywood, dreaming of making herself a career in the movies, probably as a star. Well, she got one, the career, more so once talkies took off, and musicals, because clearly she’d had dance lessons at some point, done decently, and after that, the chorus dance lines at various studios (principally MGM, Warner, and RKO) beckoned until at least 1937 (last year I’ve traced her, the first being 1929) and she would have been 32 by then, so that might have been it?
After that, marriage, a daughter, and a death around 50 (I’m certain smoking related) for which I lack much detail, as I dont know her married surname, and then shortly after that, a new life, me! I might manage more years than her, but unless they can solve my health issues, it might not be a ton more!
Which leads on to me, as tomorrow marks the date of my rearranged MRI at Huddersfield Hospital. Heaven knows what they are going to discover there. Will it just be Epilepsy, or something more serious, heaven knows. But at least its the big step to finding out at least. I’ve no idea what it will be like, but I want it sorted, regardless. Despite them saying they couldnt find anything new at the Hospital, I definitely dont feel as strong now as I did before then, but I will try to survive to let the Neurologist make the calls on that. Reading earlier suggests it will be a week or two to hear, but hopefully soon. I need to get the rest of my life mapped out, whatever it might bring. Hopefully the finish of gender change, but will have to see what I’m allowed to do on that front.
New AI brain would be nice, but just wishful thinking I’m certain. Full robot body definitely would be, sadly.
As to where the rest of my life might be spent, who knows, or how long it will be. Though if the only brain I can have is busted, maybe I dont want to live too long anyway?
Right, video time. What might the future hold. I’ll say it, I’d love one of those Metropolis Robot body’s, and brain capacity, if offered. Yes, both of those things in the video
Yes, I know its been a long wait for this, and I only wish I could say it was for a good reason, but it isnt! Yes, I know, I wasnt meant to go to the hospital before next Saturday, but I couldnt wait that long, I was there in advance, last Saturday. Funny thing is, I dont actually think I passed out, but I probably wasnt far from doing so, and certainly wasnt capable of simply things like getting to my room upstairs, even with the aid of the chair up the stairs, I still couldnt get to my room, so off I end up going to hospital again in an ambulance, but at least this time I knew the journey was happening.
No, they couldnt find anything seriously wrong, so I got released at the end of the evening, and ended up getting a taxi home. I’m not convinced how well I really was, and in truth, anything up to this Morning is a blur. Better now, though I wouldnt expect to do anything clever today, put it that way. Computer wasnt working too well either, but seemingly back to normal today.
Hopefully now my next visit to the hospital will be this Saturday, for my session in the MRI tube, to see just how busted my brain really is. Fine, I would like the tube to do more than just check on my brain, but anyway…No, I dont think brainwashing service is available lol! In truth, I, and a few friends in the US, as well as the ones over here will be glad when thats done. Yes, Kiefer, I wouldnt put the brain rearranging system past you, oh I wish!
The only other planned change in the near future is a change of hair colour, yes, getting it done after the MRI tube experience, going to be a redhead of some hue! Suspect more strawberry than fluorescent, but I dont know exactly what June has in mind. Fun thing is, the only colour picture I have of Clara Johnson is from 1935, when she was very blonde, but thats as natural as mine! The picture from 1929 in black and white is either soft blonde, or maybe red, hmm? Either way, it will be fun to have a change after all this time.
Hopefully soon I can start planning a trip to the US, just not sure where, or when at this point. Whether its holiday, health, or combination at this point, who knows. Might even come back a whole new woman, physically, and or mentally, who knows. I suspect hoping to come back with an AI brain, or whole new robot body might be hoping too much lol. Would love that though! Clara Johnson, 20 something lookalike, oh heaven!
Right, video. A clue in the blog title. Gone with the Cat Stevens version of the song, as finding live from 60’s isnt easy!
I was reading an interesting article yesterday about something very relevant to many transgender women. Strictly it doesnt apply to me for two reasons. First, I’m strictly too old, and secondly, strictly, I dont need one, already got one. Yes, wombs, and baby bearing for transgender women. As I say, I’m too old genetically, and never had any desire to have babies anyway. But yes, I’ve got a womb anyway, even if not fully developed. I do actually wonder if I’ve only got one (obvious) piece of male genitalia, but until they take a look, who knows?
Equally, I do know a number of younger transgender women who would love to have a baby, so if this concept actually comes to fruition, its going to leave them with an interesting decision to make, for sure. Dont get me wrong, the whole act of changing your ‘bits’ isnt an easy operation, but compared to the whole act of designing internal bits to allow for the fitting of a womb, I suspect its a whole less lot complex. Why I say a decision is because its obviously not something they are initially do for everyone transitioning, because lets face it, for those like me, its a wasted effort. Also, seemingly, as to start with at least, its going to require a donor womb, its probably going to delay your op being done.
Yes, donor wombs can be done, thats what the article was about, that a 35 year old woman has just got pregnant using a donor womb originally from a 45 year old women, who was sadly killed in a road accident. And yes, someone raised the question of whether in the future, the same could be done for a transgender woman, and of course, the answer was yes, though as they said, there may be unknown physical issues that a natural woman wouldnt have, but until they look into it…?
Me, I’ve never wanted to be a mother, or indeed any kind of parent, but that might just be my physical build? But no, I have no desire to have my womb made usable, even more so at my age, but hopefully it brings hope to the younger transgender generations at least.
OK, video time. I was thinking of something different, but then You Tube put this on my suggested list, so saved me the search. Lets face it, its not even about the same generation of baby!
I did actually mean to do this blog just over a week ago, on the anniversary, but various things got in the way, mainly my health. But anyway…
2019 seems to have been the centenary of a large number of events. I suspect its because of the end of WW1, and the freedom to use technology for beneficial reasons, and not just to kill as many of ‘the enemy’ as possible. In 1919, if you wanted to cross the Atlantic, you had one choice, you went by ship, and it took more than a week to do the crossing. Nowadays its possible to cross the Atlantic in a matter of 6 hours or less! Certainly, on a jet plane, I would guess (if possible) that St Johns, Newfoundland, to Clifden in the West of Ireland would probably be about 4 hours or so. Heck, I can fly from Manchester, to Los Angeles (against the jet stream) in just under 11 hours.
However, on 14th June, from St Johns, Newfoundland, 2 British RAF Officers, Alcock, and Brown, set off to do something that had never been done before, to cross the Atlantic by plane. 16 and a bit hours later, on June 15th, they crash landed into a bog, close to Clifden, in the North West corner of Ireland. There was a prize of £10,000 for doing this, which seemingly equates to about £450,000 today!
In case anyone is wondering, it took another 20 years before the first Transatlantic passenger flight happened, a matter of months before the start of WW2!
The sad thing for Alcock at least, was that 6 months later, he was dead, at 27. He crashed while trying to deliver a plane to France, and died shortly after, from his injuries. Brown, and his son both actually served in WW2, he as an instructor, his son as a pilot who tragically died in the war. Supposedly that led to his retirement, and a deterioration in his health, so much so that he died 5 years later, at age of 52.
Incredible to think that 50 years later, man landed on the Moon!
I wonder how, 100 years from now, people will travel between Earth, and probably places beyond this planet as well. One thing is for sure, I personally wont know, but I wonder if a reincarnation of myself will do so?
This song has been recorded more than a few times, but in truth, this is the group that are probably most famous for doing so
Yes, the blog title is rather apt, as its all about mine! Its hard to believe now that just over 13 weeks ago (as clearly the Tuesday incident was first seizure, in hindsight), laugh for me was relatively normal for me, other than a busted back. The irony of that, and the more calamitous ones on the Friday was that I’ve had less literal pain from my back since then, but my mobility has gone to pieces, so I’m assuming that some connection between my brain, and my spine has got disrupted in some way? All the same, despite knowing it was going to be a while before I got to see an expert, due to the speed of things with the NHS, it was still a bit of a blow when I found out it wasnt going to happen to mid June, but yes, we’re almost there.
As, in fact I found out yesterday afternoon, when I was sat quietly on the settee, when the phone rang, which Eric answered. He did something with the dial (yes, its one of those retro phones, compatible with digital system to dial out, and stuff), and then handed me the speaker. It was some automated call from the appointment centre at the hospital, presumably to confirm my appointment a week later. Thing is, despite it doing the equivalent of dialling a 1, to say I was hear, it didnt pick up. Anyway, when it repeated the question to me, I did the same thing, with the same lack of effect. So the call cut off, presumably the equivalent of a ‘no answer’ or something.
I checked the number we were called from, but all I got was an automated voice saying that someone would call me within 24 hours as a repeat. Anyway, just over 24 hours later, no one had, so I tried the number on the appointment letter I got from the hospital, nearly 3 months ago! But it seems to talk to them, I needed a number that wasnt printed on my letter! So anyway, I got frustrated, tried to explain to him, and my voice disintegrated totally. Eventually he gave me a number for the actual hospital, but I couldnt have called them, my voice was blown by then. Yes, another reason I cant go back to work, clearly, one stressful call and my voice would be blown for hours! Not much good in a call centre!
As for next week, I cant deny I’m looking forward to the EEG, MRI and anything else they might throw at me that way for all the wrong reasons! Oh yes, weird things done to my brain, especially involving electrodes and chambers, cant wait! Yes, dont be surprised if I report that I imagined being brainwashed when the electrode cap was on me, and activated, for sure. As for what I might imagine being done to me, in a MRI tube, lets not consider! Sadly, the former is unlikely to brainwash me, and the latter turn me into a mindlessly obedient robot, but nothing’s perfect. Yes, I would love those, lets face it.
I try to wonder what they might find when they do the tests. Are they just going to decide its epilepsy (though the pills certainly didnt stop the later bout of seizures), or will it prove to be something more serious? Who knows, though there isnt a lot I can do, whatever it is. But I have to be honest, setting the steps to find out will be an absolute blessing, and might stop me worrying just how bad it is. The other blessing being, that once I know, I can work out when, or if I can do a few things I really need to sort out. Photo shoot, holiday planning, offering myself for mad scientist research? (I wish!)
I was tempted to ask a Psychic friend if she could tell me what my fate is, but firstly, I cant afford to call her (she’s in US), and secondly, is there a bit of me that really doesnt want to know? Mainly the former, I’m sure.
So no, I wont be there at the first day of Royal Ascot, dressed up in some posh hat and dress (wouldnt that be fun?), I’ll be at a hospital, in Huddersfield, awaiting my fate. Funny what a brain can do to you, lol.
Talking of which, the video. This song is slightly younger than me, but not much, its from 1965! Its why the film, and the song dont match, its a combined mix, thats all. Love, no idea what that is, but I now know how ‘funny’ brains can be!
No, hopefully not me going, literally, but yesterday, I took note that the countdown to my neurologist appointment (at long last) was down to 3 weeks to go. In a sense, I’m slightly nervous about what they might find, especially since the recent repeat bout of seizures, but at the same time, I’ll be so glad to know what it is, or at least, hopefully find out what the problem is. I’ll be honest, if its something that means my time is nearly up, then so be it, though that might leave me with one interesting decision to make, but more on that shortly. Of course, it might be that whatever it is, with the meds I’m already on, and maybe something else can keep it all under control, then great. But I must admit, the wait to find out has been pretty agonising, for sure.
I must admit, I knew what the NHS was like, and that means I’m not totally surprised that its taken 3 months from the initial seizures, to get them even looked into, let alone any action taken. Its supposedly free, but in truth, we pay for it with deductions from our wages, but at least we dont have to pay crazy sums to get things to happen, on top of that. Yes, USA, I’m looking at you again. Again, today, I’ve had a friend over there surprised at how long this is all taking for even the first step, and I had to smile. As I pointed out to him, if I had the money to pay for the neurologist, the MRI, the EEG, and heaven knows what else private patients might get thrown at them here, or that you, or your insurance company gets billed for, this would have been looked into, soon after the initial seizures. But it isnt, so…what will be, will be, and no, that isnt the video! I suppose that unless its something that is ‘bad’ by the time it get looks at, that wouldnt have been ‘bad’ in March, does it matter? Well, beyond my worry about it all, probably not.
But yes, lets face it, absolutely, I’m thoroughly looking forward to having my brain wired up to an EEG, and granted, the MRI will be an interesting experience, thats for sure. Fine, its not going to actually do anything interesting to my brain, but a girl can dream. Going to be fun getting my earrings out for the MRI, as they have been in for years, so removing them might be a challenge.
Given the number of medical people who have told me I wont be working again, I’m assuming something is faulty enough to make that a foregone conclusion, when checked over. I dont know if the fact if I’m only 5 years from retirement anyway plays a part in that, in that its not working the challenge, or whether it would be the same if it had happened at 31, and I doubt they will answer that! But yes, hopefully 3 weeks from now it will all be confirmed, and I can stop worrying about it. In truth, yes, the brain is ‘busted’, its not going to work normally again, of that I’m sure. Even on a good day, I cant talk well for long, and on a bad day, dont ask! Besides that, my mobility is now rubbish, about 1000 yards/metres on a good day is about it, and on a bad day, nearly 100, if I’m lucky! So walking for buses/to work, and doing strings of phone calls, no chance!
The other interesting thing over all this, is a pledge I made a while back, which I assumed I wouldnt be thinking about for at least another 5 years, but seemingly… I stated that once I retired, all things permitting, I’d complete transition, most notably getting my bits bobbed, girl style! Yes, I’ve already been reminded about this, lol. In truth, I have no idea that the hormones and other stuff I would need to do (including the surgery) will be compatible with what I will need to take for the brain, but yes, I plan to find out, once confirmed. Yes, I really will! As I said to someone today, it will be nice not to have to worry about what I wear after surgery, in the sense of concealing bits, and being able to flash boobage, because it will all be natural. No, I dont think latex will be in my wardrobe (sadly), but more clinging, and revealing dresses, just maybe…? 😉
But yes, whatever the news, whatever the decision, I’ll just be glad when I have it all checked out, and confirmed. Less than 3 weeks now, I hope!
OK, video time. Feeling wicked, as per the first half of the blog title. Yes, I know the quality isnt great, but its so rare to find Manfred Mann actually singing live, I thought, what the hell, and went with it. Its not hard to find a non live version on You Tube, if preferred.