Category Archives: Love

I will have to do without you?

OK, amusing story time.

When I got back to work last week, as well as being told of the forthcoming change of team at work, which though I dont mind it in the slightest, I’d still quite enjoy it if someone convinced me about it, using this machine…

Yes, I know, I wish!

The second thing that was waiting for me, in the form of a piece of paper on my desk, is something from the daily free newspaper over here, known as the Metro, an article called Rush Hour Crush. Yes, it is as awful as it sounds, judging by the posts in the one left on my desk, but anyway…A couple of people especially, know of a certain bus journey crush I have, and it was placed there because of her, and me. In truth, I have no idea why I crush on her, because strictly, she isnt my type. She’s very slim, pretty much flat chested, and non exceptional looks. But, but, she just has something I adore, though thats a mystery ingredient, for sure. But anyway…

Last night, for the first time in weeks, I saw her. Mainly because I didnt see her just before I went on holiday, or the first week I was back, plus that 2 week gap, so…it was a treat when I saw her at the bus stop, and then realized there were no double seats left downstairs, so yes, she went upstairs, I was downstairs, and I’m not that predatory! Fine, I’m not in the slightest predatory, so I had to settle for 2 brief sightings.

Anyway, in line with those Crush postings, I jokingly posted this on my Facebook page, as they always love to know when I see her

Cute, slim blonde on 7.20 363 to Bailiff Bridge tonight. Coffee, or more?
Tall, butch looking blonde

I know, silly stuff, but anyway…Yes, I’m crazy, someone said they would text it in (cant do it myself, no mobile phone), if I wanted them to, and I said yes. Fine, it helps that I know she never reads anything but her kindle on the bus, so I think I’m safe from her reading it. I suppose someone at her work place might, and work out who its aimed at, but I’m sure the chances of that are equally slim.

On top of all that, I know she has a ring, but I have no idea if its a wedding ring. Probably is, but…? Oh, and secondly, I’m sure the only way someone like her would consider a sapphic relationship would be by influencing her mind, something like this!

But yes, fine, if it appears in the Metro (tomorrow would be the earliest possibility for that), and she looks at me, in a certain way, the next time I see her, well…I’ll probably still have to do without even a friend for coffee! But, just maybe…?

The video, some old Doris Day, from Calamity Jane, what I will probably have to do, concerning my certain cute lady…

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How much do I need to say?

One of the things that always amazes me, is how many men go chasing after me, online, at least. Oh fine, I know those from the sub continent only see me as an easy entry into the UK, and dont look too closely at the profile, only see that I’m single, middle aged, and I might feel flattered by a young guy wanting to chat me up. The other ‘popular’ group, are those pretending to be in the US Military, divorced, or widowed, who are nothing of the kind. Judging by their likes on their accounts, they are in Africa, generally in either Nigeria, or Kenya, or those kind of areas at least. The funny bit is, they try to take the surname of said military person, to match the image, but all take as their Christian name, rather than Surname. So I had one earlier today, who was Miller Geogre (yes, cant even spell George) Mutumbi. Yes, image was of a white American guy, with the surname, Mutumbi. Yes, I know, quickly deleted.

The funny thing was, a little while back, I got a friendship request that wasnt an exact match of one of these guys, but had similarities. But he just had enough additional profile info, that I took a chance, and accepted him. Shock horror, I think he’s genuine, even if he is a Marine Engineer (second only to military with these), and as my friend Stacie said, his schooling was at a strange place for a white guy. Given it was in LA, I was inclined to agree, but anyway, at the moment… Yes, his times on, would generally seem reasonable for someone in that time zone.

Thing is, that old chestnut, despite it being all over my profile that I’m transgendered, I’m not convinced he knows! Maybe he does, and doesnt care, but from the way he talks about his children, and things, I dont think he does. I mean would you want a pre op trans woman as a mother to your children? Fine, I know, some would, but generally…Oh, he’s in California, so it is a more open minded state, but…

Big question, how much does etiquette say that I have to say it out loud to him, or is it fair for me to assume that because its there, in big letters on my profile, that if he’s ignoring the fact, its not my fault? I mean, if it ever comes to a point where he wants me to go out there (ha ha), I would mention it, to make sure, but before then, as its not likely to happen? What do you think?

Right, video time. What he is already claiming, but I think he wants a genuine woman, not a woman like me? Oh fine, its not the greatest version, but lets face it, if I had been a teen girl in the 70’s, I’d have probably been one of those girls screaming at this band.

Its my proposal, anyone want to accept?

So fine, given a weekend filled with sickness, we wont focus on that too much. Beyond saying that I’m fine now, and thats all you need to worry about at this point. Unless you have a job to offer me, just about anywhere, then feel free to show concern, and interest.

But lets instead look at a piece of leap year silliness that we only get to enjoy once every 4 years, that day when ladies are free to propose to their man, and (in Scotland at least) if they refuse, the man has to pay the fine of a kiss, a dress, and a new pair of gloves! This law dates back to the 13th Century, though the legend of how this date came to be, relates to 2 Irish Saints back in the 5th Century! The famous Patrick, and the less famous Bridget. No, not that she wanted to propose to him (though maybe she did?), she just wanted the right to do so, if she fancied it. Seriously, 1 day, every 4 years, gee, thanks, Patrick!

Now, of course in these glorious days of single sex marriage, and everything else, this might make things a whole lot more complex, if ladies could only propose to their lady, on one day, every 4 years! Besides which, in modern times, I suspect that if any good lady really wanted to get things moving on that front, she’d just get on and do it, though hopefully only after dropping a few less than subtle hints to the guy that he should get it done!

No, dont worry guys, I have no plans to propose to anyone, would be a bit hard, given I’ve got no one in my life at present, nor am I likely to have, to do so in 4 years time, I suspect! Equally, I’m not really expecting anyone to propose to me, for much the same reason. Would I do it, even if I could? Probably not, mainly because I am that old fashioned type of girl, who wants that proposal made to her, should it ever (be a miracle if it did) happen to me.

But, at least unlike Bridget, I wouldnt actually have to wait 4 years for my next chance for it to happen, should I need it.

The 29th February, inevitably holds less birth, and death anniversaries than most days, as events can only occur every 4 years, not every years, as per normal. Alright, before anyone writes (ha ha) to tell me that 1700, 1800 and 1900 werent Leap Years, I know, but generally…

4 Years ago today, we lost one of the original Monkees, Davy Jones at the age of 66. I know, I was only young when they were famous, first time around, and everything, but…It makes you think about your own time, all the same.

But no, the video is not a Monkees one, unsurprisingly, the clue is in the blog title. And tonight, you get 2 choices. The first, being the wonderful, extended 12″ version, with no video attached.

The second, is the standard 7″ version of the song

A heart that’s shattered

So fine, lets start off a thoroughly cheery weekend for me, posting here. OK, I’m lying, badly, but anyway… I’ll save the really depressing stuff for Sunday, so as to not spoil people’s weekend, at least.

Right, so yes, I wasnt really expecting a valentine dinner, or anything, or even a card, but you can hope, and dream, until they’re crushed, at least. I guess something could arrive in the post tomorrow, but I suspect its as likely as Leicester winning the Premier League, or something…Oh, hold that, whoever would have believed it at the start of the season, mind? Great though, isnt it? But fine, looking at the table, as likely as Aston Villa winning the title lol!

OK, the amusing moment. You know how most women fall for that gorgeous hunk of a man? You’re right, not for me! Me, the guy that makes my heart flutter every time I see him on TV, and thats quite often. You know who it is? Winston Wolfe, of Direct Line Insurance fame. Fine, stop laughing, I love him at least! Oh goodness, he could sort my, err, insurance claim, any time he wished to!

I know, he’s got a less than savoury past history, I gather, from a movie he was in, but girls, dont you just love a guy who might be a little bit wicked? 😉

But seriously, Harvey Keitel, I’m not going to be stalking you, just not my style, and never will be, you’ll be delighted to hear.

So fine, in truth, I’d probably enjoy it almost as much if a man (or woman) took my body, and did wicked things to it, as being wined, and dined, but… I’ve done one, and I’d love the treat of the other, while I still have the chance! So…? No, fine, I dont expect to get the wicked treatment either, on Sunday! Just a quiet, depressing day, alone.

The video, a glorious oldie, that really shows it age. Yes, 1960’s! Sums up me, and romance though, for sure.

Lets Be A Little Rebel

OK, lets have a look back on that dramatic dating agency experience, looking for men, and ponder the next, perhaps more daring step.

As I said a few posts back, the one thing that surprised me, was that men didnt seem to want a submissive transgender girl to perform sex on them, they wanted to perform sex on me! And yes, I expect most of them would say they were straight, but anyway…Of course, as history shows, that might all be talk, as that seems to be as big a step as anyone on there wants to take, well, for men of my age at least. Younger people might tell a different story, but for those of us of an older generation…

But as one friend pointed out to me, they were surprised at my choice of gender chasing, because as they said to me, I’d be happier with a woman, in a lesbian relationship, and yes, I think they’re right. But was it worth trying it out, to see what happened? Yes, I think it was, and I’m glad I did it, in one sense, though I’m not sure it was ever the right one.

But yes, tomorrow, I plan to change the advert to woman seeking woman, and see what happens? Me, I’m not sure that lesbian women will really want a woman around them, with an extra bit, but who knows, I was surprised by the number of men looking for women who wanted to, and did contact me. I’ll be honest, I have no idea what level of contact I will get, if any, but I wouldnt be surprised to get a small number at least. Maybe more, who can tell? And whether those that do, want to do more than chat, that might be another issue!

And after that experiment has had its time, I suspect it will be going back to a single life. A female partner would be wonderful, but seriously…?

OK, fine, tonight, lets go for the double, artist wise at least, for the video. Well, some might say that a Transgender girl, looking for a female, lesbian partner, might a be a little rebel?

Waiting for my boyfriend

Due to the stunning (relative) popularity of the sensational news that I tried my luck on a dating agency, lets do a brief follow up piece. Mainly because there isnt much else to talk about, so…

Fine, it might just be the site I went to, but the main thing I’ve discovered with this place, is that while some might like to ‘meet you’, as per their version of the like button, in reality, most of them dont, they just want to chat. Yes, perhaps on the pricier sites, like Match, or EHarmony, because they’re paying for the privilege, they move a bit quicker, but here…it seems most want to talk, but go no further. Even more so when I make it clear I have no real interest in them sucking me off, which seems to be the main trans fascination for supposedly straight men. No, I really dont get that, if they’re straight, why do they want to suck another person’s cock (especially one who wishes she didnt have one!), but anyway…

I mean, I assumed in this case, the girl would be sucking her man off, but…rolls eyes! At least I’m not paying for this, the only consolation, as I see it! So no, I’m not seriously expecting this to lead to me being whisked down the aisle some how!

Funniest moment so far? This morning, some guy in Leeds wanted to meet me, or at least according to the button he did. So I went to take a look at his profile, as I usually do with these. He looked OK, and his profile comment was full of words about people being all talk, and no action, much as I’d discovered. So, I wrote him a quick message as such, commenting about this. Anyway, he replied to me that he didnt suppose I was any more interested in a chat, and ‘first date’ than any of the others. So I replied, that actually, I would, given he’s relatively local (unlike everyone else I’ve spoken to), I thought why not?

Never got a reply, so I suspect he was no more interested in a date than any of the others, in truth. Fine, I’ll give it a few more days, before giving up the battle, I guess? Or maybe at that point, change it to woman seeking woman, just to see what happens? More of the same, I suspect, but I might just give it a try?

But if anyone knows a wealthy, trans girl loving guy, living in the Los Angeles area, let me know, or tip him off about me, or something! Bonus if he’s Dominant, but equal partnership would be fine by me. Hey, if he wants to mind control me to be his Domme, I wouldnt complain. But realistically, none of that ever is going to happen to a girl like me, lets face it.

Right, video. What I’m doing at the moment, waiting for a boyfriend lol.

Romeo and Juliet

Oh fine, thats about as unsubtle a hint as to what the video that I could come up with, I guess? I was going to surprise you with the Killers version, but the live Abbey Road version of that has disappeared from You Tube, so… yes, Dire Straits, live, which I havent used before.

Yes, I kept that resolution, took that big leap in the dark, and signed up to a dating website. Given that its a free (of sorts) website, I only had 2 choices, male or female. So yes, I went female, its how I live, so…But yes, I made it very clear in the profile that I was pre-op trans, but even so, no prizes for working out some didnt read that. I did get bombarded initially by men, but thankfully, after that initial rush, things have calmed down somewhat. Yes, again, annoyingly, I could either seek for men, or for women, but not both. I could open a second account, for my lesbian side, but have passed on that as yet. Still tempting, maybe, mind, just to see what happens?

I’ve found a couple that know the situation, have still shown interest, and yes, they might be fine, but havent stirred my ardour, just yet. There is one other, who definitely interests me, but he’s in Houston, Texas, and lets be practical, much though I’d love to move to America, and get married, developing a relationship in the first place, especially given my current financial situation, its complex! Younger man too, ooh! No, I have no idea what his plans are, for my ‘bits’, I’ll find out in time, if we can find a way to make things happen, but I’ve no idea how, at the moment.

Then, tonight, I got the message that made my weekend. A wonderfully sweet note, a profile that actually made me laugh, and smile to see it. The snag, if you want to see it that way, he’s older than me. And no, I dont mean a couple of years older, either! Fine, nearer 20! But do you know what, I like him, and I’m wondering if I dont care about the age difference! Yes, he seems that adorable. Fine, he’s not on my doorstep, but neither of the other 2 from over here, are that, either. So maybe tomorrow, I might have to have a look at train fares going down his way, as I want to meet him now, if nothing else!

Funnily enough, my only previous long term partner was nearly 20 years older than me too, but that was a while back, so not sure how that relates? And Derbyshire will be easier to get to than Texas! So…? No, I’m not telling you more about him, he might be mine! 😛

Right, to the video, you know what it is, so lets just roll with it!

Would anyone be that crazy?

Yes, I suppose its the whole new life, coinciding with the start of the New Year that has me thinking that way, but I was wondering earlier today if anyone could possibly be crazy enough to fall in love, or at least fancy me out there in the world? Almost certainly not, especially given my total lack of interest in sex, which is a pretty big thing for most people, and thats even before you get to the issues of my genitalia lol! I know there are supposed to be transgender folk lovers out there, but not sure that I’ve ever met any, let alone any that I might fancy! My preference, I guess, a woman, and live as a lesbian lover, which might be slightly less of a complex issue for me, than a man, but to counteract that, I suspect pretty much all lesbians prefer their ladies to have all the right bits, unlike me at present. But yes, the right woman would be the preferred option for me.

I guess I’m more likely to attract a man, and I guess that as long as he could live without penetrative sex, I might roll with other ways of doing it, in an easier way. Wouldnt be the first blow job I’ve ever given, for sure! Of course (ha ha), if I found the perfect man, I might consider actually getting ‘the bits’ changed, but I couldnt see that as a priority somehow. I know, I know, until you dip your foot in the water, you dont know how warm it is, and all that?

I think the other big issue that is against me, after so long, is the whole set of conundrums, known as trust, love, and other various things, with another person, after over 15 years of having no one to rely, or depend upon, except me! Oh, and the fact they’d be getting someone who has got pretty independent, living as a single person!

So yes, fine, I’ve pretty much answered my own question in words, its not going to happen, even if part of me quite fancies the idea, is it? I suppose someone might enjoy the challenge, but where do I find them? I guess the obvious answer for someone like me, is these online date sites, but I’m not sure about them. Apart from which, most require a fee, for all the best options, and I’m not flush with money at present. And even then, how good are they, really?

So, fine, I’ll stay single! At the same time, I really, really would love to go out on a date, just once as a woman, but I guess its not going to happen. Ideally, a lesbian date, as I think I’d find I’d settle easier with a woman, but open to all offers…

No, I know, wont hear a thing!

The other thought that amused me, and I even considered, especially given the submissive style of the corset I love, would be to try and find a Master, or Mistress to serve. Probably would involve all the same sex issues as above, but in a strict sense, you dont have to love your Mistress, or Master, just be happy to serve, and obey them. Takes all my love issues out of the equation lol!

But again, I would have no idea where to start, so its not likely to come to anything more than words. Mind, at least I’d have someone who would probably be happy to see me tied tightly into a corset lol! Again, I think I’d prefer a Mistress, mentally, but a decent, caring Master might just work. Obviously if I could find one who wants a robot (or robot like) submissive/slave would be great, but hardly likely, so…?

Oh fine, not going to happen either, is it?

So yes, you’ve guessed it, this time next year, I’ll still be single, and posting like this again. Well, apart from the new name issue at least!

Right, the video. What I probably need, either literally, or in the Dominant sense, someone who cares dearly for their sub/slave.

Fine, end of romance rants for 2015, honest it is!

I thought he loved me the way I am!

No, for once, that blog title is a total lie, I was just pretty sure that the guy wasn’t reading, or just plain ignoring the details about me on my Facebook, on my blog, and pretty much what I hinted at in the emails, but he still kept declaring his undying love for me…until now, he finally seems to have taken note!

Right, the full story. A couple of months ago, or so, I got one of those strange Facebook friend requests you get from time to time. You know, the ones where the guy has got a new account, no friends, and no details about him on it. Nowadays I can spot the spammers with a bit more ease, and with no disrespect to folks from that corner of the world, he wasnt from the sub continent. Nothing against those people personally, but as I discovered a long time ago, they are only seeking a woman for a ‘convenience’ marriage, so they can come and live over here. All those just get declined.

This guy seemed neither, he didnt look the classic spammer type profile, and he came from Switzerland. So what the hell, I accepted. A few days later, the emails started arriving, declaring what a wonderful woman I was, so beautiful, and that he was falling in love with me. So fine, I dont do love, so I did my best to put him off, but it didnt work. Anyway, having given clues in my emails that I was trans, and lets face it, the blog links all over Facebook say it too, so I had to assume, he knew.

So alright, I still try to stop him falling deeply in love with me (last few emails suggested I failed totally on that front), but sort of accept that he must know, and leave it there. Then, at the weekend, I sent him an email in standard form, usual stuff. Now normally, within a day or two (or less) I get a reply. By today, nothing. So I just went and checked, his Facebook account is gone. I assume at some point he put two and two together, made four, and realised I wasnt quite the woman he was looking for! Ah well, at least I dont have to try and write delicately written love letters any more lol! He seemed a nice, genuine guy, but I sort of knew he wanted a ‘real’ woman, and I wasnt that without a bit of surgery. So…I’m not going to become a Swiss Miss, or Mrs lol!

Right, the music. There is a slightly cryptic clue in the blog title, but I wouldnt blame anyone for not getting it!

Me, on a dating agency?

Alright, fine, I kept this tale for a time when I lacked anything original to post, so I might as well use it up tonight. I did receive an email from some agency this weekend, suggesting that I sell myself through my blog, but after the posting on Friday, I’ll bore you with that later in the week!

While I was away in Hollywood, I started getting emails from a company called OK Cupid, telling me that some guy was sending me messages, showing a romantic interest in me. Yes, you’re right, I dont remember signing up for this, given my lack of interest in sex, and romance, as a whole, I’m pretty sure I didnt. My profile there was pretty basic, so I did wonder if it had been snatched by someone as a joke, or something, but anyway, being a polite lady, I sent back a pretty non committal reply. Thing is, he replied back again! Thankfully I wasnt in the country at the time, so I felt safe.

Next thing I know, I have got about half a dozen guys, all messaging me, all showing interest, from various parts of Yorkshire! I checked, there were only 2 gender options unfortunately, no option for trans folk. So I sort of guessed I had 3 options,

1 Play along, and give them a shock if any of them thought they were going to have their ‘wicked way’ with me.
2 Delete the account, hope they soon forgot about me, as all they knew was my home town, which is a big place
or 3 Very hastily arrange a certain operation, so that when they wanted to make love to me

Now, in all honesty, apart from the dangers involved, 1 really isnt my scene. Apart from the sexual issues, when they discovered I had something extra, I’m not sure I’d be interested now, even if I did have the right bits.

Fine, option 3 might be fun, and I have been told by others, it really is something I should sort out, but even if I agreed to it, it wasnt going to happen overnight! To be frank, I have no idea if I would be interested in sex, with the right bits, but until its done, who knows?

So fine, yes, you’ve guessed it, I took the easy way out, and got rid of the account. I know, I know, maybe I should find a man, get the right bits sorted out, and settle down as a wife, or lover at least. And yes, it is flattering when you suddenly find at least half a dozen men of my age fancy me! Of course, they may just have been after some easy, casual sex, and nothing more? Now, I’ll never find out, I guess?

Of course, given I’m currently out of work, having a man looking after me financially (a la Marion Davies) might be handy, but I’m not brave enough to try any kind of relationship at the moment, I dont think I’m wired up for that! And thats assuming he’d still love me, until I got my bits changed lol!

But yes, fine, if I had any doubt that my looks would attract admirers, that was something that put me straight on the matter.

The video. The obvious Ben E King song, as a tribute to his recent death, though for now, I’ll stand alone…I think?