When I look back upon my life?

I have to say that the only thing that I feel is a shame, is that it took me so long to discover what had been ‘wrong’ with me for just over 40 years! Of course, there is the other way of looking at it, in that sex reassignment surgery back then was so much more basic back then, than now, that whether I would have had it done, even if I could, no idea. I do know that if I knew what I know now, and was in my twenties, and in good physical health, something would be dealt with. Instead, I’m 60, with a few health issues, and a hatred of pain, so no, unless good cause comes up, it probably wont happen. But, never say never…?

Yes, being the ‘shy wallflower’ that I am, if people ask pertinent, and polite questions about the whole Transgender thing, I’m always happy to talk. After all, education is always a good thing. So, if while my Physiotherapist is zapping the pain out of my back, and asks relevant questions, I’m happy to answer them. Of course her main interest is more in the last 20 years, than the first 40, but anyway…

She actually told me today that I probably ought to write my biography, but in truth, its only the current last third that would be of any real interest to anyone.  Alright, fine, now in hindsight, I can look back on the female parts I played acting before then, and see an amusing significance, but in all honesty, they were just a role at the time. Being honest, I think its only really been the last 10 years or so, when its really been full time female that would interest most. I have to say that there is someone whose biography would make a far more entertaining read that I know, that I’d love to write, but whether she will let me, will have to wait and see!

Alternatively, if someone wants to provide me with enough money to do a voyage of discovery to Oklahoma, Texas, and California, and try and discover the full Clara Johnson story, that would be fun. But yes, writing about someone alive, who has numerous friends also alive, as opposed to someone who no one who knew her in her ‘fame’ would be alive, much easier task! But yes, would be very entertaining, I’m sure, to look back on her life!

Given the blog title, you’ve probably worked out the song, so if I ask if my life has been a sin, it shouldnt be much more of a giveaway? Oh, for sure, my life has had a few sinful moments, any actress that says otherwise is probably lying as much as Trump does! And yes, of course, if trying to live as a man was a sin, count me in. Of course there are some who would say that now, living as a woman was a sin, but anyway…

Hopefully, I can look back on my life, in a few years time, or whenever, and even if I have a sense of shame for the first 40, I can be proud of the rest!

OK, the obvious video. Live version, as I cant believe I havent used the original at some point on here. Of course, if its a while back, would have been fine, but anyway…

4 responses

  1. Hi hun, it made me sad to read that you feel that you have ‘sinned’ you most certainly have not, you have lived your life with what nature gave you and still remained a lady ❤️ We all have doubts about how we have lived our lives, have we done the right thing? Should we have done something different? Should we not have done this or that? But we are all doing our best to be who we are and work with whatever life deals us, good or bad we climb that ladder in the hope of one day getting recognised for who we truly are, we all want to be excepted, we all want people to like us and we all want that special someone in our life who will love us, even the happiest of faces hide the full truth, a smile is a ‘mask’ to hide behind when we fear others might judge, that’s why many actors/actresses do act, its a way of showing the world a little glimpse of you, but with out being judged personally, you can show those hidden depths, those inner feelings, those dark thoughts but through the character you portray, we do it so as not to be judged in our own personal life for fear of what others might see and say, but at the end of the day we are all the same, just trying to be someone to someone else, to me you will always be a friend, to me you will always be Harlean, to me you are a true lady ❤️🙏 xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As I said, Angie, the only thing I’m ashamed of, is the time it took me to start transitioning, far too late in life. The video, I see my life as much as a sin as Neil Tennant does his, simply, not at all!
      I could say I’ve done some weird stuff in my life, and not all of it acting, lol, but thats beside the point. But nothing in last 20 years I’m even ashamed of, for sure! Love sent back too xxx


  2. Angie Sutcliffe | Reply

    Well said Harlean, big hugs n kisses back, who are you thinking of writing a book about by the way? I think you should do it 😀 oh n wait till you see all the costumes Iv just bought 😀 I’m starting my own costume hire business and Iv got some fantastic dresses xx,


    1. There is a wonderful lady I know, currently living in Florida, who used to work in Vegas, among numerous other places, as a showgirl, and also as an MC. She says no one would be interested, but I think otherwise. If we can get together, I plan to try and convince her to go with it, but we shall see!
      I would love to see some of those costumes, in that case, especially if any of those dresses fit me, from a suitable era. In that case I expect you to sort out some chorus girl outfits for our on stage performance that we both so long to do!


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