For any ‘snowflakes’ or similarly delicate people reading this, you might want to move on quickly, internal bits issues. All others duly warned, tale of the day.
So yes, I finally was here, the big day when I was going to get a clue about my fate in life. The ‘entertainment’ started early, as I was trying to convince my body to provide the required urine sample. My mixed up plumbing decided it didnt want to play ball, and in trying to push it out, I set off my occasional bowels issue ((blockage), and I just locked up completely for about 50 painful minutes, with nothing coming out either end, though both ends needed to, and I could feel it. Eventually I won on one front, then the sample bottle got filled rapidly an hour or so later, so…
One first today, the use of a blue disabled badge for me, in a parking space. Fine, it was Eric’s, but in truth, but for him having one, I’d probably need one now. Got weighed, 83 kg/ 183 lbs which is a bit higher than it was, but lets face it, I can hardly do much exercise in last 3 months, I’ve hardly got any mobility, but anyway… This does strictly make me slightly overweight by a few pounds, but nothing dramatic (just checked).
Then on to the doctor, and a discussion of things. Thankfully Ella was with me, as I literally remember nothing about any of my seizures, and she at least saw the last one, so was able to give details. The doctor then wanted to test my balance, by walking one foot literally in front of the other, but my balance is wrecked by my damaged knees, so it didnt get far!
The end results. my medication level has been doubled (or will be after transition week), but I was on lowest level up to now, so hopefully not a big thing. I’m also being booked in for an EEG test (to see if they can locate the issue), and then an MRI test (to see if I’ve got a brain. No, seriously, to see if its any more than epilepsy), which should happen over the next 4 weeks or so. Seems it might be related to a fall out of a loft 32 years ago, though not definitely, but it could kick in now, wow! No decision on freedom to fly until after MRI, which makes sense, but will be fine if just epilepsy, which lets hope it is, as crazy as that sounds!
I asked about work, he didnt seem as hot on the ‘never work again’ thing as some, but equally, he was talking about a year or so of recovery, and I am 61, and would then be 62, and would retire at 66, so… Besides which, my voice breaks down under stress, so could hardly do my current job, so I think it almost certainly is it, but again, lets see what the brain scan says. Famous last words… But seriously, given it all, and my lack of mobility, I think retirement on medical grounds is a certainty. In theory, I could do a non phone job, but it takes me a lot longer to do anything, so…nope!
I stated I was Intersex, but didnt ask questions about compatibility between the epilepsy pills, and female hormones. I’ll leave that for my own doctor, lol. But yes, if retired, and allowed, it is a pledge I made, lol.
That, pretty much was it. Collect my new prescription, collected some cash to get my hair done (coloured and cut) on way home. Yes, would love it done this way, but I suspect I will have to settle for modern methods
So no, seemingly I dont get the full robot bodysuit just yet, lol. But yes, I’m looking forward to the EEG, and MRI ‘messing around’ with my mind, all the same. 😉 Yeah, I wish! Mind, if anyone wants to provide me with one, fully interfacing or otherwise…?
Right, video time. What someone might be doing, when it comes to my brain, shortly?
Yes, the blog title is rather apt, as its all about mine! Its hard to believe now that just over 13 weeks ago (as clearly the Tuesday incident was first seizure, in hindsight), laugh for me was relatively normal for me, other than a busted back. The irony of that, and the more calamitous ones on the Friday was that I’ve had less literal pain from my back since then, but my mobility has gone to pieces, so I’m assuming that some connection between my brain, and my spine has got disrupted in some way? All the same, despite knowing it was going to be a while before I got to see an expert, due to the speed of things with the NHS, it was still a bit of a blow when I found out it wasnt going to happen to mid June, but yes, we’re almost there.
As, in fact I found out yesterday afternoon, when I was sat quietly on the settee, when the phone rang, which Eric answered. He did something with the dial (yes, its one of those retro phones, compatible with digital system to dial out, and stuff), and then handed me the speaker. It was some automated call from the appointment centre at the hospital, presumably to confirm my appointment a week later. Thing is, despite it doing the equivalent of dialling a 1, to say I was hear, it didnt pick up. Anyway, when it repeated the question to me, I did the same thing, with the same lack of effect. So the call cut off, presumably the equivalent of a ‘no answer’ or something.
I checked the number we were called from, but all I got was an automated voice saying that someone would call me within 24 hours as a repeat. Anyway, just over 24 hours later, no one had, so I tried the number on the appointment letter I got from the hospital, nearly 3 months ago! But it seems to talk to them, I needed a number that wasnt printed on my letter! So anyway, I got frustrated, tried to explain to him, and my voice disintegrated totally. Eventually he gave me a number for the actual hospital, but I couldnt have called them, my voice was blown by then. Yes, another reason I cant go back to work, clearly, one stressful call and my voice would be blown for hours! Not much good in a call centre!
As for next week, I cant deny I’m looking forward to the EEG, MRI and anything else they might throw at me that way for all the wrong reasons! Oh yes, weird things done to my brain, especially involving electrodes and chambers, cant wait! Yes, dont be surprised if I report that I imagined being brainwashed when the electrode cap was on me, and activated, for sure. As for what I might imagine being done to me, in a MRI tube, lets not consider! Sadly, the former is unlikely to brainwash me, and the latter turn me into a mindlessly obedient robot, but nothing’s perfect. Yes, I would love those, lets face it.
I try to wonder what they might find when they do the tests. Are they just going to decide its epilepsy (though the pills certainly didnt stop the later bout of seizures), or will it prove to be something more serious? Who knows, though there isnt a lot I can do, whatever it is. But I have to be honest, setting the steps to find out will be an absolute blessing, and might stop me worrying just how bad it is. The other blessing being, that once I know, I can work out when, or if I can do a few things I really need to sort out. Photo shoot, holiday planning, offering myself for mad scientist research? (I wish!)
I was tempted to ask a Psychic friend if she could tell me what my fate is, but firstly, I cant afford to call her (she’s in US), and secondly, is there a bit of me that really doesnt want to know? Mainly the former, I’m sure.
So no, I wont be there at the first day of Royal Ascot, dressed up in some posh hat and dress (wouldnt that be fun?), I’ll be at a hospital, in Huddersfield, awaiting my fate. Funny what a brain can do to you, lol.
Talking of which, the video. This song is slightly younger than me, but not much, its from 1965! Its why the film, and the song dont match, its a combined mix, thats all. Love, no idea what that is, but I now know how ‘funny’ brains can be!
One thing I’ve always tried to do, at any election, is vote. I just feel that regardless of who you support (or in the case of UK, plan to support tomorrow), if you dont vote, you have no right to complain about the outcome of the vote. I actually missed one earlier this month, the local council election, because I can barely walk (and thats being optimistic) more than a few hundred yards now, due to the fact that the brain, and mobility rarely both function well at the same time, due to the seizure stuff. Quite often one works, and the other doesnt, and I get the odd day where neither are in a going mood, and the very rare day when both work.
So, given that around here, only one party was ever going to win the vote (they did, comfortably), and the pain it would be to arrange someone to transport me to a voting station about 600 yards away, park to allow me to vote, and then collect me again, I didnt bother, no great issue.
Thing is, tomorrow is the vote that should have never happened, the EU Election, but it is. No, I’m not going to say which side I’m on, or who I’m planning to vote for, neutrality, and all that. But because this is a regional, proportional vote thing, my vote is a bit more important. So… Before anyone says anything, it was a bit late to arrange a postal vote after the seizures, and besides which, my brain really isnt up to challenges like that. If I get a negative result from the neurologist next month, as expected, then I probably will for the future, but this is sooner than that, so…
In the fairly unlikely event that my mobility is good tomorrow, I intend to walk up to the voting building, and cast my vote that way. Mind, if thats the case, the chance of my brain being up to the complex voting thing, we will see, lol? So what’s Plan B, you ask? Well, Eric has one of those mobility vehicles, and I’m going to give that a try, if needed. No, obviously I’ve never used one before, but he tells me its not that difficult to drive (famous last words), and as its not far…?
In truth, if they’re going away in the autumn for a few weeks, and I’m still here, I’m going to need some way of getting around, if I need to, and something like that is the best option locally, other than taxis, which is a bit expensive! The last time I drove anything? Well, I was in my 20’s, and now I’m 61, so… I’d stay off the streets around here tomorrow, lol, as I dont know yet when I’m going out. Funny thing is, I’m out again Friday, to the surgery for blood tests, and to collect prescriptions, but wisely planning to do that by taxi, as a fair bit further, and I suspect I’ll need more practice before doing that distance! But weather permitting, I will get there to vote, thats for sure.
Right, video time. When you grow up on Glam Rock, and know this is 46 years old, you know you’re old, lets face it. Oh, but I’m a ‘Sweet’ old lady, lol. Or maybe I’m a…?
Yes, I know, the Golf season has been going on forever already. Indeed, in the case of the US tour, nearly 8 months ago, well before 2019 was in the mirror, and it will all be over again by August. The ‘delights’ of commercial demands to fit in with TV, in this case, so the big events are over before the NFL gets under way. At least the Euro tour goes a bit further into the year, though yes, 2020 season will still start before the next decade begins.
However, for all that, one tour only gets under way this week, the second division challenge tour here in Europe. In truth, until this year, my interest in it has been the same as anyone other than the golfers, and their families have been, pretty much none. I might have to show a bit more interest this year, mind. Unless there is some lady golfer on either of their tour’s who comes from Huddersfield that I dont know of, we only have one professional golfer from this town. For a few years, up until last year, he’s been on the main Euro tour, though it tended to be more in survival fashion, than glamour. Last year, he got relegated! He did have a second chance, through qualifying school, and until the last day of 6, it looked like he might ‘stay up’ that way, but it wasnt to be.
So this year, and hopefully only for 1 year, Chris Hanson is on the challenge tour, here in Europe. As I say, the tour starts tomorrow, in Turkey. Conveniently for me, the Sporting Life golf team posted a podcast this week with him, discussing said season, so I now know what he sounds like.
As it says, it was recorded a mile back, and no, he didnt do well at the Kenya Open mentioned, missing the cut! No, I’ve never met him, and never likely to meet him, but I hope he does well this year, just because of the Huddersfield connection, and gets back on the main tour.
OK, video time, also with a Huddersfield connection, this time, Billy Currie. This song wasnt a big hit for Ultravox, and the song is OK, but fine, I love the video. It has the feel of a movie from the period when silent was turning to sound, and black and white was turning to the first attempts at colour, which is probably why I love it. OK, fine, the doll/robot movement stuff at the start probably helps too.
Well, I have to admit that recently I’ve accepted there are more than a few things I used to do with ease, which are either now only be done with difficulty (see Monday’s blog) or not going to happen at all. Yes, I did manage to walk a few hundred yards on Monday, but it hurt. I then did about 4 calls in quick succession on Wednesday, dealing with doctors, and reports afterwards to work with results, and an hour or so after that, my voice was a mess too, but I got by. No, the chances of getting through an 8 hour shift of phone calls, back to back, no way.
But at the same time, I must try not to give up doing everything I used to do, must I? So anyway, events yesterday led to my first non health related trip out since last month, a meal out yesterday evening. Very much looked after, very much with an eye kept on me, but I went. Yes, as you can gather from this, I survived. But yes, I found the walking (again only a few hundred yards) a challenge, and getting the brain to focus on making selections from the menu, well… Lets just say that unless the neurologist (or a handy mad scientist) can revive my brain somewhat, complex holidays on my own just arent going to happen any more! Not saying not going to happen, but someone faces a challenge if it is going to, thats for sure.
Great shame, as it will probably mean I will have to give up on any plans to visit Pottawatomie County, Oklahoma, and ‘hunt’ for Clara Johnson, unless I can recover somewhat. Not giving up on something more relaxing with Kate just yet, but active stuff, I dont think so! Well, unless someone wants to swap me out into a fully functioning brain, and body at least, lol. But yes, if anyone has a nice robot body that just needs testing with the aid of a human volunteer…? 😉
The other thing I’m keeping doing, was done today, for an event tomorrow. Yes, its that time of year again, the Grand National. I suspect the last time I didnt bet on the race (maybe?) was 1974. I’m not saying I didnt bet on it then, but I just cant work out how I would have done so. I certainly ‘bet’ (well my Father did, on my behalf) between 1967, and 1969, but then he left home, and I have no idea after that? He did still see us until his death in the mid 70’s, so maybe he did still put bets on for me, but I cant be sure, at nearly 50 years on! After that, I was working, I was putting my ‘pennies’ each way on a horse in the race, and the tradition has continued. Some good years, some bad years, but gambled, all the same, in recent years, my annual (or sometimes twice annual) trip to the bookies to put bets on (up to £1 each way x 3 now) for myself, and Eric. But seriously, getting out to do that at present, no chance.
So today, with both of us made our selections online, and I checked out to see where the best, reliable prices were (there are some online firms I’ve never heard of, or would bet with, in truth) and what amused me was that the nicest place terms, and prices were with the firm that made me redundant 4 years ago, William Hill! So anyway, account opened, bets placed, and now fingers crossed I can take some money off them tomorrow. So yes, that long streak will last 1 more year at least!
So, in some senses at least, I’m keeping on doing what I’ve been doing, even if there are a few cheats involved now. Which leads me to the video. a real Pre-Code treat. Yes, it shows, behaviour, and shape of the lampshade, lol. Probably tame now, but in the more puritan 1930’s…
I know, ideally I would have written this on Friday, but like most things in this world, everything cant be perfect! Yes, Friday was International Woman’s Day, something that I wish that one day, like Pride, like Transgender Day of Remembrance, we dont need to celebrate, to make a point to some. Not because its not worth celebrating, it is, but that the need wont be relevant any more.
To be fair, things are a lot better now than they used to be for women, and I mean in terms of events far more recent than the freedom to vote, which of course we recently celebrated the centenary of. Over the decades, birth control, wage equality, and other various issues have been solved, or at least made an awful lot better for women than they were when I was young.
Of course, this is coming from the woman who would love to be the ‘Stepford’ housewife of the 1950’s, running the perfect marital home, and a dream cook to boot. Yes, seriously, I would need the robotic housewife makeover to be able to do all that, believe me. Mind, back then, I would have been able to retire at 60, which might have been handy, given my back gave out at 59 and a half (well, close enough)!
Not that I will be around to see it, but when the women starting out on their working lives now, reach my age, things will be more equal for them. There was actually an IWD event in Huddersfield yesterday that I got an invite too, and a possible chance to make a speech too, but unfortunately it clashed with the 1 Saturday in 5 that I have to work, but hopefully it works better next year, even assuming my back still allows me to work by then! I’ve heard it was popular, which was good news for me at least.
Right, just to let you know, as I will be doing on the other blog too. I’m off the next week (20th is next day I’m working), and with Blackpool, schedule might get a bit erratic during that period. You might get more (if events need it), or, at the end of the week, you might miss out on them too. But tomorrow, and maybe the next 2 days, you suggest suitable material, I’ll write about it, with the obvious exclusion of UK related politics at least! No, I dont expect any suggestions, but…?
OK, video time. The Eurovision song from 1973, in fact! So, power to all my friends, especially female ones, cisgender, trans, or non binary. Fine, every woman, lol! No, I dont mean in the voltage sense, but if anyone is offering…? 😉
Not Huddersfield’s proudest moments, two, and three.
Well, I did promise to comment on one of these a few weeks back, and now, a bit like First Buses awful service, two things come along at once!
Given that the first of these happened about a month before it actually hit the news, I assume a cover up was attempted, that thankfully didnt work. Almondbury is another district of Huddersfield, not that far from here, but thankfully, far enough. Not that I’m saying my area of town is a delight, but seemingly compared to there…
It seems like most places in the UK, unsurprisingly, there has been a recent influx of refugees to the area, the notable ones being a family from Syria. Two children, one boy, one girl, going to the local community school, where seemingly they werent welcomed with open arms.
The initial news was of the boy being attacked by another boy, older than himself, assaulted, and having water poured over him, in an attack. Before this attack could even die down, news came out that his sister had also been assaulted by girls, pushed down the bank, and to tear off the hijab she was wearing. The school was already marked as ‘needing to improve’, and because of this, has been inspected again in the last few days. Sympathy for the school staff, for the need to do this, zero!
The boy who initiated the attack has seemingly vanished abroad, presumably to try and avoid the forthcoming court case?
The second item relating to the ‘delights’ of Huddersfield only came out in the last couple of days, when it was ranked the worst town in England. Given this fact is based on the strength of one site, dedicated to bashing the towns where people live, I’m prepared to look at this a little more cautiously.
Now I’m not saying Huddersfield is the loveliest place in England, it isnt. Whether its truly the worst, having seen more than a few in my life, not quite so sure. A few of those mentioned in the Top 10 I would have said were worse, and how places like Middlesbrough dont make that list, no idea? But fine, I guess events like those awful events at the school in Almondbury doesnt help?
But fine, just as well this town isnt trying to attract tourists, I guess? Still, we do have the famous station cat, and she seemingly now has an apprentice, so…? But yes, if anyone wants to buy me a retirement home in the sun, I now have an idea of where to move to, before Brexit wrecks plans…? 😉
Right, video time. A bit more of the very dishy David Tennant singing along to a song from the Blackpool series. Oh goodness, he could look like that at me, anytime he wishes!
Oh fine, I hope I know what everyone wants to hear about, so lets have a duplicate blog tonight, so I can cover all events.
But before we get to that, let me just mention that today is Transgender Day of Remembrance, to remember those less fortunate than myself, over the years.
OK, to business, the flotation tank experience. I did check, and double check directions on Google Maps before leaving, but still managed to turn the wrong way when I got off the bus, but realised that in seconds, so no great issue.
The owner of the business quickly made me feel at home, and after the necessary form filling, I was soon in the room with the flotation tank. A shower, then in I went, and ‘laid’ down. If the roof was meant to come down to seal you in the pod, I never worked out how to do it. I’ve certainly seen enclosed pods, but whether this isnt set up for that, or was just me being blonde, no idea? Would have loved that, but in truth, once I turned out the lights, it was very dark, and apart from the whole enclosed sensation, would have been hard to tell the difference.
Yes, I relaxed easily, and just lay there enjoying the whole sensation, and loving the lack of any pressure on my fragile back. Anyway, once comfortable, settled, and everything else good, I decided to do a little experiment with self hypnosis, try to empty my mind a little (or ideally a lot) and see what developed from there.
It took me a while to get there (about 5-10 minutes too long, as I was to discover), but when I did, I tried to get a little bit of robot into my mind and body, but couldnt really get it to work, probably because robots dont generally float in water, lol.
So I went to Plan B, this time with startling success. Having emptied my mind of myself, I tried to self regress myself back to Clara Johnson. Incredibly, it worked. Snag was, Clara wasnt quite certain where she was, as these new age things werent around in the 1930’s, and panicked a bit finding herself seemingly floating in a dark room. I did set to trying to calm her down, and had just succeeded, and was just beginning to let her take control when I heard something I didnt want to hear, the music starting up again, which meant I had only 5 minutes left. So unfortunately, I had to say ‘goodbye’ to her, start to switch back to me, so I was back in control at the end of the session.
In truth, I have no idea if I was just going to let Clara experience the float, or whether I was going to ask her questions, as I never really reached that point. Not quite sure if I could ask her questions anyway, or whether someone else would have to ask ‘me’ them, in truth? I suspect would have to be the latter, as my mind was in Clara mode? So asking questions of herself, without a script?
So yes, I’m going to have to go back again, for sure, and this time get her involved far more quickly. If nothing else, seeing life through her eyes, and feeling her thoughts, for more than a few seconds will be amazing.
Another shower, a glass of water, then back to real life. Yes, cold, wet, and lousy services by First Buses!
Oh, and by the way, yes, the back feels a whole lot better too! So 2 pieces of good news, for the price of 1!
I can hear you asking, is she still going to try acupuncture now? The answer is yes, got to give both a chance, lets face it. And besides, they might use the needles loaded with robotising nanites! Yeah, I wish! 😛
But yes, the whole flotation tank experience, truly amazing for me, and maybe Clara needs to try it again, just to see how she really feels, lol?
Right, video time. Well, I was floating, not running, but otherwise it was certainly silent when the music stopped.
You know, I hate technology, I had nearly 500 words written for this, and it just vanished. Supposedly this site saves these things, but when I looked, nothing! Ouch!
When it comes to my back, I’m prepared to try just about anything to ease, or even better, clear the pain. No, I dont think any handy person is going to give me a cybernetic upgrade, even though I would enjoy it way too much, simply because I dont think its actually possible at this time. Even just a spine upgrade would be nice, though full makeover would be so much more fun.
The thing that has been in the news this year, and which I would love to have done, if I had the money (Fund me campaign, anyone?) would be that spine fusion thing that Tiger Woods had done. But yes, I think that probably costs a small fortune, way beyond my pocket, sadly. No, I dont think it would make me a good golfer though, lol.
There are 2 things however that have been suggested to me, that are practical, are probably priced that I could try them in my more humble budget, and yet, just have that slightly weird feel that makes them appeal to me even more.
The first is acupuncture. Yes, laid on my front, while an ‘evil doctor’ (yeah, I wish) sticks needles in my back, and then tweaks them around, or runs electricity through them (seemingly it does happen) might be interesting. However, as much as I could see, that works more for things like trapped nerves, than a fracture in your back, but no idea? I asked my physiotherapist, and she was typically non committal, saying it might, or might not do me good. And there is a place in Huddersfield that does it, at a not too crazy price, so I will have to consider giving a go, though probably will now be after my holiday, just over a week away, as I really havent got time before then. Oh, and how much do those needles hurt?
The second one suggested was a session in a flotation tank. Now, beyond the logic of taking all the weight, and pressure off my back, I find it harder to see the logic of that one, myself. I mean doing that will probably do it some good, but anything significant, no, cant see it.
Of course, from a weird point of view, the flotation tank idea appeals to me totally. All that sensory deprivation stuff, with the lid shut down, and all, talk about imagining yourself in a brainwashing chamber, lol. I possibly could, and certainly with headphones giving me the suggestion, imagine being brainwashed in on of those chambers. And yes, that appeals totally. But no, in the sense of healing my back, I just dont see it?
Is there anything else slightly weird, or just a little bit different that I could try too, or instead of them?
Just to add, that if anyone has any thoughts on the use of one of them, or both, or something else, please let me know here, or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org, or on the Social Media threads if you catch up with this at those places.
Fine, in the sense of having wanted to try them for years, and never got round to them, both appeal, the flotation tank, sensory deprivation thing especially, though to me, thats the least effective choice, but the kinkier one!
So, try one, try both, as I dont think I’ll find anyone who does acupuncture in a flotation tank, lol!
Right, video time. Lets go back to the acupuncture, and the very obvious song. Yes, the Bradford connection version!
I must admit that I dont often watch the news on TV nowadays, generally too depressing for my tastes, with Trump, Brexit, and various LGBT hate items seemingly filling the airwaves nowadays. Fine, I might have been better off if I hadnt made one of my rare sojourns to the news on Friday evening, as Huddersfield was making the news, for the wrong reason.
The only child grooming I remember as a child, was my mother combing my hair! Though I remember the news about the Moors Murderers when I was young, and all the children they killed, which was bad enough, but still less perverse than this.
There seems to have been a bout of this in recent years, a group of older men (generally men, though the odd woman has been involved) getting teenage girls, and sometimes younger, involved in sex, for their own perversity, and pleasure. There have been times when its got close to here (Rotherham being the prime example), but I was always glad it was never Huddersfield. Well, until that illusion was shattered on Friday evening, when the news broke that it had happened around here, mainly between 2004, and 2011, and the announcement that 20 men had been found guilty of grooming charges. 16 have already been jailed for a total of about 220 years in total, the other 4 havent been sentenced yet, but 8 years apiece, at a minimum would seem likely to be their sentences, given what the others have got.
It might sound a lot, but when you think those young girls have virtually got a life sentence, after whats happened to them, some might see it as generous? I do, but anyway… I doubt that bewigged, orange idiot in the US would, he would probably say the girl’s cases was fake news!
The thing that annoys me the most, is if comments are to be believed, the police knew about it for years, before doing anything about it, and the question has to be why? Were they being paid to ignore it, were they involved, who knows? Probably never will, as they are refusing to comment at present!
Also sadly, do I think this will be the end of this type of happening, no, I dont, I only wish I did! My faith in human nature recedes by the year, I’m only glad I’m beyond the halfway point in my life, thats all I can say.
Right, video time. I was trying to think of something apt for this blog, and with the aid of You Tube, I found this. Not perfect, but yes, those 20 men deserve to be kicked somewhere very painful, for sure!