If you think you know how to love me

Well, if you do, you’ve got quite a challenge on your hands, believe me. Why? Because somewhere around about this time, in November 2000, was the last time I had sex! No, funnily enough, I dont remember the exact date, and I’m pretty sure at the time, I didnt realise that that would be it, but since then, with another person, nothing! And to be honest, on the whole, I havent missed it!

Maybe there have been times, when having someone around, to snuggle up to, and then go a step further with, might have been nice. But on the whole, no, not really. And the thing is, now, with so many years of independence, and celibacy, whether I could change, if I did meet the right person, well, I’m not sure if I could!

Still, until that person comes along, its a pretty moot point anyway.

Yes, I think its fair to say that my gender issues played a part in all that, given that is about the time I really began to realise what had been ‘wrong’ with me all those years, and changed my lifestyle accordingly. But even then, if you’d told me that 14 years or so later, that would be it, well, I probably wouldnt have believed you!

To be honest, until the last few months, I must admit the lack of romance, dating and the like didnt bother me either. Now, whether its an age thing (knowing my time is beginning to pass), or whether its my new found confidence in my femininity, but I do find myself fancying going on a date, even if only a mutually paid for dinner date, or something, and just letting go, and having some fun. No, I dont think it would lead to sex, I’m certainly nowhere near ready for that yet. To be honest, without the necessary surgery to have sex correctly, I cant see me going down that road.

So it probably ends up as a Catch 22 situation, I wont attract interest unless I go for sex, and I’m not interested (given my age) of doing the pain and discomfort of the necessary surgery, just for myself! As I say, I’m a complex creature lol. Of course, once I get the make up done, and enhance the look in the New Year, I might get friskier, but I suspect even then, I’d want the ‘right bits’ before making love again!

So, as I say, its going to take one hell of a man, or a woman, to break my hold on celibacy, I guess? Might be someone crazy enough out there, I guess…maybe? Probably not, but we shall see.

Right, the video, a Bradford band, indeed I’m trying to work out if the drummer is actually wearing a Bradford City shirt of the day, or not, they were certainly fans

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2 responses

  1. What a thoughtful well thought out post. i think that when you do find someone worthy enough to make love to you that person will be very special indeed.

    Like

  2. Thank you for the lovely words. Yes, I suspect, if and when, it will be quite something

    Like

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