Not talking loud and clear, and other issues
Given I am now halfway through my second week of rest after treatments stopped for now at least, I am in a position to give an update on matters relating to my health, and recovery progress. So, lets do so…
Its fair to say I have good days, I have not so good days, and days when I feel pretty drained. To be fair, I was warned this would happen, so I cant really be too surprised about it. The thing is, its not just a physical matter, as my voice also seems to have days when it wants to work decently, and others where the voice really just about is usable, and indeed I can do both of those in the same day, some of the time. But as long as I dont overdo it, I survive.
One problem I am finding it harder to get by with at present though, really is only a ‘Trans’ problem, and that is the fragility of the skin on my face, especially noticeable on my top lip for shaving purposes, though in truth, currently shaving anywhere (with anything) on my face isnt the greatest experience, so in truth, I’ve pretty much given up on doing so until my skin recovers somewhat. Now if I was a natural woman, probably not a problem, but being Trans, more so. Even more so of course, because the hair on the top of my head is either very short, or non existent, giving even more of the wrong kind of look! Oh, and even more so at present, as I’m not bothering with a wig, because where I havent lost much hair, it doesnt give a snug fit. So, I think its going to be a top, and trousers look for now when out, and I’ll now tell you why…
On Tuesday lunchtime, the door bell rang, so I went to answer it, as we were expecting a delivery, and Eric was resting upstairs. But no, this was some beggar type, clearly just after money, so I declined him. Which led him to issue a stream of vitriol about a man wearing a dress, which I would normally reply with similar talk, but I guess at moment, I suppose he has a bit of a case, even if it was hardly the way to convince me to give him anyway, if I was open to discuss his situation, was it? Well, I wasnt, but even less so then, lol! I did ‘threaten’ to call the police to him, which, after a bit more less than graceful talk from him led to him heading rapidly out the front gate, just in case I did, I guess?
Oh, and then to add to the fun today, through the joy of Social Media, it seems that J K Rowling seems determined to limit her reading market even more, by joining the group who think that its impossible for anyone to be anything but 2 genders, therefore hopefully ensuring her sales to Transgender, and Intersex people collapse to zero! Mind, the way that some of the militant Transgender people have reacted to this is hardly likely to endear them to her, but anyway… that seems the way of everything on Social Media now, to just reply to insults with even stronger insults, ah well…
OK, video time. Bit of irony, as its one of the matters I’m definitely having problems with at present…
Heir yesterday, hair today
As most of my regular readers would already know, I’m not a fan of the Royal Family. I know some say they bring in tourist money, though in truth, what they demand in payments from us in lieu of this probably level things up, if not a net gain for them? But anyway…
So, when I see Meghan Markle (or whatever she is officially now, Duchess of Sussex, seemingly?) moaning about the way the press focus on her, as a member of the Royal Family, I tend to lack for sympathy. Clearly, I do hate the blatant racism of some of them, much as I lack sympathy for the press when they show their transphobia too, but again, its a yoke that has to be borne with some, even if we shouldnt have to.
Therefore I assume it will surprise nobody that I had no plans to watch Prince Andrew’s ‘interview’ last night, as he tried to convince people that he wasnt a paedophile, lol. Let me say that whoever advised him that it would be a good idea (judging by social media) to do so, needs to be looking for a new job! Judging by comments, even by ‘Royal lovers’, it was a road crash, to put it mildly. So instead of convincing people of his innocence, all it seems to have done is convince people he is as guilty as anything. As for remembering he was in a Pizza Express in Woking, on a critical day, 18 years before, amazing memory, I dont think!
But if does damage to the whole Royal image with many, at least I’ll get something out of it!
As to hair today? Well, I washed my hair in the bath this afternoon, and for the first time, I really had noticeable hair loss in the treatment area. Nowhere else, but in that area, its now very obvious, but such is life? It would be less noticeable with a wig on, but when you havent got one on, due to wet hair, or has happened a few times, when I havent had chance to put it on due to early arrival of transport, well…? Carry on as things are, get the lot taken off, with which the wigs would fit snugger, but if I dont get it on in time…? First I think, but dont quote me on that! I might get feisty, lol?
OK, video time. You could say the hair loss is an expected sign of the times, so lets roll with a little bit of Belle Stars
She walks, quite easily in fact
OK, the sentiment relates more to Bride of Frankenstein than Metropolis, but besides that…But in actuality, my little bit of hair that I have left is a mix of dark, and white, just like Elsa Lanchester in the film, though sadly I wasnt given the lightning treatment, but other than that…
I have done a bit of walking of late, partly because I’m determined to try and improve my mobility, and partly because while in the warmth, and safety of the hospital, why not? But outdoors, havent really done more than a couple of hundred yards at any single time until today. Not that I walked a mile today, about 600 yards at most each way, with a nice gap in between trips, but I did it, and it wasnt too bad at all. Agreed, it helped the only real road I had to cross both ways, I timed it well traffic wise, just as well, because I’m still pretty slow but better than I was.
In truth, I feel better now all that hair is gone, even if I hadnt really noticed how much I now had until I tried to put the wig on at least. Yes, funnily enough, it fits very nicely now, lol. No, havent yet matched the outfit to the hair, but thats coming tomorrow for sure. Well, providing the over 10 year old silver Lycra suit doesnt fall apart with age when I try to put it on. Seems OK, but giving it a little stretch, and trying to actually put it on might be different issues?
Though yes, hair wise at least, I’ve been a silver lady ever since I got back from hairdressers, and fine, I’m loving it. I’m not sure whether Eric didnt notice it, decided to ignore it, or just not comment once I had it on, but anyway? Ella did at least, the moment she saw it, in a positive way. I’m not sure how the hospital staff would take to it if I wore it next Thursday to the meet the staff/machine appointment, so I guess the safe thing will be to go as a redhead, but maybe…?
Funny, next week is the last non 5 day week of travel to Leeds for a while, though I now have 2 trips over there at least. As well as the one mentioned, the rearranged Occupational Therapy appointment is now on Tuesday afternoon, for which I will definitely have to be a redhead. Short bob, or shoulder length look though? Choices, choices, as those 2 wigs are due to arrive on Monday. But fine, I admit it, I do love the silver look to the hair in truth, though I will need a newer, and less figure hugging clothing option if I’m going to match that in look, for sure. Well, people have been asking what I wanted for Christmas, so… Might also want a better quality silver wig too, lol! I know, but I thought this was only for fun, but the look is definitely growing on me!
I know one thing that probably wont be growing on me after the next 7 weeks or so, travelling to Leeds, and back! But other than that…
So, to the video. Well I walked to the hairdressers today, and then walked back, happier with the hair length, so…
They’ll be a lot of cutting
Well yes, the big decision has been made, the hair (or pretty much all of it) is going before the radiotherapy, and chemo gets to influence the matter. In truth, I cannot even vaguely remember the last time I went over 7 months without getting my hair cut, but tomorrow marks the day that I finally catch up with it. I will probably just go for pretty much a ‘enough to leave a minimal something’ cut, rather than getting rid of every last hair, especially as the only wig I have actually got at the moment is the silver bob one, though the 2 redhead (1 bob, 1 just below shoulders), better quality ones are due for delivery by 21st (Monday) at the latest, and in truth, I have no known reason why I would need to go out before then anyway. So, the only one really likely to see the ‘silver robot’ is Linda when she calls at the weekend anyway, assuming the redhead ones dont arrive earlier. Well, the robot will need to put the dustbin on Sunday, but if you think I’m going to worry about that, lol?
Funny thing is, it wont be my first time of using a wig by any means, as in the transition period, between 2003, and 2009, my standard way of doing things was keeping my own hair short, and then using a wig for all the girl moments, so…
Yes, I did try to get the silver wig on already, but seriously, my hair is now far too long, and amazingly thick for anything like that to work well. But tomorrow afternoon… I might, or might not pass on wearing one of my old silver lycra suits (assuming I can still get in them, they are well over 10 years old) at some point over the weekend too!
Funny thing is, after tomorrow, I cant be a bobbed blonde again until the 29th, at the earliest. Did think it was going to be 24th, but had a call this morning changing the appointment to a better day for the team, which is fine by me. In truth, I had plans of going redhead anyway, before all this happened, but will be fun to have options, anyway. Still going in on 24th anyway, to meet the team providing my treatments, so as long as they arent expecting a blonde, lol? Long haired redhead, might be fun!
Then beyond getting the letter from the Doctor’s to confirm the ‘unfit to work in a call centre’, as voice, and mouth are still not working right, or likely to be anytime soon, on top of the treatment/recovery period issue, for which I’ve already told them I dont need before Monday, and sent off to work, thats pretty much everything prepared forms wise, other than when the PIP (Independence payment) forms arrive, which could be, you tell me! Hopefully before 28th, as my time will get more limited after that, but other than that…
OK, no rhinestones, unless someone wants to provide me with a suitable dress (that would be fun), but some might regard me as a bit of a cowgirl, so…
Hunting for a brain, high or low?
For any ‘snowflakes’ or similarly delicate people reading this, you might want to move on quickly, internal bits issues. All others duly warned, tale of the day.
So yes, I finally was here, the big day when I was going to get a clue about my fate in life. The ‘entertainment’ started early, as I was trying to convince my body to provide the required urine sample. My mixed up plumbing decided it didnt want to play ball, and in trying to push it out, I set off my occasional bowels issue ((blockage), and I just locked up completely for about 50 painful minutes, with nothing coming out either end, though both ends needed to, and I could feel it. Eventually I won on one front, then the sample bottle got filled rapidly an hour or so later, so…
One first today, the use of a blue disabled badge for me, in a parking space. Fine, it was Eric’s, but in truth, but for him having one, I’d probably need one now. Got weighed, 83 kg/ 183 lbs which is a bit higher than it was, but lets face it, I can hardly do much exercise in last 3 months, I’ve hardly got any mobility, but anyway… This does strictly make me slightly overweight by a few pounds, but nothing dramatic (just checked).
Then on to the doctor, and a discussion of things. Thankfully Ella was with me, as I literally remember nothing about any of my seizures, and she at least saw the last one, so was able to give details. The doctor then wanted to test my balance, by walking one foot literally in front of the other, but my balance is wrecked by my damaged knees, so it didnt get far!
The end results. my medication level has been doubled (or will be after transition week), but I was on lowest level up to now, so hopefully not a big thing. I’m also being booked in for an EEG test (to see if they can locate the issue), and then an MRI test (to see if I’ve got a brain. No, seriously, to see if its any more than epilepsy), which should happen over the next 4 weeks or so. Seems it might be related to a fall out of a loft 32 years ago, though not definitely, but it could kick in now, wow! No decision on freedom to fly until after MRI, which makes sense, but will be fine if just epilepsy, which lets hope it is, as crazy as that sounds!
I asked about work, he didnt seem as hot on the ‘never work again’ thing as some, but equally, he was talking about a year or so of recovery, and I am 61, and would then be 62, and would retire at 66, so… Besides which, my voice breaks down under stress, so could hardly do my current job, so I think it almost certainly is it, but again, lets see what the brain scan says. Famous last words… But seriously, given it all, and my lack of mobility, I think retirement on medical grounds is a certainty. In theory, I could do a non phone job, but it takes me a lot longer to do anything, so…nope!
I stated I was Intersex, but didnt ask questions about compatibility between the epilepsy pills, and female hormones. I’ll leave that for my own doctor, lol. But yes, if retired, and allowed, it is a pledge I made, lol.
That, pretty much was it. Collect my new prescription, collected some cash to get my hair done (coloured and cut) on way home. Yes, would love it done this way, but I suspect I will have to settle for modern methods
So no, seemingly I dont get the full robot bodysuit just yet, lol. But yes, I’m looking forward to the EEG, and MRI ‘messing around’ with my mind, all the same. 😉 Yeah, I wish! Mind, if anyone wants to provide me with one, fully interfacing or otherwise…?
Right, video time. What someone might be doing, when it comes to my brain, shortly?
Just the perfect day?
Apparently today was International Women’s Day. Fine, and thanks for the acknowledgement, but in truth (as one friend beautifully pointed out earlier today), isnt it a shame that we need to have such days? Wouldnt it be nice if the need to hold such a day just wasnt needed? And yes, I feel the same way about Pride Days, Transgender Day of Remembrance, and so many other things too. Yes, it would be good if they could just be another day, because the need to highlight these matters didnt exist? Oh fine, the chances of that happening are about as slim as John Lennon’s in Imagine, about the whole world living as one, lets face it!
Thats not to say that its bad that we do hold all these events, though I’ve never been to a Pride event yet, I just leave that to all the youngsters, in truth. And yes, if I didnt want to improve things for LGBT people within the Civil Service, the country, the world, or whatever, I wouldnt be doing the committee work I’m doing now, let me say.
But fine, every time I see a ‘sensationalism’ article on the news, or in the papers, about someone coming out, being outed, or whatever, it tends to make me sad. Because if the world was better, it wouldnt be a sensational item, it would be a ‘so what?’ item instead. Hopefully, one day in the future, that will be the case. Will it be in my lifetime, who knows? Depends how long my life gets to be, I guess? But yes, with luck, one day, there will be no need for International Women’s Day, and the like to ever happen, because there will be no need. But given how things need to change, especially in some parts of the world, I wont hold my breath.
Oh, and a couple of quick pieces of news, for those who care. Firstly, my hair now looks ideal for a 1920’s flapper after today, and I dont regret it. My hair had got far too long, and its so much nicer short. Bit shorter, and less curled than my normal 30’s thing, but anyway… Now, if I can only find that time travel portal, I could really see if I could pass as a 20’s flapper. Lets face it, they were going for a boyish look, so…? 😉
Secondly, and perhaps more worrying for some, is the arrival of my Senior Railcard (starts on my 60th birthday), where I have been titled as a Mrs, instead of a Miss! Fine, technically I’d need to marry someone named Carpenter, though equally, some women do keep their name when married, so…? Any offers, both genders, just let me know lol, though I dont expect to die in the crush!
Video time. I did think of using the BBC multiple artist version, but in truth, its more fun to hear how the original artist performs it. Its live, which was never Lou’s strong point, especially a few decades after the original recording. But anyway…
Little things can cost a lot
Ah, you would need to think laterally to get the video from that title, but its worth going on, I’ve found a real vintage gem for you tonight.
So, lets have a little sport tonight, for a change, shall we? If anyone offered a leading golfer a hole, just over 120 yards long, as a par 3 hole, they’d think piece of cake, and be thinking of getting a birdie, or so you’d think? But yet, this humble sounding little hole, gives golfers nervous nights, just thinking about it. Why, because this week, they are playing at Sawgrass, and we’re talking about that infamous 17th hole.
Yes, thats the one, a small island green, surrounded by water, which seems to attract golf balls, as if they were on magnets! I cant imagine there are many top golfers, who at some time, havent dumped at least 1 ball into that watery grave. If I remember rightly, many years ago, someone kept dumping balls into the water, and took 13 shots in all (including lots of penalty shots) before completing the hole.
I could brag that I’ve had a hole in one at that infamous hole, and be telling the truth. Oh fine, its a kind of cheat, as that was on the Tiger Woods golf game for computers, created around 2003. Yes, fine, I also dumped a few balls in the water, too.
But yes, I have no idea what standing on that tee, looking at all that water, and that tiny green is like, but it would be terrifying for me. I know these professionals are far better golfers than me, but anyway…eek! But yes, its going to be fun watching the best golfers attempting to land golf balls, on that tiny little green, and not into the water over the next 4 days.
Right, the video. Any British readers here, will probably know the AXA Medical advert on TV by now, I’m sure. What many may not have realised, is that just over 60 years ago, this song topped the British Charts. And yes, amazingly, I’ve found a video of that original song, from 1955! Fine, the quality isnt great, hardly surprising really, after all these years, but, readers, let me introduce you to Kitty Kallen
Right, fine, as my readers probably know, I’m a bit of a 30’s baby at heart. When it came to beauty gadgets back then, some of them look terrifying to modern eyes, and you could say this was one of them. Before the late 30’s, if you wanted your hair permed, this was your way of getting it done!
Yes, fine, once, and only once, I’d love to have my hair curled, as close to that method as is now possible. If anyone reads this, and feels up to the challenge, shout with a comment!
Fade to blonde!
Yes, glad to say that after tomorrow lunchtime, I’ll be a lot blonder again! Under normal circumstances, my hair was due to be coloured about a month ago, but due to the money situation, I tried to put the whole matter off, for a while. But fine, my roots are now far too dark, so I’ve bitten the bullet on cost, and its getting done tomorrow morning, at 11.00 . So yes, my hair will be more of a Harlow lookalike again, after that, both in colour, and in style, for a while.
Irony, my hair, even at my advanced age, is still quite dark. Shame really, because if it was going grey, it would be harder to tell the difference between that, and the blonde colouring. I know, I know, but until they come up with a colouring solution that means that you dont have to top up your blondeness, at regular intervals, well…
OK, now to a funny fact, that maybe you didnt want to know? When I started to see what I could do, to make myself more Harlow like, I came across some interesting facts. Like the fact that she always slept in the nude. No, I have too many health issues, some related to my mixed set of genitalia to do things like that, so pass!
Secondly, the girl never wore a bra! Which is fine, if you have small, perky breasts, but if you have larger, less than natural ones, then no, I cant go without a bra! The other thing she passed on, was knickers. As she put it, she liked to let her bits breathe, which as someone who had worn pants all her life, sounded pretty strange to me. Anyway, one day at home, I decided to give it a go, and see what it was like. And fine, despite the extra bit that I shouldnt have (which is only an issue in clingy outfits), I actually found it very pleasant, as I discovered that my bits quite enjoyed being able to breathe! No, I’ve only ever done it indoors, I always wear briefs of some kind when I go out. Partly because of comfort, but also very critically because Yorkshire is a lot colder than LA!
Yes, fine, I wouldnt mind finding out what it was like to live in her Beverly Hills mansion, but I suspect that will only ever be a dream!
OK, the video, what I wish my hair would start to do!
Going back in time, for a day
The one thing I’ve barely done since getting back from Hollywood, is just having a day out, anywhere. In fact, in truth, after the first month or so of post redundancy life, I havent actually done a lot of things, just fun, for myself, apart from the 2 US breaks. Yes, they were quite something, believe me, but other than that, Harlean has been a pretty dull girl, in all honesty. To be fair, my own choice, I’ve been trying to (apart from those delights) to keep costs to a minimum, apart from the lottery of late, though that so far at least, has proved to be wishful thinking. At least Saturday, it has to be paid out, so I wont have to buy one again for a while at least. Mind, 1 of the £20,000 prizes would be enough to preserve my sanity, not part of £57 million, but I’m not likely to get either, I’m sure. Still, compared to the Powerball lottery in the US, which has now reached $600 million, its chicken feed, but anyway…
So yes, I’m beginning to feel a bit of jail fever, of sorts, especially as of course there were no interviews over the Christmas Period. I should have had a registration trip on Tuesday, but I havent got ID until that passport actually arrives, so its been put back until it does. Anyway, I’m planning a prison break tomorrow! No, not seriously an escape, I can still walk out of here in freedom, but a day away from here might just do me good. Yes, its an expense, a rail fare to Nottingham, and actually having to pay cash for bus fares around here, but apart from that…
A couple of years ago, or so, I actually went to a Vintage fair, in Leeds. While there, I had my hair, and make up done, by a couple of lovely ladies, using their mobile studio. Yes, you’ve guessed it, their main place is in Nottingham. An example of their work?
Digital Camera
Earlier this week, they were looking for a volunteer to help out, with training a new person in the ways of vintage make up styles. And I offered, if they got no one more local, and I guess they didnt? So tomorrow, I’m off down there. Strictly, no fee, though I will leave with my make up done, and my hair styled, 30’s style, so not altogether a bad deal?
But yes, it gets me out of here for a day, and even if I wont be going anywhere, I’ll look nice for a day or two!
Right, the video. What my look will do for me tomorrow. Might not be a true Jean Harlow, but I’ll have the 30’s look!
Those were the days
Yes, today was the day of the eye test. And yes, that in more senses than one explains the title of this blog. Well, fine, it fits in with the video too, but anyway…
To say I’ve been wearing glasses a while, would be a mild understatement, its coming up on 47 years in fact! I first discovered I was short sighted when I found out I couldnt read the hymn numbers on the board, in church, and had to ask my father what they were.
He told me, but very soon after that, I was taken to the optician, for what would be the first, of many sight tests so far in my life. No, I dont know how many, but I’m guessing about 25, if you asked. In those days, it was simply a screen in the optician, with lines of letters that shrunk to almost nothing, as you went down the board, and that was it.
Nowadays, they check the back of your eye, the pressure in your eye, and several other things, besides the standard sight test. Mind, it costs a bit more nowadays, though whether it really does, with inflation, no idea?
The other dramatic change since then, is even more noticeable. Back then, glasses were what they said they were, made of glass. Therefore, as you can imagine with a child, especially a teenager, there were a few times when the glass got shattered by accident. Nowadays, they are made of some material which is pretty much indestructible. And yes, I love that fact! Oh, the other thing, back then, if you were really short sighted, your glasses were thick, with a capital T. Nowadays, no way of telling just how blind you are without them lol!
I wont bore you too much with the details of the test, other than to say that seemingly over the last 3 years or so, my sight has only deteriorated very slightly. Good news, because there was a time when in 2 years (or even less at one point) when they were definitely going downhill fast.
Oh, you want to know? Yes, I am now the very happy owner of 2 pairs of glasses, or will be when the lenses are fitted. One is almost classical 30’s style cats eyes type, in blue frames, absolute heaven for a girl like me. The other pair are slightly less rounded, but still in that style, with silver/white frames.
The other change, I remember in the past, paying about £200 for one pair of glasses. Today, for 2 pairs, including test, and anti glare for both, just under £170!
Thank you, Specsavers, for the wonderful service, and for having such wonderful vintage style glasses available for vintage loving folk like me.
I will provide a photo, or two, once I have them.
The only other news, the hair getting done. In the end, I didnt get to Sophie, she had to go elsewhere on Thursday afternoon, so so did I! Irony is, my style has got nothing but praise, and I love it too. So, Sophie may have lost a client lol!
Alright, a treat. Thanks to Nicole Woodhouse this afternoon, I had a ‘non selfie’ taken (as I dont own a mobile phone) of my new look. The curls have lost some of their lustre over the last 2 days, but even so…here’s a look!
Oh, the video, no prizes for working out the song title. Actually, it comes from the year I started wearing glasses, eek!
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