Love you (with) a little bit less

Oh fine, I’ve had one of those afternoons when a few events have made me think about myself, and my future, and all that sort of stuff. So if transgender, and health issues arent your thing, you might want to pass on tonight. Well, except maybe for the cool video at the end, but anyway…

Today was that important, 4 weekly event that I have to do nowadays. No, not my period, lol, because though I did used to have them (the womb, even if undeveloped, I guess?), they have passed into history now, as is the case for all women of my age. No, that other one, collecting my medical prescription of painkillers, to help me keep going for another 4 weeks or so. Yes, Cocodomol, and Naproxen are my friends nowadays, though Robo-Domol, and Nanite-proxen might be more fun for me. 😉 Oh, if only they existed!

OK, the first amusing bit, I generally wear a back brace nowadays, which I would best describe as a waist level (very under bust), zip up corset type thing, with fastenings every couple of inches or so, depending on how much support you want, and stuff. I’ve worked out by now that using it on the 4″ reduction setting (I suspect about an inch less on waist reduction for me) is fine for support, just about, but is just loose enough to permit reasonable movement, when it comes to things like walking, and the like. Therefore, generally when out, or at work, where I might have to move around a lot, I tend to use that setting. When at home, and doing less movement, less twisting, I tend to use the 6″ setting, which is fine, except that any show of flexibility goes out the window! I can walk a bit in it, though bus rides on that setting can be interesting, as you literally feel every bump, because there just is no give.

Anyway, today, I went for the higher setting this morning (bit sore, not working), which was fine, until I went out to collect my pills. Now, the distance there is about the same as to, or from work, from the Bus Station, and I can do that, just about, so…? Thing is, I dont do both journeys at once, which is pretty much what I did today. So anyway, after about a mile or so, I was getting sore, but then I realized, but couldnt do much about it, at that time! I got home, but was glad it was ‘pill time’ when I got here!

It was then that I accepted just how fragile my body is now. And it led me to wondering how much longer I will be able to drag this body to work, even a few days a week. Yes, I have looked, and worked it out, and no, I cant afford to cut back to 3 days a week! 😦 So, as I was having a ‘I hate my body’ moment, it set me thinking that it is actually about 8 years (Again, I had to wait for a holiday to do the name change thing) that I started transitioning, that I again turned thoughts as to ‘which body’ I want to leave this world in. No, I cant seriously see me doing the sex reassignment surgery while working, I’m the type who would feel way too guilty about all the time I’d have to take off work while recovering, to do that. But fine, equally, I did start seriously thinking that maybe when I finally give up on work (and judging by deterioration, I would say 2-3 years at best), that then I’d have no excuse not to get it done on that front at least. Yes, there is still the pain involved, but fine, I’m getting used to living with pain, so whats a little bit more, in that case?

I know, it would be better to have no ‘little bump’ for wearing things like latex catsuits, and the like, but the chance of actually ever wearing that now, unless offered a role that required it, shrinks by the week! But at the same time, I could then consider those snug legging things, that would be good for me during winter, or even, heaven forbid, tight, sexy dresses, if I didnt have that issue! I know, its not going to happen overnight, whatever I do, but one of the conditions is time lived as a woman, and I have 8 years already! I believe the period required to live as a woman is 2! Not that I plan immediately on losing my virginity again, even if I do get it done, but who knows? I’d certainly feel better about dating, with the right bits, I’m sure? Again, not saying I will, but…?

There is also one monetary advantage now, I dont have to pay for prescriptions, so all those lovely hormones I’d need to ingest, lol… Hazard, I might hate myself if I dont grow decent sized breasts, as I’ve got used to having them, but I guess natural would be better, but explaining it away might be fun!

So yeah, I’ve got a visit to the surgery due soon (2 in fact, pill check, and 5 yearly health check), and now I’m wondering whether to say the magic words, that I want to start with the hormonal changes. I still dont see the surgery happening while working (I know, me and guilt), but after that, fine, I’m weakening. Funny thing is, the bits are the only things that would need changing, I’m a woman on all paperwork already! Fine, if any wealthy benefactor wants to force me to speed up the process by paying for it to be done privately, then feel free to discuss! Arm twisting practical, mind control would appeal more, if possible! 😛

So yeah, I’ve had a pondering day, which explains why this is so long today. Hope it hasnt been too much?

Right, video time. A song I dearly loved from the 70’s. And yeah, the guy with the eyepatch could easily have seduced me then, if I’d been an 18 year old girl, just saying…

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