No, hopefully not me going, literally, but yesterday, I took note that the countdown to my neurologist appointment (at long last) was down to 3 weeks to go. In a sense, I’m slightly nervous about what they might find, especially since the recent repeat bout of seizures, but at the same time, I’ll be so glad to know what it is, or at least, hopefully find out what the problem is. I’ll be honest, if its something that means my time is nearly up, then so be it, though that might leave me with one interesting decision to make, but more on that shortly. Of course, it might be that whatever it is, with the meds I’m already on, and maybe something else can keep it all under control, then great. But I must admit, the wait to find out has been pretty agonising, for sure.
I must admit, I knew what the NHS was like, and that means I’m not totally surprised that its taken 3 months from the initial seizures, to get them even looked into, let alone any action taken. Its supposedly free, but in truth, we pay for it with deductions from our wages, but at least we dont have to pay crazy sums to get things to happen, on top of that. Yes, USA, I’m looking at you again. Again, today, I’ve had a friend over there surprised at how long this is all taking for even the first step, and I had to smile. As I pointed out to him, if I had the money to pay for the neurologist, the MRI, the EEG, and heaven knows what else private patients might get thrown at them here, or that you, or your insurance company gets billed for, this would have been looked into, soon after the initial seizures. But it isnt, so…what will be, will be, and no, that isnt the video! I suppose that unless its something that is ‘bad’ by the time it get looks at, that wouldnt have been ‘bad’ in March, does it matter? Well, beyond my worry about it all, probably not.
But yes, lets face it, absolutely, I’m thoroughly looking forward to having my brain wired up to an EEG, and granted, the MRI will be an interesting experience, thats for sure. Fine, its not going to actually do anything interesting to my brain, but a girl can dream. Going to be fun getting my earrings out for the MRI, as they have been in for years, so removing them might be a challenge.
Given the number of medical people who have told me I wont be working again, I’m assuming something is faulty enough to make that a foregone conclusion, when checked over. I dont know if the fact if I’m only 5 years from retirement anyway plays a part in that, in that its not working the challenge, or whether it would be the same if it had happened at 31, and I doubt they will answer that! But yes, hopefully 3 weeks from now it will all be confirmed, and I can stop worrying about it. In truth, yes, the brain is ‘busted’, its not going to work normally again, of that I’m sure. Even on a good day, I cant talk well for long, and on a bad day, dont ask! Besides that, my mobility is now rubbish, about 1000 yards/metres on a good day is about it, and on a bad day, nearly 100, if I’m lucky! So walking for buses/to work, and doing strings of phone calls, no chance!
The other interesting thing over all this, is a pledge I made a while back, which I assumed I wouldnt be thinking about for at least another 5 years, but seemingly… I stated that once I retired, all things permitting, I’d complete transition, most notably getting my bits bobbed, girl style! Yes, I’ve already been reminded about this, lol. In truth, I have no idea that the hormones and other stuff I would need to do (including the surgery) will be compatible with what I will need to take for the brain, but yes, I plan to find out, once confirmed. Yes, I really will! As I said to someone today, it will be nice not to have to worry about what I wear after surgery, in the sense of concealing bits, and being able to flash boobage, because it will all be natural. No, I dont think latex will be in my wardrobe (sadly), but more clinging, and revealing dresses, just maybe…? 😉
But yes, whatever the news, whatever the decision, I’ll just be glad when I have it all checked out, and confirmed. Less than 3 weeks now, I hope!
OK, video time. Feeling wicked, as per the first half of the blog title. Yes, I know the quality isnt great, but its so rare to find Manfred Mann actually singing live, I thought, what the hell, and went with it. Its not hard to find a non live version on You Tube, if preferred.