Not talking loud and clear, and other issues
Given I am now halfway through my second week of rest after treatments stopped for now at least, I am in a position to give an update on matters relating to my health, and recovery progress. So, lets do so…
Its fair to say I have good days, I have not so good days, and days when I feel pretty drained. To be fair, I was warned this would happen, so I cant really be too surprised about it. The thing is, its not just a physical matter, as my voice also seems to have days when it wants to work decently, and others where the voice really just about is usable, and indeed I can do both of those in the same day, some of the time. But as long as I dont overdo it, I survive.
One problem I am finding it harder to get by with at present though, really is only a ‘Trans’ problem, and that is the fragility of the skin on my face, especially noticeable on my top lip for shaving purposes, though in truth, currently shaving anywhere (with anything) on my face isnt the greatest experience, so in truth, I’ve pretty much given up on doing so until my skin recovers somewhat. Now if I was a natural woman, probably not a problem, but being Trans, more so. Even more so of course, because the hair on the top of my head is either very short, or non existent, giving even more of the wrong kind of look! Oh, and even more so at present, as I’m not bothering with a wig, because where I havent lost much hair, it doesnt give a snug fit. So, I think its going to be a top, and trousers look for now when out, and I’ll now tell you why…
On Tuesday lunchtime, the door bell rang, so I went to answer it, as we were expecting a delivery, and Eric was resting upstairs. But no, this was some beggar type, clearly just after money, so I declined him. Which led him to issue a stream of vitriol about a man wearing a dress, which I would normally reply with similar talk, but I guess at moment, I suppose he has a bit of a case, even if it was hardly the way to convince me to give him anyway, if I was open to discuss his situation, was it? Well, I wasnt, but even less so then, lol! I did ‘threaten’ to call the police to him, which, after a bit more less than graceful talk from him led to him heading rapidly out the front gate, just in case I did, I guess?
Oh, and then to add to the fun today, through the joy of Social Media, it seems that J K Rowling seems determined to limit her reading market even more, by joining the group who think that its impossible for anyone to be anything but 2 genders, therefore hopefully ensuring her sales to Transgender, and Intersex people collapse to zero! Mind, the way that some of the militant Transgender people have reacted to this is hardly likely to endear them to her, but anyway… that seems the way of everything on Social Media now, to just reply to insults with even stronger insults, ah well…
OK, video time. Bit of irony, as its one of the matters I’m definitely having problems with at present…
Wish I could stop the politics
Well actually, for those who dont fall for the blog title, and immediately run away, good for you, as in fact this is nothing about politics. Well, beyond the fact you could say that the video is an anti war comment at least. The other comment I will make on matters related to the video is to comment on why people claim that they are making a live performance, when they are miming to a recorded version, made nearly 40 years earlier, I have no idea? This is not said version, as I thought I might as well at least use the official video which doesnt claim to be live!
The blog is actually about one of those social media friends I made over the years, was never likely to meet, and never will now, as he passed away last week. In fact, it was only after hearing of his passing that I realised it had been a fair while since I’d heard from him, so probably related. To be fair, despite both of us having a soft place for Munster cricket, we were a lot further apart than across the Irish Sea, as he was living somewhere in Thailand, and has been out there, running his business for some time now.
I knew him originally as James Mark, though I knew very well that it wasnt his real name. But while he wanted me to know him as that, or Ryano, I ran with that. I did eventually get told his real name was Paul Ryan, but anyway, it seemed more knew him as Ryano anyway. Even now, I know that he played cricket for a few clubs in the Munster area in the late 80’s, and 90’s, and only really found that out since his death.
Yes, whatever name you wish to use for him, he was a total wind up merchant on social media. I knew it, as did many others, but the amusement that I, and others got when those not knowing came into ‘confrontation’ with him provided those of us in the knowledge with amusement. Eventually most caught on, but anyway…
I was never expecting to meet him in truth, even before my health went west, so I wasnt expecting a ‘Night In Bangkok’ or anything like that with him, and in truth, I’m not sure we would have been a good match in real life anyway.
But yes, RIP Paul, you made my life ‘entertaining’ for a few years now, and I will miss you, for sure.
OK, video time. Because of everything else, I havent bored people with Christmas songs yet, so lets start here!
Coming boomeranging back again
So fine, lets catch up on news at last, as promised. I know, been a while, but believe me, you dont want to find out just how hard the aftermath of radiotherapy is, as your body, and in my case, the brain finds the change from all of that, to none of that is quite an experience. But yes, generally, things are slowly beginning to come back on line, hence this. Some of the things that are coming back on line are not for posting in blogs, mind, lol.
So, 6th December marked the last session of radiotherapy of the 6 week session, and my next planned trip to Leeds is not until 6th January, which is already booked for the afternoon for my follow up visit. Believe me, if I see Leeds again before then, it will be too soon, lol. My friend, Angie did come across for the last day of treatment bell ringing, and at some point I will save, and post the picture of that, promise. The funny thing was the fact I had to wait for her, as I was picked up early by hospital taxi transport, there was a gap, so I got treated early, but having had a lot of late ones recently, that was a nice bonus.
In fact I’ve been out twice since then, firstly a visit to be pampered at Linda’s workplace, and make me respectable for the second trip out, the following evening for the work dinner. In truth, I had no idea how easy I would find the whole event, but found it relevantly doable, so bonus there. Oh, and had a good evening too.
Yes, I have to say I was warned the first couple of weeks after I stopped treatments, I was warned about the tiredness, and I can confirm that fact, believe me. Still, hopefully it will ease off more in the next week or so, before the trip ‘down south’ for Christmas, but I’ll get through that, I’m sure.
My only comment on the Election is that I was sort of hoping it might all calm down on Social Media after Thursday, but seemingly not. One side gloating, one side refusing to accept the result, and all that. I dread to think how long this will all take to heal, if it ever does, in my lifetime at least. Ah well…
OK, video time. To think, nearly 50 years ago, I was part of a ‘tribute’ group to this act, and in truth, you’re about as likely to find film of me performing live, as of them performing live! Mind, one of those things, you should probably be grateful for
The first time ever…
If anyone was expecting me to start the final week of radiotherapy treatments with a health posting, well you’re going to be wrong. For that fact, you can either thank, or be annoyed with Eric, though in truth, as I will know far more after tomorrow, and probably more on Thursday, it would be a bit of a wasted exercise anyway. Though you could say both have a tunnel in common, but seriously…
I dont know exactly when the first time I travelled under the Channel was, though given it was with my partner who I parted from in 1999, you’re talking quite a while ago, but anyway… In those days we travelled from Waterloo, not St Pancras as you would now. Indeed, even my last journey on the Eurostar was prior to 2007 (as thats when the train service was seemingly transferred), though in truth it was before moving to Yorkshire in 2005, so…I could only have travelled from Waterloo, lol.
That first time, the only high speed section of the Eurostar route started at the tunnel entrance, and continued in France and Belgium. Yes, the whole UK section prior to then was over the standard rail lines, not the special high speed one you get to travel on now. Yes, I will need to try and put that fact right once I’m up to it, wont I? I have been on weekend trips to both Brussels, and Lille, and indeed Bruges (via Brussels) with her back in the 90’s, as well as with Eric to Brussels, in the early part of this century. I know, never been to Paris, but if I’m doing the trip again, I’m sure it will be Brussels again, because I’m awkward like that, and Paris has less appeal in truth.
Thing is, if I do it now, the trip to the tunnel entrance would be totally different to anything I’ve ever travelled, literally. St Pancras International, Stratford International, and Ebbsfleet didnt even exist when I first went under the Channel. I’m not sure what the set up was at Ashford back then, but I’m pretty sure it didnt have an entirely separate International station, but dont quote me on that! Seems that now the only section that isnt really high speed is the last section into/first section out of Brussels for about 12 kilometres, though that might have changed now from when the journey was filmed that I saw (care of Eric) earlier this evening. Beyond knowing its after 2007 obviously, I dont know when it was done, in truth.
Of course, the most amusing thing about all of this is the naming of Stratford International station. Why? Simple, there are no international trains serving said station! Care of Wikipedia, I gather the plan was to use it for the trains going further north than London, but of course they never happened (not even during Olympics!), so only domestic trains have ever stopped there! In theory I could get a domestic train that stops there (remember I used to live in nearby Leytonstone, change at Ebbsfleet, or Ashford, to travel abroad, but seriously…?
Either way, the UK part of the journey would be very different to my first Eurostar journey, that is for sure.
OK, video time. Most people of my age grew up on the Roberta Flack version, people younger than me will have grown up on more modern versions, but its right to say this is far more the version as originally written, for sure
I’m going to be a pilgrim girl again
Let me add that the ‘again’ in the title of the blog is only technical, as I never remember playing a pilgrim girl in any of my acting parts, or even more likely, a pilgrim guy, and refers more to the video tonight than any part I might have played. Doesnt mean I havent (if I remembered every role I’ve played, I’d be stunned), mind.
But what I have done, just once before, is celebrate Thanksgiving Day in America, a few years ago in Albany, New York (well, technically it was that place across the river, beginning with R, but I’d never spell that right, and my hotel was in Albany, so…), though I intend to add to that number now, if possible, now I’m retired.
I dont actually remember when the snow started, so whether it was the Thursday, or the Friday, when I went to a nearby (to my hotel) shopping centre for my first experience of ‘Black Friday’, long before it spread like it has over here in UK. Beyond the fact that even if my second Thanksgiving experience was with the same wonderful host, it wouldnt now be in Albany, as he now works, and lives some way south of there. Any details he wants to give away (including which year it was!), I will let him decide how much to say!
Its fair to say that my second experience is not going to be as a hostess, just saying before anyone suggests it! I know of others who are happy to host me, and previous host will be among them, I’m sure, but we will see who gets the ‘honour’ of that. Only way it will be LA is if Musso & Frank offer to host me for free, lol!!! Not going to happen, I’m certain. Well, I’m open to LA offers, but know of few there who would want me at a family gathering, so…?
But yes, next year, might be that year, or might need to be 2021, as Eric is 80 on 24th next year, and looking at calendar, Thanksgiving will be 26th, so possibly doable, but tricky, and probably pricey, so…? Maybe I need to find that Pilgrim girl outfit, lol?
So to all my American friends celebrating Thanksgiving day today, have a wonderful day. Well, assuming you read it on the right day, lol? If not, I hope you had a good one!
Video, well my favourite ‘suitable’ singer recorded a song called ‘I’m Going To Be A Country Girl Again’, hence the twist for the blog title. Just to say for those seeing both, the blogs will be same tonight, with one omission which some might work out. This is full version, by the way
Old girl, maybe thats one dream too far?
OK, we’ve had more than enough serious health related postings of late, so lets go from the serious, to the downright silly. Mind, unless any of my readers have had radiotherapy (and I really hope you havent) the joke side of this needs an explanation, which I will now provide. It also helps if you have the vaguest idea of what luge racers wear, but besides all that…Use image searches on whatever your choice of search engine is, if needed.
Basically the prep for my treatment after the obvious of removing coat (its November!), wig, and glasses, is to climb on the bed (think luge tray), get in the right position, have your face mask fitted (you can see the connection?) snugly, and then you get in position for the start of your ‘run’ with the radiotherapy machine. Oh, I didnt mention, you get a block placed between your knees, so your legs are spread apart (not too far), so it looks akin to the position the luge rider takes, to enable them to steer the luge.
Yes, you’ve worked it out, sadly, the one thing missing is that figure hugging, very kinky luge suit they wear to slide down the course, lol. And yes, it would be great fun to wear something similar for a session, though clearly I couldnt wear the head hood bit, but up to the shoulders at least…
No, its not going to happen, but…
Video time. If you want the Village People, it shouldnt be hard to find, lol. This describes itself as a 20’s ragtime version, but I’d need convincing. But regardless of that…
Young in health
I have to thank a couple of people (who are highly unlikely to read this) who I travelled to the hospital with today, for making me think this matter through, and writing on it tonight. One was a fellow cancer patient (no, I dont know which), the other was a kidney dialysis patient, in her seventies. But no, this blog isnt about me, them, but a matter that they brought up in conversation. Children.
To be honest, even if my situation was terminal (which it isnt), I’ve at least had a chance of a life, and passed 60 years in life, and all that. Fine, in time, I have one issue requiring surgery I’d like to put right before death, but regardless, I’ve had 10 years of living fully as a woman, so it hasnt been a total waste. I also have known I’m Intersex for nearly 20 years, so all in all…
The first comment came from the dialysis patient, commenting on the fact that on her 3 trips a week to the hospital, its not her plight that affects her the most, its the young children that she sees receiving the same treatments as her that have more significance to her. Of course a certain Harlean Carpenter, better known as Jean Harlow died from kidney issues, long before dialysis, or kidney transplants!
Obviously we cancer patients dont share our treatment rooms with other people at the same time, but we do see people of all ages in the waiting rooms, waiting for their treatments. I have to say I havent actually seen any children in my time, on visits, but the other man had. And yes, it does makes you realise that however long I have, at least I’ve had a decent length of life. Thats not to say a percentage of these children, in both groups wont do so, but not all will, thats for sure, sadly.
OK, lets finish more positively. Firstly, when I’ve finished my treatment, and had refreshments afterwards (not allowed to eat for 4 hours beforehand) I report to the transport office to let them know I’m ready to go home. Depending on time of day, and other matters, this has varied anything between about 30, and 150 minutes before getting a vehicle to get me home. Today, well, about 5 minutes after sitting down to wait, I was called to vehicle! Yes, good timing, will probably never happen again, but…
The other thing, well I knew I’d get extra benefits for the cancer situation, but I assumed they would only pay it from September, when the diagnosis was confirmed, right? No, because I’d been unable to work since March, and it was related, I get the benefit back to then, wow! So, regardless of cancer worries, which could be a lot worse, my financial worries have definitely been eased. No, I’m not quoting figures, but lets just say I’ve a lot less worries now!
OK, video time. No, I dont think I’m young of heart, or much else now, but I thought the video would work for this, anyway.
Heir yesterday, hair today
As most of my regular readers would already know, I’m not a fan of the Royal Family. I know some say they bring in tourist money, though in truth, what they demand in payments from us in lieu of this probably level things up, if not a net gain for them? But anyway…
So, when I see Meghan Markle (or whatever she is officially now, Duchess of Sussex, seemingly?) moaning about the way the press focus on her, as a member of the Royal Family, I tend to lack for sympathy. Clearly, I do hate the blatant racism of some of them, much as I lack sympathy for the press when they show their transphobia too, but again, its a yoke that has to be borne with some, even if we shouldnt have to.
Therefore I assume it will surprise nobody that I had no plans to watch Prince Andrew’s ‘interview’ last night, as he tried to convince people that he wasnt a paedophile, lol. Let me say that whoever advised him that it would be a good idea (judging by social media) to do so, needs to be looking for a new job! Judging by comments, even by ‘Royal lovers’, it was a road crash, to put it mildly. So instead of convincing people of his innocence, all it seems to have done is convince people he is as guilty as anything. As for remembering he was in a Pizza Express in Woking, on a critical day, 18 years before, amazing memory, I dont think!
But if does damage to the whole Royal image with many, at least I’ll get something out of it!
As to hair today? Well, I washed my hair in the bath this afternoon, and for the first time, I really had noticeable hair loss in the treatment area. Nowhere else, but in that area, its now very obvious, but such is life? It would be less noticeable with a wig on, but when you havent got one on, due to wet hair, or has happened a few times, when I havent had chance to put it on due to early arrival of transport, well…? Carry on as things are, get the lot taken off, with which the wigs would fit snugger, but if I dont get it on in time…? First I think, but dont quote me on that! I might get feisty, lol?
OK, video time. You could say the hair loss is an expected sign of the times, so lets roll with a little bit of Belle Stars
I’m in some money
To totally spoil the video choice for some, yes, this is the version where Ginger Rogers has fun with the lyrics, and includes a certain Miss Clara Elaine Johnson dressed in some money in the second half of the video, but anyway…
The first shocking moment to come out of the day was actually the time I came downstairs and had breakfast this morning. I know, 8 in the morning, on a Saturday for some (fine, many) would be early, but for me of recent times, total luxury, lol. No, sleeping right through night isnt happening yet without bathroom visit, but only 1, and able to get up at such a wicked hour, well…
The first nice moment of the day actually didnt relate to money directly. As mentioned before, some very nice people donated money to the old cancer patient, either by entering a golf competition, or in a couple of generous cases, money on top of that. So, given the sweet fix all this treatment stuff has given me, I went on Thornton’s website on Thursday (non expensive tastes, lol), and ordered 3 boxes for the price of 2, their special offer. Yes, I’m a Yorkshire girl, I still dont spend money wildly, lol. Delivery was marked as 3-5 days from order, so I was assuming early part of next week. Yes, email said out for delivery today, and yes, sat by me now, though untouched so far, arent I good, even if I dont know why?
The amusing side of this was the box. It was huge! Thankfully I didnt have to deal with it, Eric did. In truth, 10% of the box was chocolates, the other 90% was packaging! Seriously, I thought Amazon was bad for packing, but seriously…
I have been doing my banking online for quite a while now, long before my brain went AWOL but I only tend to check on balance when I’m told money has gone in, or I need to transfer money out of it. Other than that, nothing is happening, so I leave it to ‘sleep’, lol. So therefore it was only when I got a letter today from the PIP (Personal Independence Payment) people saying that they had completed the process of approving my benefits, and had paid me my back payment yesterday, from date of claim, ooh! I also got a message from another benefit department, telling me that it had now been confirmed that I have been accepted as entitled to benefits for unemployment, with no need to search for work, due to my circumstances. I know, both were formalities, but it has to be done properly, so…weight off my mind, for sure. Main (only?) thing to come now is the disabled bus pass, but given there is zero need for that before 9th December, and more realistically, the beginning of New Year, no great concern at moment. Have got my first bus trip planned, the once every 2 hours bus from outside home, into town, to the cafe in the Bus Station, and buy coffee and cake for me, and Eric.
I do plan to do a similar trip with Linda before then, if possible, to christen the blue badge, but all this is at least 4 weeks off, so… and I will see her on 11th (day before works meal) December, though that will be a separate trip.
No, I’m not going to be rich, but all this will enable me to survive, for sure. So fair to say, its been a good day, and in some money.
OK, video time. Ginger Rogers, Clara Johnson, and skimpy outfits, all in under 3 minutes, what more could you ask for? So…
Birthdays, progress, and some wild boys!
OK, lets deal with these in turn, and allow people to catch up on everything.
- Yesterday, a certain, very cute silent movie actress celebrated her birthday in heaven. Yes, hopefully at least some might work out, yes, Gertrude Ormstead was born on November 13th, 1897. No, I’m not really into dead 122 year old’s, but if she was young, and actually fancied me, well… Today in 1906, another famous silent movie actress was born, one who found more fame thanks to OMD, Louise Brooks, but besides that…
- Â Progress for me. Well, tomorrow marks the halfway point in my treks to Leeds for treatments. Yes, after tomorrow morning, it will be 15 down, and 15 to go, ooh! As I was told this morning, things seem to be going well so far, but we still have plenty more to do, thats for sure. But tomorrow, when I pick up my new supply of steroids I need to take each morning, I’m reducing the daily dose from 2 mg, to 1.5 mg, and if all is fine, might well be down to 1 mg by this time next week. Equally, if I’m not happy with the new dose health wise, I’m to go straight back up, but for now…Just think, I was on 16 mg daily at the time of the surgery!
- Â The wild boys? While getting your radiotherapy treatments, you get a musical soundtrack played in the room. They’ve got me worked out well, as most mornings up to now, I’ve had the delights of the sort of music I love from the 1960’s. This morning I moved on a decade, to a couple of punk songs from the end of the 70’s. I cant remember the first one now, in truth, believe me, thats what radiotherapy can do to your memory at times. But anyway, as the video will show, it was the second song that had me smiling more anyway. Never thought I’d be laid on a bed, being treated for cancer, and hearing Jimmy Pursey blasting out that song.
- A fact that some will get the comment, others wont, but anyway… I was asked at the end of the session today if I was planning to take my face mask home with me when all this was over. Answer is yes, I thoroughly plan to do so, but… I joked it will need a silver paint job, which I got round by mentioning I’d written science fiction, but lets face it, thats not the whole reason! But yes, I might need someone to do a decent paint job for me, but fine, that would be fun!
Yes, Gertrude nearly lost her soul, with the help of Lon Chaney in ‘The Monster’, could I lose my humanity to a silver face mask, even if only plastic, lol? Then, if I could get matching body suit, giggle.
OK, the video comes from item 3, but I suspect you’d worked it out. Been brave, gone with a live version, but if you want the studio version, not hard to find. Will warn, there are a couple of uses of the f… word in this live version, so if you are of delicate nature?
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